N/A: Aww! Thank-you guys sooo much! I had some lovely reviews. I'm back at school now, so it's going to be hard to update regularly, but I'll do my best. (Oh and this part is ALICE'S POV)
Chapter 1: Forgetting
I'm numb. No, that's an under-statement. I've always been numb. Cold, at the very least. But never like this. This is an ache, right in the pit of my stomach. It's painful. I've tried taking pain-killers, but they don't work on vampires. And besides, nothing can stop this pain.
Jasper's gone.
There, I said it. Now I just have to believe it.
I used to go to the clearing everyday, just so I would feel something. I've stopped now. Bella made me. She and Edward returned when they heard I wasn't taking Jasper's….death so well. That was kind. I suppose.
I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling.
I had never felt the need for a bed before- it was just decoration. But now, now it feels necessary. I hate this feeling.
Sometimes I feel something else. Sometimes I feel hate. And sometimes, just sometimes, I feel fear. Fear of what I've become. I remind myself of Bella. I am like a zombie. But Bella had the sweet release of sleep. I long for sleep.
I am eternally damned. I must walk this earth for centuries, remembering.
Bella says I have to try to move on. It was 80 years ago, she pleads (N/A: the Quilette legend says hundreds of years ago, but this is the accurate number!). But isn't moving on forgetting?
I can never forget. Must never forget. I can't. I just can't. It's like there's a mental wall inside me. I long to break it down, to be on the other side. But I can't. I just can't.
Every time Bella tries top make me smile, I almost do. But I check myself. Jasper is dead. How can I be smiling? How can I enjoy myself? So I don't. The mask slips back on, and I hide behind it.
It feels good to be behind the mask. Behind it, people can't judge the real Alice. People can't get angry at the real Alice. People can't pity her. But they pity the mask. They yell at the mask too. But it doesn't hurt. Not really. It doesn't hurt the real Alice. So I push it to the back of my mind.
I know I should try to pull myself out of it. I do. And I try. Sometimes. I plaster a smile on to the mask. I go out with Bella. But it's all a lie, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot entirely hide my face with the mask. Putting the mask on hurts me. But I have to do it. If I remove it, I'm bare. Raw. Naked. And that makes me weak.
Jasper was always the strong one. Now I have to be strong. I have to be strong for him. Or else, I'll forget. And that is something I will never do. Never.