The Wizard of Gotham
by Skysaber
Chapter Three
OoOoO
Sometimes, when you are going about your insane plan, someone comes along with a suggestion for an even more insane plan and you've just gotta do it.
So, kudos to Wings of Lead for coming up with a plot twist so crazy that I just had to run with it.
Too bad that will have to wait for a chapter or two, though.
OoOoO
There was something of a tradition among the Gotham Rogues to hold a "Getting out of Arkham" party for fellow rogues you weren't personally at odds with.
Gotham was, when you stopped to think about it, quite a small town for so many high profile villains to run around in. There were really only so many things to steal. It was inevitable they'd run into each other, cross schemes, foul plots, and so on all without meaning to. It was a situation where they'd all had to make a choice to either learn to get along, or spend as much time fighting each other as they did the Bat.
So, looking at it that way, the costumed criminals had, with some notable exceptions, found themselves learning to tolerate the other guy's food, attire, music, weird theme crimes or propensity for holding the city for ransom (and in the latter case, learn to take turns).
And, nothing turns a bunch of hardened criminals into drama queens as much as a chance to swap stories and talk shop. So every now and then they had started throwing each other parties, and one of the first of those was the 'Welcome out of Arkham' bashes.
It wouldn't take very long for certain individuals to get too free with the SmileX and kill any desire to continue those grand parties on any kind of scale, but it was for the moment a going tradition.
At this early point in their careers the Gotham Rogues Gallery had not grown as large as it would later become, neither was there yet an Iceberg Lounge, as the Penguin was still a master criminal operating more or less publicly and not even remotely to the point of appearing to settle down to fence and broker information for the others.
The Penguin was himself present, as was the Mad Hatter, Catwoman and Harley Quinn, all having been on fairly good terms with Poison Ivy lately.
The Scarecrow was present not because he felt any kind of camaraderie with the nature-loving redhead, but precisely because he knew that Poison Ivy had been between plant-sitters and he wanted to fuel the fear of future nightmares for his victims by exploring the explosion of an irate Poison Ivy fresh after finding out her precious plants had just died wholesale from dehydration and the cold.
So for him it was strictly business to attend.
The oddest thing about any meeting of Rogues was how normal the whole affair seemed. You would think for a group of costumed criminals they would be far more dramatic at a party than they were...
...Well, okay, they were. The Scarecrow put fear gas into the party balloons then spent the rest of the evening on ominous whispers or something, trying to get a rise without getting kicked out. Everyone knew better than to put on any of the party hats that Jervis, the Mad Hatter, was offering (you could never tell when he had put one of those mind-controlling micro chips into one and it was better safe than sorry).
Catwoman stole a jeweled tie pin from the Penguin, who was in turn unable to interest her in trying his own special eggnog, and Harley Quinn was smiling at poor Jervis, who didn't notice that she was pouring crazy glue on his teacup.
Ivy, when she arrived, was almost a relief from all of the pre-party warmup that had been going on.
When they saw her carriage pull up outside of the fancy restaurant whose terrified staff was gingerly serving the 'reformed' criminals (who, with the exception of Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman, who had never been caught, were all merely between trips to the insane asylum themselves - but since they hadn't committed any KNOWN crimes since their last arrest and release, were presently untouchable), Harley remarked, "ooh, Puddin will want one of those. If he can carve it into a Jack-o-lantern, that is."
The Scarecrow looked up with a bit more professional interest, "Agreed. I might be interested in that myself. But that reminds me, how did she get a pumpkin to survive the winter? Don't they wither at the first sign of frost?"
"You mean you weren't plant-sitting for her?" Catwoman turned away from her inspection of the other guests, marking notable pieces of jewelry and connecting them to faces, just in case she ever became bored with the big wholesalers that made up the diamond district.
"I was in Arkham myself until two days ago. Besides, I got there because of a disagreement betwixt us. She did not want me exploring her plants' response to fear."
At that moment, everyone had realized, belatedly, that Pamela's plants had not been cared for during her two-month or so stint at Arkham, and that a killing spree was probably on her order of business.
"Kwak! Check please!" Penguin stood up, lagging, along with half of the other criminals behind the true front runners, like Catwoman, who already had her purse and was halfway to the door, when they were stopped by a melodious sound.
It was laughter.
Pamela Isley was laughing merrily, by the sound of it.
Coming through the door, Poison Ivy was escorting a small boy and laughing aloud like nothing was wrong with the world. No sooner was she through the entrance than she caught the eye of the closest Rogue, which was of course Catwoman, and just had to share her delight.
"Oh!" and here Poison Ivy snorted, her merriment overcoming her control. "Oh! Catsy, you have to hear this! Go ahead and tell her, Harry. What did you see on that night?"
"Well," the small boy became aware of the number of eyes on him as Pamela guided him, chortling, to the table where a number of people in wonderfully creative costumes stood, seating themselves in wonder as his guardian snickered inside of her sleeve. But he was a brave lad who didn't falter beneath their attention long. "At first I didn't know what to think. I mean, there was this demon who had all these horns and wings attacking a pretty ballerina lady. But then it just turned out to be a burglar who was kidnapping her."
"Kidnapping her?" Jervis asked, with a cup of tea glued to his lower lip, forgotten in the rush to escape Hurricane Ivy.
Harry nodded firmly. "Yes! He had this black cape, and horns on his head, and was all covered in black so he looked like a bat. He jumped around alot. He also threw things. But when I saw him beating up on the ballerina lady I got scared. Then he took her and went away."
"Kwak! So you saw the Bat take Poison Ivy?" Penguin chewed on his cigarette holder, while everyone there was astonished at Poison Ivy's calmness over just having come from a nest most assumed would have been in a dreadful state by now. They were still wondering about the boy.
Again, Harry nodded firmly and decisively. "Yeah. I had no idea there were so many burglars in this city! I mean, he just came in and took her away! He also broke a window to get in, so I know he's not nice because breaking things is bad. Anyway, I had to do something or I'd freeze to death with the cold, and I hoped that by repairing the window and taking care of her plants, the nice ballerina lady would let me stay in her house so I wouldn't freeze. So I did."
Harley, at this point, collapsed on the floor in laughter, almost joined by Ivy, but the others still were having a hard time getting it. Most were getting too distracted by relief that someone, in this case it looked like a homeless waif, had taken over plant-sitting for the dangerous redhead.
"So, the nice ballerina lady, I mean Ivy, took you in?" Jervis asked, reaching for some butter, cup still dangling, unnoticed, from his bottom lip.
"Yup!" Harry nodded again, earnestly speaking to their surprise. "Her plants are great about feeding me and showing me around. They even help hide me each night!"
"Hide you?" the Scarecrow asked, detecting a note of fear. "What from?"
"Why, that nasty Bat-burglar!" Harry replied in horror, stunned that they didn't know. "Who knows when he might come back?! I mean, what if those were his regular hunting grounds, or something? And if he's a bat then he probably drinks blood. Or maybe he'd sell me off into slavery or something. I mean, if he likes kidnapping people, or..."
At this point the child's monologue was drowned out by the hooting, in some cases honking, laughter of the collected costumed criminals, who had finally pieced together what he was thinking.
Imagine! A child, afraid of the Bat! Oh, this was too rich!
Pamela Isley fell out of her chair, so weak she was with her giggles. Harley fell right over her, before rolling around knocking over chairs. Catwoman let herself go in loud guffaws and Penguin was nearly blind, as he was crying tears over this moment of unexpected hilarity.
Jervis nearly choked on a scone he'd been absently eating at the time. But he laughed as much as he hacked and gagged, turning purple the whole time.
The Scarecrow was the only one not laughing. No, he had other business to attend to in mind. He spoke seriously to the young lad, "Yes. You do well to fear that creature of the night. Each of us here has been attacked, most of us 'kidnapped', by this foul 'burglar'. He haunts our steps and makes us live in constant apprehension of his attention, for he strikes unseen and out from the darkest shadows."
"Meow," Catwoman bared her claws in Scarecrow's face, effectively silencing him while she beamed a smile to the young lad. "Never mind the Scarecrow, Harry." She recalled his name from Pamela's earlier introductions. "Not all of us fear the Bat. In fact, I think he's rather cute."
This instantly earned the admiration of the impressionable child, who blurted, "I KNEW I liked cats! First there was that really good book about one in a hat playing with kids, and now you aren't afraid of the Bat!"
Ignoring Jervis' choking, laughing, purple faced comment about, "Would you like a hat?" Catwoman smiled for the boy. "Yes, Harry. I'm not afraid of the big, bat Bat. Unlike most here." She smiled in a feline, self-satisfied way to show the other Rogues there was no harm done.
There wasn't. They knew Selina was uniquely able to charm the Bat off her.
Harry blurted out again, "Wow! You're awesome! Can you teach me? I don't want to be afraid of the Bat either!"
Catwoman was now pretending feline indifference. "I'm afraid that you don't have what it takes."
Then she laughed herself when Poison Ivy recovered enough to lay a hand on Harry's shoulder and grow two enormous coconuts inside of Harry's shirt, before collapsing back into helpless fits of merriment.
Harry enjoyed the circus they went to afterwards, even though he was terrified by the high wire breaking and the Flying Graysons falling down so very hard.
Seeing the panic on her young boy's face as they fell, Pamela caused the grass on the circus floor to shoot up to about ten feet high, making a thick mat on which they fell. It was enough to save the performer's lives, but not enough to save them from injuries, broken bones, or entering comas.
The pair of performers had to be hospitalized and entered long-term care. It was doubtful they would ever recover completely. Their son was devastated.
But to see the shining admiration on Harry's face at her attempt to save those people made Pamela Isley's heart swell within her breast.
OoOoO
Poison Ivy was relaxing in the embrace of her bathing pond three weeks after introducing young Harry as her henchkid, when her plants informed her of a pair of intruder entering the greenhouse.
Her watch vines informed her that it was not any of the humans they knew, and the pair immediately began to attack young Harry, who'd been struggling with a water bin twice his size (he was a far better gardener once her serum dramatically increased his strength and speed).
"Who DARES?!?" The Queen of Green got up imperiously, allowing her willow to dress her in leafy green combat tights as she strode unafraid to meet the unwise assailants, whoever they might be.
There were two of them, an old man and a greasy haired one, both in odd attire. The old man seemed content to let the younger one lead the attack, offering support as the sour-faced one chased her henchkid and shot bolts of light at him from some sort of wand.
Harry was nimble enough, particularly with the changes wrought by her immunity serum, to dodge fairly well, but he was not yet well trained in combat (something that Ivy resolved immediately to fix) to set an unpredictable pattern. So the sneering one was able to shoot her apprentice with a bolt of light that paralyzed him, before stalking forward to claim the immobile Harry as if he was a fallen fruit to pluck from the ground.
Poison Ivy was not surprised, merely gratified, when Harry chose to 'pop' out of existence before this attacker's advance. To her mind this was proof of her boy having a meta-gene, and therefore simply underscored what a good choice she'd made in selecting him as her assistant gardener in the first place.
With a meta-gene he'd make a suitable sidekick, even. So long as that did not interfere with his other duties, of course.
She was unconcerned, as Harry had the good sense to 'pop' to the shelter of Ivan's tentacles, arriving partially hidden under his fronds. Her giant, mutant flytrap remained perfectly still, hoping to lure the attacker in to close range, and the greasy-haired one obliged them, stalking forward as if he was sure of his own invincibility.
Ivan consumed the greasy-haired attacker in a surprise flurry of movement before resuming a peaceful pose, knowing there was other prey about it might lure in closer. But Poison Ivy had already taken it upon herself to confront the older man, who called out once or twice for his assistant before moving to where the sounds of fighting had ceased, where that assistant had just disappeared into the gullet of her man-eating baby.
The man had not gotten far into her abode before she moved against him. It was a hairy old man, but from his dressing gown with purple stars, wand, and long silver beard, the Chosen of Gaia immediately categorized him as a costume-wearer, and therefore a potential threat. He and his companion had already been throwing bolts of light about. She knew better than to permit him to take the initiative and use his unknown attacks to seize an advantage.
No, she wasted no time and Greened him immediately, puffing her special pollen in his face before he could see her and taking over his mind through those silly male weaknesses.
The old magician actually appeared to struggle against her unique form of hypnotism for a second, so she doubled the dose and sprayed him again.
He became very docile and cooperative at that point, which was a good thing for him, as she'd already prepared to have her vines drag him to Ivan for early consumption if he continued to resist.
The funny thing was, immediately upon picking her out from the concealment of her leafy allies, the old man's eyes crossed and he addressed her, "Lily?"
Pamela Lillian Isley strode forward out of the foliage, peering carefully at this stranger. "How do you know that name?"
"The boy... Harry," the man muttered in some confusion, before his face cleared up and he began to speak more clearly. "Oh, Lily. It's so good to see you alive! I left your poor son, Harry, with your sister Petunia, but he wasn't very well treated there. When I'd heard they'd abandoned him in this city I came at once to find him. But to see he is with you..." his eyes crossed and he looked drunkenly puzzled, scrambling for thoughts just out of reach, so she dosed him again. This was, after all, very interesting, and the wizard obliged her by continuing. "Tell me, Lily, how is it you survived? We thought you and James had both perished that night Voldemort attacked. And how did Harry know to find his way to you?"
Poison Ivy grinned in a smugly superior way. Well, it looked like it was about time for her to learn the history of her new sidekick. How interesting.
Once he had accepted her as this Lily person, who was apparently Harry's mother (and she had to compliment her boy on having such good judgment as to have a mother and aunt named after flowers), the old man became surprisingly helpful, a true font of information.
It was not long before Ivy understood how great a resource was available to her by impersonating this Lily person. Apparently, Harry's parents had great wealth and properties.
Both were always useful.
OoOoO
Author's Notes:
Ah, would you believe that it gets even more insane after this? The next chapter is one of my favorites.