'Ranma the Amorus, Oversexed Nympho'

"Oh yeah, ooooh yeah, ooooh this is good!" Ranma-chan crowed, as she stroked the long, plastic coated shaft in her hands. With this little bundle of vigor, she would be completely unstoppable. Not a single virgin would be left in Tokyo, in Japan...

Dare she say, the world?

Ranma cackled wildly, as her imagination and ambitions went into overdrive. In the near future, she would have all the world's leaders kneeling before her, slack-jawed, and on command, saying...

"AH!" the amorous redhead shouted, as she narrowly evaded being penetrated in a rather uncomfortable, yet still somewhat massochistically appealing manner.

Cologne landed on the rooftop before Ranma, and held out her hand to catch her staff, as it rebounded from the spot the pigtailed girl had been standing in, "Son in law..."

"WHADDYOU DO THAT FOR?" Ranma demanded, carefully cradling her recent and precious aquisition.

"You were standing on my roof, cackling," Cologne explained, calmly, "You cackling is not a good thing."

"Huh?" Ranma looked over the edge of the roof. "Cat Cafe," Ranma read, upside down. She blinked a couple of times, before realizing why she was there, "Oh yeah! Um, Honored great Grandmother, your ramen recipes are quite accomplished, I was hoping that you might honor me with some of your knowledge?"

"A little thick, do you not think, Son in law?" Cologne enquired, raising an eyebrow in scepticism.

"Look, I just want some help turning these noodles flaccid, is that too much to ask?"

Cologne rolled her eyes, "Are you capable of making a statement without double endenture? If it means so much to you, I'll set a nice small pot of water on the stove for you to boil your noodles. Would that satisfy you?"

"You and me 'The Roman Way' would satisfy me," Ranma moped, "So I just throw this into a pot of boiling water and it'll go limp?"

"I am going to smack you," the Amazon matriarch mumbled towards a madly grinning redhead. "I will assist you, but only in a culinary fashion." Cologne immidiately spun, and slammed the end of her staff onto the top of Ranma's head, closing her mouth and cutting off the upcoming comment.

"STOP HER! SHE HAS SUPERSOBA!!!"

Cologne abruptly stopped, as she saw a man she had believed dead, leaping across the rooftops towards them. Not that the sight was peculiar enough, but the certainly absurd thing he had accused Ranma of...

"Forgive me, Son-in-law, but do you indeed have supersoba?"

Ranma gleefully nodded, "Isn't it exciting?"

"Uh huh," Cologne drolly responded, before she burst into a fury of attacks.

Almost flatfooted, Ranma barely managed to defend, and retaliate, "KATCHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!!!"

The tradeoff was quick, far too fast to make enough of a difference for Tofu to have arrived. "Elder Cologne, are you alright?"

The Amazon matriarch moaned blissfully as the doctor rolled her over, and saw the woman's dazed and satisfied expression. Quickly jerking away, Tofu did his best to keep a neutral expression, "I... I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what just happened..."

"Damn it!" Ranma-chan growled. She hadn't expected the doctor to catch up to her so quickly, even find where she had been heading. The Cat Cafe was good idea, since everyone would most likely doubt she would take the chance around the wily Amazon Matriarch.

Idly sucking on her knuckles, Ranma grimaced at the rawness of her fingertips; the next time she faces Cologne, she was going to be packing lubricant. "Now where should I head...? Hey, Ukyo can cook!"

She could also throw spatulas pretty well, too.

Ranma somersaulted away from the volly of projectiles, landing gracefully in a crouch, "Ucchan, I was just coming to visit you."

"I can guess why, sicko," Ukyo responded, "Got the call from Nabiki, so why don't you save everyone the trouble, and just hand it over now?"

"Oooh, demanding!" Ranma grinned, ferally, "Well, Ucchan, your wish is my command!"

"ALP!" Ukyo was suddenly forced in retreat, barely able to keep Ranma's hands, tongue and lips, and occasional toe at bay with her battle spatula.

"Geez! First the dominatrix act, now hard to get, and people say I'm sexually confused!" Ranma-chan retorted in fustration.

"Try impossible to get, Jackass!"

"So Nabiki says," the redhead responded, wryly. Ranma suddenly launched herself in a full body press at Ukyo, backhanding her weapon off-center in the process.

"ACK" Ukyo closed her eyes, knowing full well she wouldn't survive this with her chastity intact. Yet, before she was subjected to a seemingly inevitable fate, Ranma was forced to leap from the downed brunette, as they both heard the sound of something sharp slicing through the air.

"DAMN IT! I SWEAR I'M GETTING BLUEBALLS FROM THIS!" Ranma shouted, before looking down towards streetlevel. Nabiki stood in view, idly flipping a bowie knife in her right hand, while staring even sharper daggers at Ranma.

"Ooooh, someone has beautiful green eyes!" the pigtailed girl cooed, "Nabiki, you get first dibs!" Still recovering, Ukyo was suddenly shoved off the roof, unable to regain her equalibrium.

The middle Tendou sister's eyes went wide, as she dropped the knife, and rushed to save the girl she loved; the girl she would one day make a woman. Just before Ukyo hit the ground, Nabiki gasped, and dove.

Ukyo blinked, not feeling the pain she had expected, before realizing she had a body under her. Her eyes went wide, as she quickly leapt from atop of Nabiki, "Uh... thanks... I... think..."

Realizing Ukyo was no longer straddling her face, Nabiki stopped waddling her tongue in the air, and pouted.

"THERE SHE IS!"

Sighing, Ranma quickly turn and ran, "Tofu, I don't mind aggressive men, but I have other priorities!"

"Ranma, I don't know what you're planning, but I don't think it would benefit any of us if you had almost inexhastuable stamina," Tofu stated, trying his best to gain upon the redhead.

"Sure it will! I'll greatly benefit from it, and don't think I won't share the wealth!"

"That what we afraid of."

Ranma twisted and flipped into a half gator, barely dodging the bonbori mace that slammed into the rooftop, "Really, you guys ever get tired of these mass chases... et tu, Akane?"

Akane recovered from her missed flying kick, "Sorry, Ranma-sama, but this is for your own good..."

"Ranma eat soba, become too, too insatiable," Shampoo stood next to Akane, "No good if not able to enjoy sex, yes?"

"Don't worry, once I'm finished with these, I'll have a WHOLE WORLD to ravage!"

Shampoo's eyes grew wide, "You... you is mad!"

"And horny, and fustrated, and irritable, and you guys AIN'T HELPING!" Ranma nearly shouted, growing tired of the interferance, "Now, I love you two to bits, but just BUTT OUT!"

Akane nearly swooned at Ranma's proclimation, but realized the direness of the situation. "But... but aren't me and Shampoo enough to satisfy you?" Akane pleaded, fighting against her upcoming tears.

Ranma blinked, and blinked again, "Um... you're kidding, right?"

Pole axed, Akane turned to Shampoo for assistance, but found the young Amazon wearing a hearty 'what the fuck do you think?' expression. Akane shrugged, chagrinned, "I admit, I didn't think that one through..."

"Ranma getting away!"

"No, she is not."

"Wha..?" Ranma was blindsided by a short, long gray haired blur, but managed to keep her pecious package out of harm's reach, "How? You shoulda been indulging in an afterglow by now!"

"Sonny-boy, I've been around the block enough times that as formidable as you chestnut fisting is, I will not be felled so easily."

"Ah..." Shampoo started, "Shampoo go home now, hear too too much information."

"Shampoo, wait, we still need you!" Akane pleaded, as the Amazon leapt from the roof.

"Akane need Shampoo, find Shampoo tie herself naked to Akane bed. Wait for her there," the lavender haired girl responded idly, walking off.

Akane looked between Ranma and Shampoo, before growling, "Alright, Ranma-sama, now you're just being selfish!"

"Ranma, be reasonable, that's just too much power in your hands," Tofu cut in, attempting to sneak behind Ranma to hit her disabling pressure points.

He made contact, but his attempt was just as successful as it had been in chapter four.

Ranma shuddered at the contact, "Oooh, tingly!" but proved indistracted enough to evade both Tofu and Cologne's attempt to wrest the plastic stalk from her. "Nyeah nyeah, too slow!"

Tofu looked down at the Amazon matriarch under him, who was staring up at him with wide, confused eyes. Frozen in place, Tofu licked his lips, and said, "This is awkward..."

"Damn, looks like I'm gonna have to cook these things myself..." Ranma responded, "Hold on, Mom doesn't know yet!"

Flipping down to street level, Ranma found a payphone. She picked up the phone, before realizing she had no change on her. Putting the phone back on the cradle, she turned around, and tapped a random businessman on the shoulder. Once she had his attention, she opened up her shirt and flashed him. After about a second, she closed it, and held her hand out expectantly. With a curt nod, the salaryman tossed her a hundred yen piece, and went on his way.

"Why, of course, dear," Nodoka replied over the phone, "I'm preparing a pot for you now. Yes, it should be boiling by the time you arrive. Twenty minutes? Are you that close?"

Nodoka pouted, and presumed that it would probably be best if she put some clothes on. Not that she really cared much, but she didn't want to distract her son and oft times daughter from her culinary experimentation. She was also going to have to hurry and clean off all the funiture in the living room and kitchen; the thin coating of vasoline on her and everything else could prove a firehazard while cooking...

Ranma zigzagged across town as fast as she could make herself go, attempting to lose Ukyo, Cologne, Tofu, and Akane. Eventually, she managed to lose sight of them in a crowd, and chuckled sinisterly, as she then made a beeline for her mother's home.

The trip was thankfully uneventful, as she skipped merrily through the gates, and gleefully knocked on the door. Nodoka answered, just barely managing to finish tying the sash to her yukata, "Ranma-chan, You're early!"

"Sorry, Mom, was in a bit of a rush... what smells like vasoline?"

"Nevermind that, into the kitchen with you, you seemed dearly excited about this dish."

"Oh, I am!" Ranma chirped, as the quickly strode for the kitchen. Before her on the stove, sat a boiling pot of water, "About damn time!"

"Language, dear," Nodoka chided, wishing her child hadn't picked up such vulgarities.

"Sorry," Ranma apologised, chagrinned, before taking out the package of supersoba she had hidden between her bosom. "Now, to drop these babies in..."

"Hmm, soba? I have just the sauce for us to try with those!" Nodoka beemed, proud to be cooking with her currently daughter.

Ranma blinked, before turning to her mother, "Uh, 'we'?"

Nodoka paused, "You weren't going to share with your mother?"

Ranma stared at her, almost incomprehending of what she had just said, before the young redhead grinned, "Mom, there isn't anyone in the world I would want to share this with more!"

Nodoka's smile grew wide, "Ooooh! I'll go get the sauce ready!"

"heh, heh heh, heh heh heh hehhhhh," Ranma chuckled, as she prepared to open the package. Instantly, she realized something was amiss, and pulled quickly away from the stove, just as a large knife sailed into the pot, tipping the scalding hot water towards her. "WHOA!"

Nabiki climbed all the way into the Saotome home through the window, "The Cat Cafe, then Ukyo, didn't take too much thought to realize you would try here next."

"H-how did you get here so fast?" Ranma demanded, scuttling backwards from the growing puddle of hotwater on the floor.

Nabiki pulled a knife from somewhere, "While you were leading the others on a merry chase, I caught a cab... why does it smell like vasoline in here?"

"DAMN IT!" Ranma shouted, "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH YOU GUYS?!?"

"Ranma, what have I told you about your language?" Nodoka chided again, before finding Nabiki in their midst, "Oh, hello, Nabiki, did you come to join us for dinner?"

"No I..." Nabiki baulked, "W-waitaminute... were you gonna give your mother some?"

Ranma nodded, before leaning against her mother.

Nabiki's face was an expression of utter terror that neither had ever seen in their lifetime, "Dear gods... no one would be safe!"

"Mom, would you mind tying Nabiki up while I start cooking again?" Ranma asked, politely, "She gets to be desert."

"Why, that's a lovely idea!" the Saotome matriarch replied, "Would you like me to use the silk ribbon, or do you like the delicious feeling of nylon rubbing against you bare flesh?"

Nabiki manage to cease her nervous breakdown enough to sound a warning, "STOP RANMA! SHE HAS SUPERSOBA THAT WILL GIVE HER GODLIKE STRENGTH AND STAMINA!!!"

Nodoka blinked, "Is this true, dear?"

"Well, I said i was gonna share," Ranma replied.

Nodoka looked at Nabiki, then to Ranma, then back to Nabiki with a sigh. Then she suddenly dove Ranma.

Apparently, she realized the reprocussions as well.

For two hours, Ranma had been running all over town, but no matter where, she was hounded. Everytime she had even nearly got a pot to boil, fate, or more appropriately known as her friends and family, saught to intervine.

At the moment, she was evading a vertical slash from a battlespatula that bisected the cast iron pot she was about to boil the noodles in at a magicshop. "GIVE IT UP, RANMA! THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL WE'RE GONNA LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS!"

Now, Ranma had lost her patience, and decided to express her irritation, via a massive pulse of her battle aura. "You guys are REALLY getting on my nerves now!" With that, Ranma rushed away, leaving a groaning Ukyo dragging her pelvis flat across the rug.

After a three minute dash in any direction, Ranma forced herself to calm down, and stopped. She grabbed the first available person to come by her, a young woman carring groceries, and pulled her face to face. "Tell me where I can cook these QUICKLY!"

With a gulp, the woman nodded.

"Curse that girl!" Cologne growled. They all knew she was within th vicinity, but lost her trail.

"Cute but high strung redhead stroking a pack of noodles like it was a prized vibrator?" the young man being interrogated by Akane responded, "Uh, yeah, she went with Ms. Yamito into her home about five minutes ago."

"WHERE IS SHE?!?" Akane demanded, holding the young man off the ground by his lapels. Nervously, the young man pointed to the house they were standing next to.

"Quickly! Ranma has yet to have time to boil the water!" Cologne urged. Deciding that the door was a small price to pay for the preservation of the world as they knew it, the Amazon Matriarch, Akane, Tofu, Nabiki, Nodoka, and a lazily grinning Ukyo smashed through it. Quickly they all spread out through the house, and found Ranma, a young woman wrapped in nothing but a window curtian and a satisfied smile, and most importantly, nothing cooking on the oven.

::BING!::

Unfortunately, Ranma was staring anxiously at the microwave.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! NOW... I, RANMA SAOTOME, SHALL BECOME... A GOD!!!" the redhead proclaimed, as he held up the microwave safe bowl of soba noodles in instant sauce.

Time seemed to slowdown for them all, as they made a mad dash to stop the redhead. Alas, it was to no avail, as she managed a large helping of the noodles into her mouth, chewed, and quickly swallowed.

Ranma's battle aura flared in a thin red line around her, and th air seemed to grow thick, as she crowed joyously at her victory. Now, it was over now.

Akane bravely interposed herself between everyone and Ranma, "Quickly! I'll stall her while you make your escape!" When she didn't hear anyone running, she turned to them with a desperate pleading expression, "HUR-"

The reason she didn't hear anyone running was because they were all long gone.

In realization, Akane wide eyes turned back towards Ranma, just as th pigtailed girl pounced at her, "OH SHIT!"

"I... I don't understand!" Ranma whined, dejected.

"Yup, here it is," Nabiki quipped, reading the empty package, "It says 'this product was not intended for microwave preparation'."

"Well, I guess alls well that ends well," Tofu responded, before he was handed a pair of pantihose, a garderbelt, and a woman's blond wig, "Uh, what am I supposed to do with these?"

"Put them on," Kasumi demanded, shoving the items into Tofu's chest, "You owe me for a lot of lost time!" With that, she pivoted on her heel, and stormed up to her room.

Tofu whimpered, but followed, "Do I have to wear the pantyhose? I didn't shave my legs, and they keep ripping the hairs out!"

"What we do with Akane?" Shampoo enquired, looking down at the slumbering Tendou sister.

"Aww, leave her, she looks so at peace like that," Ranma responded, "Just look at her, she's glowing like an angel..."

"She look like suffocating fish," Shampoo responded, noting Akane's wide, unblinking eyes and open mouth.

"That shade of blue can't be healthy," Nabiki quipped.