Oh god. Something must be wrong with me. Very, very wrong.

I'm hanging out with bloodsuckers.

We're sitting in Blondie's BMW M3 in a parking lot in Port Angeles near the ocean. Really, we are just sitting here. I'm in the backseat, leaning against the door. Blondie's in the driver's seat, obviously, and Alice is riding shotgun. It's evening, and the sun has already set, but there's light from the businesses around us, and streetlamps, all of which are reflected in the dark ocean.

I feel really, really, ungodly awkward.

Just for the sake of talking, for the sake of feeling slightly less weird, I say, "So we could get a bite to eat. Aha," What the hell is wrong with me?! I'm cracking jokes about a vampire's diet to vampires. And there's two of them, and one of me. Maybe they took me out here so they could kill me. I remind myself that Alice's husband wrinkled his nose at me once and proclaimed that my pack brothers and I "don't smell like food."

"I was thinking of watching a movie," begins the blonde.

I can't resist interrupting her. "Like 'Dracula'?"

"Or like 'Dog Soliders'" she retorts. I blink at her. "It's about these soldiers in the UK who get eaten by werewolves." She smirks at be before continuing, "It's actually the world's worst film. The fake intestines look like jello. Emmett likes it."

And, god help me, I actually laugh. And so does she. Alice, meanwhile, is rolling her eyes. "So, um, Leah, I know it's a little weird coming all the way out here to just sit in the car and talk, but we wanted to be out of Edward's 'range.' We thought you'd be more comfortable that way," Alice says.

"Plus, out here in the open air in the convertible, the smell of dog isn't quite as strong," adds the blonde. Rosalie. Actually, she's right. I can't smell them as much as I can inside a closed space.

"So did you actually want to watch a movie?" I ask.

"No. I just wanted to make a werewolf joke."

"Oh, but if you were serious about eating," Alice chimes in, "we can certainly get you some food!"

"Actually, I just wanted to make a vampire joke."

We sit in silence for awhile, but it's a comfortable silence, not nearly as awkward as it was. Some pedestrians walk past the parking lot, look at us, and quickly look away. Huh.

"I didn't scare you on the way over, did I?" Rosalie asks. "Only, apparently Bella always used to freak out whenever Alice or Edward drove her anywhere. My family drives kind of fast."

"Actually I thought it was fun," I tell her honestly. "I really, really like speed. It's one of the best things about being in wolf form…" my voice trails off.

"Really?" Alice turns all the way around in her seat to look at me.

"Yeah. I love outrunning the boys. I'm the fastest." It's strange to be talking about life as a werewolf to anyone. Especially to a pair of leeches. I bite my lip. "So where's Bella?"

They exchange a glance. "We just sort of thought a girls' night out would be easier is you got to know us first… without overwhelming you." Alice says. "Sort of like how we got out of Edward's 'range.'"

"Plus she's busy with her daughter."

"Thank you," I say. "Um, how much did Bella tell you guys about me?" I ask. "And your brother."

"Oh, Edward is very respectful of people's privacy," says Alice. "He doesn't want to give away things he hears." How cute, a leech with morals. And then… I almost feel guilty for mocking him in my head, considering the company I'm in.

"Bella told us you joined Jacob's pack not because you cared about us or about Nessie or anything else, but because you wanted to get away from the other pack," Rosalie watches my face as she says this.

I smirk, "Yeah, pretty much. No offense."

Rosalie apparently feels like she has more to say, "She also said that you used to annoy everyone in the pack by thinking things at them that they didn't want to hear, but that you were nicer now that you were with Jacob," I don't say anything. I'm glad Bella thinks I'm "nicer" now.

Oh wait, I don't care what Bella thinks because she is a silly little leechlover.

"So I suppose I should thank you,"

"For what?" I ask Rosalie.

"For tormenting the wolves."

I snort. "I wasn't doing it for you" but I'm trying not to smile.

She looks me straight in the eye. "Leah, men are dogs. In your case, that's especially true." From the way she says it, I know she means it. Her voice is almost raw—as close to real emotion as a bloodsucker can put into her speech, I imagine. Something must have happened to her—she must have some story that I don't know about. Something to give her that rage.

Alice clears her throat, a nice little affectation of someone pretending to be human. "What Rosalie means to say is that Bella also told us that your boyfriend imprinted…"

"I know what she was getting at," but my voice doesn't have its usual bite to it. Something about how Rosalie said what she said keeps me from being angry. I look from one of them to the other. Nice to see they took me out here not to kill me, but to discuss every freaking detail of my personal life. I'm not sure which was worse.

Do they honestly want to talk to me about Sam and, ugh, Emily?

"Don't suppose they invited you to the wedding?" I ask, my lips curled up into something that really isn't a smile.

They laugh, especially the blonde. "No. They didn't. But Bella and Edward and Nessie and Jacob are going. And anyway, we could crash it."

"They've been putting that wedding off for years," I say. Why can't I bring myself to say their names out loud? Neither leech says anything. "I was going to be a bridesmaid, at first. But after I phased the first time, things got worse and he said they should wait…. I sort of hoped they'd just get it over and done with while I was off in Canada."

"They want you there at the wedding so they can convince themselves that they haven't done anything wrong," Rosalie says, with a lot of bitterness in her voice. Bitterness that I thought only I had. It really makes me wonder what her life has been like.

"How does imprinting work?" Alice says suddenly, her head cocked to the side.

Rosalie rolls her eyes. "Alice, you were there when Jacob explained it to us after Nessie was born."

"Yeah, but I still don't understand," she's watching me, lips pursed.

"No one does," I tell her, "Certainly not me. There are stories about it happening, but we thought it was supposed to be rare. And anyway, if you are asking about Jacob, or Quil for that matter… I have no idea." Why am I being so candid? Maybe I am just relieved to be talking about something other than my personal life. Or maybe it's because I'm actually talking to people outside of my pack for the first time in a long, long time.

"Edward says Jacob doesn't think of Nessie in a…. romantic way," begins Alice awkwardly.

"Uh, good, because she's like 3 years old." I shoot back. Rosalie giggles. "Look, with imprinting, you are supposed to be exactly what the other person needs. Spawn, I mean, Nessie, doesn't need a boyfriend, it's not even on her radar, so maybe it's not on Jake's either."

"That makes sense, I suppose," says Alice. These two have obviously given a lot of thought to this whole thing. Then again, why shouldn't they, with their niece being the target of Jake's imprinting? Especially Rosalie, who is so obsessed with the child.

Rosalie says, "He said he would be whatever she needed—brother, protector… but, I mean, what if when she's all grown up," and her tone makes it clear that she is thinking of years from now, as with a normal human, not in four years when Nessie is 7. Good, I'm glad I'm not the only one freaked out by the speedy-aging thing, "what if she doesn't want to marry him?"

"I don't know. If she doesn't love him that way, I don't know if he will love her that way, either."

"Damnit," Alice slaps the dash board with the palm of her hand, "I wish I could See! You bloody werewolves screw up everything!"

"Careful, you'll dent my car," drawls Rosalie.

Alice looks up at me, "Sorry, Leah, I don't mean you screw up everything. I just hate not knowing how things are going to turn out.

"You know, you didn't offend me," I turn back to Rosalie. "I know… I find it very… odd, too. I can't believe that she, or Claire, the girl Quil imprinted on, wouldn't have a choice about whether or not to be lovers instead of, well, instead of like siblings."

"Are there any legends about women who have refused to marry men who have imprinted on them?" Alice asks me. "And do male wolves always imprint on women? Or can they imprint on men?"

"I don't know. But I wouldn't listen to the legends anyway. I mean, the legends also say that werewolves are always male," I kick my feet up onto the seat next to me and arch my back, feeling it crack and realign. Rosalie looks like she wants to tell me it's gross, but she controls herself. "Paul imprinted on Rachel, and they just got married awhile ago. Definitely madly in love. Jared and Kim are probably going to get engaged soon, but since Kim was already in love with Jared, it makes sense that he'd love her like that after imprinting. My cousin… she'd never met him before. But once he looked at her…" I can't say any more.

"Maybe she needed a man in her life, a lover, like that," says Rosalie thoughtfully. "Maybe that's why it happened the way it did."

"But did it have to be my boyfriend?" I bark out a laugh. Because if I don't laugh, I will cry. And I will start to fall back into that place, that place deep inside myself, where I was when I was in Canada. Where I was when I first joined Sam's pack.

But then Alice asks softly. "Are you still in love with him?" And I realize… well, not realize, because I've known it all along. I'm not. Not with him.

"No. But," I don't know how to say it. "I think… more than anything, I miss how things were when I was with him."

"You miss being human. Being normal. And that relationship was a symbol of being normal…" Rosalie says, and you know something? The leech is actually is right. So I nod. But I know she's not talking about me. Alice is looking from me, to her, to me. She's almost smiling—clearly she's happy that she brought us both out here to talk. At least she's not full-on grinning; that wouldn't go well with the subject of our discussion.

"For me," she continues, "it's knowing that I'll never have a baby."

"For me, it's knowing that no one will ever want me again," I say very, very quietly.

But of course the damned bloodsuckers have good hearing. "What?" they both ask. Rosalie says it more angrily, Alice with more shock.

"You heard me."

"That's ludicrous," yeah, okay, that's easy for Rosalie to say. I doubt she goes 20 seconds without some man or another falling all over themselves at the sight of her.

I guess once you start talking about your personal life with leeches, there's no going back. The Rubicon, as it were, has been crossed. I shrug. "I'm never going to be someone's girlfriend again—"

"Do you want to be someone's girlfriend?" Alice asks sharply.

"I—"

"Leah, you aren't Bella," why does Rosalie sound like she's scolding me? "You aren't Emily."

"I noticed," even I can hear the bitterness in my own voice.

Alice reaches out, almost like she's about to pat my hand, or shoulder, and then doesn't. She smiles weakly. "It's not a bad thing, not being them. Bella… well, Edward and Bella…. Listen, before Edward met Bella, he, he wasn't, it was like he wasn't alive," she smiles again, expecting me to make a crack about how vampires aren't really alive at all. But since she knows I'm thinking it, I don't bother to say it. She continues, "But when he met her, boom, his life, his existence, began. And Bella. She didn't know who she was before she met Edward. Now, she knows who she is because she's with Edward. She's Edward's wife and Nessie's mother, and that's Bella. But not everyone is like that."

She glances at Rosalie now. "I… I love Jasper, very, very much. And I can't imagine life without him. It's not something I even want to contemplate. But I'm Alice. I'm not just Jasper's wife. Does that make sense?"

"Leah, you aren't that kind of girl. You don't need a man to help you figure out who you are. You have to be Leah first and girlfriend second. Look I can be really shallow. And I like being gorgeous. And damn right, I want every guy I see to look at me and think I'm stunning, but, well, that's me. I'm not just Emmett's wife. I'm Rosalie."

I exhale heavily. "It's… I just miss knowing who I am. I don't know any more. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, with Sam, and then I lost that. And then I found out I'm a freaking werewolf. Or shape-shifter. Or whatever the fuck I am. And then I lost my father." The words are tumbling out faster and faster now, "And, and then I had to spend every goddamned day looking in Sam's stupid eyes hearing his stupid little stupid thoughts about how sorry he is, how fucking sorry that he hurt me and oh god!" I slam my hand down on the door of the car. Rosalie winces slightly, but there's no damage.

"Leah, it's not that you stopped knowing who you are." Oh god, Alice is actually touching me now. She's put her icy little hand on my arm. I look down at the offending hand. She doesn't remove it. I can't believe I'm being comforted my bloodsuckers.

I can't believe I'm being comforted by anyone.

Alice continues, "You just realized you never knew, and now you're trying to figure it out."

Uh, I'm sorry, was that supposed to be helpful? Was that supposed to cheer me up at all?!

"Even when you were dating Sam, I bet you were never just Sam's girlfriend," says Rosalie gently. "And by pretending you were, you weren't really being true to yourself."

"And you were always a shape-shifter, or had the potential to become one, so really... really, you didn't even start figuring out who you were until you, uh, 'phased' for the first time."

I'm still watching Alice's hand suck the warmth out of my arm. "Um, thanks." I sigh. They are trying to be nice. No one has tried to be nice to me in a long time, unless you count Jacob and Seth, and since they are male, they are sort of inept at it. And, there's a part of me, a tiny, fraction of a part, that's glad to be talking to someone…who actually has a smidgen of emotional intelligence.

"Guys, I… this is going to sound really lame, but when I started being a wolf, I stopped being a woman. It's not just the freakishly early menopausal thing. I… I can never have a boyfriend. I will never have room in my life for anything but the pack. And I can't tell anyone that I'm a wolf. Even superheroes get to tell their girlfriends about their secret identities. But it's not just that. I miss knowing, or at least thinking I knew, who I am, and I miss the way Sam used to look at me. I'll never have a family, or anyone to love me. It will just be me, following the pack around forever. It's like…it's like, instead of days and nights and a human life, all I have is endless daylight ahead of me, never changing…."

"I don't understand," begins Alice, and yes, she's still touching me, "why couldn't you tell a potential boyfriend about your… uh, lifestyle?"

"Sam put an order on the pack that we couldn't tell anyone."

"But Sam's not your Alpha. I honestly don't think Jacob would make such a stupid rule. And anyway, why are you so sure you won't imprint?"

"Ew, Alice, don't even joke," snaps Rosalie. I look at her. She sighs and begins to explain, "Out of all the wolves… you're the one… I hate the least. It would really, really, really suck if you imprinted on some guy and became a pathetic little Love Zombie."

"Love Zombie?" Alice asks, laughing. "Love Zombie?" And I have to laugh too, because that's pretty much what Sam is these days. And Jacob and Quil and the others in Sam's pack.

"I won't imprint, Alice, I'm female."

They both just stare at me. "And women can't imprint?" Rosalie demands. Now, all of a sudden, she's upset that I won't imprint? This girl is even more emotional than…. than I am.

"Well, no, isn't the whole point of imprinting, to, um" I trail off. Wasn't I just telling them that we don't know what the point of imprinting is? I was going to say that wolves imprint so they can breed and pass on the wolf gene… but if we don't even know if all imprinting results in romantic love…

"Aha, so you could imprint. You phase just like the boys, so you could imprint," insists Alice.

"Yeah, but don't. Just get a regular boyfriend. A really hot one," says Rosalie. "And have lots of sex!"

We're back at the house, the drive having gone very quickly. We talked a bit more on the way. And… I feel, well, better. About lots of things. I feel like, like less of a freak. I guess hanging out with the undead can make anyone feel more normal. But it's more than that. I feel female. And I don't feel like a withered, empty shell of who I was before I phased. Whoever I was back then is more like a dream, slightly unreal. Was I ever so boring? Was my life ever so simple? It seems hard to imagine, now.

Inside the house, Jacob is waiting. Pacing. He looks up sharply when I walk in the room. "Leah— " he starts to say, and stops.

Bella's Love-Leechy is in the corner. "See? I told you she'd be back," he says dryly. I look at Jacob again. Was he worried? Why?

"I should phase so the others know you're here," Jacob says, brushing past me on his way out the door. Alice and Rosalie have come in, and are looking at everyone with as much shock as I am.

"He could have just told them you were coming back as soon as I sensed you, like I told him to," says Edward. He looks at me, probably hearing the questions I'm silently asking. "Jacob wanted to know where you went, and since you, Alice and Rosalie were so far away, I couldn't hear your thoughts to know what to tell him, and he got kind of worried, that's all. And I wasn't even sure if you were with those two or not, and he didn't exactly believe me when I said you'd gone off with my sisters."

Bella is sitting on one of the white sofas holding Nessie in her lap. She smiles at me. Oh, great, now Bella is trying to be nice to me. Maybe I should just kill myself. "He was really worried! It was kind of cute." And then she starts fussing with her freakbaby.

Jake returns, this time wearing only his shorts, muscles gleaming in the light. He must have left his shirt on the front lawn and forgotten about it. "Seth's on his way home, along with Quil and Embry." He glares at me. "We were going to start searching for you."

"Uh, okay, are you my mother now?"

"Leah, you can't just disappear like that! We didn't know if you'd run off to Canada again, or what…" he must be aware how lame this sounds, because he's not meeting my eyes. And I need to stop noticing his muscles.

"Well…" I sigh, "thanks. It does actually mean something to me that you guys were worried."

"So were you actually out with the leeches?" he demands, the old humor returning to his voice.

"Oh, look who's talking, I'm not the one who imprinted on leech-spawn, you—"

Edward, swear to god, growls at me. "That's my daughter you're talking about, he says in a low, supposedly dangerous voice." Bella is looking at him like she wants him to control his temper. Nessie is just sort of sitting there being Vampire Spawn-esque.

I just roll my eyes at him. "Yeah, exactly."

Jacob is still at a loss for words. He recovers enough to say, "but, I mean, Blondie?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you surprised that one of your little packmates might want some, I don't know, intelligent and mature conversation, dog?" Rosalie hisses. Emmett, sitting on another sofa, looks like he's trying not to laugh.

"Yes, because 'intelligent' is the word I most often associate with you," retorts Jake.

"You know, I can't tell whether or not to calm you all down, or wind you up more," drawls Jasper, coming down the stairs. "You guys are all very amusing." Everyone glares at him, well, everyone but Nessie. It's pretty amusing.

"I have an idea," Alice says in her lilting voice. "Let's go raise our cars on sketchy back-country roads again!"

"What?! Alice! That could be dangerous! Last time Edward almost got a speeding ticket" squeals Bella. "And anyway, it's nearly Renesmee's bedtime!" I can see Emmett rolling his eyes at her concern over danger.

"Wait, you guys race your cars?" I ask. I'm not exactly surprised, since the Cullens have some nice cars, but still.

"Only when it's late at night and in heavy fog, otherwise someone might notice," Rosalie tells me. Sure, because racing cars with zero visibility is a great idea. She's gone over to sit with Emmett, and she's leaning against one of his massive arms. "Anyway, I usually don't go…the BMW isn't that fast,"

"Um." There really is nothing I can say.

Jacob, clearly trying to make up for his ridiculous overreaction earlier, starts to explain it. "Alice takes her Porche, sometimes Jasper rides shotgun, Edward takes his Vanquish, and I drive Bella's Ferrari…"

"You do this?"

"Er, well, yeah."

"Oh, okay, jackass, who spends time with leeches, now? Hypocrite," and then I halfheartedly kick him in the shin. He just gives me a deadpan stare and rolls his eyes with exaggerated slowness, acting like he can't even be bothered to have a facial expression.

"Down, puppies," it's Edward, and he's laughing as he says it. Bella is looking at him with this dopey little look on her face.

"Come on, Beta, you can ride with me," and Jacob says and he struts out the door. I'm pretty sure the bloodsuckers have better reflexes than we do. Why is Jacob going along with this?

Rosalie smiles at me from across the room. "You should go, remember, you said you liked speed." Her husband is giving her a funny look, and I realize it's because she's being nice to me. Alice and Jasper have followed Jacob out of the door, and Edward is fussing over his wife and daughter, kissing them both and asking Bella if she's sure she doesn't want to come. Apparently she'd rather stay and put Spawn to bed with Rosalie.

"Tiny… Are you coming?" Jacob yells from outside. Well, I guess with my werewolf healing powers, even if he does crash, I'll probably live.

AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review, and to everyone who has this fic on alert or on their favorites. I'm glad to see there are other people as… unsure (to say the least) about Nessie as I am. Anyway, knowing that other people are enjoying this project really does motivate me to work on it and hopefully make it enjoyable for other people, besides just myself (imagining Leah being snarky keeps me pretty entertained, I confess.) And yes, there's more coming in my little character study.