-1A/N I do not own the characters, only the plot. Most likely everything you understand is property of J. K. Rowling, and not me so, LALALALALA. Anyway, I know this is short, but I wanted to end it there, seeing as I had a bad day, I didn't want to make any rash decisions with the story, and yeah. After you read, you will understand what I mean about a downward-sloping-winding-path-of-doom.

Chapter Twenty-Two

When Hermione finally fell asleep, Severus went into the sitting room, saw that Victoria Granger had fallen asleep, and pondered everything that Minerva had said:

"You don't seem to realize what you are doing. I see that everything has come back to you, yet you still treat her like a misbehaving child and someone who has madness that courses through their veins. You think she can handle everything so blatantly honest? Not now, because while your off fighting your demons of closeness and emotions. She is hurting and trying to fix everything without half her heart. You are a self-righteous-egotistical prat Severus! If you have not noticed there is a war going on and you have taken a liking to skulking around in the background. You are going to sit there desperately trying to close yourself off and be too busy to realize your wife and children are dying!"

Was I really treating her as a misbehaving child, or someone with a psychiatric disorder? If he answered honestly it would be a yes. He told her the only way he knew how, how he would want to be told. With no emotion or inflection whatsoever. Had he been wrong in doing so? Apparently.

Did I think everyone could handle being blatantly told everything? No, but he thought she could. Did he ever do it before with her? Besides in class, no. Why did he do it? Because he was unconsciously trying to break her. He wanted to peel the rest of her wall away, not realizing what a crumbling mess that would leave her.

Am I railing against the newfound love everyone seems to hold for me? The answer to that question was quite obvious. Yes. He had been trying to close himself off emotionally ever since what he thought was sense had flooded him. He realized now it wasn't sense that returned, perhaps it was his bitterness towards these foreign emotions he had not felt since his wife.

Did I honestly not realize she had given me half her heart? And have I hoarded that, and took my own back from her grasp so greedily? Was she truly trying to fix everything with only half a heart? Even he had not been here, he knew Hermione would do just that even if it was killing her on the inside, he outside would remain impenetrable.

Have I really been skulking around trying to detach myself? That was a stupid question. Of course he had, that's what he had always done. Even when he was in the midst of Voldemort. He had always hid in the corner to escape the pain that would come if he had been the first in line. The one who withstands it all. The position Hermione had graciously stepped into.

But the last statement really chilled him to the depths of his soul. Was he really doomed to face the same fate twice? Would I really be too busy closing myself off I wouldn't realize…? He would love to lie and say: No, he wouldn't let it happen, but there will always be that little voice in the back of his mind that said; what's so different this time?

Severus lifted his head up at a noise coming from the hallway. As a hot tear slowly swept down his cheek, Hermione came into view. Her luxuriously pregnant frame prominent even beneath the black nightgown she had changed into. She walked cautiously to him, looking exceedingly drawn out under the pale firelight. Her hair was tousled with restless sleep, and there were dark circles beginning to form under her eyes. She walked as if her knees were weak, and about to give out.

When she reached him, he quickly hung his head. If there was anything he learned as a child it was to never show your weaknesses. Once you did people would go to the end of the earth just to exalt them. He was surprised by two things, she crooked a finger under his chin, brought it up so he would meet her eyes, and he saw only kindness, compassion. He had yearned for that look on his parents faces when he was a child. One of the only times he had cried in front of his mother, she lifted his face in the same manner to show him only disgust. He wanted to escape the endless memories, that were waiting as a tide does a second before it smashes against the rocks, so he locked his lips with her in a gentle but serious kiss. The kissed turned into more as all he felt in waves emanating from her body were kindness, calmness, and love. He reached between their two bodies, and placed his hands on her sides. Deepening the kiss little by little, almost out of the grips of his painful memories, she seemed to sense that he needed this so she let him do it. He was still waiting for her to run and scream from him. Calling him all of the nasty names he had been called during his adolescence, would only ring too true in his mind right now.

Eventually he pulled back, and he felt horrible. When Hermione said something that pulled him out of his self-loathing, he realized Minerva was right. He was too busy hating himself to realize anything else. He decided to stop. He needed to be there for his children, and his wife. Or did he, he could make it be that none of this would have ever happened, he could make the potion. He wouldn't forget however, and that would be painful, but nothing compared to loving someone you are letting wither.

He stood, and held his hand out to his wife. She took it hesitantly, and stood up. Bringing them to their bedroom, he sat her down on the bed, and started to talk. "Hermione when I said I was going to try. I meant it in my head, not in my heart. My heart holds damnation, it's cold there, I didn't think love could survive. Finally I mean it with my heart, but I'm not going to try. I'm can do it. I'm willing to let myself love you, because it's still there, as it was. But until now I was fighting trying to get away. I can't keep taking mine away, while keeping yours. It is up to you, I can give you everything back. I can make it be that we would never be soul mates. That is up to you, and everything, up until now will be no more realistic than a bad dream. You wouldn't have to worry about your parents, your friends, you. You wouldn't be pregnant ruining your life, as you said before. Everything has the gist of a spell gone wrong and I can make it right. I see that. But you need to choose. I can give you the chance to make the decisions all over again."

Hermione lifted her head, to look at her husband, with fear in her eyes. "Is that what you want?"

"It would be easier." Severus said looking at the floor. He couldn't sway her opinion, it had to be her decision. If he was still being honest with himself, his heart was in agony at the mere prospect. Having her take the opportunity would surely kill him. But then again, to take everything out of her life, would be worth it. No one deserves this much pain, to the point where the cry like a frightened child.

Hermione was looking at him with tears in her eyes, and an angry set to her jaw. "I hate you." She said willing her voice to be strong then she walked out of the room.

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HPOV

"Hermione when I said I was going to try. I meant it in my head, not in my heart. My heart holds damnation, it's cold there, I didn't think love could survive. Finally I mean it with my heart, but I'm not going to try. I'm going to do it. I'm going to let myself love you, because it's still there, as it was. But until now I was fighting trying to get away. I can't keep taking mine away, while keeping yours. It is up to you, I can give you everything back. I can make it be that we will never be soul mates. That is up to you, and everything, up until now will be no more realistic than a bad dream. You wouldn't have to worry about your parents, your friends, you. You wouldn't be pregnant, again. Everything has the gist of a spell gone wrong and I can make it right. I see that. But you need to choose. I can give you the chance to make the decisions all over again."

She voiced her thoughts out loud. "Is that what you want?" A million emotions running through her. Fear that he would say yes, anger that he would want to be rid of her, hope that he would say no. Then finally rage as he looked at the floor and prepared to give her an answer.

"It would be easier."

Once again, her emotions in turmoil. Rage, anger, and fear predominated. Her eyes filed with tears, and she pushed aside the words that were aching to be delivered 'No, I love you.'. She felt her heart begin to ice over, mulling over the pain, and she spat venomously, "I hate you." That was as long as the pain stayed back, and at the end of those simple three words, it came back a hundred times worse, tears began to fall as she walked swiftly out of the room.