A/N: and now, once more…
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On The Back Of A… Turtle? Ooh-kaay…
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 3: Poor Shmoes
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Discworld. Please don't sue me…
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Pete was busy exploring the City of Ankh-Morpork. That is to say, he was looking for beer. Scouting out worlds to destroy and/or conquer was thirsty work, after all.
The Mended Drum? That sounded like a nice place…
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"WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!" Rincewind and Demyx both cried as the monstrosity approached them.
To the side, Death's grin was much wider than usual as he loving sharpened his scythe. He'd waited a loooooong time for this…
SNAP! One moment the monstrosity was there, the next it had disappeared.
"HUH?" the two cowards chorused.
DAMN, Death said, snapping his fingers in annoyance. MISSED AGAIN!!
The two looked at where the monstrosity had been. Sitting there, looking innocent as sin, was the Luggage.
And thus life moves on.
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Maleficent stepped out of her portal to survey the world around her. When Pete had called to say he'd found a world on the back of a giant turtle, she'd first assumed he was drunk again. It was only after the pictures started coming in that she'd begun to believe.
Her curiosity piqued, she'd gone to check it out. After all, there were only so many hours in the day that she could spend picking imaginary lint of her dress when she didn't even have dandruff, or apparently, for that matter, hair.
"What a… picturesque little world…" she said, probably to Diablo, since there was no one around to listen and she couldn't be that nuts. "It seems almost a shame to…"
Maleficent stopped. She stared.
There, sitting on the rock, was a castle.
All higher brain functions suddenly went out the window at the sight. Maleficent loved castles. Unhealthily so. She used to have support group, until she decided she could quit liking castle any time she wanted, really, it was easy.
"This world shall become mine!!!!!" she cried (this time to no one, considering she'd used a mentally unhealthy number of exclamation points) as she dramatically raised her staff into the air. Lightning thundered down as thorns suddenly started growing all over the place.
The unwary people looked up at the sky, at the darkening weather, the thorns rising out of the forests, and the weird, hazy green glow and said, "Oh, another portent."
It really sucked for Maleficent that she'd landed in Lancre. Pity it wasn't Uberwald…
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"So, it's a killer piece of luggage?" Demyx said, examining the Luggage warily. "It'll kill anything that comes close to you? Not affected by magic?"
"You could say that," Rincewind said, once they'd both gotten over the shock of nearly being killed (again) and Death had gone off grumbling on his way. "It's come in useful once or twice, although it keeps getting lost."
The luggage, not moving one little bit, managed to convey this was no fault of it's own.
"Where can I get one?" Demyx asked.
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Donald looked up at the bulk of buildings that was Unseen University. It was nothing like that magic school he'd gone to. For one thing, there were no girls around. For another, it wasn't being taught by a mute empty hat and a pair of gloves with a wand.
"Are you sure that these wizards will be able to help us Donald?" Sora asked as they stood in front of the doors.
"Positive," Donald said. "We wizards know everything!"
The first time they tried to go in, they were thrown out.
The second time, Donald was wearing his point hat and was using a wand with a hat on the end. When they explained it was a limp knob, they were allowed through.
They got thrown out again afterwards, though, since Donald wasn't complying to the dress code. To wit: a pair of pants and a long robe with lots of pockets.
It was hard, being a duck. People always discriminated about the pants.
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Riku stepped out of the dark portal, on his eternal quest of keeping Sora from getting killed without him finding out. Seriously, how else could he have survived for so long?
Now, where was he…?
Well, that looked like a school over there. Maybe they'd be able to give him directions.
In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to take off his hood. Especially when it became obvious he was in an all-girls school.
All the human-looking students of the Quirm College of Young Ladies (that is, all the ones that looked human, which included the vampires and werewolves) stampeded out of the school as they chased the silver-haired god. They'd been locked up in the place with no men for years. When the first one they see is a chocolate-skinned, silver-haired wispy bishounen, they'd tend to go a little nuts.
Ultimately, though, it was all of them yelling "OH MY GOD!" that did it…
Riku, however, did not know that. He just knew a whole bunch of women wanted to tear his clothes off.
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- To be continued...
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A/N: What can I say? KH Maleficent seems to have an unhealthy obsession with castles…
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.