A/N: How do you top a great chapter? I don't know but hopefully this'll be good since it's the ending! A huge thanks to Crystaline-Crimson, you review therefore you rock! An enormous thanks to Senda San, White Moon Dragon Of Light, and Arsenic-Graffiti! Oh and to everyone who read, I know some people can't review so thanks for reading anyway! And just so you know, I didn't like the second chapter but the idea got caught in my head and wouldn't go away.
Warning: There is yaoi, much yaoi. Don't like? Don't read!
Disclaimer: For the last time I don't own Naruto! I wouldn't mind owning Kakashi but alas I don't own him either.
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Depth, loss, confusion, and sadness filled adolescent eyes. Their dark color fading to a pale gray as he stared at them with an expressionless face. He would only look at these once sparkling gems in the mirror. His own eyes that he could barely stand to see.
For he didn't see explanations or emotions filling his soul windows. Other people could clearly understand why he felt bad or depressed, and how he showed it with an adulthood reaching attitude. Maybe they could. He couldn't nor did he feel like he ever would.
All his mind and blurry sight could see was a failure. Lifeless, worthless, and unwanted features. They all crowded his face and clogged what shred of life he had left. Life, he didn't even deserve that after the way things had twisted and turned. He didn't deserve anything that had happened in the past few hours. After he was brought back here to live out his life with a constant shadow of doubt. His mind had truly set with the uncertain fact that he would soon be eliminated.
No not in the literal sense that his master or any foe he was forced to attack would bring death to him. The idea he imagined was much worse…His hollow shell would be living in this world as his sensei took on another companion to assist him with anything he may need. A bright, better, stronger, harder, and more determined tool that would quickly overshadow his very existence until Zabuza became completely unaware of him.
Purpose. His whole reason for driving himself to selfishness in order to survive. His want and desire to be needed. All that which he had worked hard for would disappear again. Home, strength to be better, and an overwhelming amount of things he had learned to be useful in life. This would die as he couldn't bare to stand another day knowing he wasn't needed.
But worst of all he would lose Zabuza. His teacher, master, guide…everything was him. He was a savior and an angel to take in a young boy and find such a wonderful use for him to live. He welcomed him in and helped shape his skills to a point of near perfection. Or what he considered a great weapon in battle.
Haku would surely lose control of himself if the one person that mattered was to abandon him. He would not hate, shun, or blame his master. He would always blame himself…And all this was his fault. His one mistake of carelessness had led him to this empty feeling. Wanting and assurance that they could easily destroy the others had ended with a broken tool. A selfish need to see the one thing he treasured had drained him of life.
Maybe that was why he always hid his feelings in battle. Before then he had known well to keep any sign of caring, sympathy, or love to himself. Locking it away so his enemies would stay unaware of his true weakness. But also so that he could continue to love his dearest person without fear of disgusting him or bringing him to a peek of hatred.
Slipping away…Everything…I keep slipping because I can no longer keep it to myself?
A single tear slid down his cheek as he kept his blank stare at the mirror. Mind and soul only ignoring his stupid thoughts as he knew very well that he was unworthy of such emotions. He could be depressed, sad, lonely, and cold because these were things he earned. Love was so far beyond his reach that he would block all thoughts of it together.
Tingling cold sensations crept up his spine as he gently touched the reflective glass. It was solid yet delicate, cold yet shining back against the light. Suiting for someone like himself, someone who possessed an abnormal ability to create a similar mirror that shimmered with ice. Yes maybe he was like a mirror…He could only look to others and see their wonderful qualities but never look at himself again and say he had beautiful strength. The very strength that let him into Zabuza's world. His bloodline would always carry the power but his use for it would die out.
Slowly, he shifted his focused eyes to look at his other features within the glass. His mouth still soft yet feeling numb from the tear stains which covered his cheeks. Hair bun a mess and lost hairclips no longer holding his silky bangs. His green kimono only held together by his opposite hand, pants filled with tears and rips, and dried blood coloring his neck and under top. He remained a wreck after his ordeal.
It had been hours since they returned and all the while he stayed here in his room. Looking but never seeing himself, pondering about nothing, and bringing himself back to consciousness so he could discover a thought over apology for his master. Words would never describe how sorry he was but there was nothing else for him to turn to. He didn't even expect an acceptance. That thought never crossed his mind.
No shock would come if he was instantly told to get out. Or even if Zabuza used him as a torture tool to take out his rage. He wouldn't mind it since he owes more than he can pay.
'Thump.'
'Thump.'
Light taps hit the ground as he stumbled back to his bed. His body throbbing, aching, and filling with indescribable pains. He managed to tolerate it as to not scream. No cries for he might wake his sensei, assuming he was asleep.
"Write it."
Haku whispered to himself as he prepared for an all night session of writing apologizes and searching for words to describe his errors….Or maybe he would simply jot down that he was unusable and deserved death. It would be much easier to speak of himself in those terms.
His hands could only clutch the thin paper as his mind imagined it filling with sweet words that would never mean anything. If he wrote for the rest of his days they would never amount to his feelings. They may even go unread if his master wished for him to leave.
"I have to say it…Don't accept it….Please, please just hear me."
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Shaking overtook his hands, his swift hands that could always throw a senbon and never miss a target. These broken tools that held bruises and cuts. Scarring that may leave him with a forever thought that he fell prey to many mistakes. More so than most and when it counted they took control.
His mistakes and faults that left him silent as he desperately attempted to regain composure. These plaguing pains had left him with every simple thing as a chore, even knocking at his sensei's bedroom. Perhaps these pains weren't as fault, his own nerves had taken him hostage against being strong. A cowardice thought screaming for him to return to his own room and rest. Rest and pray that he may wake up to discover this was all a nightmare.
But this was no nightmare. It was his life taking another turn towards a broken down road. Rest wasn't in store for him as well, he knew the moment he returned he would head back out here to ponder. Pondering was over.
The door sounded with tapping as his own actions made him sweat. His mind yelling to run or at least hope his sensei wasn't awake. Maybe he was out or he just didn't care. That would be for the best.
"Yeah?"
A familiar deep voice called from within. It's depth of concern fell to a low as it sounded of a hidden anger.
Haku knew this rage as he had seen many unsuspecting people fall victim to it. They always had to run their mouth off and commonly ended up being on the losing side of Zabuza's enormous blade. This rage he always carried was another perfect lesson his companion had learned to use. Though he could never experience hate for anyone but himself….
Dim lighting swept into the large circular room as a shadow twisted its way in before snapping the door behind it. Quiet tension built as the young boy simulated his cowardice into his fist. Holding it by his side as he tried to speak.
Words remained that of silence when he met with Zabuza's glaring eyes. A cold stare that cut through his heart as he too glanced back. His master simply sat there upon his bed, his head resting on his hands as his fingers picked at the bandages along his face. His slouched position never letting up as he watched his weapon's shaking motion.
"Zabuza-san…I…I'm not worthy enough to be here. You're too kind to keep me and say that I'm useful until you decide I'm not. But…You deserve a perfect weapon…Someone who can protect you and never mess up like me." He clenched his teeth gently as tears crawled from his eyes.
A loud sob cried out in the room as the aching boy cursed himself for falling apart in front on someone so great. His tears streaming as he held his body upright.
"Zabuza-san! I'm pathetic! I'm broken and used up! I should have died there today! I don't have a purpose anymore! I would have been more use to those…those men than to you! I…"
"Shut up, Haku!" He roared as he ripped one of his facial wrappings.
The boy acted as if he couldn't hear the stronger man. His hands gripping together around his kimono. Tears spilling as he lost his emotions.
"I'm useless….I only want you to be protected…I can't even do that…I deserved to be abused by them….I'm just a broken tool that….I deserve death."
His teary eyes barely caught sight as his master's bandages were completely torn off. Their delicate form flailing to the floor as the older man ran with such force at his shocked companion. Haku feeling as if his racing heart would simply stop as he felt death coming for him. His most sacred moment when he was founded flashed before him in an instant as did his locked up memories. All of them of his master that now seemed to be the one disposing of him.
He could only blink as the sudden dash of his sensei came to a halt. His mind reverting to a final thought.
You will kill me Zabuza-san…I would be happy to be a target of your eye.
But as his eyes reopened from their blink they didn't find themselves in deaths realm. No his body could only feel itself in slight pain as his masters fingers had gripped his fallen hair. His head held firmly in place as the powerful fighter had locked him in a kiss.
His eyes shot to life as they widened from the sight and feel. Firm and experienced lips overpowered his as he even gasped against them. Only to be forced harder into them as an odd form of punishment.
As quickly as it began, it ceased.
He was released as his feet slipped backwards, nearly bringing him to a fall. His mind and eyes only concentrating on this unwanted act. No he did want it…more than anything. But it was again a truth that he should have been brought to deaths door before this ever had a chance to occur.
"Z-Zabuza-san?" He shook.
He stared down at the shorter boy with a new look that Haku had never seen. A look of anger but with such warmth within. Depth and concern taking the better of him if even for this one time.
"You talk to much….I'd never leave you to die by anyone's hands you should know that by now."
"But…"
"Don't interrupt me. You think you need a purpose just to feel alive. You're a weapon and a tool for my using but you always think you aren't good enough just because of a couple mistakes."
The boy lowered his head as he listened intently. His master still holding focus over him.
"Your purpose for living isn't to be a weapon. I'm your reason and your purpose to live so don't start telling me how to rid of something I have control over."
Small sighs were heard as the student nodded, his heart skipping beats in sync with his still aching body. All thoughts eagerly trying to accept this fact. He couldn't forget his failures, his attempts, none of that could be lost. But his master was right. He was the reason he lived. To serve and obey as a weapon but a weapon is only properly used when having a master.
A warming grasp was placed around his shoulders. His own hands losing grip of his top as he held the other man's tightly. His head finding comfort against the powerful muscles of his savior. Both staying silent as unsaid words were spoken. Actions only bringing them into a closer embrace as Haku slowly began to drift off into slumber. Thoughts of what the future held for the two, images of a time when he may allow himself to speak his quiet words, and thoughts of how to improve for both their sakes.
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Two sets of footprints led into the Sakura. Each planted carefully and skillfully as to throw off the returning enemies. All unaware that they had fallen for a crafty plot this time.
Sure enough they bought in as planned. A series of screams called out from their disappearing lives when senbon caught each one in a medical snare of skill. Others were taken out by a familiar sword as a calming silence filled in where the mist had began to pour out.
"Dumb enough to try that again." The taller man smirked.
"Things were different this time." Haku sighed happily.
A once rewarding brush of the hair had also been transformed from previous times. Numerous occasions throughout the teenagers life when he had done well and felt overjoyed comfort when feeling sensei's touch along his hair. This all was different.
Instead a passionate kiss was shared between the two as they completed their mission. Getting those bastards back from when their preceding crew had ambushed them. They had all lost their lives, mostly to a blade. Now their newer gangs last thoughts would be of a needle pointed forest.
"Gave me a headache." Zabuza grunted as he began to head homeward.
"I'll prepare medication when we get back, maybe something to eat?"
"Yeah whatever." He rubbed his temple.
A small laugh was given as Haku replaced his mask along his face. A smile never leaving as he walked alongside his precious person. His eyes and ears focused to the surroundings as he didn't repeat his mistake by letting his mind wander in thought. Instead he wondered aloud.
"Fighting by your side or waiting for you to return home. It doesn't matter because you are my purpose."
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The end! Hope you enjoyed it. I really tried to stay in character, I didn't want someone busting out with an I love you! I really pray it satisfied you!
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