She had made herself a promise, that while she was in the bath, she would not think about Tseng. She would not think about him, or work, or especially the North Crater.
And especially not all three of those combined. She saw them enough in her dreams.
But Tseng kept intruding on her thoughts, as calm and averted as she tried to make them. It was not the ravaged, destroyed Tseng of the North Crater she saw, but the Tseng that helped her practice hand-to-hand today; strong, capable Tseng. Calm, relaxed, almost smiling, yet serious about fighting and enjoying getting to beat up on something or someone. Devastatingly handsome Tseng.
It was fairly safe to say that she'd seen him at his absolute worst, and she still thought he was the most breathtakingly handsome man she'd ever met. Which was bad. Extremely, horribly bad.
I thought I'd escaped this stupid crush a year ago. She raked a hand through her hair, sighing. Apparently, she hadn't, and hadn't been smart enough to realize it. I buried my feelings, she realized slowly. I buried them, and thought that that was good enough. But it only took one stupid mistake to bring them back to the surface.
She broke her promise to herself and hung her head. That stupid mission to retrieve Jenova's head. One damned stupid incident, and it's all over, isn't it? I'm a stupid little girl again, the rookie, reduced to slobbering all over his shoes like a bitch in heat.
She hadn't gotten quite that far yet, thank the Gods, and she was going to make damn sure that she didn't get that bad. Ever. If she did, she was going to instruct Rude to shoot her in the head. Rude liked her, and she liked him. He was calm, stolid, and reliable. If necessary, he would do her a favor.
Especially if I tell him why he's going me a favor. Her thoughts, along with her stomach, soured. She'd no doubt that both Tseng and Rufus had known about her crush in the past. She hadn't made much of a secret of it, and even if Tseng was clueless, there was absolutely no way that Rufus was. He knew, he knew everything, and if she started showing interest towards Tseng once again...
Well. She could only imagine what would happen. Rufus would probably call me into his office... dress me down... Gods, what if Tseng was there? What if he just... laughs at me? Worse... what if Rufus dismisses me?
Her throat closed up, and she clenched the sides of the tub in both hands. I'm a Turk. I can't just... stop being a Turk! I can't- I can't lose my job, I can't, I- it's all I am, I need it...
She took slow, deep breaths, sinking lower into the tub. If he dismisses me, I'd kill myself. The thought didn't scare her anymore, not the way it should have. She'd been too close to death to fear it anymore. What she feared was Tseng's ridicule. His and Rufus', and even Reno and Rude's. They were all... so important to her.
Tseng. Her eyes closed and her head fell back against the edge of the tub. She couldn't stop. Her mind wasn't in the fight for her dignity and her job... it was busy peeling Tseng's suit off of him and imagining what he felt like over her, under her, inside her...
Shit. She gripped the edge of tub again as her body tensed. Stop that train of thought before you end up getting yourself hot and bothered.
She was calm. She was relaxed. Yes, that's why her hands were latched so tightly onto the tub that her knuckles were snow-white.
Fuck! She stood swiftly up out of the tub, wavering a bit at the rush of blood to the head because of the heat, and wrapped up in a towel. I need to stop. I need to stop now. This is... this is too much, I can't stop, I can't...
She sat down in the overstuffed armchair- the only piece of furniture in the small living area. Tucking her knees up to her chest, she stared at the floor. Why? I succeeded before? What the hell is stopping me this time?
She didn't know. What had happened? Tseng hadn't done a damn thing when they were captured. He'd glared at Kadaj and the others whenever they'd put a hand on her, but she'd done the same to them when they were hurting him. Nothing special there, of course. I... I care for him, but I wasn't even thinking about that then. He was my partner, a Turk, first. A love second... always.
Before the torment. The beginning. What had happened? I got between one of them- Yazoo, I think. He was the one with guns. I didn't want him shooting Tseng, that would be a terrible way for him to die... He was- is- so much better a fighter than that... I was hit. Her hand went to her side. Yazoo had pulled the shot, she was sure of it. They didn't want dead Turks, they wanted live prisoners.
"Elena!" His voice. That's what it was. He had cried out- all but screamed her name. There was desperation there. It was easy to explain away- oh, she was his partner, that was important...
But...
Couldn't there be more to it than that?
Couldn't he have been frightened to lose her? Because he'd never told her something?
Frightened... as she had been frightened to lose him?
Someday I'll tell him... Someday. Someday I will turn to him, and say "Tseng... I love you." "Or if not that," she said aloud, tone wry, "at the very least that I think he's absolutely hot, and I would do him in a second if he offered."
Her phone rang. She jerked in shock, staring at it. It was the ring tone signifying another Turk was calling. She swallowed, then licked her lips. If it's Tseng, I'll ask him to dinner. That was simple enough, innocent enough.
Her hands shook, and she picked up the phone. Calm down, idiot. You've only got a one in three chance of it being Tseng. Flicking it open, she took a deep breath. "Elena."
"Yo, babe! You free now?"
Her body relaxed, hand going to her forehead. "Reno. What the hell do you want?"
"Aww, someone's not very happy to see me!" Reno's tone was as cheerful as ever, and she wanted to strangle him.
"I can't see you," she pointed out, calming down slowly. It's not Tseng. I can relax.
His next words blew her out of the water. "You want Tseng, right?"
Elena's hands clenched onto the phone. "What?"
"You heard me, babe." She could see his grin, hovering in front of her face. "I'm just gonna take that as a yes..."
"S-so what if I want Tseng?" Elena swallowed, forcing the words out. "What does that matter? I'm not letting it affect me. He's attractive. So are you, so's Rude and yes, so is the boss himself... I don't let any of you affect me!" Her voice was turning hysterical. She forced herself to calm down.
"Elena, babe, something's affecting you... Relax. Breathe. I don't give a damn if you want Tseng, ok? I don't want him. I don't care if it affects how you work with him, got it? He's your partner. Who the hell cares if you're fucking him? It'd probably be good for you. Not the point. I want Rude."
Elena did slowly relax, blinking. "Oh. You and Rude... aren't... already together?"
"You know, you wouldn't believe that you're not the first person to say that." Reno's voice was extremely dry. "Once again, not the point. No, we're not together. Not for lack of me trying. He's totally oblivious, and it's driving me insane!"
Elena didn't doubt that it did. His voice was strained, less flippant than she'd ever heard it, and somehow that frightened her. "Ok, calm down, Reno..."
"Fuck that, Elena! Think about the position I'm in. How would you be if you were living with Tseng and you saw him come out of the shower every day and he's always half naked!"
Elena paused, eyes glazing over for a moment as the image crossed her mind. "...in a towel?"
"Yes, in a goddamned fucking towel! Why the fuck- stop daydreaming!"
"Right, sorry!" Elena hastened to refocus on Reno, and not the tantalizing mental image of her half-naked partner. Reno's problems first, fantasies later. Yes.
"Gods, you're easy to lose." Pot calling kettle, if anyone asked her. "Anyway, I need help. I have tried every idea I have. The only ideas I haven't tried so far is getting injured and having him take care of me, and also getting him drunk. Because the bastard won't get drunk! One beer, maybe two! That's all. I need something... please, Elena, you've got to help me..."
Elena shook her head. "You've got it bad."
"You're one to talk."
He had a point. "Well... have you tried just talking to him?"
"..." The silence on the line told her exactly what she needed to know.
"I see."
"I can't do that..."
"Why not?" Elena raised an eyebrow, sitting back against the chair. "What are you afraid of?"
"I'm not afraid!" The retort was too fast. He was definitely afraid. "Why should I be afraid?"
"Well, to start with, Rude is a hell of a lot bigger than you, probably stronger, maybe faster, possibly smarter... Definitely better with a weapon, more professional, and actually knows how to use his weapons..." Elena ticked off the points on her fingers, holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder.
"Shut up."
Well, that might have had a bit to do with it. Elena decided to enter more dangerous waters. "Then there's the possibility of you becoming attached, and him denying you, or leaving you in some way..."
Dead silence on the other end of the line for just a second, just long enough for Elena's suspicions to be totally confirmed. "Ha, that's stupid! That's a girly reason! I'm not scared! I don't want 'commitment'!"
"Yes, you do." Elena pointed out. "You hesitated. Are you really that afraid of being hurt? I don't think Rude would do that to you. If he wants to be with you, he won't play with you. He doesn't seem to be that kind of guy..."
"I am not goddamned afraid, Elena!"
"Fine." Elena snorted. "Then I can't help you. Go pounce on him in the shower or something. See what I care."
"..."
Uh-oh. That silence was bad. "Reno, is Rude at the apartment right now?"
"Yeah, babe, he's in the shower. I owe you one. Peace!"
"No, Reno, don't! Stop, trust me, he'll-" Dial tone. "Dammit!" She hung up and smacked her forehead with the heel of her hand. Never, ever, ever suggest something stupid to Reno. Because then he'll do it. Poor Rude.
She was going to have to talk to Rude tomorrow and apologize. She had no idea if he would ever find out that she... suggested it to Reno, but if he did, she figured that he wasn't going to be pleased. And she figured he wouldn't find out that she hadn't meant to encourage Reno to molest Rude in the shower.
...that was almost a pretty image. Tseng would be pretty in the shower.
Son of a bitch. She poured herself a glass of wine. I'll get good and drunk, and see if that helps anything. She only hoped it did.
Rude was enjoying his shower. Reno was staying the hell away, which was wonderful, and the hot water was soothing.
I can't believe the boss thought we'd... does he really think we're that unprofessional? He thought about Reno, then sighed. Ok, Did he really think that I was so unprofessional?
Never mind the fact that he wanted Reno... and badly. Last night had been too close. If Reno had tried to get to his room after Rude and locked himself in... Gods, he wouldn't have been able to resist.
He leaned his forehead against the wall, eyes closed. Reno could be annoying and loud and stupid... but he could be so sexy, and so seductive... He just seemed to know what to say or do that would arouse Rude in seconds flat, no matter what. Especially when he was drinking.
Gods, I'm pathetic. He rubbed his head, letting the hot water cascade down his back. Maybe... maybe I should... He touched his own chest, fingers flicking lightly over his nipples. Shivering despite the hot water, he stopped, shaking his head. No. I don't need this. I'm just fine. I do not have sexual tension because of my partner.
The bathroom door opened. Rude froze, and slowly reached for the nearest weapon, the straight-razor he shaved with. Whoever it was moved close to the shower, and Rude pretended to be oblivious, back to the curtain.
"Don't stab me, partner," came the purr, and the curtain was pulled back, and slender arms wrapped around his waist.
Rude's mind shut down, and he stood stiff, unmoving, stunned. The razor was held at his side, and he couldn't raise it. Reno was the one holding him. Apparently shirtless, at that. Oh, Gods. "Reno. Reno, what...?"
"Mm, what? Am I not being clear enough? I sure thought this was going to send a pretty clear message." Rude felt Reno's lips against his neck, and he closed his eyes. "Drop the razor, Rude... you're gonna love this. Trust me."
Rude shuddered. No. I can't do this. I can't. "Stop it, Reno..."
"Why?" Reno purred, nuzzling him gently. His hands slid along Rude's abdomen, then down his hips, slowly inching inward to wrap around his partner's rapidly-hardening erection. "You sure feel like you're enjoying this..." He stepped into the shower, pressing closer to Rude, kissing his neck. "I'm enjoying it too..."
"Are you drunk?" Rude shivered, eyes half-closing. The razor fell from his seemingly-nerveless fingers.
"Nope, sober as I've ever been," Reno murmured, freeing one hand to reach up and turn Rude's head to face him. "I want you."
Rude stood there, staring at him for a moment. His eyes were unveiled, and he met Reno's gaze unblinkingly. "I want you." Reno repeated, slowly, hands sliding up Rude's chest. Twisting around somehow, he managed to press his lips quickly to Rude's.
The kiss was what galvanized Rude into action. He shoved Reno away, overbalancing the younger man and sending him flying out of the shower. Smacking his head on the toilet on the way down, Reno hit the ground hard and lay there, stunned.
Rude froze, staring down at his half-conscious and bleeding partner. "I..."
"Sorry, man..." Reno slurred. "Shoulda listened when y'said no... just wanted to try to show you... that... it'd be fun, you know?"
"No, I'm sorry." Rude quickly knelt down beside him, heedless now of his nakedness. "I overreacted."
"You said no, man." Reno started laughing weakly. Rude checked his eyes, and sighed when he saw one pupil was slightly larger than the other. Concussion. "Shoulda yelled rape." The laughter increased until Reno was all but convulsing with it.
Sighing, Rude shook his head and sat back. "Hold on, Reno, don't move." Moving over to the phone, he quickly punched a number and glanced at Reno again.
"Tseng."
"I have a problem. Reno... fell. He's got what appears to be a mild concussion. I'm of the opinion that we should take tomorrow off to make sure he recovers." Rude trusted Tseng. The senior Turk wasn't an idiot, and he probably knew all about Reno's... insanity.
"...by 'we', I assume you mean yourself and Reno. I'll inform Rufus."
"Thank you." Rude relaxed faintly, nodding. "I don't think he requires hospitalization."
"If he does, take him to the Healing Lodge." Tseng sounded tired; Rude shifted, glancing at Reno again.
"Understood, sir. With all due respect, get some rest."
"Eh? Ah. Yes. Goodnight, Rude."
"Goodnight, sir." Rude hung up, and turned to look at Reno. "How do you feel?"
"Shitty, man." Reno was no longer laughing. His voice was hoarse, and he tried to sit up. Rude stopped him as gently as he could.
"No, don't. Lay back."
"Gotta get up, man, I'm not staying here on the damn bathroom floor all night." Reno tried to get up again and his eyes crossed. He sat back down hard. "Ok... I'll wait a bit to get up... yeah."
Rude sighed and carefully picked Reno up, carrying him to his room. Reno's was a mess, and the last thing they needed was for Rude to fall and hurt himself as well. Once in his room, he gently lay Reno on the bed, sighing. "I am sorry," he said honestly. "I'm sure you're going to be all right."
"What's a few brain cells between friends?" Reno slurred.
"Considering how much you drink, a few may be all you have," Rude muttered, making sure he was as comfortable as he could be.
"Mmmhmm hehe." Reno laughed weakly, and settled back. "I'm dizzy, man. 'Slike bein' drunk, only I'm not buzzed."
"You've never had a concussion before?" Rude raised an eyebrow. He himself had lost count of the number of concussions he'd had at twenty.
"Sure, I've had tons. But they've been during fights, so..." Reno shrugged slowly, eyes closing. "I had bigger things to worry about, ya know?"
"I know." Rude sighed, touching Reno's shoulder. "You shouldn't sleep."
"Yeah, yeah, 'cause I might not wake up. Fuck that." Reno didn't even bother opening his eyes. "I'm going to sleep."
"I'll wake you up every hour on the hour, then." Rude settled back, flicking on a dim lamp and opening a book.
"Do that, and I'll kill you," Reno muttered, relaxing. He was out almost instantly, every muscle in his body relaxing, and he started to snore very softly.
"Heh." Rude smiled faintly, setting his book aside. He hadn't bothered putting his sunglasses back on, and he took the chance to observe his partner in a rare moment of silence and stillness. Reno was never silent, nor still. He was like a small child, that had been given an eternal IV-drip of sugar. Always moving, always active to the point of hyper-activity. He had little patience for anything but a fight.
Or, it seemed, Rude.
I wouldn't call that patience, really. More like... stubbornness. Rude was doing his damnedest not to show interest, yet Reno persisted.
Granted, the shower had almost certainly stopped Reno from thinking that he wasn't interested. If he had ever thought it before. Rude rubbed a hand across his eyes, looking once again at Reno's still, calm face. He's... beautiful like this. He didn't even try to stop the thought. Sighing, he turned off the light and settled back in the small chair.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll have to talk to him... I have to work this out.
Even if it meant, he supposed, admitting a few things to himself. We'll see... we'll see.
A/N: Review, please? Pretty please? Thanks, yo.