Chapter 27

Hospitals

Another morning talking to people on the streets.

Have they seen anything? Even a rumour would be nice…Anything…and to be honest I'm not enjoying this.

The area I have been working in with Emily is the district where most of the gay guys work the streets…and as these are the ones who seem to be the targets in these crimes here is where I go…I feel uncomfortable. Not because I don't like them…not because I am disgusted by their life style…it is maybe more of a fear that their life style might be too familiar to Spencer.

I call him.

Seeing this I had to call…just to ensure all was good. He sounded cheery. He sounded more like his old self…his voice was relaxed and he was safe.

Now at lunch time I get out of the SUV and as Emily says. "I need to get something from my car." And walks off I see Dave running towards me.

"My car Aaron…Quickly."

My arm is grabbed and Rossi is pulling me towards his car.

"Dave…Wait…what the hell is going on here?"

"My car Aaron…now…I'll explain on the way."

And so we hurtle out of the parking lot with lights on and Dave's hand sounding the horn.

"Dave…what the hell is going on?"

I hear a sigh and he doesn't take his hands off the wheels as he jumps the red light at the junction in what I can only see as an attempt to get us both killed.

"Dave!" One hand on the dashboard as though that will help if we hit a truck.

"A call for you was transferred to me as you weren't in the office."

I nod and look worried. "and?"

"Your house is on fire." He takes a quick look at me. He knows full well that Reid is in my house…he knows what happened a couple of days ago. "Emergency services are there. I'm getting you there as quickly as I can."

My hand drops from the dashboard and I just stare out of the window. "I spoke to Reid a couple of hours ago. He was fine…he sounded good."

"Rossi is shaking his head. Shall we just try to get there and see what's happened….he might have just set fire to the chip pan."

"I don't have a chip pan." Not that it mattered. A slick layer of sweat had broken out on my brow. "Pull over – quickly." And he does…in good FBI tyre screeching fashion…in time for me to open the door and throw up into the slush at the side of the road. He is driving away again almost before I have the car door closed again.

I can see the plume of thick black smoke rising behind the houses in front of me…I can see curious people walking and cycling down in the direction…I can hear the wailing of sirens and in my mind I am trying to picture Spencer…alive and well and standing there with soot on his face and a chip pan in his hand….but it wont let me…

Dave pulls up behind a rank of fire trucks and grabs my arm. "Hotch…calm…I'm sure Spencer is fine. This is just material positions – everything is replaceable." And I shrug his arm off me.

"No…you are very wrong…not everything is." And I am out of the SUV and running forward. I can see the fire chief and that is where I am heading for…I can hear Rossi running behind me. He might

have tried to play this lightly…but I know he is as worried…no not possible…I know he is very worried about Reid. I come to a stop in front of the chief. "That's my house. Is Reid alright?"

He turns his attention to me.

"Reid?"

"There was someone in the house. Please tell me you got him out."

He nods at me…I don't like it…he nods at me and says. "Wait here." And he is walking off and the hand on my arm…I know is Rossi…I know he is thinking what I am thinking…and I can hear glass cracking and I can see flames crawling out of my front windows.

"I'm going to find him." But my movement forward is stopped.

"No…you are going to wait here. He might not have even been in the house Aaron." He must be able to feel the way I am trying to pull away from him. "Fine…let's check with the medics." Rossi still has a firm grip on my arm and I have a feeling he will cuff me to the fire truck if I try to get to the house…

"The medics…." But I'm not really wanting to go to them…I want to run through the flames and get Spencer out of there.

-o-o-o-

I can't breath.

Something is wrong and my mind wont let me work out what it is….I know I can't move….and I try to take in a big lungful of air and I cant…I just cough.

And I cant stop coughing…I can taste blood in mouth and the room has a funny foggy look about it.

Why is it so hot?

Why is there no air to breathe in?

I want to put my hands to my throat and claw an entry way in my neck so the air can get in, but my arms wont move and my coughing carries on and all the time I am coughing I can't take a breath.

The fog get is getting worse…I can see it slithering over the ceiling I am being forced to lay and look at. Is someone holding me down? I want to call out and push them off but I feel too confused…

I am trying to breathe again…but I can't. It hurts too much…deep down…a pain deep down in side of me….and it's getting hotter and the fog is getting closer and engulfing me…and it looks sort of orange.

The hands on me now are pulling…not holding me down…but pulling at me…I can feel something being put over my face and cold…lovely coldness on me – but that's all…and it's suddenly so dark and quiet that I wonder if it's real…so I decide I am dreaming and let it just drift away….

More pulling now and more floating….and suddenly there is immense pain. God awful agony….and it's still dark but not as hot but I can hear a long way away someone is shouting at me and hitting me. "Come on….come one…breathe damn you."

But I cant…don't they understand that?

I want to tell them…but they are thumping at me and shouting at me…and pulling me around but I just slide away and find some deep dark warm place to rest.

I've had enough.

"Come on!"

I can hear faintly…but this place feels good. Why go back?

There seems no point.

Something is being forced down my throat and I would like very much to tell them to stop. To leave me alone…Just leave me alone.

-o-o-o-

I saw the sudden flurry of movement and there was no way in hell Dave was going to keep me back this time…They had someone on the ground…They had paddles on his chest…lights in his eyes…a tube down this throat.

They were shaking heads and moving back and getting a gurney from the ambulance.

I need to get closer….I have to be with him…but again Dave is pulling me back. "Let them do their job." He says to me. "Let them do what they need to do…then you go to him. Calm down….he will need to see you calm and in control."

But I don't feel calm…and I don't feel in control.

Dave was right…The house I don't care about. Insurance will cover it…everything is replaceable…everything except Spencer.

The smoke in my eyes is making them water….The shouts of the emergency services are making my head spin. So I lean forward and I take deep breaths. Ten long deep calming breaths….then I look at Dave.

"If he is going to die – then I need to be with him." Dave's hand rests on my back but he doesn't say anything and I half expect him to haul me back again…but this time he lets me go and in a world far from this hellish one I walk over to where they are sticking needles into his arms...and setting up a drip. "Aaron Hotchner." I say before they can ask who I am. "That's my house." I gesture towards the flames. "How is he?"

They look up at me and frown and one of them calls a police detective over.

"This is the house owner." The medic says to him…and I get a very uncomfortable feeling from the looks I am getting.

The detective looks at me and frowns… "Do I know you from somewhere?" So I stand trying to see what they are doing to Spencer but they stand and shield him from me. "Agent Hotchner" I mumble.

And I catch the raised eyebrows. "Agent Hotchner…I'd like you to accompany me to the police station. I have some questions I would like to ask you."

-o-o-o-

It is hammering on the door that wakes me. "Time to move." A voice calls…and I don't know what the time is but I suddenly realise that I've been sleeping. Slowly I sit and look down at my feet…

Not good so very not good. Leaning forwards from where I am sitting on the bed I carefully touch them…

Pain.

Instant and tearing pain. So I move my fingers away from the burning red flesh to the darker black flesh of my outside toes…nothing…good? Or bad? I'm thinking it's bad…I thinking goodbye toes right now… and I'm also thinking that I'm not going to be putting those boots on again today.

Someone hammers on the door again…"Out." The voice says…and with a sigh I decide to comply with their wishes. That bitch Laura said she'd be around today…I'm hoping to get a blow from her at least….but I also have something else I need to ask her to do for me…I can pay for it. In kind.

That doesn't make me a whore.

I don't whore.

I'm no sodding prostitute.

I'm just using the materials available to me to make cash as quickly as I can.

That…and the fact I enjoy the sexual act. Any sexual act.

Almost.

I do draw the line at children. Well human children.

Sam doesn't count….He doesn't come under those categories.

No…Sam is different…but he's not available right now….I'm on my own…and I have to get back.

I walk down to the pisser and use the can, then go down to find where everyone else goes in the mornings in this place…

It's kind of like an open house prison you know….HAHA! Only here they don't chop your head open.

I walk by a bloke with his hair tied back with a black band.

"You." I put my hand on his arm and pull him around to face. "You have another of those?" I flick his hair and he curls his lip at me but my eye's don't leave his and he pulls the one in his hair out and passes it to me.

"Here – take it." And he walks off with his hair flopping down his back…

I walk back to the washrooms and dampen my hair down and pull it back and tie it tight.

It's about taking control you know. You have to let them see you are in charge…if its in some fucking charity centre for losers or if it's a prison…AH! Same fucking thing! I am giggling slightly to myself as I enter the mess hall…

Canteen? The room with toast in it. Coffee would have been nice…but they only provide you with those fucking stupid milk cartons.

"It's much healthier."

"I'm not here for my fucking health." I snap back

"Then go and sell yourself on the streets for your crack. You cant have coffee."

And I'm not fucking drinking cow juice….so I walk off and stuff a bit of toast in my mouth and wonder what the fuck I'm doing. I'm meant to be finding Spencer…not arguing over coffee and milk…

Sitting down I look down at my feet again and put my boots on the table. Such a fucking mess…it's all a complete cock up.

"That's unlucky." A hand reaches over and lift my boots up and drops them to the floor…I look over expecting to see someone I can smash with my fists and see that Laura chic.

"Must be the reason I'm here then."

"Why are they not on your feet?"

"Ah…good question. I think I have advanced frost bite or gangrene or maybe both." I lean back slightly and place a foot on the table.

"Christ! Bloody hell…you need to get that looked at." Her hands are hovering nervously over my foot not quite touching it.

"You think?" I smirk.

"The other one?"

So I pull my other leg out from under the table and show her the marvellous rooting mess I have where I used to have feet.

"Look…I don't think the clinic are going to be able to deal with that…I'll take you to the emergency room. You need to be in hospital."

I raise an eyebrow and smile at her. "Really…as soon as the pain goes it will be good."

"Sorry – I didn't get you name did I?"

"What has my name got to do with my feet?"

"Sharing information. You tell me your name…I'll tell you how to get pain killers."

So I nod and look at her. "I'm a fag."

And she smiles and looks at her fingernails and nods. "That is what you are…not who you are."

"I'm a fag whose boyfriend died."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah well shit happens…but I should have been there for him…and I should have been able to say goodbye to him."

She nods again.

"So you are going to find out where he is for me."

And now she is fucking smiling at me and shaking her head. "I don't think so."

And my feet got back on the floor and I wrap my right arm around me and lean my chin on my left fist. "Laura." I sigh. "I am telling you this so you know I'm not going to jump your bones the first chance I get." Fucking liar Flanders…you fucking liar. I swallow. "I need to know where someone lives…he knows where Spencer is…I have to know."

"You know this person's name?"

I nod.

"You cant look him up in the directories?"

I shake my head. "He's a fed."

And she stands up. "You want me to snoop around for you and find out the address of a federal agent?"

"Yes I do."

And I can still hear her laughing as she walks away.

"Fucking whore." I mutter…

well she is…was…will be again…I know that sort.

I put my boots on and ignore the pain…I'm going to ignore that itch I have too…and go and earn some money.

Then I will get my own sodding place to stay…and then I will find Hotchner.

I am limping…I know I'm bloody limping…and I know my boots are slowly filling with blood…but I'm not going to let it stop me. There is a thick wool jacket laying over the back of a chair…so I grab it and leave.

Fuck them all.

I don't need their bloody charity.

-o-o-o-

"We need to ask you some questions about Dr Reid."

I'm down at the local precinct but I'm not sure why…something about the fire. Did Reid start it? I nod at them…they won't tell me how he is…they wont even tell me if he is alive of dead.

"We found him in a back bedroom."

"His room." I say.

"Badly beaten and drugged."

I just look at them and try to not get too alarmed by what they are saying to me.

"Hand cuffed to the radiator."

"Oh god." And my hands are pushing hair off my face.

"Do you treat all your houseguests with the same respect Agent Hotchner?"

"What the hell are you implying?" I want to stand and pace but I force myself to sit and try to stay calm.

"It was just a question. Drugged then beaten…or drugged to stop his screams afterwards?"

And I just shake my head thinking of the horror of what must have gone on when I was at work. That short space of time between when I called him and when I got back to the office.