Ranma the Amorous, Over-sexed Nympho
'Three year Little Death' Pt 2
"Akane? You here?" Ranma called out, just as he entered the Cat Cafe that morning. His line of sight found Shampoo preparing for opening.
"Airen still sleep," Shampoo said, idly, as she continued to straighten out the tablecloths, "She too, too tired from last night."
"Ah, okay. Mind if I hang out for a bit until she gets up," Ranma enquired, "I kinda wanna make it up to her and you for yesterday. I just had a little bit on my mind, ya know?"
"Shampoo understand, Ranma little mind occupied yesterday," Shampoo replied, not really paying much attention, as she put her concentration into making sure the bottle of light soy sauce was properly aligned with the salt shaker.
"Gee, thanks," Ranma started towards Shampoo, "I mean, I really am sor-" Ranma wasn't particularly clumbsy, it was just that one commonly expected there not to be a broom laying in their pathway on a restaurant floor, just barely obstructed by tablecloths. Ranma flailed his arms about, only managing to snag the tablecloth of the table ahead of him. As his arms slipped downward, his jaw slammed into the table's edge. The table sharply tipped over, launching the fork on the opposite side into the air with enough velocity to riccochet off the ceiling, and rebound towards Ranma's derrier.
Shampoo only threw a scant, unconcerned, sideways glance towards her husband by Amazon Law, before turning back to twist the table she was at two millimeters to the right, "Ranma be more careful, yes?"
Ranma groaned, as he yanked the fork from his butt, and sat up, "I'll... try to remember that."
Shampoo finally turned to look fully towards him, and huffed in disgust, "Look what Ranma do! Shampoo spend full twelve minutes making table too, too just right!"
"Perhaps if a seemingly strategically placed *broom* were not at fault, we both would be satisfied right now!" Ranma retorted, rubbing his jaw.
Shampoo blinked, and looked down, "Oh! That where Shampoo leave it!"
The young Amazon bent down to pick it up, just as Akane walked downstairs. "Shampoo, I had to borrow a pair of your panties, I can't seem to find mine... Ranma?"
"Oh, is okay!" Shampoo chirped, as she suddenly jolted to standing, turned away from Ranma. Incidentally, the broom's handle had been slung over her shoulder, and 'accidentally' uppercut Ranma, launching him into the air, and then down onto his back.
"Ranma, are you okay?" Akane asked, with heavy concern in her voice. She rushed downstairs to check on the pigtailed boy.
Shampoo blinked, before turning around to find Ranma rolling around on the ground, clutching his pained jaw. "Why Ranma on floor?" Shampoo asked with an irritated voice, "Shampoo just sweep!"
"Would you watch it with that thing?" Ranma growled, coming back to standing. Shampoo paid his angered retort no mind.
"Ranma say he to something nice for us today, make up for being bastard yesterday," Shampoo stated with a smile towards Akane, while pulling the broom from her shoulder. Ranma frowned, noticing that the lavender-haired girl didn't smile at him like that at any time.
Akane looked to Ranma, before smiling, "Thanks Ranma, I know you were upset about something yesterday. You don't have to do this."
"Ah..." Ranma started, "That's okay. We can hang out, you know? Just the three of us fian... fi... friends."
Akane's expression became downcast, not going unnoticed by Shampoo. "Aiyah," The Chinese native exclaimed, wrinkling her nose, "Akane still smell like last night. "You no take bath, yes?"
"Well, I didn't want to trouble you, I was going to wait till I got home to bathe," Akane replied, sheepishly.
"Shampoo have no of that! Akane go upstairs and bathe!" The amazon demanded, "Shampoo home is Airen home!"
"I guess I do smell a bit," Akane twisted her nose, realizing how much she probably did stink.
Shampoo tossed the broom away, right into Ranma's direction. Before the pigtailed boy could react, the tip of the handle connected with a males more prominant sensitive point, causing him to clutch himself and double over in pain. Shampoo and Akane both turned to Ranma's high pitched screech in confusion.
"Ranma too... too accident prone this morning," Shampoo mused, as she lead her wife by Amazon Law towards the stairs.
"Shouldn't we check to make sure he's okay?" Akane asked.
"No, sure Ranma okay," Shampoo replied, taking Akane's hand, and leading her upstairs.
"Hey, wait..." Ranma groaned out a pained reply, and started for both girls. After two strides, his leading foot slid against something thin and cottony, and his forward momentum sent him sailing into an uncontrolled backflip, ending by him landing on the side of his neck.
"Ah..." Akane stated, blushing, "That's where you tossed my panties to. We really should have waited to start when we got upstairs..."
"Hmm, must have fallen out of Shampoo pocket." Shampoo stated with a shrug.
"I really wish you would stop stealing my used panties after every time we get intimate." Akane asked with a blush.
"Well, you is wearing my panties, is fair trade, yes?" They both ascended the stairs, forgetting about the groaning boy on the restaurant floor. From the kitchen, Cologne narrowed her eyes from the events she had just witnessed.
____________________________________
"I have shamed myself in
the eyes of God.And for this,
I am afraid I have to seek
atonement. Do not bother coming
to look for me, for I can not
spend the time in the forseeable
future to comfort you. Your
grandparents would be happy to
invite you back into your lives,
but please, don't go crawling
to that bastard fuck-head of a
father of yours... Oh, I also
left dinner in the fridge for
you. It's your favorite,
meatloaf with olives smothered
in tomato sauce.
Love, Mom."
Wow! Yet another ominous scene of forshadowing? What could this seemingly off-center and apparently pointless letter possibly mean...?
____________________________________
Crossing through the food-court of the mall, Ranma walked a few paces behind Akane and Shampoo, as they conversed freely with each other. He somewhat found it upsetting that he wasn't wholly included in their conversation, but was for the most part relieved. He still wasn't sure how to relate to the two main girls of his life, regardless of how they saw their status with him, and decided that he'll be happy as long as they were happy.
Besides which, after the rotating door incident at the mall, Ranma decided staying a few paces behind Shampoo was the safest he could be without setting off suspicions.
Akane glanced back with a slight pout, "Ranma, why are you back there? I thought you wanted to spend the day with us."
Shampoo turned around, and looked at Ranma with a dry expression, "Shampoo think husband embarrased to be seen with two too, too beautiful womans." Shampoo's expression turned into a sly smirk, "Maybe husband prefers mans? Know Pig-boy too, too much want-"
Akane quickly silence Shampoo with a deep kiss, while shifting her eyes nervously to a puzzled Ranma.
Ranma turned away, studying the growing crowd of boys pointedly, and not the two girls in front of him making out. When he actually notied the boys, Ranma started to flex his fists menacingly, to ward off any that decided to become brave.
Shampoo broke away with a dreamy expression, before shaking it off, "Akane-chan, Shampoo no mind, but confused. Akane say she no like Shampoo making... you say 'PDA'?"
"Ah..." Akane stumbled, trying to find something to say. She decided that a distraction away from that topic would do best. Akane turned and glared at the young and old men... and a few young and old women, staring at them with pointed intrest, "YOU MIND? THIS IS A PRIVATE INTIMATE MOMENT!"
"Gee, maybe you two should have those moments... in private?" Ranma drolled, before concentrating on Shampoo, "Who's 'Pig-boy'? Ryoga? What would Ryoga be too happy to-"
"I'M IN THE MOOD FOR ICE-CREAM, YOU IN THE MOOD FOR ICE-CREAM?" Akane loudly interjected.
Thankfully, Ranma lost his train of thought at the interruption, "Na, no thanks. Guys don't eat that junk, remember?"
"Oh, that's easily taken care of!" Akane announced, picking up a conveniently left behind cup of melted ice water from a nearby table that hadn't been cleaned.
Ranma saw the liquid rushing towards him in slow motion, despite the actual speed it was heading at him in. On sheer reflex and near-paranoid fear, he reached to the side, grabbing onto the plastic tablecloth of one of the other nearby tables, and spun around, wrapping himself in it. The dangerous liquid bounced off the cover, leaving the person inside dry, much to his relief; though he wouldn't feel the relief until much later.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO DO?!?" shouted Ranma, peaking his head from the makeshift hood of the tablecloth.
Akane staggered at his outburst, "I... I thought that if you were a girl, you-"
"NO, you *DIDN'T* think! Did you even CARE about my opinion on it?" Ranma interrupted, furious about the close call. It took him several moments to realize Akane tearing up, just before she pushed past him, running away.
Shampoo's face darkened when Ranma had shouted, but grew extremely concerned when Akane took off running, "Akane-airen, you wait up!" As she ran past Ranma, in her rush, she managed to back-fist him in the face... unintentionally... of course... maybe...
Ranma spun twice on his heel, before falling back, clutching his eye in agony. Something soft and firm broke his fall.
"YOU PIG!!!" the owner of said soft and firm item, which happened to be a well endowed feminine chest, screamed in outrage.
"Ah, sorry..." Ranma turned, and looked at the... woman... with his good eye, "miss...? You're a 'miss', right?"
The large, hairy apelike woman of obvious European descent who was dressed exessively in black leather laden over-indulgently with zippers, who hadn't indulged in the concept of 'bathing' since possibly the last breakout of the beubonic plague, grabbed the lapels of Ranma shirt, "You little testosterone leaking punk! Mebbe I should teach you a lesson on how to treat a lady properly!"
Ranma gave the... female... a half-lidded stare, as he cocked his fist back, "Put me down."
"Or what?"
Ranma blinked, and turned to find twelve more similar beings, for lack of a better word, standing behind him. With a nervous grin, Ranma replied, "Or I'll scream 'rape'?"
____________________________________
"Akane and Shampoo here?"
Cologne turned to find Ranma staggering in with the assistance of a walking staff, looking a little more worse for wear, "Why yes, they're both upstairs at the moment. I presume that Akane's current mood was of your doing?"
"Hey! It's not like I did it on purpose! Besides, it was her fault anyways!" Ranma retorted, while wincing from the bruised ribs, courtesy of a meaty fist reinforced with brass knuckles.
"Well, my I ask a moment of your time?" Cologne requested, sitting down to a table. Ranma hesitantly sat down on the opposite end of the table; the hesitation more out of the aches he was feeling than cautiousness. "If you don't mind me for noticing, Son-in-law, you look like the Hells."
"Heh, you should see the other thirteen guys... girls... whatever," Ranma stated with a cocky grin, before wincing, "Well, even before they decided to mess with me, they were a sight to sore eyes."
Cologne nodded, not really caring in the least about a common brawl, "Son-in-Law, have you noticed yourself falling victim to rather painful accidents, only when Shampoo is conveniently about?"
"Yeah," Ranma mumbled, "Your uncute daughter-in-law's a jinx... OW! Whaddya do that for?"
"General principle," Colonge replied, lowering her staff, "Anyhow, she is not a jinx... well, not an 'unintentional' jinx."
"Huh? Whaddya mean?"
"Among the Amazons lies a technique," the elderly Matriarch started, grimly, "It is a great one that requires patience and a great deal of cunning. It was developed as a way to punish impetuous husbands when they have tormented their signifigant others for far too long. This technique is commenced over a period of three years, to which the spouse would cleverly inconvenience the husband until their demise. It is really a guileful attack, that can only be initiated when an Amazon has become utterly intolerable of their husband."
"Ah..." Ranma started in comprehension, "I kinda figured she was trying to make my life Hell intentionally. So she's doing this Three Year Death thing to me? How do I counter-"
"She isn't utilizing the Three Year Death, unfortunately," Cologne interjected, "The Three Year Death is intentional, meaning she has to be concious of utilizing it. I've already confronted her about it twice now, and she is insistant that she isn't trying to intentionally kill you."
"Gee, that's swell, so it is all by accident," Ranma replied with a half-lidded stare.
"Quite correct. Shampoo is currently utilizing a variant that is brought on more by neglect than irritation, the Three Year *Little* Death."
"Huh, so what makes this a bigger problem?" Ranma enquired, feeling a serious sense of foreboding.
"Well, the reason it is called the Three Year Little Death is because it lacks the severity of its more powerful form, as it is a simple case of the husband merely screwing his spouse silly. Once fully satiated, the technique is countered."
"Oh," Ranma replied. Sure, his cursed form had done Shampoo, Akane, and probably half of Nerima by now, but Ranma himself was extremely uncomfortable with the subject of sexual intercourse; most likely because of his cursed form, "So... I have to, um, do *that* with Shampoo... in order to get her to stop?" Ranma blushed furiously, "Heh... um... sounds easy... heh heh..."
Cologne humored him with a half lidded glare, "Son-in-Law, I think you're forgetting a slight obstacle to this solution..."
-------------
"Okay, Old Ghoul, I'm tak'n that pill today, whether you like it or not," Cologne turned to greet her red headed employee, while Shampoo went rigid as a board.
"Well, Daughter-in-law, if you think today's the day, I guess luck is on your side."
"Heh, you damn right it is," Ranma turned to Shampoo, "Hiya Shampoo, how..."
Shampoo spun around with a wild look in her eyes, "HUSBAND NO STICK SPEAR INTO SHAMPOO LOTUS!!!!!!" To punctuate her pledge, Shampoo slammed her ever-available bonbori into the other girl's face, sending her across the restaurant and embedding her into the far wall.
-------------
"Ranma, I must request for you to stop, it's unnerving the customers," Cologne asked, "Make yourself useful, and take this order to table four." Ranma didn't obey immidiately, still indulding in the urge to hammer his cranium into the wooden table he and Cologne had been sitting at.
____________________________________
Ranma looked down at the glass of water sitting on the kitchen table before him. It would solve the problem easily; his girl side was much more able to control, and satisfy Shampoo. He groaned, and considered the complications it would bring up. The pigtailed boy was positive that his cursed side would fight just as hard to keep from becoming a boy after changing, as he was from becoming a girl. The only thing that had stopped him from heading straight for China was a conveniently placed TRILLIONS OF GALLONS of COLD WATER sitting between him and the land of the Middle Kingdom. And, for his cursed side, she would have a much easier time avoiding hot water than he did cold.
His contemplations were interrupted, as Shampoo and Akane came in the room, wearing only robes, and looking for a nice bit of liquid refreshment. "Ranma-sam... Ranma," Akane acknowledged in a slightly subdued manner.
"Uh, I guess you guys are... um... done, huh?" Ranma asked, nervously trying to approach the subject.
"Well... not really," Akane replied, blushing slightly, as Shampoo rubbed her co-wife's bottom intimately, "We just needed to get something to drink first... before continuing."
"Oh," Ranma looked at the glass before him, and gestured to it, "Well, one of you girls can have this. I'm not... really thirsty myself."
"Hmm, thanks Ranma," Akane looked to Shampoo, "You can have that one, I'll go get my own."
Ranma watched, as Akane got some water from the kitchen faucet, and observed Shampoo drinking from the one he had prepared earlier. He watched Shampoo's throat softly ripple, as the cool liquid pourd down her throat. She idly reached back behind her neck, and swished her hair from where it was slightly caught in the robe. Akane came to stand next to her, leaning against the other girl, and glanced at Ranma, curiously.
"Is there something wrong?" Akane asked with genuine concern that gave Ranma a warmed feeling. The way the two girls were standing together, both so different, yet so at ease with each other didn't go unnoticed by him. They definitely looked cute, still slightly flushed from previous activites, and wearing only robes that hid totally naked forms undernieth. Any guy would be thanking any potential deities in existance to be associated with such two lovely looking young women, and the thought that they both lay claim to him filled Ranma with a confident resolve.
"Well," Ranma started, putting his newfound confidence to use, "I was kinda hoping... when you two go back upstairs... if I can join ya?"
Both Akane and Shampoo wiped their mouths from the exess water that had been projected from their mouths, and then looked up with their own shocked expressions to a jolted Ranma, clinging to the ceiling from dodging, just narrowly, said water that had been expulged in his direction.
"Ah... are you sure, Ranma?" Akane asked, "I mean, we're upstairs having wild and torrent sex. Nothing you would be interested in."
"Shampoo thought husband in closet," Shampoo stated, shocked at the inquiry. Akane elbowed Shampoo in the ribs, earning a apologetic wince from Shampoo .
"Huh? Whaddya mean?" Ranma asked, dropping down from his firm grasp above them. He stood patiently, as Akane and Shampoo picked themselves up from the unintentional faceplant after Ranma's inquiry.
"Don't worry about it," Akane asked, readjusting her robe, "You... really want to..." she blushed, realizing that Ranma would be the only other guy she had ever been with other than Dr. Tofu, "with us?" Off to the side, Shampoo's eyes narrowed, as she began to grit her teeth.
"Well," Ranma started, you are... by Amazon Law, I mean... well... you know?"
"Ranma want stick eight-track cassette in Shampoo and Akane deck player?"
Ranma and Akane both turned to Shampoo, just then noticing her rummage through Kasumi's knife drawer...
____________________________________
"Look at it this way, Son-in-Law," Cologne started, polishing a glass idly, as Ranma stared up at the soldier's spear that had decorated the wall he had bumped into, after accidentally getting sprayed in the face by a bottle of Windex while Shampoo was cleaning the windows, "At least you know she misses your attentions."
Ranma groaned, and used the pair of chopsticks he was utilizing to catch the head of the spear from beheading him to toss the spear to the side. He resolved that he would find a way to conter Shampoo's unconcious attack, without having to resort to his cursed form. How long his resolve would hold out remained to be seen...
'Three year Little Death' Pt 2
"Akane? You here?" Ranma called out, just as he entered the Cat Cafe that morning. His line of sight found Shampoo preparing for opening.
"Airen still sleep," Shampoo said, idly, as she continued to straighten out the tablecloths, "She too, too tired from last night."
"Ah, okay. Mind if I hang out for a bit until she gets up," Ranma enquired, "I kinda wanna make it up to her and you for yesterday. I just had a little bit on my mind, ya know?"
"Shampoo understand, Ranma little mind occupied yesterday," Shampoo replied, not really paying much attention, as she put her concentration into making sure the bottle of light soy sauce was properly aligned with the salt shaker.
"Gee, thanks," Ranma started towards Shampoo, "I mean, I really am sor-" Ranma wasn't particularly clumbsy, it was just that one commonly expected there not to be a broom laying in their pathway on a restaurant floor, just barely obstructed by tablecloths. Ranma flailed his arms about, only managing to snag the tablecloth of the table ahead of him. As his arms slipped downward, his jaw slammed into the table's edge. The table sharply tipped over, launching the fork on the opposite side into the air with enough velocity to riccochet off the ceiling, and rebound towards Ranma's derrier.
Shampoo only threw a scant, unconcerned, sideways glance towards her husband by Amazon Law, before turning back to twist the table she was at two millimeters to the right, "Ranma be more careful, yes?"
Ranma groaned, as he yanked the fork from his butt, and sat up, "I'll... try to remember that."
Shampoo finally turned to look fully towards him, and huffed in disgust, "Look what Ranma do! Shampoo spend full twelve minutes making table too, too just right!"
"Perhaps if a seemingly strategically placed *broom* were not at fault, we both would be satisfied right now!" Ranma retorted, rubbing his jaw.
Shampoo blinked, and looked down, "Oh! That where Shampoo leave it!"
The young Amazon bent down to pick it up, just as Akane walked downstairs. "Shampoo, I had to borrow a pair of your panties, I can't seem to find mine... Ranma?"
"Oh, is okay!" Shampoo chirped, as she suddenly jolted to standing, turned away from Ranma. Incidentally, the broom's handle had been slung over her shoulder, and 'accidentally' uppercut Ranma, launching him into the air, and then down onto his back.
"Ranma, are you okay?" Akane asked, with heavy concern in her voice. She rushed downstairs to check on the pigtailed boy.
Shampoo blinked, before turning around to find Ranma rolling around on the ground, clutching his pained jaw. "Why Ranma on floor?" Shampoo asked with an irritated voice, "Shampoo just sweep!"
"Would you watch it with that thing?" Ranma growled, coming back to standing. Shampoo paid his angered retort no mind.
"Ranma say he to something nice for us today, make up for being bastard yesterday," Shampoo stated with a smile towards Akane, while pulling the broom from her shoulder. Ranma frowned, noticing that the lavender-haired girl didn't smile at him like that at any time.
Akane looked to Ranma, before smiling, "Thanks Ranma, I know you were upset about something yesterday. You don't have to do this."
"Ah..." Ranma started, "That's okay. We can hang out, you know? Just the three of us fian... fi... friends."
Akane's expression became downcast, not going unnoticed by Shampoo. "Aiyah," The Chinese native exclaimed, wrinkling her nose, "Akane still smell like last night. "You no take bath, yes?"
"Well, I didn't want to trouble you, I was going to wait till I got home to bathe," Akane replied, sheepishly.
"Shampoo have no of that! Akane go upstairs and bathe!" The amazon demanded, "Shampoo home is Airen home!"
"I guess I do smell a bit," Akane twisted her nose, realizing how much she probably did stink.
Shampoo tossed the broom away, right into Ranma's direction. Before the pigtailed boy could react, the tip of the handle connected with a males more prominant sensitive point, causing him to clutch himself and double over in pain. Shampoo and Akane both turned to Ranma's high pitched screech in confusion.
"Ranma too... too accident prone this morning," Shampoo mused, as she lead her wife by Amazon Law towards the stairs.
"Shouldn't we check to make sure he's okay?" Akane asked.
"No, sure Ranma okay," Shampoo replied, taking Akane's hand, and leading her upstairs.
"Hey, wait..." Ranma groaned out a pained reply, and started for both girls. After two strides, his leading foot slid against something thin and cottony, and his forward momentum sent him sailing into an uncontrolled backflip, ending by him landing on the side of his neck.
"Ah..." Akane stated, blushing, "That's where you tossed my panties to. We really should have waited to start when we got upstairs..."
"Hmm, must have fallen out of Shampoo pocket." Shampoo stated with a shrug.
"I really wish you would stop stealing my used panties after every time we get intimate." Akane asked with a blush.
"Well, you is wearing my panties, is fair trade, yes?" They both ascended the stairs, forgetting about the groaning boy on the restaurant floor. From the kitchen, Cologne narrowed her eyes from the events she had just witnessed.
____________________________________
"I have shamed myself in
the eyes of God.And for this,
I am afraid I have to seek
atonement. Do not bother coming
to look for me, for I can not
spend the time in the forseeable
future to comfort you. Your
grandparents would be happy to
invite you back into your lives,
but please, don't go crawling
to that bastard fuck-head of a
father of yours... Oh, I also
left dinner in the fridge for
you. It's your favorite,
meatloaf with olives smothered
in tomato sauce.
Love, Mom."
Wow! Yet another ominous scene of forshadowing? What could this seemingly off-center and apparently pointless letter possibly mean...?
____________________________________
Crossing through the food-court of the mall, Ranma walked a few paces behind Akane and Shampoo, as they conversed freely with each other. He somewhat found it upsetting that he wasn't wholly included in their conversation, but was for the most part relieved. He still wasn't sure how to relate to the two main girls of his life, regardless of how they saw their status with him, and decided that he'll be happy as long as they were happy.
Besides which, after the rotating door incident at the mall, Ranma decided staying a few paces behind Shampoo was the safest he could be without setting off suspicions.
Akane glanced back with a slight pout, "Ranma, why are you back there? I thought you wanted to spend the day with us."
Shampoo turned around, and looked at Ranma with a dry expression, "Shampoo think husband embarrased to be seen with two too, too beautiful womans." Shampoo's expression turned into a sly smirk, "Maybe husband prefers mans? Know Pig-boy too, too much want-"
Akane quickly silence Shampoo with a deep kiss, while shifting her eyes nervously to a puzzled Ranma.
Ranma turned away, studying the growing crowd of boys pointedly, and not the two girls in front of him making out. When he actually notied the boys, Ranma started to flex his fists menacingly, to ward off any that decided to become brave.
Shampoo broke away with a dreamy expression, before shaking it off, "Akane-chan, Shampoo no mind, but confused. Akane say she no like Shampoo making... you say 'PDA'?"
"Ah..." Akane stumbled, trying to find something to say. She decided that a distraction away from that topic would do best. Akane turned and glared at the young and old men... and a few young and old women, staring at them with pointed intrest, "YOU MIND? THIS IS A PRIVATE INTIMATE MOMENT!"
"Gee, maybe you two should have those moments... in private?" Ranma drolled, before concentrating on Shampoo, "Who's 'Pig-boy'? Ryoga? What would Ryoga be too happy to-"
"I'M IN THE MOOD FOR ICE-CREAM, YOU IN THE MOOD FOR ICE-CREAM?" Akane loudly interjected.
Thankfully, Ranma lost his train of thought at the interruption, "Na, no thanks. Guys don't eat that junk, remember?"
"Oh, that's easily taken care of!" Akane announced, picking up a conveniently left behind cup of melted ice water from a nearby table that hadn't been cleaned.
Ranma saw the liquid rushing towards him in slow motion, despite the actual speed it was heading at him in. On sheer reflex and near-paranoid fear, he reached to the side, grabbing onto the plastic tablecloth of one of the other nearby tables, and spun around, wrapping himself in it. The dangerous liquid bounced off the cover, leaving the person inside dry, much to his relief; though he wouldn't feel the relief until much later.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO DO?!?" shouted Ranma, peaking his head from the makeshift hood of the tablecloth.
Akane staggered at his outburst, "I... I thought that if you were a girl, you-"
"NO, you *DIDN'T* think! Did you even CARE about my opinion on it?" Ranma interrupted, furious about the close call. It took him several moments to realize Akane tearing up, just before she pushed past him, running away.
Shampoo's face darkened when Ranma had shouted, but grew extremely concerned when Akane took off running, "Akane-airen, you wait up!" As she ran past Ranma, in her rush, she managed to back-fist him in the face... unintentionally... of course... maybe...
Ranma spun twice on his heel, before falling back, clutching his eye in agony. Something soft and firm broke his fall.
"YOU PIG!!!" the owner of said soft and firm item, which happened to be a well endowed feminine chest, screamed in outrage.
"Ah, sorry..." Ranma turned, and looked at the... woman... with his good eye, "miss...? You're a 'miss', right?"
The large, hairy apelike woman of obvious European descent who was dressed exessively in black leather laden over-indulgently with zippers, who hadn't indulged in the concept of 'bathing' since possibly the last breakout of the beubonic plague, grabbed the lapels of Ranma shirt, "You little testosterone leaking punk! Mebbe I should teach you a lesson on how to treat a lady properly!"
Ranma gave the... female... a half-lidded stare, as he cocked his fist back, "Put me down."
"Or what?"
Ranma blinked, and turned to find twelve more similar beings, for lack of a better word, standing behind him. With a nervous grin, Ranma replied, "Or I'll scream 'rape'?"
____________________________________
"Akane and Shampoo here?"
Cologne turned to find Ranma staggering in with the assistance of a walking staff, looking a little more worse for wear, "Why yes, they're both upstairs at the moment. I presume that Akane's current mood was of your doing?"
"Hey! It's not like I did it on purpose! Besides, it was her fault anyways!" Ranma retorted, while wincing from the bruised ribs, courtesy of a meaty fist reinforced with brass knuckles.
"Well, my I ask a moment of your time?" Cologne requested, sitting down to a table. Ranma hesitantly sat down on the opposite end of the table; the hesitation more out of the aches he was feeling than cautiousness. "If you don't mind me for noticing, Son-in-law, you look like the Hells."
"Heh, you should see the other thirteen guys... girls... whatever," Ranma stated with a cocky grin, before wincing, "Well, even before they decided to mess with me, they were a sight to sore eyes."
Cologne nodded, not really caring in the least about a common brawl, "Son-in-Law, have you noticed yourself falling victim to rather painful accidents, only when Shampoo is conveniently about?"
"Yeah," Ranma mumbled, "Your uncute daughter-in-law's a jinx... OW! Whaddya do that for?"
"General principle," Colonge replied, lowering her staff, "Anyhow, she is not a jinx... well, not an 'unintentional' jinx."
"Huh? Whaddya mean?"
"Among the Amazons lies a technique," the elderly Matriarch started, grimly, "It is a great one that requires patience and a great deal of cunning. It was developed as a way to punish impetuous husbands when they have tormented their signifigant others for far too long. This technique is commenced over a period of three years, to which the spouse would cleverly inconvenience the husband until their demise. It is really a guileful attack, that can only be initiated when an Amazon has become utterly intolerable of their husband."
"Ah..." Ranma started in comprehension, "I kinda figured she was trying to make my life Hell intentionally. So she's doing this Three Year Death thing to me? How do I counter-"
"She isn't utilizing the Three Year Death, unfortunately," Cologne interjected, "The Three Year Death is intentional, meaning she has to be concious of utilizing it. I've already confronted her about it twice now, and she is insistant that she isn't trying to intentionally kill you."
"Gee, that's swell, so it is all by accident," Ranma replied with a half-lidded stare.
"Quite correct. Shampoo is currently utilizing a variant that is brought on more by neglect than irritation, the Three Year *Little* Death."
"Huh, so what makes this a bigger problem?" Ranma enquired, feeling a serious sense of foreboding.
"Well, the reason it is called the Three Year Little Death is because it lacks the severity of its more powerful form, as it is a simple case of the husband merely screwing his spouse silly. Once fully satiated, the technique is countered."
"Oh," Ranma replied. Sure, his cursed form had done Shampoo, Akane, and probably half of Nerima by now, but Ranma himself was extremely uncomfortable with the subject of sexual intercourse; most likely because of his cursed form, "So... I have to, um, do *that* with Shampoo... in order to get her to stop?" Ranma blushed furiously, "Heh... um... sounds easy... heh heh..."
Cologne humored him with a half lidded glare, "Son-in-Law, I think you're forgetting a slight obstacle to this solution..."
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"Okay, Old Ghoul, I'm tak'n that pill today, whether you like it or not," Cologne turned to greet her red headed employee, while Shampoo went rigid as a board.
"Well, Daughter-in-law, if you think today's the day, I guess luck is on your side."
"Heh, you damn right it is," Ranma turned to Shampoo, "Hiya Shampoo, how..."
Shampoo spun around with a wild look in her eyes, "HUSBAND NO STICK SPEAR INTO SHAMPOO LOTUS!!!!!!" To punctuate her pledge, Shampoo slammed her ever-available bonbori into the other girl's face, sending her across the restaurant and embedding her into the far wall.
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"Ranma, I must request for you to stop, it's unnerving the customers," Cologne asked, "Make yourself useful, and take this order to table four." Ranma didn't obey immidiately, still indulding in the urge to hammer his cranium into the wooden table he and Cologne had been sitting at.
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Ranma looked down at the glass of water sitting on the kitchen table before him. It would solve the problem easily; his girl side was much more able to control, and satisfy Shampoo. He groaned, and considered the complications it would bring up. The pigtailed boy was positive that his cursed side would fight just as hard to keep from becoming a boy after changing, as he was from becoming a girl. The only thing that had stopped him from heading straight for China was a conveniently placed TRILLIONS OF GALLONS of COLD WATER sitting between him and the land of the Middle Kingdom. And, for his cursed side, she would have a much easier time avoiding hot water than he did cold.
His contemplations were interrupted, as Shampoo and Akane came in the room, wearing only robes, and looking for a nice bit of liquid refreshment. "Ranma-sam... Ranma," Akane acknowledged in a slightly subdued manner.
"Uh, I guess you guys are... um... done, huh?" Ranma asked, nervously trying to approach the subject.
"Well... not really," Akane replied, blushing slightly, as Shampoo rubbed her co-wife's bottom intimately, "We just needed to get something to drink first... before continuing."
"Oh," Ranma looked at the glass before him, and gestured to it, "Well, one of you girls can have this. I'm not... really thirsty myself."
"Hmm, thanks Ranma," Akane looked to Shampoo, "You can have that one, I'll go get my own."
Ranma watched, as Akane got some water from the kitchen faucet, and observed Shampoo drinking from the one he had prepared earlier. He watched Shampoo's throat softly ripple, as the cool liquid pourd down her throat. She idly reached back behind her neck, and swished her hair from where it was slightly caught in the robe. Akane came to stand next to her, leaning against the other girl, and glanced at Ranma, curiously.
"Is there something wrong?" Akane asked with genuine concern that gave Ranma a warmed feeling. The way the two girls were standing together, both so different, yet so at ease with each other didn't go unnoticed by him. They definitely looked cute, still slightly flushed from previous activites, and wearing only robes that hid totally naked forms undernieth. Any guy would be thanking any potential deities in existance to be associated with such two lovely looking young women, and the thought that they both lay claim to him filled Ranma with a confident resolve.
"Well," Ranma started, putting his newfound confidence to use, "I was kinda hoping... when you two go back upstairs... if I can join ya?"
Both Akane and Shampoo wiped their mouths from the exess water that had been projected from their mouths, and then looked up with their own shocked expressions to a jolted Ranma, clinging to the ceiling from dodging, just narrowly, said water that had been expulged in his direction.
"Ah... are you sure, Ranma?" Akane asked, "I mean, we're upstairs having wild and torrent sex. Nothing you would be interested in."
"Shampoo thought husband in closet," Shampoo stated, shocked at the inquiry. Akane elbowed Shampoo in the ribs, earning a apologetic wince from Shampoo .
"Huh? Whaddya mean?" Ranma asked, dropping down from his firm grasp above them. He stood patiently, as Akane and Shampoo picked themselves up from the unintentional faceplant after Ranma's inquiry.
"Don't worry about it," Akane asked, readjusting her robe, "You... really want to..." she blushed, realizing that Ranma would be the only other guy she had ever been with other than Dr. Tofu, "with us?" Off to the side, Shampoo's eyes narrowed, as she began to grit her teeth.
"Well," Ranma started, you are... by Amazon Law, I mean... well... you know?"
"Ranma want stick eight-track cassette in Shampoo and Akane deck player?"
Ranma and Akane both turned to Shampoo, just then noticing her rummage through Kasumi's knife drawer...
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"Look at it this way, Son-in-Law," Cologne started, polishing a glass idly, as Ranma stared up at the soldier's spear that had decorated the wall he had bumped into, after accidentally getting sprayed in the face by a bottle of Windex while Shampoo was cleaning the windows, "At least you know she misses your attentions."
Ranma groaned, and used the pair of chopsticks he was utilizing to catch the head of the spear from beheading him to toss the spear to the side. He resolved that he would find a way to conter Shampoo's unconcious attack, without having to resort to his cursed form. How long his resolve would hold out remained to be seen...