Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity.
Title: Throwing Pearls to Swine
Chapter: Two - Playing Dress Up
Characters/Pairing: Rayne, feat. Gabriel and Regan Tam
Prompt: buttons
Rating: this chapter, PG
Summary: River wants Jayne to meet her parents. He's less than thrilled at the prospect
Date: 5 September 2008
-A/N: This is the second part of six. I didn't exactly get the feel of this right. As I'm sure you could discern from the title, it was really supposed to be about Jayne "dressing up" as a different person for River's parents, but it really just ended up being a piece in which he dressed up. In just clothes. Oh well, despite that I think it's an okay piece. Hopefully. Right. Anyway! Thanks for the reviews for last chapter! Though some naughty readers are favorite-ing and alert-ing without reviewing - tut tut. Hope everyone enjoys! The third ficlet, which is much longer, should be up SOON; read the little bit I have of it in my LJ thingy (link at the bottom of my profile), if you so desire.
Two: Playing Dress Up
Serenity was docked on Osiris, waiting for the hover-car coming to cart two of its crewmembers away. Mal, as per usual, was distinctly twitchy, unable to scratch the itch he got from setting down on a Core planet.
"Don't see why you couldn't have taken a shuttle, Albatross."
River smiled at him. She looked very pretty, her hair sleek and smooth, dressed in an outfit hand-selected by Inara for the slender young woman. "Wanted to show off. Gabriel and Regan must see the ship that has carried their children to hither and yon."
He gave her a pointed look. "They ain't gonna like it."
"Approval is not the point. A show of strength on the girl's part. This is my home; will not be moved to former field."
Not even Mal could argue with that. "Whatever you say, girl." The large bay door was down; he peered out, trying to catch sight of the car the Tams would be arriving in. "Your folks gonna get here soon?"
"In due time. Captain Daddy should not be so impatient."
He snorted gruffly, feeling the ever-present twinge of embarrassment at the role she'd given him in her life. "Well... Speakin' of impatient, where's that big lunk o' yours? Would have said he'd be pacin' and stompin' out here with me."
River giggled. "There are too many buttons." Though she had assured Jayne more times than he would admit to that it didn't matter what her parents thought of him, she'd also decided it wouldn't hurt to appear as though he'd made an effort to secure their good opinion. So as soon as they'd found a decent port, she'd dragged the other girls out to pick out some fancy, Core-designed new duds.
And even though they made him look like Simon (something he'd complained about at every possible opportunity), the alternative she'd offered him was even worse. It was either deal with the gorram shirt and vest and weird, itchy pants... or shave.
It was a low blow, and River knew it - his goatee made him look intimidating and manly (he'd thought and she'd assured him), but it also made him look scruffy and unkempt. So she'd pulled out an ultimatum, and - though he had given her the finest sulk he could possibly manage - eventually he'd had no choice but to agree.
Having to wear the clothes was one thing, but having to actually get himself in them was another. The buttons were tiny and gorramit, his hands were large. It was easier with those delicate little bone-thin fingers of River's working at it for him, but he'd thrown her out an hour earlier saying he hadn't needed any help. He'd started regretting his fit of temper not ten minutes after, but he was too proud to go find her and tell her he'd been wrong.
He was clean, at least, and fresh-smelling, and he'd gotten his pants, boots (those were nonnegotiable), and shirt on without any problem. But that gorram silk thing... There were just too many rutting buttons.
About thirty minutes later, River had called him out of their bunk. "And get our bags, as well, please. Estimated time of arrival is near!"
He grumbled, but did as he was asked. The rest of the crew was gathered with River in the hold, waiting as impatiently as she for the Tams to arrive.
"Well lookee there!" Kaylee said happily, pointing to Jayne as he strode in. "Don't you just clean up nice! He sure looks shiny, River. We did a good job pickin' out some clothes."
"That Jayne?" Mal asked, unable to resist the opportunity to rib his hired gun. "Best change out of that get-up soon; I could have sworn you were Simon."
The man being observed muttered something unintelligible in Chinese, casting a dark glare towards anyone who dared meet his eyes.
"You do look nice," Zoe told him, raising a brow. "An' it's a mite unsettling, so don't plan on making it a habit."
"You hearin' this?" he asked River quietly, his face contorted in a deep frown. "If your gorram parents don't get here soon, I'm gonna - "
"No need to threaten," she said authoritatively. "They are here."
And sure enough, they could all hear a low buzz outside the ship. It quieted suddenly, and indistinct voices were heard coming closer. River and Simon shared a significant look as a well-dressed man and woman made their way slowly into the hold.
Mal swaggered over, noting with some disapproval how shocked the woman seemed to be. "Nice to meet you folks - I'm guessin' you must be the Tams. I'm Malcolm Reynolds, captain of the ship." He stuck out a hand; Gabriel Tam reached out with only a smidge of trepidation and shook it.
"Yes, it's... lovely to meet you, Captain Reynolds." Regan Tam's voice was cultured and smooth; it sounded like warm tea going down on a chilly day. "Your ship is... quite something." She cleared her throat delicately. "I believe Simon said she's called Serenity?"
"That's right, ma'm," Mal said with a nod.
"Let me introduce you to the rest of the crew, mother," Simon said, stepping towards the woman and putting an arm around her shoulders. He didn't want Mal to feel like either of his parents had insulted the ship, so it best to start the introductions and leave small-talk off til later. Regan smiled warmly at her son, tucking her body close to his. Gabriel seemed more than content to stand on the sidelines, surveying things from a distance. "This is Inara Serra," Simon said matter-of-factly as he gestured politely towards the woman. "She's a registered Companion, and she... rents out one of the shuttles on the ship."
"It's lovely to meet you, Mrs. Tam," Inara said gracefully, giving the other woman a kind smile.
Regan merely nodded as Simon turned her towards Zoe. "This is Captain Reynolds' first mate, Zoe Washburne." There was a brief exchange and he turned them towards the mechanic. "And you've seen Kaylee before, of course."
"It's so good t'meet you in person," Kaylee said quickly, giving the woman a tight, affectionate hug. Though things between her husband and his parents weren't perfect, she wanted to make the best impression she could. "Y'look real beautiful in your dress. What a nice color!"
"Thank you. That's... very kind of you to say."
Jayne fidgeted, trying to keep from clearing his throat. His was the only introduction left to make. Simon seemed to suddenly realize that, as well, and he met River's eyes uncertainly. She gave him a smile and with a little toss of her head, stated, "And this, mother and father, is Jayne Cobb. The man I'm going to marry."
He looked at his feet for half a moment before remembering his manners and giving them both a wave. "Hi."
The elder Tams exchanged a quick look; Jayne noticed and scowled, his arm twitching with the desire to reach over and pull River up close to him. "So you're my daughter's fiancé," Gabriel said, speaking for the first time. He walked slowly over to Jayne, confidence in every step. It was a walk, Jayne realized, that was meant to intimidate. He looked Jayne over before addressing River. "Yes. He seems to be as you've described."
Both Regan and Gabriel were closing in on him, and Jayne felt trapped, like some sort of animal in a cage. The confining clothes he'd been forced into didn't help at all. River gave him a swift poke with her sharp little elbow. Grinding his teeth, Jayne attempted a friendly smile. "Yeah, it's, uh... good t'meet you. River's said some... things about you."
Gabriel looked him over again with a penetrating eye; but apparently he'd decided to forego any interrogation, because all he said was, "Are these your bags?"
Jayne knew the answer to that; Jayne could certainly talk about bags without embarrassing himself or his girl. "Yeah. That's all of it."
"Very well. Captain Reynolds, I'm sorry we can't stay longer, but we really must be going. River? And... Jayne... Let's head to the car."
River nodded primly and grabbed the strap of the smallest bag. They'd packed light - didn't need any heavy weapons for a visit, especially on a Core planet where there was likely a whole set of gun-laws, anyway. There was a gun in the holster on his hip, of course, partially concealed, and then a knife in one of his boots. What River was packing, he didn't know, but she'd assured him it was plenty.
"Are you sure you wouldn't like to stay a few days, Simon?" Regan asked suddenly, her voice plaintive.
"This is just for River, I'm afraid. But Kaylee and I promise to stop by for a meal when we come to pick River and Jayne up again."
"Thank you. I'll look forward to it."
Shouldering the rest of their bags, Jayne trudged slowly out behind his girl and the two strangers who'd made her.
"Good luck, Jayne," Kaylee called to him in a stage-whisper. "Don't kill nobody while you're there!"
"We'll be back in two weeks," Mal said. "An' two weeks ain't gonna kill you."
"That's what you think," Jayne muttered to himself, stopping about two steps away from the ground. Everything seemed more real all of a sudden, and it made him wonder if the wedding was something he was sure he wanted to go through with.
"Jayne!" River called to him from her father's side, looking expectantly at him with those gorram lovely eyes of hers. "Are you coming, bao bei?"
He grunted and tightened his hold on his old, weather-beaten duffel. "Yeah." He stepped off of Serenity. "I'm comin'."
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