Here's chapter two. Thanks to everyone who dropped me a line to let me know their reaction to the first chapter. It's very much appreciated. This chapter is more slowly paced and given to people's perceptions ...As always, I hope it rings true. Your thoughts are welcomed - they help.

Disclaimer - I mean no harm. But the characters are just too much fun not to play with...

Too High a Cost
By: Mariel

-xxxxxxxxx-

Chapter 2

Reflections...

Adama looked across at the President of the Twelve Colonies and saw not the woman he had once held in his arms and loved, but someone else entirely. After only weeks back in office, she had again conspired with others behind his back and taken a course she had known he would never agree to.

And, as was her habit, she had used people he cared about as her pawns.

Rising, he clasped his hands in front of him and silently looked down at her, his expression unreadable

The love he'd felt for her had been wasted emotion - she was not the woman he had believed her to be.

-xxx-

"I refuse to be your conscience any longer..."

With his words ringing in her ears, Laura looked up at him. "Bill, that can't be how you feel. Gods, we have to talk. When we escaped New Caprica- I knew you'd- " She hesitated, then tried, "I had no idea you felt-"

Adama looked at her coldly. What he felt, indeed. Where she was concerned, he'd learned that feelings were best kept out of things completely. Breaking into her words, he said, "Madame President, I believe we're finished here. If you'll excuse me, I have work to do." He unclasped his hands. "I'm sure you have better things to do with your time, as well."

Shocked and unable to think of a way to delay his departure, Roslin nodded.

When he was gone, the room's silence mocked her.

-xxx-

Saul Tigh stared at the Admiral curiously when he entered CIC.

"So, what did Roslin want?" he asked.

Adama drew to a stop at his XO's side. His face impassive, he looked up at the DRADIS screen.

"Forgiveness," he said curtly. "In case the mission fails."

Saul narrowed his eyes. Forgiveness. Adama was running on empty in that department.

"I assume she didn't get it."

A muscle moved in the Admiral's jaw.

"Never."

The second in command wasn't surprised by the stony response. He'd been among the first to observe the change in William Adama, and had taken pains to adjust to it. Since then, he'd been doing his best to soften the bitter edges his friend had developed during the sojourn on New Caprica.

His best efforts hadn't had much effect.

Bill continued on, doing his job and fulfilling his duty, but he had lost something fundamental, something so integral to his personality that when Saul looked at him, he knew he wasn't looking at the man he'd called friend for decades.

"She express any concerns?" Tigh asked.

"She has only one concern," Adama responded curtly, "and it's no different from what it's ever been."

Tigh grimaced. He'd hoped perhaps the two of them would eventually beat out some sort of detente. A sidelong glance at Bill, however, told him that wasn't likely to happen in the near future. You needed some sort of trust for that, and trust was another thing Bill was in short supply of. Especially where Roslin was concerned.

"So nothing's changed? It's all going ahead as they planned?"

Adama nodded, obviously tired of talking about it. "Unless she has something up her sleeve she's saving as a surprise."

The bitterness in his commanding officer's voice was plain to hear, and Tigh sighed. Considering the betrayals Bill had experienced, he was entitled to his feelings, but the man's withdrawal still perplexed him. He had yet to figure out a specific turning point. It hadn't been when he'd learned Kara's secret about Zak's death; it hadn't been after Roslin had betrayed his secret about Earth to get Kara to do her bidding; it hadn't been after Kara had stolen the cylon ship for Roslin, or after his son had mutinied, or even after Sharon had tried to assasinate him. He hadn't withdrawn when Roslin split the fleet and ran to Kobol, or when he'd come of out his coma to discover his XO had frakked up and instituted military rule and gotten people killed...

...it hadn't even happened when Roslin tried to rig an election and involved his own people...

Every one of those betrayals Bill had accepted, forgiven, and worked through. Every frakking time, he'd sorted things out, determined how to handle it, and made things right for everyone - all the while trusting that it wouldn't happen again. Moreover, he had continued to believe in and trust the very people who had betrayed him.

So what had been the final straw? What had caused this shift? Some event had turned William Adama into something new and wrong. There were no more displays of affection, no more dry remarks, no more requests for input or opinion. The warm connection he had always created with each person under his command was only a memory. William Adama now travelled alone, made his decisions alone, and, if he cared about anything, he no longer showed it. Ever. His trust in anyone was gone;

Trust.

Saul sighed inwardly. There wasn't much of that around here these days.

Still standing beside the Admiral, Tigh looked around at the people working in CIC. It had been four months since they had returned and been met with the change in their commanding officer. He knew they all mourned the loss of the man they had known, and there wasn't a damned person present who didn't continue to hope and pray for his return.

His eyes turned towards Bill and noted the set of his scarred features.

He had a sinking feeling they never would.

-xxx-

Kara stood in the core looking down at the quiet activity in CIC. She'd seen Adama enter and had seen his severe expression as he'd responded to something Tigh had said to him. She wanted to cry. He always looked like that now. Cold, remote, contained... Even with his best friend, he didn't let down his icy reserve.

She stared at him, wondering where it had all gone so wrong. He'd always had an authoritative, forbidding air about him, but it had always been balanced by a very warm regard for the people around him. That regard was gone now. Since returning to the Galactica,she'd looked for the man she'd left twelve months earlier, desperately trying to find some glimmer of him beneath the façade that now called itself Adama. She missed his warmth and affection; missed the knowing looks and the humour and the talks, and the occasional kick in the ass when she needed it. When she had failed to find the man who had provided all those things for her, she had felt in turn hurt, angry, and confused.

She still cycled through those emotions regularly.

And now she had betrayed him, and had to live with that.

Again.

Days ago, she'd caught up with him in a corridor and tried to apologise and explain what had happened.

He'd refused the apology with a flat stare that had frightened her. No gentle look of understanding accompanied by a touch to her hair. No hug. No kiss on the forehead.

No forgiveness.

"Leave it alone, Kara. What's done is done," was all he'd said.

She wasn't sure how Roslin had done it; how she'd managed to make the idea of returning to Kobol for hidden scrolls seem so right. She wasn't sure why neither she nor Lee hadn't questioned why Roslin was presenting the idea to them and not Adama - and why later, she hadn't thought to question the fact the plan had been sprung on the Admiral as a total suprise. She'd just allowed herself to be carried away and said yes before she'd really thought.

Memories of when Adama had been presented with the mission plan flooded her mind. It had been a disaster of huge proportions, though no one but she had seemed to realise it at the time...

-xxx-

During the presentation, Adama did nothing but nod once, and he looked no one in the face.

When the President's presentation was over, he said nothing.

Roslin stood calmly, waiting for an argument from him she could deal with. Kara and Lee waited expectantly for a discourse on military decisions being his prerogative, not the President's, and about unnecessary risk and the flaws in their plan that needed to be remedied.

The silence lengthened.

Roslin moved uncomfortably, unsure of what was happening. She'd known he'd be angry with her tactics, but this was important to her, and she felt the risks justifiable. There were a few problems with the plan itself, but she had expected Bill would iron those out once he realised that there was no stopping her getting her way...

And still he made no move to respond.

Uncertainly, Roslin looked at Lee. Taking that look as a plea to do something, and finally unable to stand his father's stony silence any longer, Lee spoke.

He glowered at his father. "What? You have nothing to say?" he asked in an angry tone.

Guilt always made him angry.

Anger always made him lash out defiantly.

Adama slowly turned cool eyes towards his son. "What would you have me say, Major?" he asked. Not quite meeting his son's eyes, he said, "You've made your decision and agreed to a plan. I'm not certain why I've been called in, unless it's to request leave, as this is obviously a civilian endeavour."

Lee's eyes widened. "A civilian endeavor? That's what you see this as?" Moving his hands angrily, he said, "I can't believe it. Once again, you totally-" Lee began a tirade that made Kara, who stood beside him, take a few steps away.

William Adama sat silently as his son's venom-filled words filled the room. Then, seemingly unaffected by Lee's continued vituperation, he rose from his chair. When he stood erect, the words flowing from Lee's mouth stopped abruptly.

Everyone held their breath, anticipating a blast of anger, followed by a good dressing down.

"Provide a list of materiel requred to Colonel Tigh. After consultation, we will do our best to offer you what you need," he said in a mild tone. His eyes glanced off the three standing in front of him. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to return to CIC."

He inclined his head, turned, and walked out of the room.

All three co-conspirators watched his departure in astonished silence.

After the curtain fell behind his father's back, Lee threw the maps he held in his hands onto the President's desk in disgust. Since his return as CAG on Galactica, he'd grown increasingly like the angry man he'd been when he'd arrived to fly in the decommissioning salute. Unable to explain or understand his father's new demeanor, he'd at first thought it was just his way of giving his son space to act independently without showing his worry. Then he'd thought it was caused by concern about cylons and the colony and the deteriorating state of the ships still left in space. When the cylons had returned and the rescue begun, Lee had been relieved, thinking that finally the man he had come to respect, and yes, love, would return as well.

He had not.

So Lee had slowly reverted to his old pattern of sullen distrust and resentment.

His father did not seem to notice.

Or care.

Kara closed her eyes as realisation dawned on her. Adama had known. He'd known that they'd do something. Maybe not this specific thing, but he'd known they'd go behind his back again. She opened her eyes and looked down at him and felt her heart sink. All they had done, she thought with sudden insight, was live up to his expectations of them. They'd betrayed him. Gone behind his back, made decisions they had no right to make...And he'd known all along that they would.

It had all happened before, it was all happening again.

Watching Adama quietly go through the motions of guiding the fleet, Kara made a silent vow. When this mission was over, she promised, she was going to punch Lee for being such an asshole, swear off ever listening to anything Roslin said to her again, and then pin William Adama down and sort out what the hell had happened to him.

With one last, sad look, she turned and quietly left to prepare for her departure to Kobol.

End
Chapter 2