"Uh, so you say Akane's being held in here?" Ranma enquired, looking up at the seemingly ominous entry gate of the gothic yet luxurious manor that he had never noticed on the northern outskirts of Nerima. Ranma looked up, wincing at a crack of thunder, "Wonder why there only seems to be a cloud over this place right now..."
Shampoo, supported by Dr. Tofu, nodded, "They hold Akane hostage, psycho-girl say is for love, not sex."
Ranma shrugged, "Well, some people do enjoy being with others for more than... you know... sex," Ranma responded, his voice quieting a bit as he spoke, still facing the manor gates.
Shampoo blinked, before looking to Dr. Tofu to clarify. The good doctor shrugged, "I love Kasumi, so I suppose he has a point."
Shampoo tilted her head slightly to the side, "But sex come first, yes?"
"Of course," Tofu responded, as if the very question was absurd.
"Ranma being, what word... 'naive'... is true? Is too, too adorable!"
"Well, I guess it is rather cute, in an adolescent, romantic way."
"Shampoo tell Akane all about it when rescue her," Shampoo giggled at the thought.
Tofu had to chuckle too, "Well, Ranma seem a bit idealistic at times, I mean, with you and Akane around him, and he-"
"GUYS, can we focus on the situation at HAND?" Ranma interjected, flushed at the conversation in his expense. Calming down, Ranma then firmed his resolve, "Doc, take Shampoo back, I'll take care of things from here..."
"But Ranma, don't you think-"
"It's alright, I can handle it. It ain't like it's the first time Akane's been kidnapped," Ranma mentioned, almost bitter in tone, "And this time, I'll make whoever it is pay in spades."
"Shampoo help, is my airen too!"
"Shampoo, you could barely carry yourself here," Tofu interjected on Ranma's behalf, before turning to the pigtailed martial artist, "Alright, Ranma, but in an hour, I'm coming back, and bringing help with me, so I hope you're capable of resolving it by then."
Ranma watched Tofu cradle Shampoo, before leaping off back towards his own clinic. After he was sure they were a safe distance away, Ranma turned to confront his latest challenge. Before him stood two, thick wooden doors towering over him four times his height. With a breath to solidify his resolve, the pigtailed martial artist knocked.
He heard a whizzing nearby, and looked towards its direction, but didn't see the small video camera that zoned in on him. "Uh... yo?"
"Wh0z 7h3r3?"
Ranma blinked at the voice, the high pitched, 8 bit digitized sound of the voice, "Ranma."
"R4nm4 wh0?"
"Um... Saotome?"
Ranma shifted under the long pause, before he got a response.
"j00r gh3y!"
The pigtailed young man stood frozen, before his brow furrowed, "Did you just call me gay?"
"lol"
"Hey! Just wait a minute! HEY I'm talk'n to you!" When no response came, Ranma knocked harder on the door.
"Wh0z 7h3r3?"
"You kidnapped Akane, you jerk!"
Another long pause.
"j00r s7!ll gh3y!"
"THAT DOES IT!" Ranma shouted, before pulling his fist back, and launching it towards the doors. The thick wood succumbed to the force of the blow, indenting until even its formidable density gave way. Unfortunately for Ranma's fist, the titanium alloy door beyond proved a bit more infallible.
"OW! DAMN IT!!!" Ranma cradled his fist, before staring balefully at the sheet of metal mocking him.
"j00 !z t3h l4m3z! lolololololol!!!"
"Ach, tis we have a visitor!" another voice over the speaker made its presence known.
"lolol t3h l4m3r !z gh3y!"
"Izzat so? Well, laddie, if yeh be shunning the fairer sex, perhaps ye be looking elsewhere fer attention?"
"I ain't here for attention! I'm here for Akane!" Ranma retorted, quickly becoming more and more irritated at his hecklers.
"So yeh not gay?"
Ranma blinked, "Uh, no."
"I thought you said he was a fairy, ye blasted TV!"
"H3 !z gh3y, lololololololololololololololol!!!"
"Wut haf'Ah told ye aboot laugh'n in me presence?"
"Do you two mind opening the door for me?" Ranma interjected in a droll tone, growing tired of hearing their dialogue.
"An' why wud ye be think'n we would simply let you in, laddie? Whut business ye be hav'n here?"
"H3 w4ntz t3h do j00 !n t3h 4zz, lolololololol!!!"
"Whut? Ye damnable moot waste eh a microwave, ye daft teh beli'f dat if deh boy 'mself be say'n e's not load gargl'n!"
"H3 w4ntz t3h g!ve j00 h!z m4nch0wd3r, ROTFLMAO!!!"
"Cease ye blasphemy! Deh boy hath' said nett'n of deh sorts! Inn't dat right, laddie?"
Ranma turned his attention back to the speaker above him, having grown highly annoyed with the two speakers' accents. "Look, I didn't understand a single word from either of you," Ranma admitted, "so, would it get things rolling if I just agreed with whatever to get you to open this door?"
"YOU CURSED LIMP WRISTED NANCY BOY, HOW DARE YE BE THINK'N YE BE SHAFT'N RIGHT HAND MCMAHON IN DEH BLEED'N ARSE?!?"
"Uh, yeah, sure, whatever."
"AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!! YE BOOT REC'N FER 'N RAMMY YE BLOODY ARSE BANDIT!!!"
Ranma blinked, as the sounds of rapid footsteps were heard over the comm. After several moments, Ranma enquired, "Uh, what did he say?"
"H3 54!d H3 w4ntz y00r H4wt K4wk"
"Really? I always thought you would have preferred nylon."
Akane wiggled in her bonds, before looking towards the ceiling to muse over the discussion, "Well, nylon is nice when you're being gentle, but I think since you kidnapped me, hemp rope's rough fiber would have added just the right mood to this whole encounter. I mean, I can't take you serious as a stalker-rapist if you're worried about my comfort, it just totally ruins the anbiance.
"But I'm doing this for love, not malice!"
"Well, yeah, but I do like my surprise sex dates to a bit of the obsessive, manic side, it's something of a turn on, you know?"
"I certainly don't know what you mean, my undying love, would you like another sip of your tea?"
Akane licked her lips, "Yes please. It's not often I get to try Earl Grey tea, I should ask Kasumi to pick it up more often." Akane's capture beamed, before picking up Akane's cup, and holding it to the girl. Akane smiled, gratefully, and leaned her head forward to take another sip...
"-ARSE FELL AFF IF YE BELIEV'N YE DO'IN ME YE FAIRY BOY THE'R BE'EN NOT ENO' SNELL DAYS IN HELL FER' YE TE RIM E' MAN O' GREAT ALBA WHEN I GET TO YE..."
Both Akane and her kidnapper double blinked, as they watched the enraged Scotsman bolt through the room, and out the door.
"You know? If you would just untie me, I could drink by myself," Akane offered.
"I don't think we will be able to do that"
Ranma tapped his foot impatiently, before checking the imaginary watch on his wrist.
"AN' EAIN'TTER THING, MUY BAHOOKIE INN'T AN ENT-"
Ranma casually turned around, as soon as he heard the door open, and threw a punch. Without even bothering to ensure his victory, Ranma strode past the foreigner, as he fish-danced, then collapsed unconscious out the door.
"Yo! Akane! Where you at?" Ranma shouted, hoping to get someone's attention... well, someone other than that guy with the English accent or whatever. He paused, and looked around when a familiar 2-bit synthesized song began to play, "Hey, I know where this song's from, Galaga!"
Ranma's reminiscing over said game was cut abruptly, as the hall he walked down was suddenly lined with gun torrents.
"This one?"
"Too 'good girl'."
"How about this one?"
"I just don't see you as the pleather wearing type."
"Okay, I got this one from my Auntie for Christmas last year"
Akane tilted her head, and pursed her lips in thought, "Well, the floppy ears are somewhat unsettling, and the giant red cod piece definitely adds to the intimidation factor."
"So this is a maybe?" The young woman raised her head, "Oh bugger."
Akane heard it too, "Is that laser fire?"
"lolololololololol," whispered a nearby computer, as a tiny ship at the bottom of the monitor attempted to track the two-bit representation of a person in a sea of black, rapidly firing blocks at it in an attempt to halt its advance.
Ranma dodged and weaved, almost effortlessly avoiding the blasts by the most minimal of distance. If he ever saw that prepubescent jerk again, Ranma would have to thank Lil' Suzy for the agility training.
"HA!" Ranma shouted, as his fist collided with the final turret, rending it incapable of performing its duty, "Like a skeet shoot like this is gonna stop me! Now, where's Akane?"
"I'm afraid she is occupied with our benefactor in committing perverse sins against our God."
"Huh?" Ranma responded, looking further down the hall. Out of the darkness, strode a figure he began to recognize as a Western style priestess... what were they called... 'Bitches... no, that can't be right...
"Um, you're not a bitch, right?" The woman in a black robe and habit stumbled flat onto her face.
"That's 'nun', you little heathen, 'NUN'! Not 'bitch'!"
"Soooorrryyy! Jeez," Ranma retorted, so the words sound alike, honest mistake...
"As much as it begalls me, I'm afraid I must not allow you to interrupt Eve's seduction by Lillith," the nun stated resolutely, holding parallel before her a highly ornamental, gold and spectacularly jeweled great sword.
"Whoa, that thing looks mean," Ranma whispered to himself, taking a step back, before firming himself. Big pig sticker or not, he was going to rescue Akane.
Seeing the young man falter for the merest moment, before standing strong, the nun pointed her sword at her soon to be opponent, "Battling Sister Mary is on the move!"
"Battling Sister... hey, you remind me of-WHOA!!!" Ranma barely had time to leap straight up, as the woman was suddenly upon him with near impossible speed; swinging her weapon in a wide horizontal arc that sliced through the stone walls on both sides of the hall.
Ranma twisted in the air, turning to face his adversary, as she turned around, "DO NOT THINK YOU CAN ESCAPE GOD'S MIGHT!!!" The pigtailed martial artist ducked as soon as he landed, then dodged to the side to avoid a vertical chop that cleaved a healthy gouge into the cobblestone floor.. Performing several back flips to gain some space, Ranma then braced himself, anticipating the woman and well aware of her incredible speed.
"She's good," he thought to himself, "She could probably give the old Ghoul a run for her money, what with the way she handles that thing!"
Sister Mary didn't fail to disappoint, as she immediately re-engaged the battle, attacking with her sword as if it weighed nothing. Moving with a grace and speed she had never encountered before, Ranma flowed around her strikes like air parting before them, searching for an opening in her exceptional guard. As exceptional as it was, it was not faultless, as Ranma threw a punch into a small opening that her swing's arc left her with.
With a dexterity Ranma didn't anticipate, she twisted her sword around, and used the flat of the blade to block the pigtailed fighter's punch. With a brilliant golden shower of sparks that ejaculated from the impact, they were both thrown opposite directions, sliding as they attempted to arrest their backwards motions.
"Admirable, child, but you face the very hand of the Lord himself. You cannot hope for victory."
"Yeah, well from my point of view, you don't look like ya got enough to stop me," Ranma retorted, taking up stance.
The nun chuckled, "Your pride shall be your greatest fault. If you feel so confident, perhaps you shall witness the full blessing to which the Lord has granted me!"
"Bring it on, sister!" Ranma taunted, confident she was bluffing.
The woman held her sword before her, the blade pointing skyward. She let go of the weapon, allowing it to hover in front of her. A soft, golden light surrounded it, before growing so much in potency that it blindingly illuminated the hall like the great sun's light trapped indoors.
Sister Mary habit and robes shredded, carried away on ethereal wisps of light, revealing her shimmering blond hair and lithe, toned, buxom frame enshrouded by crotchless panties, binding rope that wrapped around her assets, and faint scars on erogenous areas. She spun with her arms in the air, causing the rope to tug up her bosom, as she let out a low, sensual moan as she was bathed in her Lord's passion. The shreds of her robes turned gold, before wrapping themselves around her again, but in the form of eloquently embroidered and scant armor that left her thighs, stomach, and about two thirds of her chest bare. She reached out, and took firm hold on her sword, causing the light to retract into it. The nun knelt, holding her forehead to the sword in salute and prayer.
With a resolute expression, she stood, and pointed at Ranma, "Now, you face a power you will bow to!" She blinked, when she noticed the unflinching expression on her opponent, as well as the slight trickle of blood that dripped from his nose. After a confused moment, she realized what his problem was, "You... YOU PERVERT! THAT SIGHT WAS FOR GOD ONLY!!!"
Ranma came to in time to dash back from a horizontal swing that was almost too fast for him to contend with, "HEY! IT WASN'T MY FAULT YOU FLASHED ME!!!"
"YOU COULD HAVE TURNED AWAY, YOU DELINQUENT!" She continued the swing to her back, turning with the blade, and leapt into the air, holding the blade behind her for a mighty downward cleave.
Ranma quickly tucked into a backwards somersault, before bracing his hand against the stone floor, and launching from it before her weapon landed. "IT AIN'T LIKE I WANTED TO SEE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT, YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY MOTHER!"
"YOU DARE?!?" She tracked the pigtailed martial artist, as he braced his feet against the ceiling, and launched himself towards her. She gasped at his speed, hoping she had enough time to bring her sword back to ready...
"The lil' fudge packer be dar'n much, lass," a voice behind her stated, just as Ranma was suddenly forced to twist out of the way of a piece of rock that nearly collided with his skull. He had to adjust his landing to a crouch to recover in time, and then rolled from his spot before a large sword's tip pierced it.
"What, you again?"
"Laddie, it'll take more th' a wee piss punch like that te' fell Right-Hand McMahon!" the Scotsman proclaimed.
"Yeah, right! Even with the kinky nun's help, ya still goin' down!" Ranma assessed the situation, internally gritting his teeth. He was sure he would be able to take the two of them down, but the longer he has to deal with them, the greater Akane was in danger.
McMahon grinned, "Now, it be time ye gon' on ye way."
Mary held her sword at ready, "unless you wish to grace the Lord's presence this eve."
Ranma answered by dashing towards the two of them, "Ha! As if you two losers got anything on me!"
"Hmph," Mary snorted, moving to meet the young man's charge, as McMahon's right hand flashed out, sending several pieces of jagged rock bouncing around the room.
Ranma twisted in the air, moving around every bit of stone, before parrying away the nun's sword by the flat of the blade. The martial artist pulled back, just in time to miss a rebounding rock from taking out his eye, and ducked to the side of a rising diagonal sword swing. Bracing a hand against the ground, Ranma shot up with both feet, catching Mary under the chin, and knocking her back onto the ground.
Ranma landed, and frantically twisted to the side, as something tore through his shirt, "Hey! Your mother ever teach you not to throw things in the house?"
The Battling nun moved to stand next to her partner, "This child possesses great ability. Surely he is the anti-Christ to challenge God's great might.
"Listen, lass, I got a plan," the Scottish mercenary whispered, "You just flash him your goodies like ye did before, so he's distracted."
"That might..." the nun glared at her partner, "How much of that did you see?"
"Enough to be impressed, lass. Who be think'n a modest lass like yeself be dollied up like some wee whore?"
"Like a..." Mary parroted, "HOW DARE YOU!" Instead of taking out her ire on her associate, she dashed towards the pigtailed boy, who braced for another confrontation. Instead of a frontal assault, the woman somersaulted over him, and turned to face him with a horizontal slash, "I AM ONLY GOD'S WHORE!!!"
Ranma lept back in time, just as he sensed the danger from behind. "McMahon and Mary team tactic number 14," the Scotsman stated, standing next to a tall pile of pulverized stone. Almost immediately, his right hand started grabbing and tossing the rocks from the pile, sending them at Ranma with deadly accuracy.
"Oh crap!" The pigtailed boy dodged each stone, realizing he had to take out the long range attacker first before he became too much of a hazard. That was when he felt the danger from the other side.
Sister Mary used her sword to rebound the rocks that got past Ranma, back towards him, forcing Ranma to concentrate on both sides. Even with his amazing agility, the equally remarkable aim of Right Hand McMahon eventually found its mark, as Ranma winced from a sting to his side. That proved enough of a distraction for one of the stones rebounded from Mary to find its mark.
Ranma's body began to dance from the blows, as his two opponents would not relent until he finally fell. With a final stone apparently colliding with Ranma's chin, he fell back towards Mary, who leapt over him to her own partner's side.
"Not so arrogant now, are you child?" Mary taunted, resting on her sword casually.
"I ain't got anything to be modest about, yet!" Ranma stated, before kicking himself back to standing, showing the armful of rocks he was holding. He tossed them into the air, before his hands flashed, "KATCHU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!"
Like a heavy meteor shower, each rock shot towards the two. Before any of them could reach the unarmed Scotsman, Mary appeared in front of him, using her sword to parry away each deadly projectile. She held her sword vertical, managing to guard against the final rock, before something heavy collided with it, forcing her off her feet, and into McMahon.
Ranma's flying kick carried enough force to send them both flying out the heavy door and into a tangled mass at the base of the stairs. Without wasting any time, Ranma quickly closed the door, and locked every lock that was attached to it, "Takes care of those jerks"
"Lass, I think the laddie has a reason to be cocky, don't ye?"
"Please remove your hands, only God may touch those"
Akane whimpered, as she tried her best to lean away from the girl before her, cackling madly, while gyrating the enormous red codpiece menacingly towards the raven-haired girl.
"AKANE! ARE YOU-" Ranma kicked down the door, and paused at the sight, "Uh, would you like me to come back later?"
"Yes, we would," The bare-chested girl with the floppy ears stated, putting her hands on her hips.
"That's okay, Ranma, I think she needs to practice more before we continue with this," Akane stated, easily breaking the ropes binding her, and standing up, "Um, you see where my clothes are?"
"Wha?" The floppy-eared girl exclaimed, shocked that her captor could have gotten free at any time..
"These it, Akane?" Ranma held up the neatly folded bundle before the girl, who took them gratefully.
"Well, it was nice meeting you, um..."
"Elizabeth, Elizabeth St. Pierre," she glared darkly at the pigtailed boy, "Remember that name, for it will be the name of her savior from your red-headed harlot's clutches."
"Whatever, see ya!" Ranma moved to the side to let Akane pass, before he followed, "Hey, Akane, is there a back door to this place?"