A/N: FINALLY! I finished it! OMG, I must say, I'm so incredibly sorry this has taken…over a month (?) to get posted, but as you know from Running Back, life is insanity! This chapter needed a lot of my time. This chapter…I'm proud of. I think it expresses the connection and Briana…gah! I love it! I'm glad I ended it around here because this is the best way to restart this fic. I've reworked the ending of the plot – I had a relatively non-dramatic conclusion – and I'm excited to get this rolling again! I hope you like this chapter and, as always, reviews/comments are always appreciated. Please let me know what you think of Briana's character. I had a hard time writing her and I wonder if she sounds too mature or immature for a 5 year old. It's one of those 'gray' ages I think. I think I got her ok…but let me know. Criticism is always appreciated. Um….anything else I want to ramble about…OH! Instant Star…grrrrr! That is all I will say. Jommy will prevail! And if it doesn't…well, that's why I'm writing Someone in Control. …. OK, that's it. I'm done rambling because those of you who read these ramblings for whatever weird reason and feel compelled to "listen" to my weirdo probably makes no sense talk cuz it's after midnight and I'm too freaking excited about getting this posted and let you read the fic cuz that's really why you're here and I think this is probably the longest runon sentence in the history of author notes and what the hell, let's make it longer by saying NOW GO READ THE CHAPTER AND ENJOY!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to funkymunk on how to "fix" fanfiction to get a new chapter up!!!!!!
Chapter 20
We made it home with no real big incident. Briana chatted merrily away about school as if no time had passed. When we picked her up, she immediately hugged my legs and told me I wasn't allowed to leave again. The small act rendered me speechless and then she let go of me and started boasting about Aunt Sadie letting her watch Cinderella all day long, causing Jude to laugh and me to smile.
We got home and Jude had Bri but her Cinderella backpack in her room. Jude looked at me expectantly as if asking what I thought of our daughter.
"She reminds me of you." I told her and Jude laughed. "What?"
"I always thought she took after you."
I smiled and looked down at the floor a moment and back up at her. "She's a good kid."
Before Jude could say much more, Briana came running down the stairs.
"Bri! No running in the house!" Jude yelled but the girl continued to do it anyways. I couldn't help but chuckle and Bri stopped just before me. Her little hand reached up and took a handful of my pants and tugged gently at it, trying to get my full attention. I glanced at Jude and then down at my daughter, not sure how to handle the situation.
"Daddy?" Her little voice said, looking up at me with her big sapphire eyes and I felt my heart melt. This little girl was going to have me wrapped around her little finger within the next 24 hours, I knew it.
"Yeah Bri?" I asked, kneeling down to her level. I noticed she had a large piece of paper clutched to her chest and she swayed a bit. "What's that?" I asked, pointing at her paper.
She smiled at me and held it out to me. I took the paper and looked down at it and felt a smile come to my face. It was a picture she drew, pretty good for a five-year-old honestly, with what looked to be like people suppose to be me, Jude, and Bri.
"Mommy said your brain is sick and it can't mem…rem…mememberer." She stated, amazingly good for a girl her age. "I drew it for you Daddy," She finished and came closer to me to stand with her back against me as she pointed things out on the drawing. "See, this is me, and you, and mommy, and our house." I suddenly felt like I was going to cry. I was stunned, touched, and so unbelievably proud of my little girl.
"Thanks Bri." I managed to say. I reached up and ruffled her hair and she beamed proudly at me. I glanced over at Jude to see her watching us with a loving look in her eyes. I looked away from Jude and back at Bri. "Did you draw this at school?" I asked her and she nodded vigorously, turning around to face me.
"Miss M says I'm the best drawer in my class!" She said proudly. I felt my smile grow larger.
"I bet you are."
"Maggie says she's the bestest but Miss M says I draw very good and bootifully!" Briana bragged.
I saw Jude move out of the corner of my eyes and I craned my gaze up at her to see her standing just behind me.
"I don't know about you, but I think this picture is Refrigerator worthy." Jude stated in a joking tone. She winked at me and I heard Bri gasp. Her eyes went wide and she started to bounce excitedly.
"Hmmm," I said, looking down at the picture. Briana kept staring at me, waiting for the verdict. "Yeah, I think it's good enough." Briana practically burst and squealed excitedly. I handed the picture up to Jude, trying very hard not to laugh. Jude took it from me and left the room, Briana rushing after her and I was able to let out my laugh.
I stood up from my crouch and followed her into the kitchen. I saw Bri beaming at her picture hung up on the fridge by magnets in all four corners. She admired it a moment and then ran off to do…whatever it was she did. Jude looked over at me as I finished entering the room.
"What?" I asked and she shook her head.
"It's just," She looked down and took a breath and looked back up at me. "You're so good with her."
"I was just…going with the flow." I offered and she gave me a small smile.
"I think you're more like yourself than you realize." She stated, her voice heavy with emotion.
"Do you know how weird that sounds?" I asked her with a smile to let her know I was trying to make light of the situation. She laughed a bit.
"You're right. It does seem weird."
"Thanks, though." I told her with a heavy sigh. "It's good to know I'm doing something right."
Jude's gaze turned sympathetic and she reached out and laid a comforting hand on my arm. I glanced down at it and then back up at her. Our gazes locked and I found myself unable to look away from her eyes. They were soft with emotion, and slightly teary. Her gaze reminded me of a clear summer day and it was hypnotic. Just staring into her eyes I felt … a connection that I could never try to explain but it was strong and I was captivated by her. I could have stayed like this for an eternity and never cared.
"Mommy!" I heard Bri yell and we both startled back into reality. I didn't know when, but we had moved closer together during our moment and were now standing almost toe-to-toe. Jude stepped back a couple of steps and looked over at Briana.
"Yeah Bri?"
"I'm hungry." Bri stated, her voice pouty. I glanced down at the floor, as if it held the answers to what had just happened. I heard Jude promise to start dinner and I looked up as she began to busy herself in the kitchen. Just watching her seemed so right.
"Want help?" I managed to say and Jude glanced over at me a moment and continued her tasks.
"Sure." She said and I moved over to her and she began to assign small tasks for me and providing clear details where needed, and like that we were making dinner like a real husband and wife.
After dinner was done, Jude, Bri, and I sat down and finished off the evening with Cartoons of Bri's choice. Around 8, Jude and I put Bri to bed and Bri asked Jude to sing her a song instead of a story. Jude obliged and sang a soft song until Bri was asleep. As she sang, I found myself enthralled by Jude's soft, angelic voice. I didn't even listen to the lyrics that closely she was singing, just her soft, comforting tone. It quickly lulled Bri to sleep but she kept singing anyway until her heart was content. While she sang, her eyes shown and a soft smile played at her lips and I knew she was a natural at this.
Once Jude was finished, we slipped out of Bri's room and went back downstairs. Jude changed the channel to some entertainment celebrity gossip type show and I collapsed on the couch next to her. Between Bri and the hospital, I was exhausted.
"You look tired." Jude stated and I glanced over at her.
"You guys wore me out." Jude laughed.
"And to think, this is just day one." She said lightly, but I could see the worry in her eyes that I would take off and leave her again.
"Jude I'm"
I was cut off by the announcer's voice, but Jude and I straightening and listening intently.
"Jude Quincy was seen earlier today with a man who looked eerily like her dead husband, Thomas Quincy,"
Jude and I glanced at each other and then back at the tv.
"Most of you probably remember the accident that took Tommy Quincy's life, leaving behind his wife and two year old Daughter, Briana Quincy." As the woman talked, they played old footage of the aftermath of the crash. I felt Jude tense up next to me and I couldn't bring myself to try and comfort her. I was oddly fascinated with the footage and couldn't bring myself to look away.
"Sources say Jude Quincy was seen leaving Toronto General Hospital earlier today with a Tommy-look-alike. Jude and her representatives have been unable to comment. Stay tuned for further information, but it seems as if Little Tommy Q, husband, father, producer, and multi-platinum artist, is back from the grave."
The atmosphere in the room could not have been thicker. Tension hung in the air and silence seemed to stretch on forever. I couldn't think after seeing this. Jude warned me that the media would pick up with this and run away with my story, but it didn't really hit me until now. I felt…overwhelmed.
"That was…fast." I managed to say, breaking the awkward silence that had fell over us. Jude nodded but didn't say anything. "You ok?" I asked, feeling concerned.
"What? Yeah, I'm…fine." She said, taking her eyes off the screen and looking at me.
"You don't seem fine." I pointed out.
"I wasn't expecting this so soon." She said honestly. "I was hoping for a couple days to let this all sink in."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." She said with a sigh. "When you're in our business, there's nothing you can keep private for long."
"Not even when you're dead." I said, meaning for it to be a joke but after seeing Jude's eyes fill with tears, I instantly regretted the comment. "Jude, I didn't"
"I know." She said, sniffing and looking down at the floor. I watched her, not sure what to do. I wanted to make her feel ok and smile again. Her crying seemed to make something deep inside of me ache and I didn't like the feeling at all. I reached out and lay a hand flat on her back and rubbed calming circles across her back, hoping the gesture gave her some comfort.
We stayed like that a long moment before I stopped, letting my hand stay flat on her back.
"Jude?"
She didn't say anything but I heard her shaky breaths and low sniffles. She was still crying.
I shifted closer to her and she looked up at me, her blue eyes filled with tears and cheeks tear stained. Seeing her pained expression was like a knife through my heart and I wanted to do something…anything, just to see her smile again. See her eyes light up and that glow come back to her face.
Without saying I word I reached out and pulled her into a hug, her body feeling small and frail in my arms. She fit perfectly against me and her arms circled around me and held me tight to her, her hands closing into fists and gripping the material of my shirt. Her face buried into my shoulder and I felt her body shake as she sobbed. I stroked her back and hair, wanting to make her feel better.
"Don't cry Girl," I found myself saying. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
I felt Jude stiffen and she looked up at me suddenly, her eyes searching mine. I mentally started to panic, wondering if I did something wrong. If I crossed a line too soon or…
"You called me 'Girl'." She said, her voice incredulous. I frowned and thought about it. I did call her girl. I don't know why, it just…came out.
"Is that bad?" I asked, and she looked a bit disappointed before shaking her head no.
"You used to call me that." She whispered, sniffling. "Do you remember?" She asked, looking into my eyes, searching for something, some recognition that I remembered.
"I…it just…came out." I said, unable to look into her hopeful expression. I couldn't stand to see the look of disappointment fill her eyes. I felt like I was disappointing her by not remembering the nickname.
Jude reached up with her right hand and caressed my cheek and I raised my gaze back up to see her small smile.
"It's ok." She said softly, almost like she knew what was going on in my head.
"Are you ok?" I asked her, changing the subject.
"I was just…"
"Overwhelmed?" I offered and she smiled.
"Yeah." She breathed out. "I wasn't expecting everything and"
"I'm sorry I made you cry." I told her honestly and she gave me a sad smile.
"It wasn't your fault."
"In a way, it kind of is." I told her and I saw anger flash in her eyes.
"Don't do that!" She scolded, and I felt my eyes widen. "Don't go blaming yourself for things you can't control. It's not your fault you can't remember. If it was anyone's fault, it's Jessica's for messing with your brain two years ago!"
I winced at the volume and anger in her voice. I knew that she was right. Logically, I couldn't help it. I couldn't remember the car accident so I didn't know if there was something I could have done to prevent that. I didn't know. I probably would never know, but something about it I couldn't shake - a feeling of guilt.