First things first: I'm not entirely happy about this chapter. I've re-written it almost entirely twice, and after all that trouble have opted for the first version. I still don't know if it was the right decision, but since this is a chapter about choices, perhaps that's appropriate.

Disclaimer: They're not mine and I appreciate that Ron says I can play with them. Besides, what he doesn't know can't hurt him, right?

Thank you for the support and the reviews. They make me smile...

Too High a Cost
By: Mariel

-xxxxxxxxxx-

Chapter 10

Decisions

Adama returned to the camp looking remote and unapproachable. Saying nothing to the others, he walked over to his rucksack and pulled out his maps. Spreading them on the uneven ground in front of him, he bent his head and began to study them.

No one dared approach him. Posture, expression, his very aura...everything about him warned 'stay away'. Knowing the time was drawing near that they would be forced to leave the protection of their river gorge, they knew what he was doing and had to be content with the knowledge that he would tell them what he planned in his own good time. What had put him in the mood he was in, they had no idea.

Almost thirty minutes passed before Roslin appeared. Her features carefully controlled, she walked past Adama without looking at him.

He did not look up as she passed.

Lee and Kara shared a shocked glance.

What the hell had happened?

-xxx-

After spending more than an hour wordlessly pouring over his maps, Bill brought one over to where the others had settled themselves. Laying it on the ground in front of them, he said quietly, "We're going to leave at first light tomorrow."

Having got their attention, he continued, "Cylon actvity has been far more persistent than I anticipated. That may mean they're aware of who's here on the planet," he said with a pointed look at Roslin. "We can't afford to have the President captured, and it's imperative that we make our rendevous time with the Galactica. I want everyone aboard the raptor and headed for the ship in a little over thirty-six hours."

Reaching across the map, he indicated a place on the top of the escarpment. "The cylons are concentrating their presence here, around the tomb area," he told them. "That means we have to avoid the escarpment completely. We'll need to take a more circuitous route to where I've left the raptor, and travel along the river to here," he said as his finger trailed along the river.

He paused where the river branched off into two, then turned and let his finger travel along the curved base of the escarpment. "We'll avoid where the two raptors went down, because the cylons will have stationed sentries near them, and follow along here," he told them. His finger crossed the map. "We should be able to reach the clearing here," he said, "without detection." Moving his hand slightly, he tapped another spot. "We'll be most vulnerable to observation here," he said, indicating a fairly open area approaching the clearing he had left the raptor beside. "If we manage to remain undetected though that, it'll be clear sailing the rest of the way to the raptor."

"That's a lot of ground to cover," Helo remarked.

Adama nodded. "About twice as much as what I'd hoped to have to travel, but as I said, the top of the escarpment's off limits; they're expecting us there. If we leave first thing tomorrow, travel fast and keep rest breaks to a minimum, we'll make it with a few hours to spare." He looked at them and admitted, "I misjudged what the cylons would do. I'd hoped they'd have moved elsewhere by now."

When he stopped speaking, the others looked at the map and began discussing what needed to be done before their departure. Sharon Valerii remained silent and eyed the Admiral appraisingly. He'd left very important tactical information out of his plan.

She had a terrible feeling she knew why.

-xxx-

An hour before dark, Bill rose. "I'm going to take a last look around for the night." Looking at the dwindling stock of firewood, he added, "I'll pick up a bit more wood for the fire on the way back."

Sharon looked up at him. "Mind if I come with you, sir?"

For an infinitesimal second he paused. Then he nodded. "I'd appreciate the help," he told her.

Paying no attention to the curious looks the others gave them, Adama and Valerii walked away from the campsite.

-xxx-

Kara knew Lee was looking at her to gauge her reaction to his father and Sharon leaving. She, however, was concentrating on Roslin, trying to figure out what had happened in the time between the President and Adama making love beside the river and their tense, separate return. Neither of them had even looked at one another unless absolutely necessary, and Adama had been downright obvious in his attempts to keep himself as far removed from her as possible. Roslin, in turn, had maintained her distance and not engaged in conversation. Looking at the two of them, Kara thought both looked like hell.

Remembering their bodies entwined on the riverbank, Kara shook her head and finally looked at Lee helplessly.

A good frak obviously hadn't been the answer.

-xxx-

As soon as they were out of hearing range of the others, Valerii looked sideways at Adama and asked, "Permission to speak freely, Admiral?"

He nodded.

Wanting to get the obvious thing out of the way first, she asked, "You're not afraid to be alone with me?"

"Would my being afraid change anything?"

"Perhaps not, but it's always good to be a little afraid," she observed calmly.

"You were afraid, when you arrived here," he noted in the same tone.

She looked at him quickly, surprised.

He smiled at her reaction. "We've gotten to know one another fairly well, lieutenant. I can read you some of the time, at least."

Her eyes glittered. "Another thing we have in common," she observed. "I can read you, too." She sobered. This glimpse of the old Adama's warmth was being allowed for a reason, and the reason saddened her. "I'm not happy with everything I see, though," she finally added.

Knowing what she was getting at, he ignored her last words. Remembering when she and Helo had first appeared with the President in tow, he said, "We were both worried about the same thing when you arrived. I assume your asking to come along with me tonight means either you've decided now is the time to shoot me dead, or that shooting me isn't in your programming and you've decided you just felt like a walk."

He turned his head to look at her. "Which is it?"

"I can't really say," she told him honestly.

He glanced at her sidearm and raised a shaggy eyebrow. "Not feeling any violent urges at the moment, are you?" he asked dryly.

In spite of knowing why he was being so much his old self, a real grin brightened her face. She couldn't tell if he were brave, stupid, or just recklessly crazy, but she didn't really care.

"No, sir," she said, "not at the moment."

He nodded in satisfaction. "Good. Then we might as well get some wood."

Turning, he began to walk away.

His easy acceptance that she wouldn't kill him disconcerted her and confirmed that what she had suspected was true: he already considered himself a dead man.

Stepping over the exposed root of a tree, she followed him, saying, "I have another question."

Looking back at her with dark eyes, he continued to move forward. In a slightly resigned tone, he admitted, "I thought you might. Ask away, lieutenant."

"I know what you left out of the plan you gave us this afternoon. Are you really going to go through with this?"

He didn't ask her to clarify her question. Instead, he looked away. His pace slowed, and after a moment's thought, he stopped and turned to face her. "I have to. It's the only choice, and it's mine to make."

He half wished he could tell her what a relief it was to finally know what was going to happen - and how glad he was to let them continue on without him.

"You knew you were going to do this before you left Galactica," she said.

He turned away and resumed walking. "I knew that coming here would involve certain risks," he corrected, the remoteness in his tone warning her off.

She heeded his warning, but only partially. "Has it never occurred to you that it may not be your choice to make? Elosha didn't choose to die, sir. Neither did either of Zarek's buddies. It's the gods who decide whose blood is taken in payment."

He grunted and moved the thick branch of a spreading bush aside for her. "You're starting to sound as though you believe in all the gods and prophecy and planet curse nonsense."

"And you don't?" she responded quickly. She let the branch spring back into place behind her."You're convinced you're going to die here," she said, relieved to finally say the words aloud. "When you saw me show up with Helo, you thought I'd be the means of your death. I know, because I saw the forgiveness in your eyes. Now you're not so certain it'll be me that kills you - and you've chosen a scenario that is bound to end up in your death. You're determined to die here. All that's left is the waiting."

Adama didn't argue with her. "I've weighed the options. This is the best choice."

She didn't believe that for a moment, but knew he did. Continuing with her argument, she said, "But the choice still isn't yours to make. The Fates determine who will die and who will not."

He drew to a halt near a fallen tree he thought would serve his purpose and calmly took out a collapsible saw.

"Not if I make the choice first," he said gruffly.

She stopped and stared at him. After a shocked silence, she said, "You think offering yourself as a sacrifice is the answer? Your gods don't ask for sacrifices; they haven't for a thousand years," she said, gesturing with her arms. "Sacrificing yourself doesn't make sense." Shaking her head, she said, "No. This is wrong, sir. It exacts too high a cost."

His gravelly voice was gentle when he responded. "My priority at the moment is to make sure you people get safely back to the Galactica. Doing that isn't going to be easy - I knew that when I came for Kara and Lee. It's going to be more difficult still with three more bodies to maneuver without being detected. Someone needs to divert the cylons away from where I've put the raptor. I'm the logical one to do that."

"I don't agree."

"And I'm not asking you to," he said patiently. Resting his hand on a branch of the fallen tree, he continued, "But I do expect you to do what I order when the time comes. Providing," he said, with a flash of humour, "you don't open fire on me first."

She looked at him confidently. "I won't," she promised. "I don't know how I know I won't," she admitted, "but I won't."

His eyes warmed. "And I believe you. So help me when the time comes. Get everyone to the raptor, Sharon. Get them safely back to Galactica."

She fleetingly considered taking out her gun and giving him a flesh wound to prevent him from following through on this madness of his, but knew she would not.

Taking her thoughtful silence for agreement, he turned and began to saw at one of the fallen tree's branches.

Sharon moved to help. "There are always alternative solutions, sir," she said softly.

He paused a moment, then resumed sawing. "Not this time," he said.

-xxx-

They worked in silence until they had enough logs to suit their needs. Gathering them up in the quickly growing darkness, Bill turned to Valerii. So much had passed between them since Boomer had attempted to kill him and this Sharon had arrived with Helo and a baby inside her. He felt gratified that what they had built between them had survived the disaster Roslin had created over her infant. Squashing down the coil of anger that still gripped his heart when he thought of Laura's deception and the unspeakable, brutal pain it had caused Helo and Sharon, he forced himself to think instead of how valiantly this woman had risen above everything life had thrown at her.

He was proud of her. Sharon Valerii was proof that great adversities could be overcome with the right spirit.

And with the trust of others to support it.

His voice rumbling gently, he said, "It's very important that our conversation be kept confidential, Sharon. Please. This is all going to unfold as it's meant to. It would be pointless for the others to know." He paused. He had thought to speak to Helo, but Sharon would do just as well. "There's one more thing we need to talk about," he said in a low tone.

When he was finished, she nodded sadly, knowing she'd choose to do what he asked, no matter how much she hated it.

He moved ahead of her when the glow of the campfire came into view. Watching his back, she wished with all her might that this had not been the time he'd decided to fully trust in her once again.

-xxx-

Sensing his wife's disquiet and thinking it might be because she was tired, Helo suggested that they turn inearly for the night. The others, restless with anticipation over the next day's travel, remained by the fire to talk. Sitting beside Lee on the opposite side of the fire, Laura 's attention became fixed on Bill and Kara. The two talked easily, their smiles and postures relaxed and open. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but the murmur of their voices drifted over to them, mixed with the sounds of rustling tree leaves and crackling fire. The whole scene made her feel a myriad of emotions, not all of which she could identify, and not all of which she felt comfortable with. Bill was different tonight - she could sense a change in him, but she couldn't tell what had caused it or what the ramifications of it would be.

It made her uneasy.

Sensing a similar disquiet in the man sitting next to her, she turned and caught a look of sadness before Lee had a chance to hide it. Understanding what she had glimpsed, she kept her voice low and said gently, "It's a good thing, Lee. They're good for each other."

He kept his eyes focussed on the two sitting across from them. Adjusting his grip on the stick he held in his hand, he needlessly poked at the fire. "Really."

She nodded. Speaking softly, she explained, "She needs a father and he needs to be one. He's a man who needs to be trusted, and she's a woman who needs to trust. And of all the people in her life, she's only ever been able to completely trust him."

She smiled ruefully. When Adama's 'lie' about Earth's existence had turned out to be true, there had been no shaking Kara's restored faith in him. She had become convinced that somehow the gods had worked through him, and that though he hadn't known he had been telling the truth, he hadn't been lying and therefore hadn't really lied. It was convoluted thinking, but suited Kara to perfection.

She felt a stab of regret over the rift her machinations could have permanently caused between the two Sharon had been right: she hadn't always considered the price those involved in her plans might have to pay.

Oblivious to the scrutiny they were under, Bill and Kara were deep in conversation. A hint of a smile crossed the Admiral's craggy, flame-warmed features and Kara laughed and briefly leaned her shoulder against his affectionately. His voice rumbled, and she laughed.

"It's been quite a while since I've seen him smile," Lee said suddenly, his voice sounding small and wistful. He turned his gaze towards the President, and admitted, "I don't even remember when he stopped. What does that say about me as a son? Not that he's ever smiled a lot, but it was six months into the settlement of New Caprica before I noticed he wasn't himself. I kept looking for excuses. Dualla told me something was wrong, but I wouldn't listen to her. Didn't want to listen to her," he admitted.

It was the first time she'd heard Dualla's name cross his lips since the exodus from New Caprica. Not wanting to draw attention to that fact, she said, "He's your father, Lee. I don't think any child notices an awful lot about their parents."

"Kara would have."

"But Kara is a special circumstance, don't you think?"

She knew she was right. Wanting to understand the strange closeness Bill and Kara shared, she had spent considerable effort trying to discover the roots of their relationship. She'd never made much headway. Neither seemed willing to discuss the other, so eventually she'd given up, accepting their connection without being able to explain it.

Lee moved restlessly. Kara was special to his father - and that was another sore point with him, because he didn't understand why. There was something between her and his father that just clicked. Some shared experience or some shared insight...whatever it was, it was something beyond him, and he envied it. Being left on the outside looking in hurt.

He thought back to his father's appearance here, remembering Kara's easy, gentle gibing of his father about taking two shots to kill the cylon. Picturing the rare, fleeting smile that had crossed his father's face then, he grimaced. Never in a million years would anyone else have dared to tease the Old Man like that. Especially not now. And never in a million years would his father have reacted the way he had with anyone but Kara. It wasn't fair, it didn't make sense, and he knew he was jealous of it.

Laura looked at Lee and resisted the urge to touch him arm in sympathy. She knew he cared for the young woman who sat so comfortably with his father, and could guess at the conflicted emotions he felt. His father and Kara were the two people he loved most in the universe, but he shared none of the easy-going rapport with them that they shared with each other.

Turning her gaze back towards Bill, Laura fought against a sense of hopelessness. Strange how both she and Lee needed this man to fill them up and make them whole. How filled with irony that they had repeatedly taken his trust and used it against him, never expecting that at some point he might withdraw that trust, and with it, his love. And now they were left empty and with no means to regain what he had once so readily given. Flinching at the hollowness she felt inside, she looked away.

-xxx-

Adama raised his eyes and looked across the fire. "Lee," he said in a gruff, relaxed voice. "You should hear the stories Kara is telling. You might want to come defend yourself."

Laura felt Lee stiffen in surprise and smiled. "That's your invitation," she murmured softly. "Take it."

Seeing the welcome in his father's eyes, Lee rose and joined the other two. When he sat down, he looked across the flames and felt his heart sink when he saw that Roslin had quietly disappeared. A nudge from Kara, however, turned his attention to more immediate matters, and he soon found himself arguing a few of the finer but more interesting points of Kara's recall. Before long, in counterpoint to his father's gruff chuckles, his laughter joined Kara's.

Curling up in her bedsack, Laura closed her eyes. Listening to the murmur of conversation that drifted to her on the cooling night air, she fought against her loneliness and tried not to think about the day's events. At least he was talking to them; at least he had smiled and opened up somewhat.

But not to her.

For her, there seemed no forgiveness.

-xxx-

Back at the fire, Bill felt Laura's absence like a wound, but took comfort in these last, precious moments with his children. Looking at their smooth faces in the flickering firelight, he took satisfaction in knowing he was doing the right thing

The gods he didn't believe in would exact their price, but no cost was too high if it meant he could protect them.

Life would go on.

Their lives would go on.

And that, when all was said and done, was all that mattered.

End
Chapter 10