A/N: Wad up Delinquents?! (In memory of Pats) Anyway, I know it's been…awhile since I updated this, but I had really wanted to get RB to the point that it's at now. Now the real dilemma happens, both of my fav fics are at the crucial point of drama! Who knows what'll be updated next; I'm hoping to get back to the I updated this one and now the other gets updated, but we shall see. Who's loving this season of IS?! Yeah, everyone. So excited for March 6 and the soundtrack! Less than 1 week away! Score! Anyway, sorry it's been awhile, I hope you love it. Italics Lyrics to Cold's Black Sunday.
Chapter 18
I can't breath at all
Three hours of trading what has happened in the last three years. Three hours of crying, remembering, pain, and torture.
It hurts to think
We were all silent now, trying to figure out what next? Where do we go from here?
That time could heal my wounds
The more Tommy told me about Jessica – how much he loved her – made me sick. That woman is crazy. She didn't deserve his love and admiration.
Feeling I've been betrayed
"What's next?" Sadie asked softly, her eyes full of worry, concern, sadness, and apology.
Black Sunday
I shrugged. I hated this. I hated what Jessica did to my husband. I can deal with the memory loss. I can't deal with him in love with someone else.
Still burns you in my thoughts
"Well, Tom said he wanted to try and get his life back." Kwest said and gave Tommy a look that asked if it was still true.
I watched Tommy as he sighed and nodded tiredly. This night has been emotionally exhausting, but I don't think any of us would be able to go to bed now.
I can't sleep at all
"Makes sense to start with the beginning." Kwest stated with a shrug.
"With the accident?" I asked, wondering how that would help.
"No. With the hospital." Kwest said, matter of factly.
I glanced over at Tommy who was looking contemplative. He always hated doctors and hospitals and what not. I think it's because they take away your independence. But now, his eyes showed no sign of objection.
Now you're gone away
"It wouldn't hurt to get tests done." Sadie stated, looking thoughtful. "They might know what exactly triggered the memory loss."
Tommy nodded his agreement and turned to look at me, as if asking for my approval. I felt tears sting my eyes. He was always so confident before…
"Jude?"
"Excuse me." I said hurriedly and ran from the room, holding back a sob.
I can't fake this anymore
The house suddenly felt small and claustrophobic. I sniffed and took a deep breathe before going outside on the front porch.
I closed my eyes, tears willing up. I knew I shouldn't be like this. I was happy Tom was alive and back in my life. But this… I took a shuddering breathe and looked up at the stars shining against the black sky.
Guess I could blame it all, on God's game
I heard the door open and close softly behind e. I didn't need to turn around to see who it was.
"Jude, I…" Tommy started to say and paused. I turned around to face him, a sigh escaping my lips. "I'm sorry." He said, looking down at his shoes.
Or explain what my life's for
"it's not your fault." I told him, meaning every word. "It's just…" I threw up my hands. "Jessica"
"Jude-"
"She lied, Tommy." He sighed this time.
"There must have been a"
I gave him an incredulous look that stopped him mid sentence. I had to look away from him. He actually…
"Like a good reason makes it ok." I snapped, bitterly.
"I didn't say that it was right!" He argued, his voice raising several octaves.
Caught in a Winter's Rain
He sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do." He told me honestly. I closed my eyes, I didn't want to cry. "I'm confused." He continued, stepping closer to me. "Part of me wants to spin you around and kiss you senseless." His hand settled on my arm, sliding down slowly and carefully to my hand, which he turned over and intertwined our fingers.
"And the rest of you?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly from our closeness.
"Is confused." He admitted. "You're practically a stranger to me, but you're also my wife."
I can't remember a word you said
"I don't want to be a burden to you. Just say the word and I'll leave."
My eyes snapped open and I spun around.
"NO!"
Take away my fear
He gave me a soft smile and nodded. "Ok."
I felt tears sting my eyes again. "I can't lose you again. It'd hurt too much."
Please hold onto me
"I'm not going anywhere." He told me, giving me a warm smile. "Unless you want me to."
"God, no." I said with everything I had. I wanted to throw my arms around him and cry, but I didn't want to scare him away either. I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves.
I'm falling
Tommy reached out slowly tentatively and laid his palm on my cheek, his thumb slowly, caressing my flesh. I closed my eyes at the feeling. Months ago, I never thought we'd be here, him and me, again. I had given up and to have him here again…I felt a tear escape my eyes.
"Don't cry Jude." He told me softly. I sniffed and opened my eyes, looking into his deep blue eyes.
"Aren't I suppose to be taking care of you?"
"You've been strong for months," He told me, squeezing my hand. Weird that I wasn't aware of it until then. "It's amazing you hadn't broken yet."
"Are you sure you don't remember being my husband?" I asked, slightly jokingly and partly serious. He gave me a sad smile.
We stood like this for a long moment, just staring into each others eyes. I wondered if he was going to kiss me; it always seemed like he wanted to. Screw it, I thought, placing my hands on his shoulders to stabilize myself as I went up on the toes of my feet and kissed him.
Falling…
The kiss was supposed to be quick, but once my lips connected with his, it felt like home. His hands moved and pulled me closer to him as mine snaked around his neck, my fingers tangling into his soft, silky hair. My body felt alive again for the first time since the accident. I felt a moan rise deep in my throat, and my lungs began to burn from lack of oxygen. I didn't care. I could stay like this forever.
Tommy pulled back and I whimpered involuntarily. He gave me a small smile and rest his forehead against mine.
"As much as I'd love to continue this…"
"You don't"
"Jude, let me finish." He old me, taking my hands in his and caressing the backs of my hands. "As much as I think we both want to let this get out of hand," he took a deep breath, "I'm afraid I'll just disappoint you."
"Tommy-"
I will trade it all
"No, Jude. Time's not right yet." He told me and I sighed. I took my hands away from his and moved away from him. Tommy stopped me before I could get back to the door by grabbing my arm, gently. I stopped and closed my eyes. He moved behind me and ran his hands down my arms. I shivered, and it wasn't from the cold.
For another day
"You'll want the memory of who I was and I can't promise that." He finished. I nodded my understanding and took deep breath to calm myself.
"We should probably get back," I stated, "Sadie and kwest probably want to get home."
"Yeah."
Just to feel you and your warmth
We went back inside and headed towards the kitchen. On the way, my eyes landed on our wedding picture, just before we traded rings. It was a beautiful shot of us with the minister between us, the alter and stained glass windows behind us.
But even pictures fade
I turned away from it, wishing that we'll get back to that kind of happy.
Black Sunday
"Jude?"
"Coming!" I called, taking another glance at the picture before going back to the others.
Still burns you in my thoughts.