Chapter 10

Being Frank

And it is with great regret that I have to inform you that they pissed me off again.

…………and the whatever it was holding me back…..it sort of came undone………….

And the guy in his protective suit took a step back because once this happens to you one time….well you work out….you research….(happy are those who love to research)….and I am very flexible, so Spencer tells me.

A GRIN.

And well…you know how it happens…over before you know it…and I am standing with the jacket at my feet and my hands pulling the cage off my face.

…………….I remember calling them all sons of bitches whore dogs.

And

I remember telling them that they will….definitely….I can guarantee…one hundred fucking percent….see me in hell.

Three darts hit me in the chest….and I know I pulled them out and threw them back…My system metabolised the shit and I flipped them the bird. The next six darts….they are the ones I think…..I think it was them…they were just a bit too much.

…………There are alarm bells ringing….claxons going off….and the room starts spinning around….and laying on my face on the squishy floor is the last thing I remember…until now.

"Are you listening?"

They keep asking me to listen…then follow it with questions.

"Franks. Look at me."

…………I'm restrained again…..but I don't think I'm going to doing much moving from here. I feel a bit sort of knackered.

I open my eyes and look up at the ceiling. White….and a long strip light. I blink and search the room for the owner of the voice.

"I would like to do this with your consent, but I will do it anyway."

So I swallow and look at the bloke in glasses. "Do what?

"I am going to induce seizures. They will only last a few seconds….but I am hoping that after a few sessions it will settle the problem you have with you excessive manic episodes."

"You are going to electrocute me and reboot my brain?" My face itches again… "Did they ask about Agent Reid?" I need to know he is OK…Just curiosity…

"I would like you to give your consent."

"Did they ask?"

"Franks." And he takes a step away from me. "You are not listening to me. This is why you are getting yourself into so much trouble….Now listen."

I don't want to listen…I need answers. "Did they fucking well ask!?"

He takes a step back from me and looks at someone else and now I notice that there are lots of people in the room and they are all looking at me.

"Fine…we will do it anyway." And he is gone.

"Did they ask?!" I am suddenly overcome with a siding red rage and I would kill them….kill them every last fucking one of them….if I could move. "Just tell me he is ok."

Something is stinging the back of my hand and I glance down the see a needle thing there and they are injecting chemicals into the back of my hand… "Just for fucks sake…let me know he is ok." And my eyes get hard to keep open and I need to quickly absorb this shit….

……………..I think…….it feels like…..I – am………….I am…………foaming at the mouth…….and I think…………..it sounds like……….I am screaming…………abuse…..but it might be someone else…………………but it's in a language I think only I will understand…………..me and the million demons living in my head .

-o-o-o-

I hit him.

I hit him damned hard too.

I thought for a horrible moment that he heard it swishing as it swung through the air but he was too busy shouting down at Reid.

He makes a funny yelping sound as I smack the bat as hard as I can around the back of his head….but I see the gun in his hand bucking too late. I see as he turns and backs away that he is pressing down on the trigger and I hear a scream of anguish but I don't know if it is me or Spencer or the UnSub…I hope – I really hope it is the UnSub…I don't need that howl of pain to be Reid.

Pulling back again he begins to turn…and he does…I hear a weapon discharge from down with Reid.

……………..it's only for a second, but it's long enough to distract me and my next hit misses and is followed up by a smack from the rifle in my midriff.

I don't howl in pain….I don't scream….but a sound of air leaving my lungs too quickly escapes from between my battered lips.

I try to keep close. I need to stay close enough that he can't use his weapon on me, but I need to also have enough range for the bat…

……………..keeping moving……I keep moving…and trying to get my breath back again….he is stepping back and I am moving back in and to his side….To disarm him is my main concern now. I am ignoring the feeling of fresh blood down my side….I am ignoring the horrible silence from down where I heard the gun fire….and I am trying to take out of my head the image of Spencer with that gun placed between his lips.

A smack the side of my head when I was distracted by thoughts of Reid again send me back…and for a second or two it looks like he will swing the gun around and open fire…. But I close in and this time I grab for his arm…I need to disarm the guy and gain control again. I need to be in control of this.

………………………A punch to the side of my head brings stars to my vision….and now we are fighting like a couple of old time pugilists.

One smack follows a knee and a foot grinding stomp….

…………..an upwards smash under his chin finally sends him backwards….

I watch then follow him…he still has the weapon in his hand as he falls backwards and downwards pulling on the trigger as he goes. I stand in the spot lights and breathe a sigh of relief for just one intake…then with my hand back over my bleeding wound I move forwards and with fear deep down at what I might see I look down into the pit.

-o-o-o-

The cramps and seizing up of my hand meant that when that finger pulled the trigger I shot myself in the shoulder. I can hear blood rushing in my ears and I can feel blood pumping from a hole in my leg….just below my right knee and then straight through to my upper leg where I think it might have got stuck in the bone…I'm not sure….

My face…something ripped along the side of it and as I drop the useless gun into the muck on the floor I raise my hand to my face and feel the rip and what I think might be bone…

………….I'm bleeding out of too many places. Too much blood loss…and as the gun opens fire again and the UnSub falls head first into the pit I find the world is going very dark again. I'm still alive…

for now…………

but I really don't want to be………..

…………….I want it to be over…………and so I let my body slide sideways and I let my face fall into the muck…and even if I wanted to ….if I changed my mind….now I can't ….I'm not going to be moving from here…..not ever…….

………….I'm sorry.

I am so sorry Emily………….I am sorry Hotch………..

And it's alright…..really it is alright………….because when Floyd dragged me out of my bed………..no…before then………….when Morgan took me………when Morgan bit on the side of my neck and I pushed back trying to get the right angle….when I made those little noises I make just before I finish….

…………it ended then.

-o-o-o-

………………….Where the fuck am I?

my head feels like it's been stamped on by – by ………something big…..but I can't think what…or why……...

I roll onto my side and see the floor and it's not a floor I know…or is it?

"Franks?"

Someone speaks to me so I look over at them and blink and lick my lips and vomit. A lot….on that unfamiliar floor.

"It's not a problem. Don't worry."

I'm not worried.

………………………..I try to work out what I have been eating but it looks like runny grey shit…and I ant think when I last ate something like that…actually…can't remember when I last ate.

"How are you feeling?"

Like that which I just expelled from my guts….but I don't say that…I just look up at him and frown.

"I'll get someone to come and clean up…can you just lay on your back for me please?" And he is pressing a thing…what is it? A thingy….button thing….I can't recall the name of it…but it's….a …buzzer? Is that the right word?

I lay on my back and bring my hand up to my face….There is a strap across my face which is held at the back and it sort of covers my mouth with a grill…a vomit covered grill.

Closer inspection of my hands reveals that I have dressings over the ends of my fingers…and I wonder if I exploded….and it would be nice to be able to pull them off but I can't get them to my teeth…

"Don't." A hand takes mine and moves my hands from my face. The voice is back again. "You had minor surgery on your hands. You need to let it heal"

……………disinfectant. I love that smell….I turn my head and look at the bloke with a thing….one of those things you clean floors with on a long stick thing….and that word has gone too….but that's ok…I know what it looks like and I don't intend saying it. I remember disinfectant though……and floors……….

I get a flash of an image of cleaning floors….bleaching them….keeping them good….and as quickly as it is there it is gone again.

There is muttering going on between different people at different times, but I think there must be a gap between the times because I don't actually remember them arriving or leaving….Just being there….

They stick needles under my skin and take blood. They shine lights into my eyes and remove the dressings from my fingers then replace them with fresh….I want to see what they have done….but they are 'umming' and 'arring' and they don't seem to want to communicate with me except to say.

"Well done Frank."

And the name feels like someone else should own it…but it must be mine because that is what they are calling me.

………………I don't know what is well done though. Did I do something? I don't know. Seems I have bits…chunks….missing…somewhere…I need to find my chunks….and I roll to my side and look at the floor again….but it is clean.

"We will continue the treatment."

Someone says…and I look up at the person in a white coat thing and wonder what treatment. Will it help me remember? Maybe I could ask…but I don't.

Something in my head is telling me to not say anything….that talking got me here in the first place…that this is maybe not the best place to be….and I get hot…I get too hot….And my vision gets cloudy and fuzzy….

I can see though…I am with someone. Someone tall and skinny and I am fucking him……

And the temperature goes up and I am sweating and I think I might be drooling….and things are being stuck under my skin….needles and crap and however fuzzy and distorted it was….it's going….going gone………………

……………………back again……………..strapped down………….I think…………..

"Frank. We are giving you ECT….do you know what that means?"

………………"Fuck you ….you sons of bitches whore dogs……you stinking piles of shit!"

and it all goes very dark again.

-o-o-o-

When I look down into the pit I can see in the darkness the UnSub laying still and twisted….and I see Reid on his front in the filth….Please oh god please no. I scan the room quickly but there doesn't seem to be anything…I will have to jump down and hope that Prentiss or someone eventually arrives.

I drop down as carefully as I can. Laying on my front and sliding my feet over the edge and shouting out "Prentiss!" and hoping she can hear me…and hoping she can get here. It's not bad landing….One of my feet slips slightly and my ankle tries to give way under me but I'm OK…..

I move down to my hands and knees and crawl to where Reid is laying….it's too dark to see what damage has been done, but I roll him over on to his back and wipe his face quickly with my hands….I place my fingers on the side of his neck and feel for a pulse….

My own heart is racing so fast that I'm not sure….so I put my head to his chest. His arm seems to be held firmly in place across his chest and it's not easy to tell….but I can hear nothing….I can see that the gun couldn't have been in his mouth when he fired it.

……………. "Reid." I whisper to him…."Reid…it's over." But he's not responding…and I can't do chest compressions with his arm where it is…

I know it's not procedure anymore…but I tip his head back and hold his nose and breathe my life into his lungs…… "Breathe for me Spencer….don't die on me now….breathe." I manage to force my hand under his arm…and a flow of blood suddenly starts and he is making odd gasping noises and blood is bubbling out of a wound in his chest.

"Reid….stay with me now…I have you."

I want to scream.

I want to go the UnSub and hit his until his skull splits, but I don't. I stay with Reid who is shaking and making dreadful sounds of someone dying and I don't want to be the one who brought him back from a painless sleep to sit in the dark and filth and watch him die in such fear and pain. I put a hand on the side of his face and feel blood and mess and I bite on my bottom lip and wonder where else he has been hurt….apart from his mind….

And I take my hand away from his face and hold my hand up and look at the blood and then I look down at Reid and remember the words being shouted at him…and my skin crawls with fear and my head is full of questions I will need answered.

"Hotch!"

And Emily is looking down….

"I'll get something to get you out." And I watch her shadow move away again and as she moves I feel Spencer's hand on me.

"I'm sorry."

And he starts to cough and he is foaming pink bubbles at his mouth but I hold on to his hand and talk quietly as his back arches and he tries to breathe…. "Stay with me Reid….we are here now…we are getting you out."

But I have a horrible feeling that we are way too late.