Chapter 2

Hurt

I had no intention of meeting up with Floyd for his fun night out.

I was tired and fed up and pissed off with the world…which is why I am here reading a book…not reading it…looking at the pages if that is even what this is classed as.

He hurt me.

And I don't know why he thought he had the right to do that to me. We have this team building thing tomorrow…I need to be up early and I am already covered in bruises I would rather no one else got to see but I have a funny feeling I am going to be out of luck there.

Putting the book down…I don't even know what it is…just a random thing which I think is Floyd's and not mine anyway….another thing for him to grouch and complain about I expect - wrap my arms around me and think about what Morgan did….and what Floyd is probably doing…and Hotch….they all use then walk off and carry on and leave me here wondering what the heck just happened.

I pace the room for a while – still with my arms around myself and wonder if the person I share my life with will come home tonight. He doesn't always. He comes home stinking of unknown drugs and his pupils so dilated I don't know if he can even see….he staggers in sometimes still half dressed and it's almost like a test – a dare to see if I will say something.

And I never do.

What would be the point?

I have my navy pyjama bottoms on and walk to the kitchen and make a coffee. When I go to open the fridge I see that he has stuck a message on there. I pull it off and look at it. A cartoon face and fancy writing… 'hey babes' it says. It makes me smile and suddenly all is forgotten and all is forgiven and I put the bit of paper on the work surface so he knows I've seen it.

An early night is what I want. I'm not looking forwards to tomorrow. I always seem to let the side down…not that there are sides and maybe that is why this is important…but climbing up ropes and sliding in mud really isn't my idea of fun.

I decide against the coffee and make a hot chocolate and stick marshmallows in the top and pad back to the lounge and turn off the lights and right now I really hope that he comes home tonight. I need a bit of just closeness.

In the bedroom I sit on the edge of the bed for a while and go back through again what happened…and I don't know what I will do when I next see Morgan.

I place my glasses on the side and lay back with my eyes shut wondering what hell I will be put through over the next couple of days…and what Floyd will get up to.

How long I have been here for I don't know…but I must have drifted off to sleep.

"Spence."

It makes me jump. Floyd is shaking me gently. "Hey." I smile at him…this is good…this is what I needed.

"Get up."

I lay there and frown at him.

"You don't mind sleeping on the couch do you?"

And now I am confused. "What? Why?"

"I brought someone home with me…we need the bed."

I feel my eyes go wide and my skin prickle with sweat…. "You what?"

"Well I figured if you can fuck Agent Derek Morgan at work I can fuck Ardal in our bed. Get out." And now he is dragging me by my arm out of my bed.

"Floyd! No! Stop…this is my bed for……………" and I am shut up by the slap across the mouth.

"Don't lip me Spencer. Get out."

I put my hand to my mouth and look at him and then at the figure standing in the doorway and then back at Floyd. "You are unbelievable Floyd." I hiss at him, and I walk towards the door where Ardal suddenly moves quickly from.

"And take these." And my glasses fly through the open doorway and smack against the hall way wall…As I bend down to pick them up my mug of chocolate smashes above my head. "And this." Then the door slams shut and I am left crouching in a puddle of cocoa in my hallway wondering how being raped can result in this.

My glasses are broken. They nearly always are. I pick them up and put them on the small hallway cupboard. Wonderful…team bonding and I will be half blind. Just what I need. I look behind me at the bedroom door and sigh. He can be a bastard sometimes….excuse my language.

I slouch my way to the couch and just sit. How can I sleep when I can hear all that is going on in the next room…I'm sure Ardal and Floyd don't make that much noise for me.

So I am still sitting here and the birds are awake and there is a crack of light across the floor and I have to go and get my things for the next two days. My bag is packed and in the bed room…and my clothes are folded in the drawers and cupboards. I have no option. I can't be late. Hotch is picking me up outside in…..

…..let me check my watch….ah…..my watch which I think Floyd borrowed again. It's moot really. I still have to go and get my things and they are still in there.

I get up and slowly as I can without standing still or going backwards make my way to the bedroom. It is quiet in there now…that's something I suppose. I put my hand on the door handle and push it down. The door opens silently and I walk in.

I look at the tangle of arms and legs on my bed and it makes me feel sick. And it hurts. It hurts a lot. They will be here all weekend – and I will be out in that horrible blazing heat getting sunburn and blisters.

Floyd turns to look at me.

"What?"

and I shrug at him and open the drawers and pull out light cotton slacks and a loose fitting shirt….a random pair of socks which don't match and a pair of off white boxers. I then grab my bag and start to leave the room.

"I don't get a kiss goodbye?"

I close the door behind me before he can see how much what he has done has hurt. I want him to think I don't care.

………….but he knows….and I know…..I should have fought off Morgan. I should have come home with bloody knuckles and a black eye……I shouldn't have just given in like I did.

-o-o-o-

When I get to Reid's apartment he is outside waiting with his bag…sitting looking rather dejected on the small wall. He walks over and opens the back door and places his bag on the seat. Then he gets in the front and straps himself in. All done in silence.

"Is something wrong?" I wonder if it is because I wasn't there last night but really I dare not hope he would miss me to this extent.

"I'm fine."

But he's not.

The way he is sitting….the way his hands twist in his lap…the way he won't look at me. Something is wrong and unless he tells me what is going on it's not going to make for a very good weekend.

"Did something happen last night?" and as I pull out and drive off I see his eyes flash over to me. "So talk to me Spencer. What's wrong?"

And he sighs. "It's personal Hotch. I don't really want to talk about it."

Then I am set to wondering if it is woman trouble…He's never mentioned a girl….or a boy for that matter….and I glance over at him. "We are friends Spencer…you can tell me…I won't judge you."

But of course I will. It's my place to judge him and pull him into shape and make a better profiler out of him…isn't that what part of this stupid weekend is all about anyway?

"Girl trouble?"

and he snorts and makes a small laughing sound. "No Hotch…not girl trouble."

This time I think he is telling the truth.

The rest of the journey is made almost in silence. I watch him from the corner of my eye and he spends most of the time just staring out of the window. I don't know what happened the night before but something has upset him and until he relaxes a bit more I'm not going to get out of him what it is.

We pull up in the parking lot and Prentiss and Morgan are already there nattering away to each other. I slide out of the car and wait a while as Spencer follows and gets his bag out of the back of the car. Both Derek and Emily are in combat pants and tight fitting Tshirts. They look ready for any challenge. I walk towards them and it's beginning to feel good now. We are just waiting for Rossi, but Spencer just stands next to the SUV and puts his back to us and I am beginning to seriously worry about how this is going to turn out this weekend.

Prentiss and Morgan are a bit gung ho about it all and I think might get pushy so that is something to think about…and now here's Dave and oh…he has shorts on…now there's a sight for sore eyes. We need to go to the meeting point now and collect our instructions for the day and hand over our things…no cell phones…no guns – obviously. Just us….But Spencer still hasn't said a word.

I excuse myself from the rest of the team and walk over to Reid who is keeping his distance from us. "Reid…this isn't a very good start. Can you come and join us please?" But I can see how white and sweaty he looks….how dark the skin is under his eyes and I wonder if there is more going on with Reid than I want to think. "You don't look well." Is what I actually say to him.

He shakes his head at me. "I had a rough night. I didn't sleep well…I'm just a bit tired….I'll be fine once we get started and I can focus on something." But I'm not convinced. He looks ill – or….but again I don't want to think about it. "I had a few drinks last night. I've got a headache." He says…running finger through his hair which look fragile and I don't think he is going to be doing much rope climbing today.

"That wasn't the best thing to do knowing what you had on today." Again I'm not saying what I am thinking and I wonder if he knows.

"At the time .." And his voice sounds snappy at me. "I wasn't thinking of today." And again I wonder if this is because I didn't meet him in the showers…He is cross with me…Do I allow myself the luxury of thinking he needs that time we have?

I touch his arm gently but he pulls away from me. "Hotch – Please don't. Just don't touch me." And he is walking to where he needs to put his bag and hand over his cell phone. I watch him sign his name in and I am worried about him.

Quickly I walk to Rossi and pull him aside. He is in a good mood too and I hope Spencer's mood doesn't pull us all down. I can feel mine slowly sinking. "Dave we need to keep an eye on Reid. I'm not sure what's going on with him but something's happened."

And Dave looks over at Spencer and then back at me. "He looks a bit under the weather."

"I think he is hungover. The reason why he would be drinking is what I am worried about."

And I get a nod from Dave. "I'll keep my eye on him."

-o-o-o-

It's time to get moving….thank goodness….I want to get out there and do stuff not stand here sweating in the sun…I push my new short hair cut off my face and smile at Morgan. "We're gonna kick butt." I say with a grin and he slaps me on my shoulder. "Go girl." He says back in a patronising fashion but I let it go this time. We walk as a raggedy group to the station where they give us our first lot of instructions.

There are a group of warehouses…On the other side of river…out job is to get across the river (without getting wet) using the materials provided and find the 'treasure' in the warehouses…the thing is….there are snipers….They hand out the jackets….

…………paintball snipers.

"We are going to get covered in paint?" Reid says as he puts the vest on and picks up the protective helmet.

I put my hand on his back and laugh. "The point is that we don't get covered in paint." But he pulls away and spins on me looking from me to Morgan then to Rossi and back again. And I'm not sure if he knows if I am joking or not.

-o-o-o-

He won't look at me.

After yesterday.

And it was good. He didn't fight me off. I told him to turn around and he could have said no….but he didn't. He turned around and let me have him.

……………not the first either….someone has that boy regularly…that skinny guy I have photos of…or the tall wavy haired one…seems he has two on the go….who would have thought that of Spencer. The kid….the one we need to protect.

I've tried to make eye contact with him. I think maybe a regular date in the showers might be on the cards – if I play my hand right…and he didn't complain about my hand last night.

I make such a thing about the girls….

A smoke screen…I don't mind either really. Depends on the mood you know…but he's in a bad one today. Hotch has had words with him and now he is snapping with Emily. This is going to be a great damned weekend with that wet rag following us around.

-o-o-o-

I am watching them.

They are talking and gesticulating…but my target is an easy pick.

This is going to be fun.

Hotchner and Rossi…they are giving instructions on how to tie knots by the looks of it.

Reid is standing back arms crossed; a frown on his pretty face.

Prentiss is jumping in and out of the project and giving instructions which I don't really think are needed.

Morgan….he is there too. Showing what a big man he is.

The team

Pathetic.

Pop

Pop

Pop

Soon boys and girls soon.

I kick at the body at my feet.

He was easy.

Too easy.

And I have such a good view from here that I can see from the plans given to the paintballers where they all are.

I've gotten rid of all but three….but I don't want to spoil all of the fun. I just don't want them coming up and finding me here…not yet anyway.

Ah…good good…the raft didn't sink but Reid still managed to fall in. This is amusing. The lad is soaking wet. I'm watching him through my sights watching him try to wring out his shirt…

"That's going to slow you down." And I permit myself a small giggle and watch him through my sights again…. "Head? Chest? Back? Oh so much choice."

Now I move onto Hotchner. "And you – what about you."

Ah they are moving again…Good boy Reid…he's taken off the helmet and is walking behind the others…this is good…I can still see him….oh this is going to be such fun!

But I have to wait. I have to wait for those paintballers to open fire on them…

One two three four….come on boys don't let me down now…I'm ready for them…I can see them….where the hell are you?

YES!

Rossi gets one on the chest and Morgan is shouting 'down'….Lets shut him up first….

Swing around and a lovely almost silent pop and he is on his face in the dirt. Next…who next…so much choice…Hotchner…

One two three pop….and down he goes….and oh he is rolling around shouting…..

Reid…let me see…

One two three pop!! Damn…he moved…but I got him…he's on the floor and they are all shouting and a hollering…and now I need to change position.

-o-o-o-

Something is wrong.

I look at Ardal who is still sleeping and frown. Something is wrong with Spencer.

…………………..but I don't want to leave him………Spence is just on a motivational weekend…what can go wrong?…he has Hotchner there….and….and Morgan….

He wouldn't dare.

He wouldn't bloody dare touch my Spence….

So with that knowledge firmly in my happy head I roll over and snuggle back up with Ardal.