Chapter 38

The same day

"It's his voicemail," Stephanie whispered to me, covering the mouthpiece of the phone with a hand, squirming with discomfort on the couch beside me. "What should I say?"

"Just tell him you're fine and that you're going to stay with me for a few days until you decide what to do."

"Uh… Joe… This is Steph. I'm at Ranger's. I went to the doctor and got new prescriptions, and I'm doing fine… I'm… uh… going to stay here for a few days… uh… until I decide what to do… Okay… uh… I guess that's all… Bye, Joe."

She closed the phone with a huge sigh of relief.

I decided to leave my calls forwarding to the control room so that if Joe called back he wouldn't disturb her. If anything urgent came in that I had to deal with, the control room would buzz me on the intercom.

"That was good, Babe. Now your mother."

"I really don't want to talk to her," she said, looking forlorn.

I reached over and hauled her into my lap, folding my arms around her. "Do you think waiting will make it any easier?"

"No, the longer I wait the harder it will be."

"Might as well get it over with, then."

She curled against my chest, snuggling her head into my neck as she dialed the phone.

"Hi, Mom," she said in a small voice. "It's me."

Mrs. Plum was so strident and Stephanie was so close to me that I could hear every word.

"Stephanie Plum, what do you think you're doing? Joseph said that Ranger," she spat the word out like it was poison, "took you away. You need to go back to Joseph's house right now."

I felt Stephanie flinch at the words, and I breathed in her ear, "Strong, Babe."

I felt her shoulders tense, and her free hand grabbed mine and gripped it, white knuckled.

"Mom, I broke my engagement to Joe. I'm not going to marry him, and I'm not going back to his house."

"Stephanie, you're making a huge mistake. Joseph loves you very much. He'll be a good husband and a good provider."

"I just can't marry him. I don't love him enough." Her voice was filling up with tears, and I could see drops glistening on her lower lids like diamonds. "I can't go back there."

"Well, if you can't stay with Joseph, then you should come home. I'll move my sewing machine out of your room and get it ready for you."

"No, I'm not coming home. I'm staying with Ranger for a few days until I decide what to do."

"It's not right, Stephanie, living with a man like that. Joseph says he's nothing more than a common criminal, a thug. You should be with your family at a time like this, not some, some… hoodlum."

"Ranger's not a hoodlum, or a criminal. He's my friend, and he cares about me."

"Why don't you come to dinner tonight? We can talk things over."

"I can't come tonight."

"Well, we'll see you Sunday, then. Six o'clock."

"Not this week, Mom. I can't come. I'll call you next week and let you know where I'm going to be. Bye."

"Stephanie Plum …" Stephanie snapped the phone shut, cutting her mother off in mid-rant.

"Proud of you, Babe," I said, kissing her on the forehead and hugging her tight. "Now, do you need a nap, or do you want to do something?"

"I think I need to rest a bit. I feel really tired."

"Okay." I stood, lifting her with me and carrying her into the bedroom. "Here you go." I set her down on the edge of the bed.

"What are you going to do?" she asked me.

"I've got some work set up in my office here," I nodded at the office door in the corner of the bedroom, "so I'll be right in there."

Stephanie kicked off her shoes and swung her legs up onto the bed, rolling onto her side with her back to me and curling up into a tight, miserable ball. I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Have a good rest, Babe, and yell if you need anything."

I tossed the throw from the bench at the foot of the bed over her and went into my office, leaving the door half open so I could hear if she needed anything.

I sat at my desk and stared at the papers in front of me without seeing them. I didn't know what Stephanie was thinking, although she wasn't acting like she hated me anymore. I wanted, no, needed to find out where I stood with her, to ask her if there was any chance for us, but I knew it wasn't wise to push her before she was ready. Just wait, I told myself. Give her time. When she's ready to talk she'll talk.

I thought I understood her better than Morelli did, and her mother, too. But that was before. The pain we'd both experienced had changed us, on the inside as well as on the outside. All I could do was pray that she could still love me, that she'd let me take care of her. I wanted nothing more than that for the rest of my life.

After a short time I heard Stephanie roll over, the bedcovers rustling underneath her. She pounded on the pillow and settled back down. But after a few more minutes she got up and went into the bathroom, the door clicking shut behind her.

I didn't think she was going to try to harm herself again, but last night I'd made sure that all my razors and any sharp objects were removed from the bathroom, pushed far back on a high kitchen shelf that I knew she couldn't even see, let alone reach. No point in taking any chances.

The toilet flushed and water ran. The bathroom door clicked open and the bed soughed as she climbed back on.

Five minutes later she was standing in the office door.

"I can't sleep."

"That's okay, Babe." I studied her face, but for once it revealed nothing of her emotions. "Is there anything special you'd like to do? Watch a movie, read a book, maybe have a snack?"

"I'm not hungry. I'm bored." After a moment she confided, "That was the worst part of staying with Joe. There was nothing to do. I got so sick of daytime TV that I was ready to scream."

"If you're looking for something to do, I've got some searches. We don't have anybody dedicated to doing them in the office, so everyone tries to do their own, but we're way behind."

She perked up. "I could do that. If you really want me to."

"Okay, then. Where do you want to work? Here, or down in your old cubicle?"

Her hands flew together and her fingers began twisting. "Here, if I won't be in your way."

"Good." I stood up, trying not to let her see how much her tentativeness hurt me. She used to be fearless, willing to try anything, even bounty hunting. Now she was timid, apprehensive. I vowed to help her ease back into life until she was ready to fly again.

"Take the desk chair and I'll sit over here." I indicated an armchair, one from the dining room, that was piled with folders and papers.

"I can't take your chair, Ranger."

"Just for now, Babe. I'll have another one brought up. I'm just reading contracts and files anyway, so I can sit here just as well." I pointed to a small pile of folders next to my computer. "Those are searches I was going to do. Why don't you start with a couple of them?"

"Okay." Stephanie settled herself into my big leather chair, looking very small, and opened the first folder.

oOo

Chapter 39

The wee hours of the next morning—Friday, December 19

I jerked awake at Stephanie's cry, springing off the couch, my heart in my throat, rushing into the darkness of the bedroom. In the faint illumination from the bathroom nightlight, I found her hunched in fetal position, knees to chest, her tense form shaking with sobs.

"Babe, Babe, it's okay, I'm here," I said, sitting on the side of the bed and lifting her into my lap.

Her face was wet against my bare chest, and she was taking in air in great wracking gulps. "Don't leave me, Ranger," she choked out.

"I'm not going anywhere, Babe. Shh, shh, don't cry, it was just a dream."

I held her close and rubbed her back, running my hand up and down her spine and massaging her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," she said after a few minutes, sniffling. "It just seemed so real."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was… him. He … he killed you… shot you over and over again, there was so much blood, and… and you were lying there … dead… on the floor in my apartment, and he … he laughed… and then he… he chained me to the wall, and…" her voice broke and she buried her face in my neck.

"Babe, I'm so sorry," I said, not knowing what else to say, not knowing if it would be better or worse for her to know that he was dead. "I promise you I'll keep you safe. I won't let anybody hurt you again, not ever."

I continued to hold her, rocking gently, and when she seemed more relaxed and ready to doze off again I laid her back down on the bed. Her arms clutched at me.

"Don't leave me alone. Stay… Please… Just hold me."

The tension in my chest eased and peace flooded through me as I lay down beside her and pulled her against me, wrapping her in my arms.

"Sleep, Babe," I murmured into her hair. "I've got you."

oOo

I awoke in the dark to her fingers dancing lightly along my chest, tracing my pecs, stroking over a nipple and then moving down to my abs. When she reached the waistband of my boxers and began to reach inside I grabbed her hand.

"Stephanie, stop. It's too soon."

"But Ranger, you're taking such good care of me. I want to take care of you, make you happy."

"I'm happy just to have you here, Babe. I don't need anything more than that."

"But you're all ready for me." Her knee edged up over my legs and higher, rubbing against the erection I couldn't control. I rolled toward her to stop it, capturing her leg between mine.

"No, Babe," I whispered, holding her close, kissing her forehead.

"Don't you want me?" Her voice was high and thick with tears.

"I want you, Babe, more than anything. But not like this. Not as some kind of payment."

"Joe always liked it when I did him."

"You should know by now that I'm nothing like Joe." Her words hurt, and my voice was hard. I gentled it. "When you want me, really want me for you, it will happen."

I rolled her over and pulled her close, her back to my front, allowing my hard-on to nestle against her ass.

"I love you, Babe," I whispered, kissing the side of her head. "Go back to sleep."

We lay there tight together and before long her breathing evened out and her body relaxed.

oOo

We spent Friday morning in Princeton at Stephanie's regular appointment with Carole, and the afternoon in my small office on the seventh floor. I'd had the guys bring up another desk chair, a small table and a laptop for Stephanie to use. I was hoping she'd ease back into working for me and maybe eventually feel comfortable enough to go down to the fifth floor. Sometimes keeping busy is the best medicine.

At 1800 I made Stephanie stop working and moved us out into the living room with bottles of water, channel surfing until I found a movie that she seemed interested in. She snuggled up against my side on the couch and I kept my arm around her. I wasn't sure if she'd forgiven me for what happened to her, and I knew it was almost inevitable that she would ask me about my past, but I was just grateful to have her here.

At six-thirty there was a sharp tap on the apartment door, making Stephanie jump.

"Who's that?" The apprehension in her voice saddened me, reminding me again how much she'd changed.

"I invited Tank and Lula to have dinner with us. Lula's been wanting to see you for months. Come on, let's let them in."

I rose from the couch, pulling Stephanie up with me, and kept my arm around her as we answered the door.

"Whoa, girlfriend, talk about skinny white girls, just look at you!'" Lula exclaimed, grabbing Stephanie and hugging her. "There ain't hardly nothing left o' you. I shoulda brought some Boston crèmes. They'd put some meat back on your bony white ass."

Stephanie stiffened for a second, but then relaxed and hugged her back. "Lula, it's great to see you. How's Connie? And how are things at the bonds office?"

Conversation stayed general during dinner, with Lula telling stories about skips and Connie and Vinnie. The music of Stephanie's laughter made my heart ache, realizing it was the first time I'd heard it in almost eight months.

After dinner I said, "If you ladies would excuse us for a few minutes, Tank and I have a little bit of business to take care of."

I led Tank through the bedroom into my office, leaving both doors ajar, wanting to make sure Stephanie was okay with Lula. Their voices were just audible, first laughing, and then dropping to a murmur.

"Looks like the Bombshell is doing okay," Tank rumbled as I picked up a pile of papers to go over with him.

"She still has a long way to go," I responded, "but having Lula here is a good start."

Later, as we bid Tank and Lula goodnight Stephanie said to me, "If it's okay with you, Lula's coming back over tomorrow afternoon. We still have a lot of catching up to do."

"Of course, Babe," I said. "You don't need to ask my permission to have friends over."

When I came out of the bathroom at bedtime I glanced over at Stephanie in the bed, wondering whether to go back out to the couch. Without a word she flipped back the covers and patted my side of the bed. Relief and gratitude poured through me as I climbed in, pulling her close. Our sleep was long and dreamless as we clung together.

Saturday afternoon Lula arrived carrying a box from the Tasty Pastry and a two-liter bottle of Coke. I grabbed a pile of papers from my office and went down to the fifth floor, telling Stephanie that if she needed me to just hit the intercom for five.

Hours later the control room informed me Lula was leaving, so I went back up to seven.

Stephanie's eyes and nose were red, but she smiled when she saw me. "How was your visit with Lula?" I asked.

"Lula's doing more good for me than all the shrinks in the world," she said. "She's been where I was, and what she went through with Ramirez was even worse. But she didn't let it destroy her. She's incredibly strong. I wish I could be half as strong."

"Babe, your strength amazes me," I told her, pulling her tight against me for a moment. "So… Ella's off for the weekend. What do you want for dinner?"

She cocked her head. "Chinese?"

"Perfect. I'll get the menu."

TBC