Same Disclaimer as before

Chapter 18

Early April 2009, Hong Kong

"I'm sorry, Ruth, but I can't do this anymore." And with that, Harry turned around and started to walk away from her. Ruth felt cold and she started to shiver uncontrollably. She wanted to cry but somehow could not find her voice and there were no tears. She just stood there, fists clenched and wished that there was something she could do to make Harry turn around again. She could not remember the last time she felt so helpless. She felt as though something was restraining her.

Then she woke up, with her heart still beating a little faster than normal. Before she even had a chance to orientate herself, she felt Harry's arms around her waist and she heard him asking from behind her, gently, "bad dream? Want to talk about it?"

Harry?! Ruth vaguely remember discussing with Harry till 3 in the morning where they stood with each other when he suggested that they both needed some rest and the next thing she knew, Harry dragged her off to bed, her bed, and she fell asleep with Harry's arms around her. It was not a deep, relaxing kind of sleep but the kind which was brought on after one's tear ducts had received a bit of a workout. Nothing further had happened. Both of them were still fully clothed.

Ruth gave Harry's hands a little squeeze to indicate that she was alright. Except for that farewell on the docks before she left London, Ruth had never been thisclose to Harry before and now that she had regained consciousness, she felt awkward and nervous.

Ruth reached over and used the remote on the bedside table to turn on the TV in the bedroom. She wanted to find out how much damage the typhoon had caused overnight to the outside world. The winds have stopped howling and though it was still raining, it was not raining as hard as before. She needed to know whether they had lowered the typhoon signal; if they had, that would mean having to go to her office, but if they had not yet lowered the number 8 signal, she could have more time off. Just then, she remembered that this was Saturday morning and she did not have to go to her office regardless of whether the typhoon was still around. She had brought back a stack of papers which she could mark at home. She made sure that the volume on the TV was turned down since she was not sure whether Harry was interested in the local news.

"Can you understand what they are saying," Harry asked sleepily. He could not understand a word of the news report on TV since it was all in Cantonese.

"Enough to know what's going on. We have a number of 24 hour local news channels but they are all in Cantonese. In a minute when they've finished with the typhoon news, I can switch it over to CNN or the BBC for you."

"No, that's fine. I don't want to know what's going on outside. I just want to stay here with you … in bed … forever." Harry held Ruth closer to him and started to nuzzle the back of her head and her neck.

"I've been making half-hearted attempts to learn Chinese and Japanese, but I'm afraid I haven't done very well. It was only to pass the time. Cantonese is so very different from Mandarin. I know enough Cantonese to speak to taxi drivers, but every time I try to say something in Cantonese to my students, they laugh at my accent, so I've stopped trying. And contrary to popular belief, Japanese is not similar to Chinese … oh …"

Ruth could now feel Harry's lips on her neck, so she abandoned the discussion on her language aspirations and turned around slowly to face Harry. Harry inhaled a lungful of Ruth's scent and decided that this was so much better than just plain oxygen.

"How much leave did you take for this trip?"

"Two weeks. Why do you ask?"

"Just thinking what am I going to do with you for the next two weeks. I assume that you have been assigned a security detail."

"Yes, her name is Amy and she's very pretty." Harry had obviously recovered from that early morning discussion and was now in a flippant mood.

"Oh good, then she can take you to Disneyland, Ocean Park and the other touristy places whilst I stay at uni and do some work," said Ruth in a very matter-of-fact manner.

"Well, I didn't come to sightsee," said Harry, rapidly trying to dig himself out of the hole he had just put himself in. "Everything I've always wanted to see is right here, in front of me. I'll go wherever you want me to. I'm easy. I can think of a couple of things we can do, together, which wouldn't even require us having to leave this apartment," said Harry hopefully.

"Do you really think that that's such a good idea?" Ruth gave Harry a seriously disapproving look. "You seem to forget that this is a town where Sherman Tang has eyes and ears everywhere. I know that my apartment has not been bugged but then again, I haven't done a sweep in the last month."

Don't you just love her? Other women might spend their evenings doing their hair or nails, but this one here sweeps her apartment for bugs! How can there be anyone else for me? The fact remained that the mere mention of Sherman Tang's name at a time like this had a better effect on Harry than a cold shower. The last thing I want is to be caught in flagrante delicto by Sherman's watchers. Harry was not in any hurry to consummate the physical side of their relationship. He had just managed to coax Ruth back into his arms, so he was not about to scare her off by jumping her bones right away. I can take things nice and slow. Until you get on that plane to London with me, I'd be well advised to walk around on eggshells.

"Well, I guess you're right, in which case I better call the lovely Amy and tell her to come and fetch me. I really ought to check into my hotel …" Harry took his free arm off Ruth's waist and he was in the middle of trying to extricate his other arm from underneath her body when he noticed that Ruth was still clinging onto to him. Hmmm, this is interesting …

"No … you can stay … as long as you behave," Ruth muttered into his chest.

Well … in that case, yes ma'am, don't mind if I do . Harry immediately put his arm back around Ruth's waist but he asked, "I thought we were worried about Sherman and his watchers."

"Screw Sherman!"

"Oh no, please don't do that, my love, its me you're supposed to want to … " Harry's pathetic little joke was rewarded with a thump on the chest. "Ouch! When did you become so violent?" Ok, Ok, I heard you the first time. Wait till that plane lands in London, then I'll show you how badly I can misbehave …

"When I said behave, I meant it." Ruth noticed that Harry had just unleashed one of his pouts on her so she put her fingers across Harry's lips to push that pout back in place. You should know by now that that pout doesn't work on me, well, not all the time anyway.

Harry knew from the outset that with Ruth, it was never going to be just a quick shag, a fling or an affair because she deserved much more respect than that. Harry had noticed a long time ago that Ruth had a distinct lack of self confidence when it came to dealing with personal relationships. He saw that again earlier this morning when Ruth was prepared to walk away from a love triangle without putting up a fight, even though she was told that there was no triangle to start with. He was not going to comment on this in case it was interpreted as judgmental. Once Ruth is fully immersed in a stable and loving relationship, she'd be alright; and as for the person who is going to help build that relationship, I know just the man for the job!

"What did you tell the others about the purpose of this trip? This seems an unlikely place for a senior MI5 officer to go for a holiday."

"Only the DG and the Home Secretary know the real purpose of my visit, or rather, the 'official' real purpose. I've told Connie, of course, and I think she's telling anyone who wants to know that I came for some yacht race."

"What, the South China Sea race? You're a bit early for that. This year's race won't take place until the weekend you're supposed to leave."

"Oh. I better tell Connie to update her information on this subject."

"Does it mean that you're expecting me to fly back with you at the end of two weeks?"

"I would hope so. Why, would that be a problem?"

"Its just that I don't know if I can wind things down here in such a short time. As far as the students are concerned, end of term will take place next week. For the teaching staff, there will be endless staff meetings and papers to be marked until the results are announced in early July."

"I can always extend my leave. I'm not leaving without you. I don't ever want to take my eyes off you again." It was Harry's turn to give Ruth a serious look.

"Let me have a word with the Head of my Department in a few days' time and see if we can work something out."

"Please do that. Maybe you can ask that new best friend of yours to lean on him."

"That's not funny!" Ruth gave Harry another disapproving look.

Harry smiled sheepishly, ran his fingers through Ruth's hair and kissed her forehead. That gesture was just to test the waters, to see if a simple act like that would count towards misbehaviour.

"Harry, do you feel that we've been used as pawns in somebody else's game?" Ruth was thinking of Sherman and Horace.

"I know what you mean," replied Harry, who was also thinking of Sherman at this point, "and it wouldn't be the first time. Sometimes we play with other people's lives, sometimes other people get to play around with our lives. It's the nature of our job, I suppose." I still don't have enough information to understand why Sherman had set up such an elaborate scheme to give Ruth back to us. Then again, the Chinese did have this reputation for never being straightforward or upfront in their dealings. I suspect Ruth might know something, though she's not telling. I won't press her. She'll tell me soon enough, when she's good and ready …

Ruth did not like Sherman Tang who was altogether too cold and calculating. At the same time, she could not bring herself to hate the man since his machinations were responsible for bringing Harry back into her life. As for Horace, she wondered whether she would ever see him again once she went back to London. She had not heard from him since Christmas, but then again, it was not unusual for him not to call for months at a time. If she returned to the Service, there was a good chance that she might run into him again on work related matters. She would have liked to have been able to say goodbye and thank him for having looked after her these past few years.

Harry saw that Ruth was lost in thought a million miles away. He wanted to bring her back to the here and now.

"I don't care how they play the game, as long as I get the girl in the end." Harry's hand had found its way under Ruth's pajama top and was now caressing her back. Any minute now, he was expecting to be told off again.

"Have you? Got the girl, I mean?" Ruth gave Harry a quizzical look.

"I think so, don't you?" Harry became worried and stopped caressing Ruth's back for a moment. He relaxed when he saw that the serious look in Ruth's eyes had a twinkle to it. He knew that she was only teasing and his hand went back to enjoying the silky smoothness of Ruth's back. Good, I haven't been told to withdraw my hand yet.

Ruth thought about their situation some more. Something was still bothering her. "Are you sure you've cleared everything with Whitehall?"

Harry decided that certain non-essential information just became reclassified as essential information. He had to tell Ruth about his suspension and resignation.

"I've resigned, or at least I think I have. Before I came out here, I left a resignation letter with the DG which is undated. They are free to date it and make it effective at any time."

When she heard, she looked worried and struggled to get out of Harry's arms. Although Harry tried to hold on tight, Ruth still managed to pull herself to a sitting position.

"You should have told me! Had I known about this, I wouldn't have agreed to …" Ruth was quite upset about this.

"That's precisely why I didn't tell you earlier! I'm determined that you should have your life back, regardless of what happens to me, and there's nothing you can do about it. That's not negotiable." Harry started to become a little worried. "Don't you think that you have suffered enough for me and for your country?"

Ruth did not say anything but looked a little angry and concerned.

"Look, things have gotten particularly nasty these last couple of years. I am mired in all that treachery and deceit day in and day out. We don't know who our friends are, we don't know who our enemies are. I'm not sure I can take much more of this for much longer." Harry then began to tell her about events which had taken place in London since she left, about Yalta, dealings with Iran and the CIA, the Government sponsored assassination attempt on himself and his team in Section D, and a variety of other ops. He told her about the battles he had to wage with the Government and the other security services. He told her how he felt about losing Ros, Adam and Zaf.

This was the unexpurgated version of events which had taken place in the last three years, not some second hand report from a foreign spook watching from afar as an interested bystander. For the first time since Harry came into her office yesterday afternoon, Ruth took a real hard look at him and she saw a man worn down by constant battle. She heard the frustration in his voice and saw the weariness in his eyes. She had seen this in Tom Quinn before, when he was totally burnt out and quit the Service as a result. But she knew that Harry was a stronger man than Tom, and that he only needed love and support in order to recharge his energy. She reached out to caress Harry's face, a small gesture to tell him that everything would be alright.

Three years ago, Ruth was ready to give up her life and career so that Harry could have his. But it did not look as if she achieved anything by leaving. The Americans were still getting away with renditions, and the battles which Harry had been fighting kept getting bigger and nastier. Now, after all these years of running and relocating, Ruth was feeling tired. She had been given a second chance where Harry was concerned and it felt good to be in his arms. Ruth told herself that maybe it was time to rethink her priorities. As long as I want to be with him, it shouldn't matter whether he continues to work for the Service or not. If Harry leaves the Service, there'd be little point in my rejoining them. If he stays with the Service, I could do worse than rejoin, stand alongside him and help him fight the good fight. And if the Chinese experience is anything to go by, Section D ought to be gearing up for the 2012 London Games right about now and they will need all hands on deck.

This was the first time in a long, long time that Harry was able to really unburden his soul and he felt a total sense of relief as he poured out his heart to Ruth. As a former soldier and an experienced spook, he had been trained all his life to hold everything in, but there were times when he felt really scared, helpless and alone in his job, and those were the times when he could really use a friend and confidante. He could never talk like this to any one else, except maybe Connie, but his affections for Connie was not in the same category as his feelings for Ruth. He looked into Ruth's eyes and found himself bathed in a sea of blue/grey comfort. It felt as if someone had applied a soothing balm to his tortured soul. He did not ever want to look anywhere else. This woman understands me and supports me, and if I am to be judged by any one, I only want to be judged by her.

"Are you really sure you want to resign over me?" Ruth had stopped being angry. She had decided to forgive Harry for having withheld certain information from her.

"Its not a question of trading my job for your life. I don't really care anymore what the DG wants to do with my resignation letter, though he did say that he wants a word after I get back, so who knows what's going to happen. I've always known that this was a dangerous and difficult job, and if I can have you back by my side, I am prepared to continue doing it until its time for me to go. I need you there to remind me that there is still a positive side to human nature, that there can be affection and tenderness in this crazy world. Don't worry about me, my love, I can take care of myself. Lets just concentrate on rebuilding your life first. I am so sorry for everything you've had to go through. I would do anything to make it up to you." Harry kissed her tentatively, since he was not sure whether that counted as misbehaviour under the house rules. It was something he had wanted to do ever since he laid eyes on Ruth in her office yesterday afternoon. That kiss helped to soften Ruth back into Harry's embrace.

"You know, Ruth, apart from the money that we arranged for you when you first left, the Government won't be able to give you any monetary compensation for the pain and suffering you have gone through."

"I know, I wasn't expecting any," Ruth said softly. "I didn't use the money Malcolm had set up for me in case anyone was using that trail to find me. I wasn't expecting you to use that trail." Ruth gave Harry an apologetic look. "The University started to pay me quite soon after I arrived here, so I was alright for money and it wasn't necessary to tap into those funds."

"Your little stash has been earning interest all this time, and with the movement of the exchange rate for Euros the last couple of years, you're sitting on quite a pile of money. They won't take that money away from you, they can't, I won't let them. On my part, apart from my love and affection, I can offer you something else, assuming that that sort of thing means anything to you."

"And what would that be?"

"A title."

"You mean …" Ruth did not know quite what Harry meant though she had a vague idea what it was.

"Yes, Ruth, that is exactly what I mean."

"But Harry, isn't it a little too premature to think so far ahead?" Ruth felt a little uneasy. Harry could feel her body stiffen again. He had just stepped on a couple of eggshells.

"I know it's a little early for a proposal, but given your propensity to misunderstand or misjudge my intentions over the years," Harry narrowly dodged a jab in the chest from Ruth, "I want to put this on the table now so that we're both 'on the same page', as the Americans love to say. We've lost so much time already in this relationship that I think it is absolutely necessary that we check this item on the 'to-do' list sooner rather than later."

Actually, Harry did not care what sort of label people might want to pin on him and Ruth as long as they were in a committed relationship. Harry had sworn off marriage ever since his first one ended, badly. Over the years, he would gladly preach to whoever was within earshot what an inhuman concept the institution of marriage was. It was very unnatural, he would argue, to subject a human being to a constant state of compromise. But Harry failed to see one fundamental flaw in his argument, which was the fact that the success of personal relationships really depended on the chemistry between the people involved. With Sandra, Harry was not ready to have the chat, but with Ruth, he initiated it. Harry should know that if the right partner was involved, 'a compromise' would somehow be regarded as 'a wonderful idea' or 'a logical choice'.

"But …"

"Listen, there used to be a time when courtships were conducted quite differently. In those days, when a gentleman asked to step out with a lady, they both knew where they were headed. Don't look at me like that, I was referring to the altar and not the bedroom. You know how it goes, I'm sure you've read all the books by Jane Austen and the others. I'm just being old fashioned. Where you're concerned, my intentions are entirely honourable, I am in this for the long haul."

"I knew you were old, but I didn't think that you were that old fash… ," Ruth started to tease.

"I'm not expecting an answer right away. In fact, I'd like you to take your time and be sure. Whenever you're ready, let me know and I will stage the whole traditional routine."

"Harry …"

"And if at any time you feel that you are unlikely, ever, to want to take up my offer, again, please let me know. I will be heartbroken, of course, but I will not stand in your way. At least by then, we would have given this relationship a try." Harry tried his best to sound as convincing as possible.

"You're a silly man …" Ruth kissed him on his cheek to drive home her point. She noticed that she kept hearing this kind of talk from Harry, how he was ready to walk away and leave her alone. Ruth wondered if he could really walk away from her, any more than she could really walk away from him.

Harry then got busy placing chaste little kisses on Ruth's forehead, tip of her nose and her cheeks. Just testing the boundaries of acceptable behaviour … He was rudely interrupted by scratching noises from the other side of the bedroom door followed by a few loud 'meows'. Harry had deliberately locked Nikoo out of the bedroom when he dragged Ruth off to bed. Who knows whether that stupid cat has been recruited by Sherman?

"Nikoo will have to come with me, is that alright?"

"I suppose so. We can't let you go home without taking the 'love of your life' with you, now can we? You better get his passport ready, or he'll have to spend six months in quarantine. He'll also have to learn to be nicer to me."

"Don't worry about it. Now that he can smell your scent in this bed, he will change his attitude towards you."

"How do you know that? Have you had other …" Harry then decided against finishing his question. He knew that he had no right to ask Ruth this sort of question. In any case, it did not matter. All Harry wanted, from this point onwards, was to have Ruth as his life partner.

"I just know my cat, that's all."

"Earlier, you said that you have no home to go back to. You can always stay with me when we get back, if that idea is not too repulsive."

"Well, I suppose I just might be able to live with that, until I find my own place." Ruth was already worried about what people in the Service might say once they found out that not only had she been resurrected and reinstated, she was also cohabiting with Harry. But she decided not to say anything because she knew that if she did, she would only be told off by Harry for caring too much about what other people said.

"Yes, of course," said the spider to the fly. "But the UK property market right now is a little crazy and you'd be well advised to wait till the market goes down a little more before investing in bricks and mortar. Maybe I can arrange for your little stash to be invested in something more liquid for the time being, like stocks and shares and …"

"I see, so you're after my money …," joked Ruth.

"You didn't think that I came half way across the world just for your body …" Harry said with a straight face.

Ruth knew that Harry was just teasing so she responded by simply giving him a big grin.

Oh my god, I've forgotten about the dimples. That has got to be the most beautiful smile in the whole world. I must remember to say or do something on a daily basis from now on so that I get to see that smile, and those dimples, all the time.

"… though it goes without saying that I'm after your body as well." This time Harry anticipated the strike and was able to stop Ruth's hand before she thumped him again on the chest. "And just so you know, as long as you're staying with me, you won't be getting your own room."

"Hmmm, that's OK," said Ruth without missing a beat, "Nikoo and I have always shared a bed."

"I do not share my bed with furry little animals."

Ruth giggled and Harry realized that he had been had, once again. He started to tickle her. Ruth laughed and snuggled closer to Harry. "By the way, I still have your cat from the last time you left me," Harry reminded her.

"That's right! How is Fidget?"

"He's alright, I think, we mostly leave each other alone. He's a little bossy where my dog is concerned. He might have a hard time getting used to your latest love."

"You know, they say that when a cat winks, it's saying to you, 'I love you'."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I don't think that I've ever seen a cat wink."

"You have to build up a relationship with the cat and be super observant. Nikoo winks at me all the time. That's why I call him 'the love of my life'."

"Well, I don't wink very well."

"But you're not a cat, why would you want to wink?"

"I want to get the same message across to you."

"What do you mean?"

"I love you." Rules be damned! Harry then gave her a lingering and passionate kiss, just to make sure that she knew that he meant what he just said, and not that he was trying to speak 'cat'.

I won't ever let anything or anyone take you away from me again.

That's it, we're done.

A big THANK YOU for the faithful who have come along for this ride. I hope you have enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed spinning it.

Now, one last time, a review or two would be nice.