Thanx to my reviewer from Cruelty: Fox of Anubis, Tarame, Black Acid Dragon, and an anonymous reviewer for convincing me that it wasn't a bash fic! I hope I don't let you down with this one!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything concerning Tales of the Abyss...
Summary: "You act as if you matter." "—Jade, one of these days you'll come to your senses and—" "— I'll realize tolerating your presence wasn't worth it?" It was only an afterthought that came too late, that showed him how wrong he'd been.
"Afterthought"
It was more like an afterthought than a hard-won result of his work.
It was an accident, not an unwanted one, but an accident in every sense of the word. The product of untied ends of thought; the consequence of schemes gone wrong.
He hadn't thought of what his discovery would cause—just that he'd been the first to use it.
Jade Balfour, resident genius of the snowy town of Keterburg, had done many things during his short span of living—in other words, he had done everything he had considered worth doing. Who cared if he lost his life, or if his bumbling friend Saphir suddenly walked in and got caught in the highly probable backlash? He didn't think anyone would miss Saphir much, and he—well he had had a high attraction to luck, and he didn't think anyone but Nephry, who'd shed many a tear and finally be relieved of her tormentor; Peony, who would go on and eventually become an emperor with no time for his small-town friends anyway; and Saphir, whose hero-worship and unbearably bright outlook on life would finally take a nosedive and set him up for life to come, would miss him. He was all doing them a favor by doing experiments like this one; or at least that was what those were the ideas he entertained whenever preparing to finish up whatever test he was performing.
He adjusted his glasses in his usual absentminded gesture, the goggles covering the majority of his face proving to hinder that highly practiced movement, and carefully prepared to put the measured amount of water into the beaker before him. Patience was the key. If he put the water in the beaker too quickly, the whole experiment would be rendered useless. If he put the water in too slow, the experiment would have to be aborted on the pretext of inconsistent trial constants. A mouthful to say, but that was why Jade left explanations to others who were available and with the same knowledge—namely Saphir.
He spotted a stripe of blue out of the corner of his eye. One of Nephry's dolls lay in the corner of the table, despondent and forgotten; he'd return it to her afterwards.
Jade steadily lowered his hand; hovering close enough to watch the theoretical flow of water, yet placed in way that he would not accidentally breath into the beaker and contaminate the unstable contents. He had spent hours to reach this state and he would mildly perturbed if something went wrong, at now of all times.
He carefully tilted the vial filled halfway with a blue mist which had taken up more than over two times the expected amount time necessary to create a stable and physical manifestation of the fourth fonon in such a small and concentrated amount. The third fonon, a whitish and platinum hue, he noticed swept around the beaker with wild abandon, almost causing the heavy beaker (the reasons he chose one that weighed several pounds heavier than the standard obvious) to shudder when it made contact with the edges.
It was now or never, and Jade wasn't willing to try to do such a draining experiment with other theories to test out rattling in the empty recesses of his brain—not that he had much empty space to begin with. Saphir on the other hand…Well, there was a time and place for those observations, and this was neither.
He had to consciously withhold the need to tremble, sweat gathering under his brown gloves and his forehead becoming moist with the effort. He flicked his tongue inside his mouth several times in quick succession as he noticed that his mouth was becoming unbearably dry. The stripe of blue that stayed just out of his full range of sight faded for a small span before returning to its original luster, and it was then he regained his focus.
The water fonons were pouring slower than he'd expected, but he had hypothesized that possibility and adjusted his actions accordingly. He'd theorized for months, written and reviewed his hypothesis, and now he watched as the fourth fonon was about to mix with the third. Would ice form? A possible new type of fonon…or just a regular compound that he could easily go out of the schoolroom and gather with the constantly falling snow?
He shook his head lightly and again brought his eyes back from the cuff of his shirt to his slightly tremor-filled hands and prepared his mind for the recording of observations that he would put down in his records book. Knowing that Saphir snuck into his things when away from their room, he'd probably have to commit it to memory before actually finding it wherever the idiot lost it while he was away.
The fourth fonons finally reached a close position to its intended target, coming to a stop just above the air fonons that bounced up and down wildly as they neared. Jade shook his head in amazement and watched carefully, calculating the distance of the two fonons and by what amount the movement and speed of the third fonons increased. He was just about to apply a bit of force by injecting a small amount of third fonons to sandwich the fourth using the extra concentrated third fonons he had created in a previous moment of foresight. He braced himself for what could become a disaster when—
BOOM!
He flinched and scrambled back until his back hit the opposite wall, giving him more of a scare than he was accustomed to. It was all he could do to withhold these tremors that came and he would have let out cry if he hadn't had a full view of what had scared him.
A bowl shaped haircut of lavender bounced up and down excitedly beside him, framing a flushing a rounded face. The wide eyes filled with something akin to excitement skimmed over the sight of his workspace and until they finally came to rest on Jade which gave him the cue to withdraw into his mind and think before the mind-curling screech of greeting was shouted for all the world to hear.
"JADE! You won't believe what I foun—" Was it true that fire fonons resisted being pulled toward an area with a high concentration of water fonons?—, "And Nephry started screaming until Peony stepped up in front of the—" He knew that a mass of fire fonons held and almost magnetic force of repulsion, but did the same hold true vice-versa. "—It was glowing! And when my doll got close to it—"It was a rather fascinating idea he'd like to try for himself instead of finishing reading the results he had found in the research folder Professor Neblim let him see—, "And then the Professor was telling me about how they almost never—" Yes, he supposed that he'd just sneak a peek at the files Neblim kept hidden…—Was is just him or did Saphir suddenly get too silent? Jade slowly raised his head and winced when he saw the expression that had crossed the younger boy's face.
His eyes held an almost fanatical glint as he looked at the currently trembling and (seemingly) titter beaker. Saphir's hands twitched and slowly inched towards it and the research notes he had left next to them, and it was then Jade knew he'd have to appeal to the boy's short-attention span to spare the innocent experiment he had left in plain sight.
"You know, Saphir", As if by clockwork, Saphir's fanatical expression shifted into one of extreme joy at being acknowledged. Now seeing his work to be safe, Jade rose to his feet cautiously and edged his way towards the table while distracting his 'friend', "I'm feeling kind of stuffy in here, do you mind taking this report of yours outside?" He had to approach the subject with extreme caution if he didn't want to deal with the boy's usual pathetic and teary monologue on "friendship". He didn't have the time to deal with such a fantastic concept when other subjects were practically begging for his insight. He left Nephry to that sort of thing. Her doll sat as it was when he'd first noticed it; he blamed it for his absent-mindedness.
"It won't take much time then we—"
"I'd prefer to take this outside Saphir, the experiment that I'm conducting needs absolutely no disturbances lest it becomes unstable." There, a little white lie never hurt anyone.
"But it's really quick and it might help you in your research." Jade tried to restrain himself, and so clenched his fists when the cling-on took on a pleading tone, the one he had absolutely no tolerance for. The boy began to babble on about how Jade would find whatever it was he had found so interesting, and how Jade might even consider letting him join in with what he was doing now—It was unbearable when Saphir even started insinuating that he'd waste his precious time to explain what had taken him days to prepare!
"No." His eyes betrayed a calm sort of anger, in no way diverted or dampened by the lenses that separated his full gaze from the world, and Saphir took a step back in shock. His eyes began to film over with tears as he fumbled for his usual rebuke,
"But, Jade—We're friends! You can't stay stuck up here by yourself all the time." Predictable. No matter how many times the subject was breached, they always managed to return to square one. "Nephry really worries about you all the time, and even though Peony doesn't say it, he wonders why you don't have fun with the rest of us!"
"And yet you are the only one who comes to get me?"
"Because they think I'm the only one who you'll listen to!" They couldn't possibly—What in all of Malkuth had given them such a deluded thought? Thinking that they understood just what he was thinking. Using their excuses of "loyalty" and "love" to justify their actions when in the end it would be those exact reason that would set them apart.
The gnawing sense of irritation boiled over in Jade's mind, though he gave no other indication of suffering from it. "Saphir—This is my work. Just because I have allowed you so far to stay within 10 feet of my person says nothing about our camaraderie," he noticed a blank look cross the bemused idiot still standing at the doorway's edge, "Our 'friendship' is non-existent. Deal with it and maybe you have a chance of evolving from the currently runny-nosed dunce you are into a more respectable and decent human being 'with a brain' before this century is over."
"You accuse me of not being human!" His counter-part mirrored him now, his hand clenched, and his eyes glinting dangerously. Had he gotten dear little Saphir angry now? "When you are nothing of the sort yourself!"
"I'd rather myself a monster than be anything you are." Another point to him by way of flinching. The lavender headed boy's resolve faltered at that point and crumbled when he saw that his companion was not going to give in to his requests.
"Jade, don't you care at all about how we worry—" That annoying begging voice was back again.
"I'd suggest with the utmost 'care'," he was too far gone in his anger to even stop his tirade to allow Saphir a word in edgewise, "that it would be better in the long run if you didn't indulge in such a depressing activity."
"But, what about me—I—" Acting as if he—
"You act as if you matter."
"—Jade, one of these days you'll come to your senses and—" He was the one with all the sense.
"— I'll realize tolerating your presence wasn't worth it?"
It wasn't until he saw tears streaming down the usually jolly face, and silent sobs as his adversary only a moment before walked out without another word and shut the door that he 'd realized that he'd won. He'd won the battle, along with that familiar feeling of foreboding that tagged every one of his victories, but something felt off—more than before, and more than he ever had felt.
He had to wonder if this incident would ever repeat itself when he cut into his wandering thoughts, catching sight of a familiar blue dressed doll, and reassured himself that it would. It had been going on for years and Saphir wasn't one to back down. No, not someone as leech-like as him.
Jade walked the few steps back to his beaker when he stopped and turned to again glance at the attention-stealing doll. It would perish. He'd had enough time wasted today for it to exist any longer. He pushed away from his side of the table and slowly closed the distance between the doll and himself. He needed to do something different to take his mind off his current troubles.
A flash illuminated the building, pouring out of every crack and opening until the whole area was lit with the strange light. Jade not expecting that to happen fell again to the floor in a heap, feeling for some reason drained—not the way he usually felt after pulling fonons from an object.
He stood shakily, grabbing a nearby window ledge to help, and made his way over to the doll he had been experimenting with. Shaking hands made their way to his additional discovery along with an atypical intake of air that had for some reason been needed to make sense of the sight before him.
Laying side-by-side with the doll he had intended to break down into basic fonons, like a mirror image, was a—replica of the doll itself. He poked it to assure its authenticity , and then picked it up with gentle hands to see if he could divine how it had come into being—now of all times.
It was nothing out of the ordinary, plain decorated with its plain dress of blue and a stitch or two to patch up where the stuffing was beginning to leak. It was surreal, and it wasn't until Jade realized that he had in his anger instead flooded the—original doll with fonons that that must have leaked out and…formed this new doll?
Experimentation was in his blood, dissection—he'd done it. Chemistry—covered until he knew more than their last professor. This was a new challenge to be conquered, and if he wasn't somehow maimed in way that did not allow him to think, he'd do it.
He exited the room brimming with questions and hypothesis wondering just what new field he had begun to pioneer. Ignoring the fact that perhaps he was forgetting something important. Quelling the urge to tell others of what he had found. Not even thinking of the face that had led him to such a discovery. After all, it was his idea. Nothing more or less than a spontaneous urge to do something, as he'd say.
Years later, in an afterthought, gazing at a young red headed boy spouting out words of denial and disbelief -an inverted mirror showing all he hid-, he wished he had perhaps taken the hand of the boy who had tried so hard to befriend him -looks of love instead of hate-. There wouldn't have been so much trouble -a child dieing before his eyes while calling for his parents-. He'd be a famed scientist or doctor -not "The Necromancer" known for death and not much else-. Maybe then everything would have gone so wrong -blood, inerasable blood on his hands-. Maybe, just maybe -with all the regrets and woes-, he would still be in that snowy winterland -not an empty mansion- that had given him so much.
Of course, that was only an afterthought. Something without substance that occurred only after it was too late for anyone to actually do something.
A/N-I went into a slump for awhile—being swamped with homework tends to do that, and finally finished this which took me a few weeks to get back too. I see Jade as a bitter child, kinda having a temper though he rarely shows it (really masking and controlling it coming with age), and I reckon he's probably in his early teens or something. Saphir I see as a happy-go-lucky character who went so bad after having his childhood friend/hero abuse him so much.
The last paragraph was just random with the inserts, but I liked how they fit because its like his mind is filling in the spaces of his internal monologue with things he'd never admit to himself. And, yes, the whole red-head in denial part is just after the end of Akzeriuth when they see that little boy die without them able to do anything.
The whole experiment thing was interesting to write because I was wondering about what would happen if one managed to mix the sentience of third fonons and fourth fonons—my little obsession with Celsius kind made me think of a third and a half fonon, though Ice is not an official fonon. I know I got the replica/fonon theory wrong somewhat, I just thought it made it easier to think about that way.
Please review and tell me what you think! It's the best way for me to get better!