Chapter 12 – Opening Up, As a Reluctant Clam

"Wha—Simran?"

"Cam?"

"Wow, is that really you? You…you grew up!" This was certainly the last person he expected to see wandering through the corridors. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm the new Defense teacher," she said, grinning, looking like she was trying to decide if it was all right to hug him.

"Are you kidding me? How old are you?" This was so bizarre—to think, if he'd been just a year older Simran would have been his professor!

She rolled her eyes and, apparently having abandoned the idea of a hug, punched his shoulder. "I'm twenty-three—stop looking at me like that. What are you doing here?"

He suddenly remembered Snape standing next to him. "Oh! I'm just visiting. How long have you been here? Have you two met yet?"

"I just got here yesterday."

"Oh, well this is Severus Snape. He's the Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House. And this is Simran Kabbali." Snape didn't say anything, but he shook her hand when she offered it and didn't snipe at her when she said hello.

"I'd love to chat, Cam, but I'm supposed to be in the Headmaster's office."

"Yeah, of course. We'll catch up later. Professor." She blushed and continued down the corridor.

"So how do you and Professor Kabbali know one another?" Snape asked when they got back to his quarters. There was something in his voice Cameron couldn't quite identify and he looked up to search his face. If he didn't know any better…

"Are you serious? Eww, she was twelve the last time I saw her!" The mere thought made him shudder. "Besides, she's very…"

"Female?" Snape supplied.

"Yes, quite. Not to mention, her father would have literally skinned me alive if I'd so much as looked at her."

He turned his attention to pouring himself a snifter of brandy. He'd almost forgotten Snape's ridiculous insinuation when another frightening thought occurred to him.

"You weren't…looking at her, were you?"

"Looking at…? Who, Professor Kabbali?"

"She's powerful, and very magically skilled. Pretty, smart…feminine."

"What are you on about? Why would you even think that? I didn't even speak to her."

True enough. "I just worry sometimes that I'm not…what you really want. You've always been straight, you said so yourself."

"After which I changed my mind, if you'll recall. Have I ever given the impression that I'm anything but wholly enthusiastic about our sex life?"

Well, now he felt stupid for even thinking it. "Sorry."

"Come on," Snape said with a heated look, "You can make it up to me by fucking me through the mattress. I'm sure I'll scream loud enough to allay any fears you may have about my enthusiasm."

That definitely sounded like a good solution. He couldn't really remember what the problem had been once Snape started sucking on his neck, but with a solution like that, it didn't stand a chance.

XXX

"What did you tell Dumbledore about your leg?"

"Nothing. I haven't seen him since it happened."

"Really? It's been almost a month." He was rather surprised by that. He'd always thought Snape and Dumbledore were very close friends. It occurred to him that perhaps his friendship with Snape had changed that this time around. Was that good or bad? Maybe if he hadn't loved Albus so dearly, Snape wouldn't have let him talk him into killing him. Either way, there was likely nothing he could do about it now.

"I rarely eat in the Great Hall in the summer, so I haven't been missed."

"Well, what do you plan to tell him?"

Snape shrugged. "That I got on the wrong side of Malfoy. He won't ask for details—he rarely does about that kind of thing."

Cameron scowled. Strange that the Headmaster would only consider Snape's suffering personal enough to leave alone and pry into everything else. "What kind of thing is that?"

"The kind he assumes I've brought upon myself."

"That…that…!" He took a deep breath and forced his anger away. There wasn't anything to be done about it. What was he going to do, corner Dumbledore and berate him for being so damn insensitive? No. He gave his head a shake.

"Come to bed?" He had some frustration to work off.

Snape nodded and followed him up the stairs, slowly and carefully. At least they didn't actively try to trip him up any more. What with Snape's injured leg, Cameron had tried much harder and finally got the fourth step to give up its pranks.

"What would you like?" he asked once they were in the bedroom and sans most of their clothing.

"I don't know," Snape answered. "I'm tired."

"Would you rather not?"

"That isn't what I meant." Snape traced a finger along his jaw.

"I see. You just don't want to do any of the work. Very well," he answered, pushing Snape back onto the bed, "I think I'll manage."

He looked at Snape splayed out, eager and waiting for him, and wondered again how he'd gotten so lucky. Sometimes he felt like he could never get enough of that body, those arms wrapped around him, those little breathy sounds Snape couldn't hold back…well, if he used a very liberal interpretation of 'sometimes'.

"Gods, I want you so much."

"Have me." Snape spread his legs wider.

Cameron held back a whimper. So, so tempting. "I've something else in mind, if that's all right." Snape nodded and Cameron covered his body with his own.

For several minutes, Cameron just held him, feathering light kisses on his face and throat, luxuriating in the feel of Snape's bare skin against his. He relished the sore spots where Snape's bony frame pressed into him and the sound of Snape's quickened breath in his ear and the slide of Snape's foot along his calf.

He moved down his lover's body, kissing and nibbling, letting Snape's heat sear his lips and his fingers. He considered drawing it out, teasing Snape to incoherence, but when he reached the jutting erection he gave in. Slowly but thoroughly, he tongued around the head, then down to the base. Taking the tip into his mouth, he suckled languidly.

Snape's hips were rocking slowly, making tiny thrusting movements, and he let them. Snape's hands on his shoulders held him tight, but not nearly as tight as they sometimes did, and that was good too. He snaked a hand up to Snape's mouth, pausing to tweak a nipple on the way, and pressed two fingers against his lips. Taking the hint, Snape drew them in a laved them with his tongue. Once they were thoroughly coated, he took them back.

Hips canted to the side, thrusting into the tight space between Snape's knee and the mattress, he slid his slick fingers behind Snape's bollocks and searched. He heard a low moan, almost more of a vibration than a sound, when he brushed across Snape's entrance followed by a gasp when he pressed a fingertip inside.

He let it build slowly, his lover's arousal and his own, his mouth working over the head of Snape's cock, his hand carding through the soft curls gathered around its base, and two fingers moving languorously in and out, brushing over the hard nub inside every so often. His own hips moved insistently, searching for pressure against Snape's soft, warm skin and the cool sheets.

Snape's orgasm came softly, peacefully, filling Cameron's mouth with bitter warmth, his back arched and mouth open in a soundless cry. He almost didn't notice his own release, focused as he was on cleaning all the stickiness from Snape's softening prick, and it was only after Snape reached down and gathered him into his arms that he thought to direct a cleaning spell toward his groin and Snape's leg.

"Gods, I love it when you do that," Snape murmured.

"Do what? Suck you? I should hope so."

He felt Snape's head shake minutely. "When you treat me like I'm important to you, something to be cherished, when…" Snape stopped and turned his head away. "Sorry. The blood has yet to return to my brain."

"Severus. I do cherish you. You're very precious to me. Have I told you today that I love you?" He threw one leg over Snape's and reached a hand up to thread through his long locks.

"You have, now."

A few minutes later, he felt Snape starting to move. He tightened his grip. "Stay, will you stay?" Snape stilled, deciding what to do. They very rarely slept together after sex, and then it was only because they fell asleep before they could get out of bed and it didn't usually last all night. They'd never actually done it on purpose before.

At length, Snape spoke. "You want me to?"

He stopped himself from saying what he really wanted to—that he'd like nothing better than to wrap himself around this man every night while they dreamt and he'd been working up the courage to ask for way too long—and settled for, "Yes. If you want to."

Snape didn't answer, but Cameron could feel him relax against him. He reached down and drew the blanket over them. He was exhausted, but his heart was beating too fast to let him sleep. He was too happy that Snape had decided he'd stay, so he lay awake for a while trying to convince himself that it didn't really mean anything. It was just sleeping.

He had almost gotten himself to believe it when he heard Snape whisper, "Thank you, my love."

He was certain Snape thought he was asleep and fought not to react. Snape had never told Cameron he loved him. He showed it with his actions and sometimes implied it with his words, and Cameron had thought that was enough for him to feel it, to believe it. And really, he still hadn't said it explicitly, but it was more than enough to make Cameron's throat constrict and send him soaring. He also suspected it was more than Snape would ever allow himself to say when he thought Cameron was awake to hear.

XXX

He was surprised that Snape never asked him about the future. He'd been expecting questions about Snape's life, about Cameron's, about the war and the Horcruxes, what had gone wrong and what had gone right. He'd formulated a few answers, careful not because he was worried about affecting the course of events or creating a paradox but to avoid causing Snape pain.

But the questions never came. Even when there was a clear opening, when he talked about the Horcruxes or said 'Last time it happened this way', Snape didn't take it. It confused him. He knew Snape was an intensely curious person who couldn't stand when there was knowledge out there about something and he didn't have it. If their roles had been reversed, Cameron was sure he'd ask.

Snape wasn't one to dance around issues like this, or avoid something because it was taboo or might cause offense. He could only conclude that Snape truly didn't want to know.

Maybe he was concerned about changing things too much. It was possible, but Cameron didn't think that could be all of it. After all, Snape had helped him with the diary, and even when he'd come right out and said he was trying to change the course of the future, Snape didn't question it. He'd been expecting a lecture about paradoxes and the dangers of time travel, but Snape didn't seem to be worried about it.

Maybe he didn't think Cameron could tell him anything he wanted to know. After all, he had no reason to think they had known each other or interacted in any way. For all he knew, Cameron had never heard of Severus Snape before they met at Grimmauld Place. But he had to know that Cameron had been involved with the Order, given how much he knew about the Horcruxes and the fight.

Maybe he thought Cameron was changing the future enough that whatever he could have told him wouldn't matter because everything would be so different. That made a bit of sense, he supposed, but it would still be interesting to know how things had worked out the first time around.

Cameron thought it more likely that Snape expected anything Cameron could tell him to be bad, and he'd just rather not hear it. He could understand how Snape might be better off not knowing all about his master's resurrection and all the people who'd died and what a closed-off, vindictive bastard he'd been.

Or so it had seemed to Harry, anyway. He knew it made sense that Snape's students would have a much different perspective on him, but he really thought Snape was different now. How much of that was due to events that hadn't happened yet—evil getting a new body, going back to spying, being confronted with constant reminders of his childhood misery, murdering his mentor—versus things that had happened differently, like their relationship, he couldn't say.

Even if Snape did change as events unfolded, he knew it wouldn't change how he felt. He'd done the hard part—gotten behind Snape's walls, gotten to know him, and fallen in love—and nothing short of death could tear him away now.

Either way, he'd never asked about the future before. So Cameron knew it must be very important to him when, out of the blue, he asked, "What do you think will happen when you get back to the day you used the Time-Turner?"

He shrugged. "If things go as planned, my younger self isn't going to feel the need to go back in time, that's for sure. Beyond that? I suppose it's possible that when the younger me doesn't use the Time-Turner, I'll just wink out of existence. It doesn't make much sense, though. I mean, if things worked that way, then when I didn't go back the Horcruxes wouldn't be destroyed and…well. Thinking about that makes my brain hurt."

Snape didn't seem the slightest bit satisfied with that non-answer.

"I exist, there's no denying that. There isn't any reason to assume I'll suddenly cease to do so on that day. I really don't think that will happen."

"Are you sure?" Snape asked, and Cameron was surprised to hear the fear in his voice.

"I can't be completely sure, of course, but I have a feeling." He tilted Snape's face toward him and kissed him softly. "I do know that I will never leave you if I can possibly help it. I know that beyond doubt."

Snape's mouth moved in the almost-smile that was generally all he allowed himself to show and drew him into a fierce embrace.