N/A: I'm so sorry! I know I haven't written in ages, but I've been mucking around with some new stuff- it's not twilight, but check it out! I'd be grateful for some reviews!
Chapter 4- Alice
I don't know where I'm going, or why. There is only one thing in my head. Jasper. One word. One face. That is all I know. That and I can't live without the word. Is it strange? Does it seem odd? This... love I have. It's not like anything I've ever seen, or heard about. It's even new to me. It's like my love for him has grown since he died. That sounds awful, doesn't it? But it's like I can see things so much more clearly. And the more clearly I see things, the more it hurts. It's like a terrible migraine, but the more aspirin I take, the worse it gets (N/A: metaphorical aspirin).
I stumble through the woods, blind in my desperation. All I have ever known is him, and now he is gone, I don't know what to do. I am stripped down.
I am hysterical in my desperation. I know what I need, but I know I can never have it. I look about me wildly, clawing at the dense undergrowth. I am sweating.
Bella made me get out of the house. She says it's what I need most. But I don't want to. Then, I came up with an idea. A release.
Oh sweet release. How I pray for you. Who needs the Apocalypse, when I can't have Jasper? The end of my world happened 80 years ago, and every word of the Bible was right. True, there were no actual flaming skies, and no skeletons coming for me, but all the pain, all the suffering, that was real. That was real, and it was painful.
It is only in a sate like this, that one can truly see the world for what it is- bitter and terrible. This world leaves a bitter after taste in the mouth, like sucking a lemon. The taste is sharp, sickly sweet, and bitter. And yet, this taste brings me back to my senses, with a quick stab. I know I must be strong, but I can't take this much longer. I have to join Jasper.
Would he be ashamed of me? Would he be disappointed? I can honestly say, for the first time, I don't care.
As I push away the branches, towards my goal, I think I see a flash of yellow hair, the same colour as Jasper's. I know I'm dreaming. That's the only way that can be real.
I used to love dreaming. Now I hate it. I scream, tears spilling form my eyes, like angry hail stones. I cry, falling to my knees, weeping at the top of the cliff. I weep until there is nothing left. I don't know if I'm really crying, or if it's another vampire thing, but I don't care. I just... don't care.
"I'm coming Jasper." I whisper, my breath barely making an impact in the howling wind. "Jasper..." I cry, as I let myself fall over the edge.