Oh God.
I'm in trouble. Deep trouble.
Why do I listen to people? I'm perfectly capable of performing the fine art of brooding myself.
Why do I listen to Harry The-smart-ass Potter of all people? Maybe I should walk around with a little list of all the people I shouldn't listen to. I'm way too smart for my own good, as my dear wife puts it. Did I mention that she is the reason why I'm in trouble right now?
I was planning a surprise for her since our anniversary was coming up, but unfortunately she found me before I had made all my purchases. I was walking down Oxford Street on my way to a magical store disguised as an ancient junkshop, when she came walking out from a shop, I believe it was a store stuffed with fancy shoes. (Why do muggles buy their shoes from stores, anyway? I thought they made them at home, that's what the professor in Muggle Studies said. Silly muggles.) I walked over to her and asked when she wanted to go home (I asked nicely, mind you), but she just looked at me. I asked her what the problem was, but as I opened my mouth I saw her ball up her fist, ready to punch me in the arm. I let out a huge yelp before she even hit me, I have told her loads of times that I bruise very easily. She stopped in her tracks and looked at me, evilly I might add, and before I knew it she had taken my wand.
As she turned to leave she threw a couple of paper-thingies at me, saying ''for the ride home.'' This is where my troubles started. How are you supposed to get home with a few paper notes? I can see clearly that they aren't portkeys.
Okay. Don't panic. There must be a way to get home. I just have to use my brains. Yes, that's the solution. I just asked a guy in a fancy suit if he new what the paper-thingies were, but apparently I'm insane. That's what he told me, anyway. I think I will just start walking in a random direction. If I ever get back home again, I am going to make sure that our library contains at least three maps of central London at all time. And then I'm going to memorise them, so that Ginny may never be able to put me through this again. I mean, who would do something like this to a boy, I mean man, like me.
How could she? I have been wandering about for exactly 17 minutes now, trying to understand what I'm supposed to use the paper-thingies for. There are a few things you definitely shouldn't to with them, like rubbing them along walls and jump on them, rubbing them all over yourself will also earn you stares. They are not flying carpets, definitely not. I have now been wandering around, alone and hungry (and dead sexy) for 23 minutes. I have absolutely no idea where I am, and if I continue on this pain-giving journey, I don't think I will ever be able to look at myself in the mirror again. I'm sweating, my skin is not supposed to be exposed for direct sunlight. I might get a tan. That's not pretty. It will clash horribly with my beautiful hair. Maybe I should dye my hair so that it will look better with my soon-to-be tan? No, no that it defiantly not a good idea. The majority of Britain's witchpopulatin would be devastated, they all love my hair. They coo at it all the time. I wonder if my children will have red, blond or pink hair, I personally (and secretly) hope they will be blonds (okay, maybe one with pink hair, but only one). But for now I must work out how to get home, or there will never be any children (not blond and perfect ones at least).
Maybe I should get one of those blind, drooling creatures that sniff their way around. That is the perfect solution to my problem. But the question is; where do I get one of those? And where do I find someone who will give it to me for free? I guess I could use my good looks and charm to get one for free, but I need a backup plan in case the person is blind. The muggles are apparently very fond of drooling, it seems like everyone has got at least one drooling-machine. I want one, too! Why haven't I got one of them? I'm going to order four of them as soon as I get home, custom made of course, one of them shall be white, one shall be black, one shall be blond and one shall be red. Yup, perfect colours. Ginny's going to be so happy about them, I'm sure. She regularly tells me that I should get a pet, preferably a ferret (that joke is so old) with white fur.
I have now been wandering about for exactly 31 minutes. I have still not found a solution to my problem, but I did find a rather gorgeous tree which I have decided to take with me home as a present to Ginny. I shouldn't be giving her gifts, considering what she is putting me through, but gifts make her forgiving and I need her to forgive me for whatever I did to offend her. At this point, however, I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea what ticked her off; I mean what faults does Draco Malfoy have? (A/N: Just a minute, my brain just crashed).
That's right; none. But the problem is that now I have to figure out how to get myself and the tree home. I don't have a wand. How do you pluck trees? I'll figure that out once I have found a shady place to take a rest, no more sun for my skin today. The shop I was heading towards earlier is now closed, so obviously I can't floo home using the Shop-Fire(Swish, And You're Home).Maybe I should just wait until it gets dark. I can go owl-hunting and send for help. What would I write the message on? I have nothing to write with either. Wait a minute! What if I'm supposed to write on the paper-thingies?! Dang, I've still got nothing to write with.