Chapter 8

Clean

It's surprising really.

I didn't expect it to be this easy, but I'm not going to do what he wants. I don't even have the one and only round in the correct place in the chamber. I don't think.

Carefully I pull it from my mouth again and lay it back on my lap. I think about checking…did I just have the chance to end this? I don't really want to know. I can see Hotch looking down at me and I am trying to work out what that expression is on his face and I don't know.

Things have become very confusing. I carefully stand, but I have to keep leaning on the side of the pit or I would fall down again. I slide the pistol into my pants pocket and then look up at Hotch. The expression has changed but I'm still having a problem discerning what it is. Does he want something?

I walk slowly across the pit until I am under where he is…I want to reach my hand up to him. I want to touch him to make sure he is real, but I can't and so I just stand and look up at him.

"Hotch – I'm sorry."

I want him to know I tried. I need him to know that I am sorry. Whatever it was I did to make this guy so mad with me. I want him to know I didn't mean it. I would take it back.

"Reid." And he drops an arm down the side of the pit and I can see his hand and I want to reach out and touch it, but, but, it might not be there. It might be a dream…and it might be something else and so I just stand and look at it….pale against the dark wall of the pit and then I back off.

"I'm so sorry. Tell Emily. Let her know I am sorry."

And as I reach the other side of the pit again my stomach goes into cramps and I want to lean forward and be sick, but I just slide the weapon out of my pocket again and then sit back down with a splash into the foul slime I am going to be in for the rest of my life. I make sure I have my back to Hotch now. I don't want him to see the guilt on my face. I don't want to see the disappointment on his because I let them down. Let them all down because I couldn't – or didn't….maybe didn't want to fight Derek off yesterday.

I can hear Hotch saying something but I've turned off now and I am going back to the night before and I am feeling Derek against me and feeling his tongue running over my ear and his fingers digging into my arm….I remember how he wrapped his arms around me to keep me still – to keep me in position – to make it comfortable for himself. The way he dug his fingers into my chest until I thought he was going to draw blood.

And I wonder what I should have done to stop it….but then I remember how I started to push back…I remember how I tipped my head back and let him have free access to my neck…the way I tipped it slightly to the side so he cold dig in his teeth. I remember the small moans coming from Morgan and the slightly louder ones coming from me.

I enjoyed it.

I didn't come home with a black eye and skinned knuckles for Floyd because Morgan raped me and I let him…and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it a lot and the proof was in the way I responded to him.

Which is why I didn't go straight home. Which is why I went to the bar and drank too much…which is why this guy is right. My fingers stroke the weapon again and I wonder if there is a bullet in the correct place and if I should just get it all over with.

This is what he wants. This is how he plans on breaking me and I wont let it work…I look up at Hotch again just as he is suddenly dragged out of view.

I can't see what is going on. I can't see what is happening but I can hear the sounds of something smacking into someone and I can hear Hotch's moans and small noises…but I don't know what the UnSub is doing to him.

"Stop – stop it!" I shout…and I push up to my feet again and my head is spinning and my body is shaking so much I am nearly on my face in the filth again…I can feel sweat running off my brow and I blink it out of my eyes. This time I check the gun. This time I make sure the round is in the right place.

I will kill him. I will – next time he shows his head I will put a round…the round…the only one I have…I will put it between his eyes.

I force my hand to hold it…and I remove the safety and I put my finger next to the trigger…. "Stop it!" I shout out to him and I am ready….when he comes back I will have him…There is no way I can remain here with this and do nothing. I lean against the wall and I can feel the slime running down the back of my legs and I can feel where the glass ripped the flesh on my back…and I am so ready that when he reappears the gun is up and I can see him in my sights. 'Front sight…trigger press …follow through.' I would never forget those words….but my gun doesn't fire. It remains in my hand as I slowly lower it and look again up at Hotch.

Because of the way the room is lit I can see his face clearly. He has blood dripping from his nose and one of his eyes looks like it is going to swell and bruise. He has been hit in the mouth and now I see the look on his face as something else is happening…but I can't see what it is…I can just see the look of…

…………………horror?

Maybe shame? I'm not sure………

"Hotch." I whisper. I can't help him….and I grip the gun tighter as I see he is trying to struggle against someone behind him…. Please no….please don't have him look at me while he is attacked like that….

"Why are you doing this!" I want shout it but it comes out more of a moan. "Leave him alone…if it's me you want…leave him. I'll do what you want…just tell me what I did to you. Tell me what I did to make you want this."

My voice gets quieter as I see the look on Hotch's face and I close my eyes and want to block it out. I want to have the strength in me to do what he asked me to do.

"Just tell me…What did I do?"

And suddenly Hotch is gone again and there he is…he is standing there with the gun pointing down at me and I stare back at him.

"You really have no idea do you?" He looks offended.

I shake my head and clutch at the gun in my hand…I have one chance…One…if miss I will be as good as killing everyone….but I do only have one chance….so slowly….very slowly I lift it and point the gun at him.

"I really don't know." I say quietly. His big gun versus this thing shaking in my hand….I can't keep the sight on him let alone between his eyes.

"You don't scare me with that boy." And he takes the safety off the automatic weapon in his hands. "Because you killed me a long time ago."

…………does he see the look of surprise or puzzlement cross my face? "I don't' understand. Do I know you?" I keep my voice as calm as I can.

"That is the trouble with your sort. The scum of the earth. You dirty nasty spiteful bastard!" and he is shouting at me…."You take what you want and destroy it….so I am returning the favour. How does it feel? I see you are shaking and sweating nicely."

I want to wipe the sweat off my face but it would mean moving the gun and I'm not prepared to do that. "Tell me what I did….I'll fix it…I will sort it. You don't need to do this." I still try to stay calm but the man is insane and there is no reasoning with people whose minds have gone this far.

"Let me put an image in your head Dr Reid. Saturday night at the club….you and your friend. I thought he would be here too by now…It's a shame but I'll get him another time. You and that freak friend of yours….in the back room."

…………I want him to stop. I want him to shut up but all I can do is stand and shake and lick my lips as he carries on. "You or he…it doesn't matter now…you decide that you want to fuck with someone…and you pick on me. You stuck your dirty member in me Dr Reid and you fucked me." He is watching me carefully. "And you diseased me with your dirty blood."

I can feel I am shaking my head and the gun in his hand is shaking…I think it is anger…

"Do you remember now?"

…………………"I'm clean." It is a whisper.

"What?" And I look up at him and he weapon is pointing at my face.

"I'm clean." I repeat. "You've got the wrong person….I'm not positive." And I an suddenly so scared I don't now what to do because I don't know if I am because Floyd wont let me be tested…he says we are ok…and I don't know why I believe him! "It wasn't me!" I shout at him…

And his answer is a snarl. "But you are the only one I've ever been with Dr Reid….so explain that to me."

And I can't so I just shake my head and look at him and my world which had started to fall apart was crumbling further now.

"Explain it!" And again I am shaking my head and remembering what he has done to Emily and Hotch and I think I am going to pass out. Even if I haven't done this…what is happening is my fault because that is his belief. "And you don't even remember me….well you wouldn't…you only saw my back!"

"It wasn't me." I try again to stay calm but this man might have infected my friends and for that reason only I need to kill him.

…………….or if I can't…then kill myself….because this is something I can't let happen.

"It was you Dr Reid…and you…." Jabbing the gun down in pointing it at me. "You know it was you. Think it over Dr Reid…think it over."

-o-o-o-

I'm at a table…but I am in shackles and they are attached to a ring on the floor. My head is on the table and I have had my eyes shut…but I don't think I am sleeping…I don't think I've been asleep…that's not something I do….but I don't remember how I got here….so I'm going to keep my eyes shut and just sit….

I stink.

And I wonder how long it's been since they let me use the bathroom….and how many times I've vomited down my front….I am guessing not often for the first and a lot for the second. I lick me lips and sigh.

"Are you understanding what I am saying to you?"

So I turn my head and lift it off the table and look at the person on the other side of the metal table which is embedded into the floor.

"What?"

and the bloke sighs.

"Mr Franks, I need you to listen to me and try to answer the questions."

I shift in my chair and sit back…my hands are at my sides and held there by chains….and I still have something around my face to stop me biting, but it's smaller…and less of my face is covered.

"Can I have your full name? For the record." He has a recording devise on the table but I can't reach it.

"For the record….screw you." I smile at him. "Did you find out about Agent Reid?" I'm sure I told them to at some point…or did I imagine it?

"Do you have an address? Family we can contact?"

I mumble my address…or more accurately Spencer's address at him.

"Family?"

I shake my head…. "No one who will want to know I got pissed on for not having my helm on."

"Mr Franks…Do you really believe that is why you are here?"

"The events which lead up to me ripping them apart and eating their hearts and livers…yes…that is why they pulled me over…that is why I am here."

"Mr Franks…Can you see that what you did was wrong?"

And I lay my head back on the table…."This line of questioning is going to get us no where."

……………….you see…there is this thing I can do…………..and I don't do it with everything because I can't…but they are stupid mothers and they don't know this…and so all I have to do now is sit and wait….no point in doing it for a crowd of one….I want to show more…..so I wait….and yes in the end more guys come in……..and I can actually say with quite a big of accuracy that this sort of thing gets my hormones racing big time….It makes me hungry and thirsty and makes me want to fuck everything and anything…male or female….doesn't even have to be human….though adult is preferable…..

My thoughts drift to Sam and then back again to the crowd gathering…..and then to the cops and it makes my mouth water and I keep my head on it's side on the table and I am drooling rather a lot and twitching a bit and they are saying things to me that I am ignoring.

Well look at that….or don't…no don't! Turn your dirty faces away I don't think you want to see what I am going to do next……

……………….there is a lot of noise going on………clink……………they didn't hear it………………..ping…………………….oh shit I am going to orgasm with pleasure here…I'm not going to be able to stop myself……I move slowly…and glance around me…….

And carefully…………….

……………………..ah shit…I'm giggling…………I can't stop myself!

And I reach up and unclip the thing around my face and drop it to the table and stand up and the bloke asking the questions is spurting blood almost right into my mouth before anyone realises what's happened………..

…………………..and I am laying across the table and I am howling with delight………………..and I can feel hands on me and hear people screaming….but hey……….

………..I was hungry…….and I needed a fuck………….and………….well……….they didn't cut my fingernails…………..and…………….

nothing like screwing something you just killed.