A/N: I like the Ridcully brothers. They're funny…
----------------------------------------
On The Back Of A… Turtle? Ooh-kaay…
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 2: Ankh-Morpork or "Little Island Boy In The Most Corrupt City In The Multiverse"
Disclaimer: Discworld belongs to His Greatness, Terry Pratchett, Lord of the Disk, He Who Might Be Able To Kick Weatherwax's Ass, etc. Kingdom Hearts belongs to square.
Hey, it had to happen some time…
----------------------------------------
Pete, after getting plastered, falling unconscious, waking up feeling like someone had died in his mouth, looking out the window and realizing it hadn't all been a weird dream, and finally reporting the giant turtle to Maleficent, decided to teleport down to where he felt the greatest amount of darkness on the #!#& world. It had about as much darkness in the whole thing as that creepy looking country that always seemed to be having a thunderstorm.
Portaling down just outside the city, and wearing a big hooded cloak to hide his features (something he'd never bothered to do before and a sure sign he was already under the influence of Narrative Causality), Pete looked at the wide open doors of the city gates he found himself facing.
"'Thank you for Nott Invading Our City'?" Pete read. "What the heck does that mean?"
Ignoring the little Watchman manning the gates, he strode through like he owned the place, which instantly made him fit in. Thieves, both licensed and unlicensed, took one look and wondered why a troll was going around in a cloak. So did everyone else for that matter.
And the sharks immediately moved in… to sell him stuff.
"Sausage in a bun?"
----------------------------------------
Meanwhile, up in Dunmanifestin…
"Hey, does anyone know who these guys belong to?"
All the gods present at the table where the games were held looked down at the new pieces on the board. FINALLY, an expansion pack…
----------------------------------------
Meanwhile, somewhere else in the city…
"Excuse me," Sora said politely one of the passersby. Behind him, Goofy bashfully covered the back of his pants with his shield, trying to conceal the big hold there caused by catching himself on a nail. "Do you know where we can find a seamstress? My friend is having trouble with his pants."
After the sixteenth time he'd been told to "sod off, ye' toff!" or having someone just laugh in his face, a friendly little man– which of course meant that he was a sneaky little thief (unlicensed, at that) who'd hoodwink them– pointed them towards a nearby building and told them to ask for one of 'Mrs. Palm's little girls'.
----------------------------------------
Five hours later, Sora and Donald walked out with big, shiny grins and slightly glassy eyes plastered on their faces, their munny (which is a magic currency that is accepted everywhere, even in Ankh-Morpork) slightly depleted. Goofy was examining his pants, which were now as good as new.
"Gawrsh, what did you guys do while Mrs. Battye was fixing my pants?" Goofy asked.
"Reading magazines!" the two chorused a little too loudly.
Internally, they swore never to tell Kairi and Daisy about this.
(Namine looked up from her sketches. She's always doing sketches, wherever she is.
"I sense a great disturbance in the Chain of Memories," she said softly. "As if a great explosion occurred, followed by a lot more…"
"You say something?" Axel said.
"Nothing!" the special Nobody said, wondering if she should tell Kairi about this if they ever meet…)
----------------------------------------
Demyx stepped out of the gateway and into the newly discovered world. He thought it was slightly unfair that they'd sent him on this one. Just because they'd all looked at the monitor and someone had said, "A world on the back of a turtle. Sounds like something Demyx would do." didn't in any way mean they should send him! That was not only stupid, it was unfair!
…
Where the heck was he?
"AAAAHHHH!!!!"
Demyx blinked as a figure in dusty, slightly charred robes that were dropping sequins all over the place ran past. By some instinct, he looked behind him to where it had come from.
The human body, and indeed, any creature who's managed to live long enough to have descendants, has a built in flight-or-fight reflex. It's hardwired into the body, and– in Nobodies– is the closest thing to fear you're likely to get.
Demyx took one look at the thing behind him and activated his hardwired response.
"RUN AWAY!"
----------------------------------------
Rincewind, along with being Egregious Professor Of Cruel And Unusual Geography, Chair of Experimental Serendipity, Reader in Slood Dynamics, Fretwork Teacher, Chair for the Public Misunderstanding of Magic, Professor of Virtual Anthropology, Lecturer in Approximate Accuracy, Assistant Librarian, and Health and Safety Officer, was probably the skinniest, fastest wizard with a tenure in the entire Disk. Considering most wizards appeared, when remembered, to be a small hill with a pointy hat, this was pretty easy.
Currently, he was running away from a horrible monster he'd found in the library. One would wonder how this would happen, until one realizes that a) this was the library in a magical university, meaning it's more dangerous than normal libraries, b) as a library, it's connected to L-space, and c) even in hell, they have libraries (they're famous for it. That's where bad paper-masters and librarians go when they die. The former are kept from reading books, and the latter are kept from keeping people from reading books).
Apparently, even the librarians of hell don't like people messing with their books. Heck, they don't even like people breathing the same fumes as their books, a fact that Rincewind learned when he accidentally took a wrong turn (complements of the Lady, who was a bit bored a the moment) and found himself in a hell library.
Their librarians looked like apes too.
He could here something catching up with it, but it didn't sound like the hell librarian monstrosity. Quickly, he pulled down the For-Seeing-Things-Behind-You-Without-Turning-Around-And-Tripping device he'd had Leonard of Quirm install into his hat after that thing s with Cohen and the gods. Someone in vaguely robe-like black with funny hair was running behind him, screaming in horror and occasionally saying "I don't want to die!"
Finally, Rincewind thought as he continued his own running. Someone with sense!
----------------------------------------
Anyone who has ever been chased by a horrible monster knows that a dead end is usually a very apt description for a… well, a dead end. It's the end, and soon you'll be dead.
Rincewind knew this as soon as he saw Death leaning against the wall, just before they rounded the corner and so no more space to run.
HELLO RINCEWIND, Death said. IS IT FINALLY TIME?
"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Rincewind cried, frantically looking around.
"Do something!" the other one in black cried. You're a wizzard, aren't you?!?"
That was the first time Rincewind had ever heard it pronounced the way it was written on his hat.
THUD. And the librarian from hell (literally) was upon them.
"Stercus," Rincewind said.
"Crap," Demyx agreed.
----------------------------------------
- To be continued...
----------------------------------------
A/N: Just wondering, how badly do you think Maleficent is going to get pwned if she goes up against Granny Weatherwax?
Please review, C&C welcome. Flamers will be raped by Greebo…
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.