VERY VERY AU (esp manga-wise). Not that I've read it… Someone just told me. Based on anime more than manga.

Tie-up with "Secrets".

Disclaimer: Gravi is not mine.

deep breath So... welcome to my first attempt at a multi-chap in a long, LONG time. Wish me much luck.

Bleary amethyst eyes blinked open and wearily scanned his surroundings. A spacious, comfortable room, but… white. Endless white. He was in the hospital. There were wires everywhere on him. His head, torso, arms, hands, fingers…

Shuichi brought a shaking hand to the mask on his face, and touched the IV drip at the back of his hand. If he could only muster enough strength, he didn't much doubt that he'd pull everything out. These things brought him back. Even if he didn't know – couldn't remember – exactly why… He knew, without a doubt, that he didn't want to be brought back. He wasn't happy there, but at least, at least, it didn't hurt either. So… why?

Shuichi struggled to pull his oxygen mask down and then took shallow breaths of sterile but unfiltered air. Why was he here? Why did he let himself be dragged back to this hellhole?

…There was a voice.

Calling him. Pleading for his return. Soft, gentle… caring. And, even in his resolve to stay, a warm spark surged through his entire being. Hope… love? Devotion. An endless pit of devotion. The feeling that he'd do anything – absolutely anything. Hope, lie… live. Live.

…Why can't he remember?

The door creaked open; and a tall, long-haired brunet entered the room quietly, muttering darkly about something.

Shuichi tried to sit, and then suddenly the man was beside him.

"Shuichi! You're awake! Crap, just when I went to take a shower… you okay? Don't try to move yet, man! You've been banged up like hell, and been a vegetable for weeks…" A hand gently squeezed his arm and cautiously pushed him back on the bed. "I thought that we'd lost you, this time. I… we… We were all really afraid. I thought that maybe… you couldn't- wouldn't want to- come back. Because…" There was a hesitant pause as Hiro scuttled around, inclining Shuichi's bed and bringing a glass of water. "…Yeah. We thought that maybe you wouldn't come back, this time. So... thanks. For not leaving."

The invalid attempted to swallow the strange lump that formed in his throat. He hadn't wanted to come back. He didn't know why he did come back. All he wanted to know was who the strange voice belonged to. Wanted to ask Hiro and maybe finally remember; and then maybe he'd know and he could decide whether to return to oblivion or not.

"Hi… ro." A cough. "…Hiro." He called, voice tentative, foreign, and raspy from disuse. The taller man watched him raptly, eyes unbearably bright. And yet, somehow, a strange sheen of fear lurked beneath the surface. Hiro was afraid of something. Afraid of his question? Of his brutal honesty? …Afraid of the truth…

And Shuichi decided that he couldn't do it. Just because he hurt didn't mean that he had the right to make his best friend unhappy.

"Never… mind."

Hiro bit his lip. "It's alright, you know. I know that, more than anything, you want to know where…" Shuichi felt his heart pound. "You want…" Hiro… was going to answer his unvoiced question? "You're looking… for that…" Hiro's face looked solemn and distinctly unhappy, even if he was trying so hard to hide it. Unfocused eyes traveled to the window, and brown hair fell over broad shoulders and a strong face. He didn't want to say anything, and Shuichi… was afraid of the answer as well. Was it really so important to know?

"Hiro."

Was it…?

"When'd you… grow… hair?"

…No.

It wasn't.

"How'd… grow… so fast?"

Hiro started, and brows furrowed almost comically in confusion.

"Wha…? Huh? I've had long hair for years. Been growing it since high school freshman year, remember?"

Dark blue eyes widened.

"Don't you… remember? Shuichi, what do you remember?"

Hiro was frantic, but Shuichi could hear the odd mix of hope, relief, fear, and trepidation in his best friend's voice.

"That time. I… remember… that time. And… you. Auntie…"

Pain, blood, and death. Rejection, worthlessness, more pain. Hiding away. Crying, relief. A pseudo-sanctuary. Some miniscule feeling of joy. No longer hiding; but still, always, lying.

…Even now.

Hiro's face was a war zone of emotions. He didn't know what to think; how to feel.

Shuichi closed his eyes. He didn't know, either.

"Shuichi…" Hiro's voice was oddly tight. "I'm sorry, Shuichi. You have to go through all of this again, but I… somehow, I'm a bit glad."

Because now, at least I can hide you away. And maybe this time, you won't hurt as much anymore.

"It's okay." Strangely, Shuichi felt tears brimming in his eyes. "It's not your fault, Hiro." A drop traveled, excruciatingly slow, down his cheek. "I think… somehow…" One drop followed the first, and soon another. "Even if I… don't want to… I think…" And the dam broke. "I… I understand."

I don't want to hurt anymore, either.

Please review! I'll try my best to update regularly; but the path for this story isn't very clear yet; and I'm a bit busy, so... sorry if ever I take forever. And sorry if the plot is becoming predictable /twiddles thumbs/.