Chapter 9 – Getting Closer

He spent the next two weeks waiting for a call that never came. The house seemed to sense his morose mood and all the windows were dark. The stairs even left off trying to trip him. He forced himself not to drink, so Snape wouldn't be able to use it as an excuse again. He didn't leave the house once, just in case he missed it. But was all for naught.

It was with no small amount of trepidation that he closed his eyes at seven o'clock and Apparated to the pub. Would Snape even come?

He jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder.

"Sage? Is something wrong? I don't think I've ever seen anyone succeed in sneaking up on you before."

"Snape, hi." Cameron looked everywhere but at the man standing next to him, berating himself for letting his guard down and waiting for Snape to say something. Was something wrong? Was he just going to pretend nothing had happened? They sat at their regular booth and waited for their drinks without speaking.

He stared into his glass, trying not to think about it. It wasn't working. Then a horrible thought occurred to him. Snape never would talk about…

"Oh god. You're not seeing someone else, are you? I didn't…you never said—"

Snape looked at him incredulously. "Sage, are you serious? Even if it were possible that I had a…a l-lover, I could never have kept that from you. You're my onl—my best friend."

Cameron's heart sank. "So it's just me, then. I—just please tell me we can still be friends? I don't think I could—" This was just too hard. How could he have been so wrong? He'd truly thought Snape was receptive before. He tried to focus on the fact that Snape had called him his best friend, but it wasn't enough to drown the overwhelming sense of loss that was stealing his breath. How could he be mourning something he'd never really had? He'd been rejected before, but it had never felt like this. Nothing had ever felt like this.

"—you all right?"

He forced himself to pay attention. "Oh, I…of course, I'm fine," he answered, and finally looked over at Snape. He looked frustrated, and he was fidgeting. Snape never fidgeted.

"Sage, I—" he broke off and muttered, "Get a grip on yourself, man," then looked back up, visibly steeling himself. "I apologize if I've given the wrong impression. If you're still…interested, I would like to—to attempt a—to be with…" Snape's hand gripped his glass so tightly Cameron was worried it might break. More so, he was concerned about his heart breaking free of his ribcage.

"You'd like to give it a go, you mean? With me?"

Snape nodded curtly. "If you're amenable," he said to his scotch.

"I'll show you amenable," Cameron mumbled as he clambered to his feet and slid into the seat next to Snape. "Kiss me, Severus."

Snape's eyes were wide and he looked terrified, but he did.

Oh, did he ever. He was hesitant at first, but when Cameron slid past his slightly parted lips and licked his teeth he moaned and melted against Cameron.

Snape jerked away when the bartender set the next round on their table. "About time you boys got down to it," he said and started walking away, "Nearly five damn years you been comin' in 'ere, lookin' all ga-ga at each other…"

Snape's cheeks colored and Cameron smiled. "Do you want to take this some place more private?" he asked, "We could—"

"No!" Snape interrupted, with rather more force than Cameron considered absolutely necessary.

"That's fine, no problem," he said in what he hoped was a soothing tone of voice. "We can stay here. Shall I go back to my side?" Please say no, please say no…

"No. Unless you want to. It's just, I've never…there've been a few women, but I never thought…I-I've never…done this before…with a m-man." Snape's cheeks were beyond pink now and he looked like he was considering crawling under the table.

Well no wonder he was being so hesitant! "Thank Merlin!"

Snape's eyes narrowed into a defensive glare. "What?"

"No! I didn't mean it like that. I'm just glad to know you were unsure because I'm male, instead of because of me personally. Don't worry, we'll take it slow. Just drinks and a goodnight kiss tonight, all right?" he promised, but he couldn't bring himself to return to his seat. After all, Snape had said he could stay.

He pressed his thigh against Snape's and heard his gasp. Valiantly ignoring the effect that had on his libido, he resolved to stop pushing and ventured, "What about Regulus? I mean, I understand if you don't want to tell me, but I sort of thought the two of you…?"

"Oh. Well, I…no. He had just been recruited, and it was my job to discover his talents, his strengths and weaknesses."

"I see. He didn't know that, did he?"

"No, I'm afraid not. I could tell that he was…drawn to me—more so than any of the women I ever bedded, honestly—but I wasn't attracted to him. Besides, he was so…"

"He was rather immature, wasn't he? I nearly resorted to Unforgivables to get him to stop whinging at me."

Snape's half-smile was sad. "I feel somewhat responsible for getting him involved in all of that."

Cameron bit his lip, wondering how much to say. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. He saw the truth before the end."

Snape turned to look at him. "You're certain? I had heard that the Dark Lord killed him for betraying him, but no one knew for sure."

"I am. The Dark Lord didn't kill him, but he died doing what he believed was right, fighting against the evil bastard in the only way he knew."

"You're not going to tell me how you know that, are you?"

"I—no, I'm not. Maybe one day."

To his surprise, Snape didn't seem upset by that. He just nodded, sipped his drink, and said, "Thank you for sharing what you could."

Cameron supposed that if anyone would understand about the necessity of keeping secrets, it would be the spy sitting next to him.

XXX

Cameron spent the rest of the summer taking Snape to plays and dinners and symphonies. Neither of them, he was certain, had known much of romance or wooing, and he was determined to make Snape understand how important he was to him.

It was the last weekend before school started, and as they walked toward the nearest apparition point to the opera house, Snape seemed nervous. Cameron was about to give him the traditional kiss goodnight when he spoke.

"Would you…perhaps we could…a nightcap?"

Cameron ran the words through his head a couple of times and nodded. "Where?"

"Oh, I, er…"

Cameron sincerely hoped he was right about Snape's motivations, here. "Some place more private, maybe?"

Snape nodded, not making eye contact.

"Is my place all right?" Snape nodded again and he could barely contain his elation as he wrapped his arms around the thin frame and Apparated right through his wards into the sitting room.

"Do you really want a drink?"

"Not really, no. Unless you do." Cameron shook his head. "Ah. I don't really, I mean…"

"It's all right. Slow, remember? Sit with me," he said, tugging Snape down until they were side-by-side on the sofa. He was just as nervous as Snape, but somebody was going to have to take some action and he knew it wasn't going to be Snape, not yet.

He reached over to brush the hair off Snape's face. "Just relax," he pleaded, guiding Snape's mouth closer.

Snape was used to the kissing, by then, and it was just as amazing as ever. Soft (if thin) lips, chin with barely any stubble (even though it was almost midnight), bony but strong fingers gripping his shoulders, somewhat oversized nose (if he was being generous) pressing into his cheek. He drew Snape's lower lip into his mouth, biting and sucking, and Snape's groan seemed to come straight from his chest.

Then Snape was leaning against him, pressing him back onto the couch, covering his body with his own, and Cameron hissed, "Yes…" and slid a hand down Snape's back to gather him closer. When their erections brushed against one another, Snape gasped.

"Is this—is this all right?" he asked, unsure.

"You're doing great," Cameron assured him, "perfect," and inched his hand onto Snape's arse to increase the pressure as they writhed against each other. He nibbled his way down Snape's pale neck and used his free hand to undo the topmost buttons so he could get at more of that lovely skin.

"Ah…Sage…I can't, I'm going to…"

"Yes, yes," he mouthed against Snape's collarbone, increasing the pace until he felt Snape stiffen above him. A few more uncoordinated thrusts and he was falling over the edge, too.

It took him a while to get his breath back. The dead weight on his chest wasn't helping, but he wouldn't have it any other way. His silent Cleansing Charm brought Snape out of his stupor.

"Nngh. That was…Merlin. I think I may actually be homosexual."

Cameron chuckled. "Is that so bad?" he murmured into Snape's hair.

"Well, no. I just thought I would have noticed sooner."

"Better late than never, eh?"

"Yes," Snape said, pressing his face into Cameron's neck. "Oh, I'm sorry. I must be crushing you." He started to shift, but Cameron held him in place.

"No. Well, yes. But I'm enjoying it."

Snape lifted his head and looked at Cameron. "Are you really? You aren't…disappointed?"

"Are you insane? That was incredible! You are incredible."

"No one's ever…everything was always a game, a power-play, even sex. Especially sex. No one ever just wanted…me."

"Well, I do. I want you, and I'm keeping you as long as you'll let me," Cameron insisted, running his fingers through Snape's hair.

"Merlin help me, but I believe you," Snape whispered, and leaned down to kiss him softly.

Maybe it was maudlin of him, but Cameron thought of it as sealing a promise.

XXX

He was listless once school started back. He told himself to get a grip—here he was, thirty years old, and moping around like a lovesick teenager!

He learned to speak Gobbledegook and French fluently. He had designs on Chinese, but that was just too bloody difficult and he stuck to the swear words and insults. He took a short course in gourmet cooking at the church in Ettensby. He reworked all his wards.

He spent some time considering The Quest. As far as he knew, it was the incident with the diary and the Chamber of Secrets that tipped Dumbledore off to the existence of the Horcruxes. If things went as Cameron planned, that wouldn't happen and the Headmaster might never guess the truth. That was all well and good, except for one thing. Harry's scar.

Already, things were a bit precarious in that department. If he had anything to say about it, there would be no deathbed bequeathing of memories in the Shrieking Shack to nudge Harry into sacrificing himself. Dumbledore would still be alive to instruct him, but he wouldn't know what he needed to do.

Somehow, though, Cameron had a suspicion it wouldn't come to that. He couldn't say why, but he wasn't at all certain that Harry's scar actually contained a Horcrux this time around. He'd have to get close to him to be sure though, so there was no sense dwelling on it now.

Eventually, though, he ran out of things with which to occupy himself. And it wasn't even Halloween yet.

He wasn't sure that Snape's fireplace was connected to the floo network—he flooed over at Christmas, but Cameron didn't know from where—but he decided to check. He tossed in a handful of powder and said, "Severus Snape's quarters, Hogwarts."

The fire flashed green. Success! He thrust his head into the fire and called, "Snape! Are you there?"

"Sage? Is that you?"

"Yeah. Are you, um, busy?" he asked, suddenly unsure of his welcome. Snape might not want him there during the school year, even if it was the weekend.

"Not particularly. Would you like to come through?"

Cameron nodded and a few moments later stumbled out into Snape's sitting room.

"Er, hi."

"Hello there," Snape said and reached out like he wanted to touch him, but stopped himself. That was more than enough invitation for Cameron.

He launched himself at Snape and ravished his mouth. "Gods, I missed you," he whispered as he worked at the buttons of Snape's trousers. Thank the Founders he wasn't wearing his teaching robes.

Before Snape had time to protest, Cameron dropped to his knees and buried his face in Snape's crotch and breathed him in. He heard an indistinct "Guhn" from above when he took Snape's burgeoning erection into his mouth.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but it didn't seem like long—his jaw wasn't even sore yet—when he felt fingers tighten in his hair—when had those got there?—and heard a wonderful keening sound as his mouth was flooded. Snape collapsed into a heap on the sofa, which was luckily right behind him, and Cameron rested his head on Snape's knee while he caught his breath.

"Feels like…I've been waiting to…do that…for years," he got out between pants.

"That was amazing. I'd like to…but I don't think I can…I'm not—"

"It's all right, you don't have to do anything." Cameron pulled himself up onto the couch and leaned against Snape.

"Nonsense. I want to do something," he insisted and started undoing Cameron's trousers.

"Are you sure?"

Snape looked a little nervous, but he nodded. And then Snape had Cameron's cock in his hand and he couldn't bring himself to care anymore, as long as he kept doing that.

Several minutes later, when he could get his eyes open again, he found Snape studying the semen glistening on his hand. He brought his hand to his nose, sniffed, took a tentative lick, then sucked his fingertip into his mouth.

"Oh sweet Merlin. If you keep doing that, I'm going to have to jump you again."

Snape looked up, obviously unaware he'd been observed, and blushed. He grabbed his wand and muttered a Cleansing Charm.

"So," Cameron asked, "how was your day?"