Disclaimer: See last chapter and I don't own Family Guy

Alucard's little sister: I know this idea was also used for my second favorite show Full Metal Alchemist done by Drew L., but when I get an idea I go crazy with it.

Josephine: All say, freak.

Alucard's little sister: I heard that!

Josephine: runs off AH! Some one save me!

To play I never

"This is the greatest week I've had in a long time," said Integra as she watched TV. When the commercials started, she turned to see Pip but not Seras. "Wonder where that odd ball went?"

Pip shrugged, "She said something about going online to look something up. She's so weird sometimes."

A few minutes later, Walter came walking over. "I thought you two would be here. Seras wants everyone in the kitchen. She wants to say something."

"I know we already did a group dare, but," said Seras when Integra and Pip entered the kitchen "I dare everyone to play, I never!"

Josephine and Amie burst out laughing as Alucard rolled his eyes. "It has been done a lot," muttered Alucard, "but I need to get away from Sir Hellsing's paper work, so I'm in."

Integra smiled. "Since you were the one who started this, lay out the rules for this," she said.

"Ok, let's see." Seras had to think about this for a moment. "The person that drinks the most losses and each person does one 'I never'…thing. I'll start." she said

"Go right ahead, no one's stopping you," said Alucard. He then muttered, "This should be fun."

I doubt I'll get any body with this one (maybe Pip) but I'll try anyway. Seras cleared her throat. "I've never" she said "romantically kissed anyone of the same sex!"

To everyone's surprise Alucard, Walter, Pip and Sir Hellsing drank on that.

Alucard started laughing. "Before you say anything you guys, all I have to say is that was one crazy New Year." he said and both Walter and Integra started laughing.

Seras cleared her throat. "Ok, so who wants to go next," she asked, "Or, do I have to pick some one to go?"

For a while no one said a word. Walter sighed. "Very well," he said, "I'll go next." He thought for a moment on things he'd never done. Then he actually smiled as he figured out the best one. "I've never lost my temper."

"You'll pay for that butler," growled Integra. She, Seras and Amie drank to that.

Alucard laughed at his Master. "That was kind of obvious," he said. "Maybe you should take an anger management class."

After he said that, Integra hit him on the head with a silver pencil sharpener. "Take that back, vampire," she snapped. "I don't have an anger problem, you moron!"

Everyone else in the room rolled their eyes. Amie shook her head. "Now that we got that cleared, shall we continue this? I'll go next." (There's got to be a way to get Josephine) thought Amie. "I never," she said. She thought it over to make sure that she knew what she was going to say. "I never had a crush on a co-worker."

Pip, Seras, Josephine and Alucard drank on that. Josephine turned to Amie. "You did that on purpose," she hissed. "You just want to see if I can get into trouble with Sir Hellsing. Well, it won't work and I'm so going to get you for this."

"This is turning out to be very funny," said Pip. "For a while, I thought this was going to be boring. I'll go next on this one. Then again, I'm not very good at thinking sometimes." He thought about this for a long time and found he was having a real hard time with it. "I got it," he said. "I know it's lame, but I'll get some one on it. I've never blown something up by accident in this building."

Alucard and Seras looked at each other nervously and then, both took a drink. "It was your fault after all," muttered Alucard. "You were the one that brought it in."

"Oh, yeah," cried Seras. "Well, it's your fault too because you could have thrown it right out of the window!" She started mocking him, "were the hell's the pin? Find it, Seras, before it goes off. Duh!"

Just as Alucard was about to say something, Integra butted in. "What, in gd's name are you two taking about," snapped Integra. "You guys are acting like a bunch of kids! Now tell me, what blew up in here?"

"It was a grenade, Master," said Alucard. "It happened a few months ago, while you were gone with Walter. Seras ran in with the grenade. It didn't have the pin in it. I tried to get rid of it but…well, let's just say it wasn't pretty. The good news is we cleaned it up before you two got back." He sighed, "I still think it was all Police Girl's fault."

Josephine laughed at the mere idea of this. "It's a good thing I was sick that day," she muttered under her breath. "Alright, I'll go next," she cleared her throat. "I've never caused a computer to crash."

"Oh, you're good," Amie growled. Pip, Seras, Integra and Amie drank on that.

Alucard counted how many drinks each of them had so far. "Seras, you are losing by one drink. Don't worry about it though, things could change," he said. "Too bad I can't think of anything right now."

Integra rolled her eyes. "Very well, then I'll go next," she took off her glasses. She cleaned them and then, put them back on. "I've never been stung by a bee."

"That's because you send me out to get rid of them," said Alucard. "And, before you woke me up you made Walter do it." Walter nodded as they both took a drink along with Josephine and Amie.

Seras crossed her arms. "At lest I'm not the only one that's in last place right now," she said. "So, the only person left is Alucard. Did you think of something, Master?"

"Oh, I got one alright," he said evilly. "It's so good, it's scary."

Suddenly, Sir Hellsing started to panic. "Oh, no," she cried. "Don't you dare say what I think you are going to say! Whatever you do, don't say that!"

Alucard smiled darkly. "Well, since everyone else has targeted others, I thought I'd join in the evil," he said. "I've never…"

"Don't say it!" cried Integra

He ignored her and continued. "It's too late now," he said. "I've never talked in my sleep."

"You will pay for that, Alucard," growled Integra. She took a drink. "You will pay!" She ran out of the room.

Seras was also mad at Alucard. She too took a drink. "Now I'm in last place," she whined. "The orphanage told me I used to talk in my sleep and that's all I'll say about it."

Walter nodded and took a drink as well to everyone's surprise. He smiled at the looks on their faces. "When I was little, I got over excited to go somewhere and I talked in my sleep," he explained.

"So, tell us, Master, when did Integra talk in her sleep," asked Seras with great curiosity. "We'd really like to know."

Alucard smiled, he knew that this would drive Integra up the wall. "Oh, it was a long time ago. Back when she was 13," he said. "To be exact it was five months after she woke me. What she said would make you all laugh."

Josephine became really excited. "Tell us, Master Alucard, sir," she pleaded. "We really want to know what she said! Please, tell us."

"Very well, I'll tell you what she said," Alucard smiled, this is what he wanted to happen. He didn't notice Integra quietly walking back into the room. Alucard took a deep breath. "Ok, she said…."

Thwack!

Integra hit Alucard has hard as she could with a silver bat. It sent him across the room and into the wall. She rested the bat on her shoulder. "I told you that you'd pay," she snapped.

Everyone else in the room looked at her like she had gone mad. Walter carefully walked over and pulled Alucard from the wall. "Are you going to be ok, Alucard," Walter asked.

Alucard wobbled as blood ran down one side of his head. "I'll….be….fine…..once the….room…stops spinning," he muttered.

Amie pointed to Integra's bat. "Where was that," she asked "I've never seen that bat before!"

Integra smiled. "This bat was in my room, behind the headboard of my bed. Just in case Alucard decided to spy on me while I was sleeping," she said and laughed. "I feel so much better now. I think I'll use this more often."