A/N: I am in no way connected with Veronica Mars
Episode Guide: What was it like before Lily died? As Homecoming approaches Logan, Duncan and Veronica remember happier times. Veronica helps a scammed friend while Logan tries to salvage the memory of his dead girlfriend.
Season 1 Episode 4:
"Only 2 more days left to buy Homecoming Tickets come and show your Pirate Pride with a date at you're side this Friday" I take a deep breath. Homecoming, fall rite of passage and social event of the first term. I have a boyfriend and a dress, I should be more excited.
"Just so I can make the appropriate arrangements Homecoming is a go right?" Troy said into my ear before kissing me on the neck. Logan looked up from his locker, Troy has obviously piqued his interest. I can feel his eyes on me and I answer affirmatively a kiss him sweetly. I see Logan roll his eyes and harden his mouth into a firm line before stomping off. Sighing I grab my books and head to class. The grapevine has informed me that Logan refused to go Homecoming and Duncan had strong reservations but was forced into it by both his parents and Shelley Pomroy. I understand their reasoning well and if it wasn't for Troy I wouldn't be going either. I've already lived the dream, everything else seems like a pale replacement
flashback
"Lily. Dear everyone is waiting." Celeste said impatiently. I giggle at Logan as I film him attempting to Moonwalk in his formal attire.
"Geez Mars I know I'm attractive but shouldn't you be filming Donut." Laughing I flash the camera over to Duncan who was pacing impatiently waiting for Lily.
"What the hell is she doing? How long does it take to put on a dress." Duncan said exasperated.
"Hm maybe not. I'll let you film me on one condition." Logan waggles his eyebrows "You admit I look hot in a tux" He twirls out of the camera and attempts to hide behind a pillar as I keep the camera trained on him.
"Logan do you really need your ego inflated?" He grins and is about to reply when Duncan cuts him off.
"Maybe you should go help her." Duncan says irritated that Lily is taking so long. I go to hand the camcorder back to Logan when Lily steps forward in a gold, sparkling dress holding tight to her curves
"I think she's got it covered." I say in awe as Lily twirls for us to further admire her.
"I believe Keanu Reeves said it best when he said: Whoa." Lily simpers and rewards him by letting him kiss her cheek and twirl her close to him.
"Let's uh make with the pictures before the glitter rubs off" She demands pulling Logan beside Duncan and I. We pose and make faces for the camera before running off to the limo ready for a night of drinking and laughing
end flashback
Sighing I slam my locker shut and walk over to Wallace and his new date Georgia whose 2,000 dollars she stupidly lent to some guy she didn't know I am trying to recover. She gives me details, Wallace gives me an appreciative smile and I head to journalism. I'm about to enter the class when I notice Duncan standing at his locker flipping through a textbook listlessly.
"Hey, How's your head?" I ask with a hint of flirtation in my voice. Old habits die hard.
"Better." He says shutting his textbook with a smile before leaning against his locker beaming down at me. He could be your brother, he could be your brother. "Thanks for coming with me. Logan isn't exactly the nurturing type." I nod in agreement.
"Can I ask you something?" He looks a little unsure of himself but nods in agreement "What happened to make you jump off a set of bleachers? Does it have anything to do with why you were so sick the other day?" Duncan's face darkens for a moment and he almost angrily grabs a book out of his locker and slams it shut with more force than necessary
"It's nothing." God he's a terrible liar. If he's not telling me it must be serious. I catch his hand before he storms off.
"Hey." I speak softly like I'm trying to comfort a child. "I'm sorry I'm not trying to be nosy for once I just want to make sure you're ok." His face softens a bit before he nods in the direction of the journalism room.
"Common we're already late." I walk in with him noting with satisfaction the look of shock on Logan's face as we walked in together Duncan holding the door for me. It was at that moment the TV decided to inform us of the Lily Kane Memorial video. At that moment I didn't care about my feud with Logan or keeping up my tough outer shell I simply just stared at the TV screen as it described the dedication ceremony. I swallowed hard and caught Logan's eye which had the same forlorn expression I saw so long ago.
flashback
It has been hours since the funeral and I hadn't changed out of my black dress or undid the somber bun that lay at the nape of my neck. Funerals were about closure. The second they lowered the casket was the second I was supposed to move on and start re-building. After the funeral I am no longer supposed to be in mourning for Lily Kane. Sure I can still be sad but my sadness will now be expected to be "dealt with". The Kanes were giving a press conference a short ways away from the grave and another reporter was shoving a microphone in Aaron's face. No one dared go near Logan who had been a loose cannon since Lily died. My Dad didn't want me at the press conference but I felt like I had to be there for Logan and Duncan, at least for Logan. Duncan at least had his parents. Logan's father was more interested in exploiting his son's relationship with Lily than helping him through the loss. That's how I ended up here, standing in a black dress with water from the wet grass seeping through my new shoes debating whether or not I was strong enough to handle the dead weight that is Logan's grief and anger. I know he needs someone I just don't know if it's me.
"My son is obviously distressed over the whole situation he was very fond of Lily." Aaron says before turning to a reporter who was asking a question about his movie. Logan's face tense up at that comment and twists even more so when Aaron continues to talk about his movie. Finally I watch him shake his head, give a humorless smile and walk away. I wait for Lynn to go after him but she stares blankly at the camera nodding along with Aaron's comments. I half expect to see Duncan run after him but Celeste
hasn't let him out of her sight. He needs someone and it better be me because there is no one else. I walk over behind the tree to find him pacing angrily his face flickering from anger to hurt to betrayal and back again.
"Hey" I say softly trying to convey sympathy with my eyes things with Logan have been strained at best since I told Lily about his kiss with Yolanda. He isn't crying but he's close and he looks so broken that I want to kick Aaron in the teeth for rubbing salt in the wound. I approach him like I would a spooked horse. He is desperate for reassurance but ready to fight. He doesn't say anything but he stops pacing. The tears fall from my eyes as I raise a hand to cup his cheek. He leans into it and I wonder if anyone has held him or comforted him at all since Lily died. I smile through my tears and grab his hand. At least he'd have someone now.
End flashback
Logan breaks our intense gaze and pretends to be really interested in his report on school bake sales. The class lingers on and everybody forgets about the memorial video but it stays on my mind as I try to write focus on my article. A stolen glance from Logan tells me our thoughts are both with a certain blonde girl.
Turns out Georgia's thief is a conned artist who thought he was part of a reality show. In order to get Georgia's money back I'm going to have to find out who played the actor. I head to the computer lab to download the email Georgia received when a familiar voice stops me.
"Mom if you don't put the camera down I'm not going out there." Lily's voice rings out from the computers. I walk towards the classroom ready to tear apart whomever decided to play this sick joke. The sight of Logan staring emotionlessly at the computer screen as he scribbles notes on a piece of paper stop me in my tracks.
"What part of me ignoring you made you think that you were welcome?" Logan snarks at me, not taking his eyes off the screen as clips of a younger Lily riding a pony steam across the monitor.
"What are you doing?" For once my tone wasn't accusatory. Logan sighs and leans back in his chair. He looks tired as though he hasn't slept in days and his eyes are glazed over from hiding back too many emotions.
"Assembling the world's most boring memorial video. Ballet. Choir recital. Debutante crap. Girl scouts" He angrily flips the tapes on the counter and for one quick moment I feel a pang of sympathy. "Memories both misty and water-colored." He still hasn't looked away from the screen and I know this is some new way he's found to torture himself. Sitting alone in a dark room watching clips of Lily grow up in to the girl he loves. It doesn't matter that Celeste's clips are predictable and a little impersonal it's still his Lilly. A year ago I would have pulled up a chair and helped him select clips or at least sit there quietly doing homework as he put himself through hell. There was never a point in trying to stop Logan when he decided to self-destruct but the Lily, Duncan or I would always make sure he didn't do it alone even if he never realized what we were doing.
"It's Lilly as a long-distance commercial" I reply softly. I may not be able to help him ride out his own personal torture but I could offer him a little bit of solidarity.
"Well this isn't really about Lilly is it." He runs his hands through his hair before pounding the table. "God this would piss her off." For some reason I desperately want to do something to make this a little
less painful for him. I'm not surprised at that feeling. Our war has never extended to Lily, even if it did our war in general seems to be losing malice every day. I could sit here and print out Georgia's email while I wait patiently for the explosion to happen, him being none the wiser, like I used to but somehow I doubt my presence is comfort anymore. I sigh and leave the room just as an idea hits me. The tapes.
flashback
"You're turn Veronica." Lily says passing me the champagne bottle. The alcohol has already made my brain fuzzy and I know full well I'm going to get plastered because anything Logan or Lilly has done. I haven't.
"I have never gone skinny-dipping" Logan scoffs and drinks deeply from his glass while Duncan and Lily laugh and refill their glasses.
"That is just unacceptable. We're going to have to do something about that Veronica Mars." I nod in agreement as Logan trains the camera on Duncan obviously hatching an evil scheme.
"Oh I've got one." Duncan looks a little nervous but raises his eyebrows good-naturedly "I have never taken matters into my own hand after watching the girl's cheerleading try-outs." Logan waggles his eyebrows dangerously and Lily and I both freeze comprehending this as Logan tries hard to suppress his laughter.
"Dude you are so dead." Duncan grumbles grabbing the bottle from me.
"You must drink commerade" I try to stop the blush from creeping up my cheeks as Duncan goes to drink still staring at me waiting for my reaction.
"Wait! Please tell me that was before we started dating." Duncan laughs and nods affirmatively
"Ok" Lilly holds up her glass commanding to be the centre of attention again "I have never not had sex." She grins evilly at me and waits expectantly.
"Wait what does that even mean?" I ask with a bit of a giggle
"It means drink if you are a virgin." Logan gave me his best piercing stare and knowing smile as I stop and took a deep swig determined not to be embarrassed. Duncan rolls his eyes at Logan and drank as well.
"You are so cool" I say leaning up and kissing him firmly.
"So cool" I hear Logan mock jokingly from behind us before grabbing Lilly and pulling her towards out make-out session. "Aw I love you I love you."
"Yeah?" Lily said teasing Logan as he pulled us all into a group hug
"Yeah" Logan leans his arm out capturing the tender moment between two couples and four best friends.
End flashback
I still had the tapes in a box under my bed. I never had a chance to watch them before Lily died and couldn't bring myself to do it afterwards. In order to shake thoughts of Lilly I convince my father to bug the dormrooms of two computer nerd who are using naïve, helpful girls to fund their projects, with no
returns of course. The rest of the afternoon is spend figuring out the alarm code based on the sounds coming from the system. My phone rings quickly taking me out of my trance.
"Yeah?"
"Veronica I'm here with your father. Alone." Troy's voice takes on a higher than usual pitch and for a moment I picture my father with his hand-gun.
"Oh my god. I'll be right there."
I save Troy from my father and the date goes better than expected. Georgia's thieves returned the money after I stole their backup drives and I left Wallace to bask in the gratitude. There's no more putting this off I sigh to myself as I pick up a small cassette labeled 'Fun with Lily'. Our last perfect evening as the Fab 4 captured on tape. Logan is at the same computer and the only reason I know he has been home is because his clothes are different. Before I go in with the discs I run back to my locker and grab a bottle of water, a bag of chips and a sandwich I planned on eating during my stake-out this afternoon.
"How's it going?" I ask softly pulling a chair up beside him as he edits yet another clip of a young Lily beaming innocently into the camera.
"It's very Wonder Years. " He clenches his teeth angrily "Celeste will love it." Awkwardly I pull the mini-cassette out of my sweater pocket and slide it towards Logan.
"I was going through some of my stuff and I, uh, found this." Part of me feels bad giving this to him If he's having such a hard time with a white-washed version of Lily I don't know how he'll be able to handle clips of the real Lilly, clips of him and Lily.
"What is it?"
"It's not a violin recital." He picks up the tape and looks at me with a trace of appreciation. He's not smiling but his eyes are no longer trying to set me up in flames. "Anyways I thought you might be hungry seeing how you skipped lunch." I push the bag of food towards him as a slight peace offering. His lips twitch upwards and he almost smiles
"You didn't, uh, lace this with cyanide did you?" He gives me a sarcastic smirk and for the first time in a long time we share a laugh.
"No, no it's perfectly edible."
"That answers my next question then." He says with another devilish smirk "You didn't make it." I shove his arm and laugh as well. As if Logan suddenly realizes who he is sharing a laugh with a stony mask slips back on his face. "I've got a lot of work to do." I nod quietly and stand at the obvious dismissal.
"Yeah, no me too." I don't want to test to the truce, nor do I really want to be friends with Logan again. The tape was for Lilly. The food was…well I guess the food was for Logan but hey, I'm a marshmallow.
The two days until Homecoming creep by slowly. The wait is magnified by the fact that the results from the paternity tests should be here any day now. In a few days I'll know if I almost slept with my brother and if the man who has stood by me since before I could walk is really my father. I shake off the thought as Troy knocks on the door. Tonight is the dedication ceremony. I insisted on driving myself so that I
could make a quick getaway or stay longer and Troy insisted he follow me in his car so we can arrive together. This should make me happy. My sweet, hot boyfriend wants to stand by me through Lilly's so badly that he drove 10 minutes out of his way. Really it just pisses me off because he knows nothing about Lily and I'd rather spend the night alone than with someone who couldn't appreciate the loss.
"Ready?" He asks a carefully formed concerned smile on his face. I give a tight nod and brush past him not doing a good job at hiding my displeasure.
The ceremony screams Celeste. A professional photo of Lily with a perfectly demure look on her face stares back at me and it creeps me out how the photographer managed not to capture a single slice of her spirit. It worries me more that her mother thought it was the best representation. Troy tries to hold my hand and I grumble something about needing to take pictures for the Navigator and leave him standing uncomfortably in the crowd. Celeste drones on and on about Lily being a dedicated member of the Neptune community and Duncan reveals a fountain that screams everything but Lily. Celeste gives Logan a nod and he starts the video. Pictures of a younger Lily places to classical guitar music float across the screen and I feel a rush of disappointment that Logan didn't use the clips I gave him. Tears prick in my eyes as I quickly snap some photos of the fountain before turning to leave. Suddenly the music changes and Lilly's unforgettable voice rings out.
"Hello America! You wanted Lily. Now you got her. Now sit back and enjoy the ride." Wild and inappropriate clips of Lily drinking, laughing and flashing oncoming traffic play in rapid succession, our Homecoming dresses giving away the source of the clips. "You love me don't you." The video ends on a clip of Lily leaning out the limo window letting the window toss her golden hair. Jake is crying and Duncan awkwardly puts an arm around his shoulder. Logan is staring at me waiting for my reaction. It's not that he cares what I think but he knows I am the only one besides Duncan who would know how Lily would feel about it. I smile genuinely at him hoping to tell him with that gesture that there was no doubt in my mind that Lily was sitting in heaven squealing in delight at Celeste's horrified face. Logan's expression turns from apprehensive to grateful and he shoots me his first genuine smile of the year.
I walk to the fountain and stare at it as the crowd disperses. I was hoping to talk to Duncan but Celeste had whisked him away before I had a chance to offer him any form of compassion. The unmistakable sounds of heavy footprints sounds behind me and I'm about to tear Troy a new one for not leaving me alone like I explicitly instructed when I whip around to see Logan. My expression softens and I quickly berate myself for letting my guard down in front of him. The truce is temporary Logan doesn't want you back and I don't want him back. It's that simple.
"It's an overwhelming gesture." Logan says nodding towards the fountain. I try to forget that I hate him and he hates me and I offer the softest smile I can.
"She would have been so proud of you." I was going to say she would have been so happy but I knew he already knew that. No one ever noted Logan's accomplishments ever. Hiis parents, teachers even his friends attributed Logan's success in anything to his money or his position. I knew that tomorrow our truce would be back to meaning that we didn't talk to each other but I need him to know that I knew he was the reason Lily Kane was remembered as the girl she was. He didn't say anything just swallowed a ball of emotion and nodded before walking towards his Xterra. His eyes told me he understood though, that saying Lilly would be proud meant I was also proud.