It was a normal day at the Marvel Quick Stop. Normal except Spider-man had was upside down on the ceiling with his head in his hands.
"Hey little buddy, why the long face?" Deadpool, Spider-man's co-worker and best friend, asked while walking in behind the counter.
"Black Cat's been giving me the blue balls." Spider-man sadly replied.
"That bad huh?"
"It's the Black fucking Cat! She's had sex with men and women, yet she won't even give me a blow job because it's her time-of-the-month!" he explained and came down to the floor.
"Wow that sucks." was Deadpool's only reply.
"I haven't had sex since that time with..." Spider-man shuddered frightend of his one horrible memory of a green gigantress. "Well you- know-who, and it's been driving me nuts."
Deadpool's face shows that he's also remembering his time with they-know-who. "At least your sex-drive survived the encounter. I haven't been able to get a boner since, not even a 'Golden Girls' marathon can cure my problem."
"Have you ever thought of taking enzyme?" Spider-man asked.
"THOUGHT!?" Deadpool took out a bottle of enzyme. "I've been taking this shit for 8 months and I'm not smiling like an idiot!"
"Ahem!" a feminine voice interrupted the clerks.
"Oh, it's you." Spider-man said angrily to his ex-girlfriend Kitana, who for some reason was visiting them at their store.
"Um, hi." Kitana said nervously to her ex-boyfriend and his best friend, who both didn't look too happy at her since she broke up with Spider-man for no good reason.
"What do you want?" Spider-man questioned.
"Well, you see the emperor of Outworld is still in power and we think he has some sick plan to control all." Kitana explained.
"So, what do we care?" Deadpool questioned casually.
"Look, I need you 2 to join me in a strike team so we can take down Shao Kahn." she pleaded.
"Why should we?" Spider-man crossed his arms and turned his head stubbornly.
Kitana though was ready for his reply and sat on the counter and struck a very, very sexy pose.
"I'll make it worth your while." she said seductively and it worked since Spider-man's eyes bugged out and he started to sweat.
"W-W-What do you mean?" he tugged at his collar.
She emphasizes her point by taking a popsicle from the freezer in front of the counter, unwraps it, pulls down her face mask, and puts the popsicle in her mouth. She then takes out popsicle and all that comes out is the stick. This was enough to make Spider-man faint.
"Oh my God, you killed him with his boner!" Deadpool said.
"I'm okay." Spider-man muttered from the floor.
"Well you got my friend convinced but what's in it for me?" Deadpool questioned.
Kitana, knowing the kind of person Deadpool is, gives him a huge wad of cash. Seeing this, Deadpool starts to gasp for air and starts rubbing the money all over his body.
"I'm in!"
"Good! There's more in it for you 2 when the job's done, you'll both get a 100,000. Let's go!"
she said.
"Cool, we'll take the tumbler." Spider-man said once he got up.
"Oh no, I don't trust either of you after the collateral damage you caused with that tank!" she explained.
"Well, we can take the batpod. I found a way to eject it without the tumbler self-destructing." Spider-man said.
"Spider-man, I don't trust you or Deadpool with a tricycle." she explained. "The portal to my castle is right outside the store."
"Cool, let's get a move on." Spider-man slaps Kitana on the ass. She turns around and glares at him.
"All because I promise to sleep with you, doesn't mean I'll let you slap me on the ass." she walks out and enters the portal, followed by the 2 happy mercenaries.(They are getting paid).
When they get to the other side not only are they treated to the sight of a restored Edenia but also a shirtless chinese man with dragon pants and a red bandanna, standing next to Kitana.
"Who's this pussy?" Spider-man asked.
"Oh, this' my boyfriend Liu Kang." this reply makes Spider-man look as if his heart's broken.
"So wait, is Spider-man still going to get laid?" Deadpool broke the awkward silence.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters featured in this story, Marvel and Midway does.