A/N: This is regarding the rating of this fic...

(((SPOILER ALERT FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER)))

I've left it at T, because there is not any sex. But there's more kissing and such than in the Twilight books…(well, except for Breaking Dawn, where there's off-page sex that results in Nessie, the darling little ship-killer.) Anyway, this seems much less M-esque than the average M-fic, but more T than Twilight. It's just a little bit more than Chapter 7, so if you don't want to read about Leah's passionate feelings for Jacob, then I'd just skip scenes between them in this chapter. If you survived the Emmett conversation last chapter, I think you can handle this.

"So you like him, then?" Rosalie whispers as we pace back and forth behind endless rows of what qualifies as underwear these days. Alice must have sensed that I had something to get off my chest and that I wasn't ready to come out of the closet as a home wrecker to Bella yet, so she threatened to get Bella lacy lingerie. Bella gladly fled. Now Alice and Bella are off somewhere looking at something; I don't know what, since apparently Alice has already given her an entire wardrobe.

Bella's irrational fear of sexy undies actually makes me somewhat respect her.

"What about these?" Rosalie asks, pointing to something with rhinestones. Someday, someone is going to have to explain to me why rhinestones are suddenly appearing on panties. If something is going to sparkle, it should be something that people actually see. And if I were going to make it with a guy and he saw my panties and they had little rhinestones on them, somehow I don't think he'd be impressed. But then again, I don't know. Maybe guys secretly love rhinestones. Maybe it's like their number one secret turn-on. Maybe that's where I went wrong with Sam, rhinestoneless panties.

I shake my head, "I'm not at like a sexy-underwear-stage."

"But you like him, obviously," she says, and then looks around to make sure Alice and Bella haven't come back.

I sigh. "I don't know. That's the problem."

"But you said you liked kissing him?"

"Kissing a boy and liking him are different things. I kissed Jared once, and it didn't mean I was in love with him."

"Wait, who is Jared?" she demands, seeming to be really interested.

I roll my eyes, "He was the second guy to phase. Anyway, I kissed him one time in middle school during Spin the Bottle," I shrug. "Just making a point that just because you kiss someone doesn't mean you're in love."

She's glaring at me. "Okay, Spin the Bottle in middle school does not count. Are you saying that you and Jacob yesterday were like that?"

"No. Fine. I don't know. I just…"

"You liked kissing him?" she asks gently, and I nod. "You'd kiss him again?" Again, I nod, because I would. Kissing Jacob again is pretty much all I can think about, and that's the problem.

"Would you go on a date with him?" she asks.

"A date?"

"You know, like to dinner or something. I'm asking if you'd be embarrassed to be seen with him in public. I would be."

"I know what a date is. And no, I'm not embarrassed to be seen with him."

"So you—" she starts to say, but I interrupt.

"Yes! Okay, yes! I like him! I like him a lot! But it's not that simple!"

"Why? Why isn't it that simple? Not everything has to be complex, Leah."

It's my turn to glare at her. "Why are you even on my side at all? Nessie is your niece."

She sighs dramatically and turns to face me. "Yes, she is. And I love Nessie very, very much. She is the daughter that I will never have. But if Jacob likes you then I'd rather he be with you than with her. And anyway, Jacob annoys me, so I really don't want him for a nephew. Now, what about these?" She's holding up little ruffly panties that look like they fell of the Moulin Rouge. "They have ones for every zodiac sign. What are you?"

"What the hell? Why would I want my zodiac sign on my panties? That's worse than rhinestones. Anyway, you don't understand how imprinting works. Jacob and Nessie are soul mates."

"You told me once that even you, even your Tribal Elders, for that matter, don't understand imprinting. And they aren't soul mates. You can't have a soul mate until you know who you are, and Jacob and Nessie are two of the most confused people I've ever met."

"Nessie is confused?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

Rosalie nods, "She's almost as much of a one-of-a-kind as you are, Miss Wolf."

"Do you think Sam broke up with me because I don't have rhinestones on my panties?" I ask, just to change the subject. She snickers. "Yeah, make sure when you deflower Jacob to wear sparkly panties. He'll be yours for life."

I laugh at that, too, even though I wish she'd stop acting like things are so certain. My mind wanders back to the forest when Jacob and I kissed. I hadn't felt that happy since before I lost my father, since before I phased, since before Sam left me. Kissing Jacob made me feel like everything was right in the world, but of course, it was the opposite that was true. Wasn't it?

"Did you find anything?" Alice, who has suddenly materialized at our sides, asks. Bella is in tow behind her, looking like she hates this shopping trip. I wonder briefly why she is here, but then, I suppose even young, vampiric mothers sometimes need to get away from their kid and husband and enjoy some girl time.

Rosalie is telling Alice that no, we didn't, and trying to sneakily mouth "they kissed." Without Bella noticing.

I look at Bella and realize I had better do this now, because it's going to have to be done sooner or later. And Rosalie has filled me with courage. Not courage, exactly, but some kind of determination (Sam always said I was sooo headstrong)…

"Bella," I say, lowering the pitch of my voice so I sound dominant, not scared and afraid to tell the girl Jacob loved for years that I sorta, kinda, maybe (really, really, really) have a thing for him. "I like Jacob." There. I said it.

Except that I didn't. I just opened my mouth and the words didn't come out. Because I can imagine what would happen if I did. She'd blink like a moron a few times and say, 'you're friends,' like if someone comes up to you and tells you that they like someone they obviously mean it as a friend.

So then I'd say it again, emphasize the word 'like' so that she gets that I mean that when I look at him all I can think about is wrapping my legs around his waist and making him moan my name, but I'd say it in such a way that she'd know that it was more than that, that maybe, almost, I respect him as a person. Or something. Maybe.

And then she'd say, 'but you can't like him, he's imprinted on Renesmee.' And then she'd lecture me on how what I am doing is wrong, how I was wrong to kiss him and how I'm ruining her daughter's life… and god, but I know she's right. I know it. What the hell is wrong with me that I'm only into guys who have imprinted?

So instead I don't say anything.

"Leah?" Bella asks. I snap out of my thoughts and look at her. "Uh, you said my name?" she says.

"Um, Bella, you're a Libra, right?" I say, handing her the ruffly Libra panties. Smooth, Leah, very smooth.

How many little boutiques can we visit? After the adventure in the lingerie section of Nordstrom (apparently the Cullen ladies can't get enough Nordy's) we seem to be visiting every single boutique in Seattle. And that's a lot. Alice and Rosalie are completely and utterly enthralled. I think Bella has been bored from the very beginning, but she liked the company. And I don't know how I feel.

Spending time with Rosalie is pretty great, since every time I look sad she makes a point of distracting me and saying horrible things about Sam and Emily. This happens about every 10 minutes or so. I'll be looking at jewelry and she'll say, "I bet they only did it once and then fell asleep cuddling each other like pathetic little Love Zombies."

And Bella or Alice will say, "What's wrong with that?"

And Rosalie will say, "Not the cuddling. The only doing it once thing."

Or I'll be looking at shirts, really nice boutique shirts that cost 180 and are clearly just someone's brother's rock shirts from 1973 with glitter paint added to them by a "local artisan" and she'll say, "Sam was probably just intimidated by how good you are in bed,"

And then Bella or Alice will say, "How do you know that?"

And Rosalie will say, "Because I do. That's my gift. My special gift is knowing how people are in bed."

And then the sales lady will look at us oddly.

So it's a good day because of that. And it's a good day because I remember what it was like to kiss Jacob. But as soon as I start remembering it, I remember how hopeless it is. How I have no chance of being with him, because he's imprinted on Nessie, on Bella's daughter, and then I think about how much of a monster I am, how I never should have kissed Jacob yesterday, and how he probably hates me for throwing myself at him like that… god, I'm such a fool.

And whenever I think this, I frown, and Rosalie sees, and says "I bet he's thinking about how much more he likes your body than hers. Emily's probably pretty flat. I'm guessing. I've never seen her."

In about the seventeenth boutique of the day, I say, "Rosalie, it's not about Sam. I mean, it's not just about Sam. I have to stop being an idiot."

Then she glares at me and whispers, well, it comes out as more of a hiss, "Didn't you hear anything I said! If you like him, be with him!"

But it's no good, really, because I know what Bella would say. Or Edward. Or even Seth. Or my mom.

But we're here on a shopping trip. So we do buy some things. Actually, okay, so I let the leeches by me some things. I protest, but Rosalie and Alice and even Bella insist. Bella says, "It's so nice that they are doing this to someone else besides me."

"Should we drop you off at your house?" Rosalie asks, "Or somewhere else?"

"Why would we drop her off somewhere else?" asks Bella.

Rosalie shrugs and says, "I don't know," and then mouths "Jacob's bedroom" to me. I glare at her. She refuses to understand why I have to do what I'm going to do. She acts like I have a choice.

Alice hasn't said much about it, since she's been with Bella most of today, and I kept chickening out about telling Bella. Anyway, why do I have to tell Bella? No one else ever needs to know since nothing's going to come of it. Still, I wonder what Alice thinks…

They drop me off at home, and I carry my little bags inside. It's worrying that now two shopping trips have been financed by the bloodsuckers, one with the gift card and one today, and let's not forget all the Scott paraphernalia. What's more worrying than that is that I'm okay with it.

Where's the girl who hates the bloodsuckers? They certainly smell awful. But on an individual level… four of the ones I know are okay, two I am indifferent to (Dr. Dracula and his wife) and two that just sort of annoy me on principle (Mr. and Mrs. Loveleechy).

Mom and Charlie are in the living room. I think they might even be awkwardly holding hands or something. Because when I walk in the front door, they scoot apart from each other a few inches and both stare into a different corner of the room. "Hey, Mom, Hey, Charlie," I say, waving at them as I head toward my room.

"Oh, honey, did you have fun shopping?" my mom asks as I leave the room. I feel obligated to stop and talk to them, now.

"Yeah, it was great. Charlie, Bella was there. Rosalie and Alice kept trying to buy her stuff and she kept freaking out."

Charlie looks uncomfortable, whether it's because I 'walked in on them' or if it's because he's not entirely at ease with Bella's lifestyle/state-of-existence. "That's nice," he says weakly. I do feel sorry for him, having a leechlover for a daughter. I wonder yet again if he even knows exactly what she is, or if he just figures it's worse than being a wolf and that's pretty bad.

"Honey, where's Scott?" Mom asks. "He wasn't here when I got home from my walk."

"Oh, yeah, I made Dweeb take him on his playdate with Edward and Nessie today."

Mom tsks when I say "Dweeb" and Charlie blanches even more at the mention of Edward. But I wonder what it's like for these two to have their families so intertwined? And the Clearwaters are definitely more tied to the Cullens than to Sam's pack.

"Yeah, okay, I'm going to go put these in my room and then I'm out of here," I say, hoping they take the hint that if they need some privacy, they can have it. I'll go run around the forest or something or read. I just can't bear to be in the house with Mom and Charlie right now with their little loviness.

I need to talk to Jacob. I need to tell him why this can't work. But I know he already knows. He probably hates me for the kiss. Nessie is his world. The kiss was a mistake, an accident. My depression after the wedding and my hormonal build-up caused by not getting any since Sam left me are obviously getting in the way of a normal Alpha-beta relationship. I wonder if he's avoiding me. I haven't seen him in nearly a week. Of course, it helps that I'm avoiding him, too.

Because I know I have to apologize, and I hate apologizing. Because on some level, I know that what I am doing to Nessie is not fair—she's just a child. I shouldn't steal something that belongs to a child. The term "candy from a baby" comes to mind.

So I keep avoiding Jacob.

There's that, and there's the fact that at night when I am trying in vain to sleep I know that there's a very dark part of me that doesn't care that Jake has imprinted. That doesn't mind that one day he will leave me for Nessie.

I remember high school, when I used to lay curled at Sam's side and we'd hear his mother in the next room singing along to some horrible, depressing music. I can remember the song, because she'd play it over and over and over again, the singer's low voice carrying through the walls, etched permanently on my brain. Little naïve 16 year old Leah didn't understand it, why anyone would listen to a song about love that was so sad and hopeless. And now, at night, when I am trying not to think about Jacob, my mind plays that song on endless loop. I hear Baby let's get married, we've been alone too long. Let's be alone together, let's see if we're that strong. And I wonder what it would be like to be alone together with him. To have someone to hold me, even if it's just for awhile.

But that's just at night. In the morning, I strengthen my resolve; Never, ever, ever will I think about Jacob that way.

And I keep avoiding him.

It's Friday when I finally talk to Jake. Charlie comes to the house to pick up my mother. I assume it's for a date. (Yes, my mother goes on dates and I don't. Thus is the life of the world's only female werewolf.) But no, she explains, on her way out the door—they're also picking up Billy (whatever quarrel long since forgotten) and then having dinner at the Atearas'.

Huh. If Jacob is home, which he probably isn't, since he's probably out with his three year old girlfriend…. But if he is home, then he's by himself.

So I go up to my room and try to take a nap. Which fails.

I've already walked Scott today, so that time-killer is out. In fact, he's curled up on the foot of my bed, and forcing him to go out with me seems cruel. Why torture the poor dog just because I messed up and made-out with my Alpha? And yes, I let Scott sleep on my bed. It wouldn't be fair not to, really—wolves okay, but dogs not? And by wolves I mean me, not anyone else. Dream-Jacob at night in my mind doesn't count.

I'm staring up at my ceiling when Seth comes in the room. Thanks for knocking. Ugh.

"Leah, you okay?"

"Yes. I'm really happy. Leave."

"Um, I saw Jacob today."

"That's nice. You're in my room. Please rectify this."

"He said he wanted to talk to you."

At that, I turn my head to look at Seth. "Really?"

Seth nods. "He said it was important."

"That's nice."

"So I told him you were here and he should just come talk to you."

I jump up, fast enough that the room spins around me. "What?"

"Yeah. He said he'd be here in like half an hour."

Okay, Leah, quick decision-making time. Do you stay here, hide under your bed, and hope he leaves? No. I should just go talk to him and….tell him I won't come on to him anymore. I tell Seth that I'll go over to Jacob's, if it's so damn important. He finally leaves my room (probably after shedding countless dweeb cooties all over the carpet, which I shall now have to have professionally cleaned).

I can't go over there looking all girly. I have to remind Jacob that I'm a, you know, freak. Female werewolf. Abomination unto nature. Packmate. Not someone he wants to get involved with. Also, a bitter, bitchy harpy, or whatever it is those dumbass boys decided I was. (Better that then a heartbroken wretch.) Not that Jacob is really going to be looking at me all gooey-eyed, anyway, since he probably hates me. But I can't have him thinking I'm there to seduce him.

Step one: Pull hair up into a messy ponytail. Step two: change into a tank top. I usually rock the tank tops when I've phased recently, so this should remind him of what I am. Now I look super-casual and unsexy. Yay! (I hate my life.)

I find him in his garage, working on a car. Must be one of the guys'. So what, was he just going to finish installing the carbonadiator (don't really know anything about cars, nor want to) or whatever and then just pop by my house to tell me off for minxing him? Jerk.

"Yo," I say, as casual as possible, and of course he sits up too quickly and hits his head on the bottom of the car. Which is pretty funny. He pushes himself out and up and glowers at me.

"Tiny, oh, it's you."

"Seth said you were going to come over. So….I beat you to it."

"Yeah. Hey. Um." He steps toward me. So I step back.

"Jacob, we have to talk."

He sighs and nods. "Yeah, I know." He walks past me and toward the house. "Come on, let's talk inside."

I follow him. He walks right past the living room and into his bedroom. "Uh?" I ask. I don't exactly want to be in his bedroom right now. Well, I do, which is so not appropriate.

"This way we can hide on the off-chance Rachel and Paul stop by," Jacob says, putting as much disdain into the single syllable of "Paul" as possible. He's holding his bedroom door open for me, and as I pass by him, I can feel the waves of heat pouring off his skin. It makes me shiver.

I grab his desk chair and sit on it as casually and unladylike as possible. By that I mean I slouch, don't cross my legs…this will be so much easier if Jacob just looks at me and thinks "wolf." He sits on the corner of his bed. There isn't very much space between our knees, so I sit up in the chair. Distance beats casualness, I suppose.

He bites his lip and looks like he's about to say something. So I cut him off. Might as well get to the point. "I'm sorry about what happened. It's my fault." There. I said it. Now I can leave.

"Leah, don't," he says, but mostly it just annoys me. Don't what? Haven't I done everything I'm supposed to do?

No, of course not, and that's why I'm here—I wasn't the perfect girlfriend to Sam, so he left me, and I wasn't enough of a woman so I phased and became even less of one, and I wasn't strong enough not to let Sam with his stupid "Lee-Lee"ing get to me, so the Pack hated me, and now I can't even control myself around Jacob, whose body, heart, soul and mind are all claimed by those damn leeches and their Spawn, so what is it exactly that he doesn't want me to do?

I ignore him and stand up, but he's standing, too. He's got my wrist in one massive hand and he's holding me there. I wish he wouldn't touch me.

I turn my head and when I look in his eyes it's like the rest of the room, everything, is gone, melted away. So I blink.

"Please?" he says, and in his voice I hear fear. Fear of what? I already told him that I'd stop throwing myself at him like a pathetic—what's the term the Pack used about me when I'd think about Sam? Oh, right, 'bitch in heat.' Leah, control yourself.

He's still holding my wrist, like he knows I'll bolt at the first chance I get. I wish he wasn't so strong.

"Jacob, there's nothing else to say. You don't have to say anything to me. It's okay. I know you're confused about Nessie, but she'll grow up soon and—"

"Dammit!" he says, loudly. It startles me. Why could he possibly be upset with me now? I've apologized, haven't I. "This isn't about Nessie!" he says it with so much scorn, so much anger, that I gasp. "Leah, for once in my life, this isn't about Nessie or Bella or whatever else it is you think is going on!"

"Of course it's about Nessie," I say as coldly as possible.

"Leah, do you hear yourself? Nessie is three years old! Or eight! Or whatever the hell she is! She's like my little sister! What does she care if I touch you? This isn't about not hurting Nessie. Fuck hurting Nessie. Stop acting like she owns me, please. I'm not a thing, Leah, I'm a person."

"I'm sorry. I don't understand. You've imprinted," I say, the anger gone from my voice.

"Leah, I told you weeks ago, I'm like two different people… when Nessie is there, yes, she's the entire world to me. But I'm not myself when I'm with Nessie. And even then, I still want you. And when Nessie's gone, it's like waking up from a dream, and I'm me again." He takes a deep breath, and I can see that he's shaking, "I don't know what to do. What is it you think? That I just want to sleep with you until Nessie is old enough and then I'll leave you like he did?" As Jacob says this, he gestures toward his bed and shakes his head angrily. "That's what this is about, okay? I'm not Sam. I won't be like him," he says, and I wonder if he's trying to convince me or if he's trying to convince himself.

But it doesn't matter because apparently a man telling me he doesn't want to be like Sam is all it takes these days, so before Jacob can finish his sentence I'm on him, my mouth against his, pressing my body as close to his as I can. My self-restraint is gone, because if Jake doesn't think this is wrong, doesn't think that Nessie is his soul mate, and seems to actually care about not treating me like Sam did, then to hell with doing the right thing. Because god do I want him.

Kissing Jacob is just as good today as it was last week. When I ran at him to kiss him, I hit him hard enough that he has fallen backward onto his bed and I've been pulled down with him.

He scoots back so we're all the way on the bed, and his mouth doesn't leave mine. His hands are on my hips and waist, moving up and down the curve there. And suddenly his grip tightens and in an instant, I'm flat on my back he's pinning me. I'm not a very small person—six feet is hardly small for a girl, but Jacob has more than half a foot on me and his chest is so broad that being underneath him like this makes me feel tiny indeed. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and knot my hands in his hair, clinging to him, pulling him down against me, trying to smash his chest into my breasts because all I want to do right now is feel his body against mine. But Jacob pulls away and looks down at me.

"Leah…" god, his breath is so ragged. He's panting, and then I realize I am too. I want him. "This isn't about killing time until Nessie is grown up, okay? I…like you. And I don't want to hurt you…"

"Shhhh, Jake, stop talking," I say, but playfully. "If the next thing out of your mouth is going to be about Sam or Nessie or Bella, please don't say it."

And then I arch my body up toward him and bite his bottom lip softly. And he looks at me in utter shock and I remember that the only person he's kissed beside me is Bella and before that thought can fully register, I'm flat against the bed again and he's pressing me down. "God, Leah, I want you." He's kissing me, and his hand is in my hair, pulling my hair-tie out, and he's murmuring against my mouth about how good my hair smells and how good I smell.

But all I can smell is him. His skin and his hair, hanging down on either side of my face and even his sheets smell like him. I shift my legs so he's laying between them and my hands wander down to his shoulders. His whole body is corded with muscle, like all the wolves, but there is just something so perfect about him.

Something's wrong though. Oh, right. For once in his life, Jacob is wearing a shirt. I put my hands against his shoulders and push. He pushes himself up, bracing himself with his forearms (I could stare at the muscles in his forearms for hours). "Jake, shirt," I say, panting, and he sits up on his knees and pulls it off. How is it possible that I'd forgotten what his chest and stomach look like? I see them every day, almost. But not in this context. Not knowing I can touch him…

He pins me again, and puts his left forearm under my neck. Hello, new favorite pillow. His left hand is in my hair, while his right hand is on my waist. And then it's moving up, pushing my tank-top with it, until my top is bunched up under my breasts and I'm squirming underneath him, trying to rub our skin together, because he's so warm and oh, he's stopped kissing me and I make a noise of protest but his mouth is on my neck and he's kissing gently and it's so incredibly nice.

Finally he moves his hand up to my chest, nervously. Nervously? And then I remember that he's never done this before and I want to laugh, or giggle, because he's so incredibly good at it, and all I can think is that my shirt needs to be higher, or better yet, on the floor, and meanwhile Jacob's mouth is at the crook of my neck and his breath is in my ear and…

….the phone starts ringing.

"Ignore it, Jake." And thank god he does, he keeps kissing my neck and his hand seems to be getting more comfortable so I arch my back and press myself against it and he makes the most adorable little whimpering noise…

…..and the answering machine picks up, and the caller is told to leave a message.

He moves back to kiss my mouth, as hungrily as ever. I close my eyes and I feel like I'm falling or floating, or I don't know what.

….And then the caller does start leaving her message.

"Jacob? Jake, are you there? Please pick up. It's Bella…"

And he stops kissing me and looks over at the phone on his nightstand. I try to growl in protest, but he's turned his head. So I start kissing his neck, as passionately as I can, and I pant in his ear, and whisper his name, and I know he wants me, and Jake's just frozen there, between my body and her voice…

….and then she says those three little words….

"…Renesmee's in trouble."

And his hand flies over to the phone and picks it up and…I realize, with absolute certainty and clarity of mind that I hate Bella Cullen.

He's off me, now, talking to her. He just says "uh huh" a lot, and I straighten my tank-top. He hangs up, finally, and looks at me. "Oh, god, Leah, I am so, so sorry," and he sounds it, too. He reaches out and tucks some of my hair behind my ear. "After everything I said, and…can you forgive me?" He leans forward and kisses me almost chastely, but not quite, because behind seems to lurk a promise.

"Nessie has gone missing… we don't think it's anything serious, but Bella wants me to help them look… Edward can't hear her thoughts, or anything, and…I should go. I promised Nessie I would protect her. That, at least, is my job…" he's rambling now, trying to defend his actions.

And as angry as I am at having been interrupted, as much as I literally want to kill Bella right now…I know that whatever is going on between me and Jacob is going to be like this.

"I never thought that I wouldn't have to share you." I whisper, surprised at myself.

He gently grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. "Leah. I am so sorry. But I meant everything I said. Nessie is like my sister. But what I feel for you, it's entirely different. Awe, mostly. Admiration. And more than a little desire." He kisses me again, a ghost of a kiss, our lips barely touching. Before I can enjoy it, he's pulling me up and out of the room, out of the house. "Call your brother on your cell, okay?" and whether he's asking or commanding, I don't know; he's already back in Alpha mode. "I need the whole pack to phase and get to the bloodsuckers' as soon as possible."

By the time I redress myself and get to the Crypt's front door, Quil, Embry and Seth are here, too, pacing in the forest. Jake decides that he and I should go in to talk to the leeches, to figure out what the hell is going on. Seth and Quil take off to start doing a perimeter; Embry stays a wolf on the edge of the forest to pass messages to those two. Not that there's much point in a perimeter as the vamps have already been searching and haven't found her, nor her scent.

Jake doesn't knock, of course. There are quite a few of the leeches in there, arguing. Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett are missing; I assume they're out searching.

"How you could have let this happen?!" Rosalie is demanding of Edward when we walk in. As much as I dislike him, I do feel sorry for Edward. He looks incredibly pained. He must be out of his mind with worry about his little girl. Rosalie takes a deep breath and seems to calm down a bit. She pats her brother's arm and says, "Sorry, you know I don't blame you. I blame myself as much as anyone…" It seems like everyone is in a pretty bad mood over here…

Jasper looks like he's concentrating as hard as he can, trying to keep everyone calm. It doesn't seem to working too well, but at least Rosalie hasn't murdered Edward yet.

"She must be in the forest," Alice keeps saying, over and over. I remember last week when she had the vision of something in the forest. Maybe it was Nessie, after all. Alice must be blaming herself, too, for not being able to see clearly.

"Are your packmates out there?" Edward demands of Jacob, and when he nods, Edward heads for the door. "The others, I mean, my parents and brother, are still searching, too. I'm going to go help them and look again. Maybe I missed something. Maybe now I will be able to hear her. Jacob, look after Bella." He runs out so quickly that I barely see it.

Bella, meanwhile, is beside herself. She has thrown herself on Jacob and is crying, well, sobbing. She's making all the right sounds but there aren't any tears. (I wonder at this, and then remember that she's a freaking vampire and vampires can't cry. Duh, Leah.) "Jacob! I'm a bad mother! How could this have happened?" He's patting her back and they're both looking entirely miserable.

"If something happens to her, I will never forgive myself," Jacob is muttering. "Bella, I need to go look, do you want to come with me? Or is it better for you to stay here?"

"They've been searching the forest in bigger and bigger circles," Rosalie explains to me; Jasper is clearly having an effect on her, at least. Alice comes over to where we are standing and together they fill me in on what's been happening. The girls tell me this might just be their hindsight, but they think something has been off with Nessie for a few days. No one knows what it is, but she's seemed especially distracted; her little pictures haven't been as vivid. Because of that, they think she might have been planning this, planning to go off on her own. But if that's the case, she somehow managed to keep it from her dad, no small feat, and also from even altering them or Bella or even Jacob that anything is wrong.

"She is probably fine," I say, mostly to Rosalie, since I don't think anyone else is listening.

Except, apparently, for Bella, who looks up from where she has her face buried against Jake's chest. (I wonder if she can smell me on him?) "How can you even say that, Leah?" Bella demands.

"I'm just trying to be rational," I say, in what I hope is a comforting voice. "Nessie is a very smart girl. If she's gone off, she probably has a reason. She has to be fine."

This does not appease Bella. "It's my daughter out there, Leah! My daughter!" she snaps and then clings to Jacob again.

I start to respond—hoping I can say something to comfort her, when really I'm just as confused as everyone else. Where could she have gone? How could she have gotten this far away from her family without anyone noticing?—and then I notice Jacob has tears in his eyes.

"Jake," I ask. "If anything happened to her, you'd know, right? You'd feel it?"

He nods, while Bella continues to make whimpering noises. "I think so. I don't know. Oh, Leah, how could we have let this happen?"

Rosalie takes my arm (strange that it doesn't bother me anymore to be touched by leeches) and she and Alice and I head toward the door. "Come on. We'll go join the others and look," says Rosalie.

Jacob and Bella meanwhile, are having their little guilt party. "Jacob, you should be looking, too. And Bella, come on," I say to them. Standing around crying or whatever isn't going to make this better.

I'm almost out the door when a very upset Embry marches in. "What the hell, guys? Care to tell me what's going on?"

"I thought you were waiting for us outside?" Jake asks, clearly trying to get a grip on himself and start acting like an Alpha again.

"Jake, what's going on? We get called by Seth to say that something's happened to your imprint, then you leave us out there in the forest, Seth and Quil are searching but they don't know what they're searching for, half the vamps are out there, half are in here, what the hell, man?"

"I don't know. Nessie's missing and we have to find her. The leeches have been searching the forest, but no sign of her, and," he gestures to Bella, who is still clinging to him, "Bella's not really okay, either."

"I'm sure she's fine," I say again, in what I think is a comforting tone. Let the record show that I meant Nessie and not Bella, and I was saying it to be nice. "We should go look," but before I can get out of the door, Bella is furious again.

"Stop saying that Leah! I know you don't even like me or my daughter, so don't pretend like you care about her! And stop trying to take Jacob away right now! My daughter is more important than anything else!" she yells. Jasper takes a step forward, trying to calm her, but she seems to be beyond his influence.

Ok, that sort of pisses me off. Maybe more than sort of. But I have to remember that Bella isn't thinking, so I start to say something, but Embry cuts me off.

"Leah, leave Bella alone! Can't you see she's distraught?" What the hell? What was I even doing? "Don't mind Leah," Embry says to Bella, stepping closer to where she's standing in Jacob's arms. "She's just a bitch. Honestly, I'd say she was PMSing, but, oh right, she doesn't—"

It happens so quickly I don't even see it. The next thing I know Embry is howling in pain and clutching his nose and there's blood on the floor. Jacob's arm is out and he's facing Embry.

"Shut the hell up, Embry. Don't talk about Leah like that. Don't you ever talk about Leah like that!"

"What the fuck, man?" Embry is screaming, "You broke my nose. Shit, that hurts!"

Jasper eyes the blood on the floor and mutters, "Well, it's a good thing I don't eat dog."

"What just happened?" Alice asks, inching toward the door.

"Leah is the beta, you don't talk to the beta like that," Jacob is saying, but the anger is gone from his voice. "Shit, Embry, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to hit you that hard."

Embry, meanwhile, is still swearing to himself and holding his nose. He moves one hand away, while the other is pinching his nose in place. "Is it on straight, guys?" he asks. "Jacob, if my nose heals crooked, I will fucking kill you."

"It's straight," says Rosalie and Embry sighs. Within minutes, I know it will be as good as new. Jacob still looks stunned—whether it's at himself for hitting Embry or because Nessie is missing, I can't say.

But there's no time to think about it. Rosalie, Alice and I are out the door, with Jasper right behind us. Embry too. We'll go find her. She can't be far away, can she? I hear Jacob calling my name so I turn around as he runs up to me. "Leah, can I say something to you?" he asks, his voice soft, or at least softer than it was.

"Uh…yeah?"

"If this gets serious out there and there's a fight or something, no heroics. Don't do anything silly just to prove you aren't weak. No one thinks you're weak." And then he and Embry dash to the forest to phase and are gone.

"That was definitely not what I thought he was going to say," mutters Rosalie as we head toward the woods. I strip and phase and just like that, I'm off, running with Rosalie.

In my head I can hear Jacob's thoughts—he's with Bella and Alice. Embry seems to be with Jasper, so if Jasper sees anything, Embry can report it to Jacob. Quil and Seth are out there, too, searching, and all the other Vampires besides.

I wonder how long it will take us to find her.

AN:

Thank you, yet again, to all the reviewers. Reviews make my day! Reviews make me want to hurry and write more (I need to get this story out of me, but reviews make me want to do it faster!) So if you've just read Chapter 9 and you're thinking about reviewing, I think you should 

Oh, and yet another "this is from so-and-so" notice. The song that Leah is thinking of when she's contemplating having an "until Nessie grows up" affair with Jacob is by a Canadian singer/songwriter/poet named Leonard Cohen. It's called "Waiting for the Miracle" and the verse Leah hears goes:

Ah baby, let's get married,
We've been alone too long.
Let's be alone together
Let's see if we're that strong.
Yeah let's do something crazy,
Something absolutely wrong
While we're waiting
For the miracle,
for the miracle to come

I actually really like Cohen and particularly this song.