"Lass, as long as ye be pay'n like promised, we refuse ye nuth'n." The lankey Scottish man quipped, before taking another bite out of his protein energy bar.
"Though it be God's will to assist those in need, it is his will done for those most charitable to the church." The nun smiled serenely, causing her lovely matured face to glow with an almost visible golden corona. "Your donation to our the church has earned our blessings, and my services."
"lololololol!z 2 g3+ p!d!" unintelligably spoke the computer hooked up in its own chair among the rest.
"Will somebody be silenc'n that abomination?"
"That is quite enough, you two," the regal young lady commanded, turning finally to face her audience, "As for the matter I spoke of, it is one..." she looked down, causing her blue hair to fall in wavy locks around her face, framing it almost perfectly, and blushed demurely, "It is a matter of the heart."
"Ye don' be say'n lass," the Scottsman said with great sympathy, "Ye do have my Swiss bank account number, aye?"
The young woman brushed a perfectly curled locke of blue hair from her delicate face, "Upon that table before you is an envelope of photos that portray my true love. I would permit nothing to stand between us and our destined companionship. Alas, there are several... agents that may prove wily if not contended with."
"Well, with God speed, it be best we, as they say, 'get down to business'. Let us know who the Lord hath guided us to grant your soul unity with," With no more fanfare, the nun, a beauty even in her habbot and her mid-thirties, retrieved the manilla enveloped before her, and withdrew the photos, "Um... oh dear..."
At the nun's exclamation, the Scottish mercenary looked over at the photos, before shrugging, and looking back to his current employer, "Eh, not that I'm complaining, missie, but do ye think ye may be pay'n us a wee' but much for des?"
"For my love, money is NO object."
The sister managed to somewhat recover herself, "Well... if this be God's will for this match to be... um... as unGodly and blasphemous match this may be... our task is righteous..."
"-L5! -L5! lololololololololololo-"
"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SHUT IT UP?"
The nun glared at the screen.
"-lolol-I'llbegood..."
"Thank ye. I admit, this be a bit of a moral conumdrum. I mean aside from yon' unchristian issue, I hate te be remov'n two lovely flowers from the gene pool. If ye want te help me get over it, I may have to request an altercation of the original agreed price..."
The nun sighed, "The lord may be more forgiving of this herasy, if your heart gives much charity."
The young woman's eye twitched, but she was turned towards the window, disallowing them from seeing her irritated expression, "My love knows no bounds... or price... voice your request."
"Well, I be suggest'n five nine by twelve glossys of the two of ye in action, it only be fair now..."
"Pig."
"lol"
"I can't believe Nabiki would just take off like that!" Akane sighed, before turning to Ranma for a response. The pigtailed boy sighed, walking next to his recently recovered fiancee, steadfastly remaining in her presence as if an attack on her could happen any second. As much as the raven haired girl enjoyed his company, she was beginning to find it a tad... overbearing.
Ranma couldn't say anything. Quite frankly, he understood why she probably left; after everything that went down just the prior week, he was surprised he hadn't been run out of Nerima himself. The whole ordeal with Suzy brought a lot home, even to his girl side. In fact, he would even be surprised at the fact that his girlside would quickly seek out hot water whenever she manifested... if not for the fact he was infinitely glad about it.
It was also somewhat a blessing that Ukyo closed her restaurant (at least temporarily), as she took Lil' Suzy somewhere unawares, most likely to get her away from Ranma. "I wouldn't worry about it too much, 'Kane," Ranma attempted to console the girl, "I mean, your sister's smart enough to take care of herself, and I'm pretty sure she had her reasons for not letting anyone know she left."
"But, I mean we all could have used her, I was shot after all," Akane retorted with a slight bitterness getting into her voice.
"Yeah, it was a miracle you're okay," Ranma whispered, realizing he could never forgive himself for her even coming that close.
"Yes, even if your beliefs are... misplaced, the true Lord will present his blessings upon all his flock, including you, young sir and this girl here."
"WHA?" Ranma jolted, immidiately striking a fighting stance; he didn't even sense anyone approaching! "Who... who the...?"
Akane and Ranma blinked, finding a woman dressed in black gown of some sort with a white neck and hood, completed with a black hood over that. Even with Christianity rather common in Japan, it took them both a moment to realize what the garb represented. "A... nun?"
From under the hood, the woman smiled serenely as the rest of her face remained hidden. "Go with God, children." With that, she walked past them both.
"Uh, what was that all about?" Ranma enquired, though still feeling a slight unease from the presence of the woman.
Akane could only shake her head, "Come on, or we'll be late meeting with Shampoo."
The nun's smile grew a bit more, as she pulled her hands from out of her sleeves, holding a radio, "Target identified."
"Aye, I see em."
The nun looked towards a telephone pole across on the left side of the street in the direction the two teens were heading in, spying a service worker idly twirling a wrench in his right hand. "I shall move into position so that I may partake in my role."
The service worker nodded, and replied, "Ye do that. Haxxor, are ye prepared?"
"-4 0RZ!"
"However you pronounce ye Goddamned name..."
"Your blasphemous invocation of the Lord's might is not appreciated."
"Blast ye, people, we're trying to be PROFESSIONAL here!"
"Forgive me, Mr. McMahon, but please understand my sensitivity to such decrees."
With a feral smirk, the service worker stopped twirling the wrench in his right hand, "Ah understand, sister Mary. But on the job, I appreciate ye us'n my nom de guerrer..." He suddenly hurled the heavy tool down towards his targets, "RIGHT HAND McMAHON!"
"Wha... LOOK OUT!" Ranma shouted, pushing Akane to the side, just barely twisting the other way himself to avoid the unidentified projectile.
"AH!" Akane shouted, as she felt the suction from the vortex trail the hurled item left in its wake. Immidiately, the wall next to them shattered, almost seeming to explode from the impact and sending up a smokescreen of dust and debris between the two.
"AKANE!" Ranma rushed into the dustcloud, intending to quickly get to his fiancee, and ensure her safety, when the electronically timed sprinkler system that had been in the lawn on the other side of the wall turned on, off of it's scheduled time
"The lass's be separated now, ye think we can ask for e hand from God now?"
"The Lord grants favor to the rightous," Sister Mary almost whispered, "just as he grants his divine gifts to those who surrender completely to his grace." The nun bowed her head, clutching the overly elaborate cross in both hands, as a blinding light enveloped her...
"AKANE! WHERE ARE YA?" Ranma-chan shouted out, awaiting an answer through the thick dust and spraying water.
"Ranma-sama?"
With a sigh of relief, the pigtailed girl moved towards Akane's voice, but paused at the sound of something whistling through the air. Above them, a sliver of light sliced through the powerlines above them, causing their decent into the newly formed puddles of water...
The same puddles she and Akane were currently ankle deep in.
"Ugh!" Ranma groaned, as if she had several volts of electricity sent through her, "What happened?"
"Glad to see you're awake finally..."
Ranma blinked, before sitting up, "Who?"
"Please rest, Ranma, you seemed to have been pretty shaken up."
"Dr. Tofu?" Ranma came to full awake, scouting the room around her, it was the guest room at the Tendous, "Where's Akane"
Shampoo grumbled, highly irritated by her grandmother's decree for her to continue working, as her two beloveds hadn't shown up yet. "They have fun without Shampoo. Well, Shampoo show them. When Shampoo get more instant spring of drowned man, Shampoo stick her keycard into Akane and Ranma teller machine and make them both really, really happy, and they feel much much pain when is giving child birth! Then, Shampoo have last laugh for leaving Shampoo lonely and-huh?"
Shampoo watched, as a Catholic nun bounded from rooftop to rooftop, carrying a familiar, bound and gagged bundle on her shoulder. "Hmm, Shampoo no see this every day..." Shampoo set out to follow behind the woman carrying one of her beloveds, wondering what wierd game Ranma had thought up now, "Stupid Japanese and their Nun fetish"
The pigtailed young man looked on, as the emergency crews worked in the cordained off area, "You said you only found me here?"
Tofu nodded, "Yes, it was unusual, and we called to the Cat Cafe to find if Akane had gone off by herself. Cologne told us that neither she nor Shampoo were around, but would keep an eye out for Akane."
"I think we were attacked," Ranma stated, simply, "Someone kidnapped Akane!"
"If that's true, do you know which way to look?"
Ranma grit his teeth, "But I can't just simply do nothing!"
The good doctor nodded in understanding, "I'll help you search for her, as well as call Cologne and Shampoo, Mr. Tendou, and your father. Between the six of us, I'm sure we'll figure out where she went in no time."
"Well, while you're doing that, I'm gonna head down that way, you guys take the other areas," Ranma commanded.
"Alright, we'll all start looking as soon as we can."
Ranma smiled in appreciation, "Thanks, I... I think I might need all the help I can get."
With a beaming smile, Tofu slapped Ranma on the back, "Hey, what are friends for?"
"Ah, just one thing, doc..." Ranma began sheepishly, "did ya really have to leave the house wearing the makeup and wig? I mean I can ignore it for the most part, but being seen out in public with you is kinda embarrasing."
Tofu sighed, "But I'll forfeit my turn to be the man tonight if Kasumi found out I removed this!"
"Is she here? Is she here?" the young enquired frantically, while bouncing on the balls of her feet like a child ready to accept her Birthday presents.
"Will ye jess cool yeself, lasse, she should be here any moment, now." The irritated Scottsman retorted, as he idly played with a handfull of jellybeans. "Ye know? for a rich and regal lesbian, I wouldae thought ye to be a bit more reserved."
"I... I'm just anxious," The blue haired young lady retorted tersely, while blushing.
"Uh huh, ye a virgin, aren't ye?"
"WHAT? How dare such a low brow creten such as yourself enquire of such things from a young maiden! Of course I am!"
"Eh, always thought ye Japanese lasses were bit 'o' the prude side 'o' things..." Their conversation was interrupted, as the door opened, emitting the nun, and a thoroughly tied down girl in a rolling chair. "Well, here's yer itch-scratcher, all giftwrapped for ye."
"Oooooohhhhh! Thank you thank you thank you!" the young woman cooed, as she hopped up and down, causing her hair and chest to bounce with her movement, before she noticed her new 'guest', and the Scottish hireling were following the motions, unabashed. She immidiately ceased, blushing fiercely.
"Well, we'll leave ye two luv birds te get aquainted," Right Hand McMahon stated, getting up out of his chair, and heading for the door.
"Yes, I hope you two enjoy your carnal acts of depravity, for which you shall feel the searing tongues of Hell's abyss upon your immortal souls for all eternity." The nun stated with a serene and cheerful tone. "Go with God, you two." With that, she shut the door.
The blue haired young lady quickly tried to compose herself, as Akane looked around, wide-eyed and unsure of what was going on; One minute she was walking hand in hand with one of the loves of her life, and the next minute she found herself hog-tied, buck-nekked to a chair. Not that she hadn't grown accustomed to exibitionism and bondage, it just didn't feel right without Ranma-sama or Shampoo around.
"Um, Akane... Akane Tendou?" The girl in question looked at the room's other occupant, a bit fearful, but expecting her to continue. The girl ducked her head demurely, "I... I know this is a bit awkward, as this is the first time we've met face to face, and you're tied to a chair naked... but I love you."
The girl frowned, expecting at least some sort of response, "I know, it's all so sudden, and I don't want you to feel weird, but I've been stalki-I mean watching you from afar. You are the most perfect person I have ever met, and I just had to posess-um- meet you. If all this makes you uncomfortable, I understand, but we can make this work, you'll see!"
The girl's frown deepened, "I'm sorry! Must you treat me this way? I... I didn't mean to frighten you! I love you!"
"WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING? WHY MUST YOU TREAT ME LIKE SO? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? IS THAT IT? IT'S THAT OTHER WOMAN, THAT RED-HEADED HUSSY, ISN'T IT? OR MAYBE THAT PURPLE HAIRED BIMBO! ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU BE FAITHFUL TO ME?" The girl blinked, "Oh, sorry about that." Chagrinned at her outburst, she removed the gag from Akane's mouth.
"..." For the first time since the two girls had met, Akane was actually speechless.
"You get away from Shampoo airen!"
The blue haired young woman went rigid, before she addressed the newcomer in the window through gritted teeth, "Why, the Purple haired bimbo, we were just talking about you..."
"Why you kidnap Akane?" Shampoo demanded, holding one of her bonbori towards the other girl, "Should take Ranma, is more her thing, yes?"
"'More her thing'?" the stately, if not slightly schizophrenic, young woman parroted, before chuckling, "My dear, you think this is about some fetish? You think I do this simply for sheer enjoyment?" She dramatically pointed at Shampoo, "No! Why I do this, I do this for love! I LOVE Akane Tendou, and I wish to rescue her from the clutches of diseased hussys such as you and your promiscuous cohort!"
Shampoo blinked, before looking to Akane. "Promiscuous means that Ranma would sleep with anything."
Shampoo nodded in understanding, "So, she no insult airen?"
Akane turned to the other girl, "Who are you, anyways? I mean, if you're going to kidnap me, you could at least introduce yourself!"
"Oh, forgive me," the woman bowed to her guests, both wanted and unwanted, "My name is Elizabeth Contsesca Mihoshi Angelique Celes von Dartanion Franchesca Delores Grandez de..."
Unknownst to the three of them, a security camera, that had been hacked to record straight to five hundred gig hard drive, while encoding the video file on the fly to be posted all over the internet... zoomed in. If anyone had been paying attention, they would have heard the obnoxious laughter of lamerity about...
"lololololol"
Ranma stomped into the Tendou home, irritated at his fruitless search, "I'm back, anyone find anything?"
Tofu and Kasumi met Ranma at the door, both of them with solumn expressions, "Afraid not, Ranma, but everyone else is still out searching, so who knows?"
Ranma snorted, before grabbing the wig from Tofu's head, "Try to keep some of your dignity when you try to sound optomistic, doc."
Frantically, the good doctor turned to Kasumi, who's lips were pursed in unapproval, as her arms were folded. "THAT WASN'T MY FAULT!"
"Go pick up some more vasoline, Tofu dear, I don't think three jars will be enough tonight," Kasumi responded in a sweet tone.
"Ah... I think I'll go continue my search for Akane... for the rest of the night," Tofu stated in a somewhat shrill voice, before he bolted for the front door. As he opened it, he just managed to catch something in his arms before it hit the floor, "Ranma, help me here!"
"Huh?" The pigtailed boy strode to the front door, and blinked at the girl in Tofu's arms.
"Kn-know... where Akane is..." Shampoo stated, before passing out.