A/N: You know something………..good cuz I don't.
Disclaimer: Trust me if I owned Harry potter My ass would not be here, my ass would be in a tub…….full of money……and chocolate or better yet….chocolate covered money
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Chapter 2
Assumptions and...bread
Ron collapsed to his Gryffindor four poster bed (A/N: I wish I was in that bed to!). Today had to have been the most fucked up day. It all started after the incident at breakfast. "Fatback" was in potions and some girl said she looked stupid, and Fatback's reply was "Don't make me bust out my nine (A/N: It is not good the play with guns…..Unless they are to kill your internet boyfriends!)." Ron was still trying to figure out what the hell that was... The she started to slap all the girls that passed her saying stuff like "Where is my money ho?" or "Why aren't you with a client."(A/N: If y'all haven't figured it out by now, I am white. I have nothing against Black people. I am not racist I hate everyone equally. J/K ) All the girls of course turned on Ron saying "What the hell are you putting in you girlfriends cornflakes?" Ron would always reply back "What the shit are corn flakes?".(A/N: Ha Ha Ron ur so funny)
Harry however seemed to have an okay day, Well as far as Ron could assume. Harry had been in and out of classes all day long, he even missed a few. Right before Harry collapsed in to his own bed Ron had shot questions at him "Where were you?" and "Why did you leave me with her all day". Harry just blushed and said "nonya" and with that Harry's curtains were drawn. (A/N: wow I haven't used the word 'nonya in a long time.')
It was pitch black in his room. And the only occasional sounds were the snores of the Gryffindor boys and some inaudible words from Neville. As Ron began to think on he heard some one stir. Sitting up quickly and silently, he strained his eyes as hard as he could, to try and see who was up. He looked over to Harry's bed and swore he saw the outline of Harry's body get up and he was proven right when the door leading out of the dormitory was opened revealing light that hit raven black hair.
The door closed behind Harry, and Ron sat there curios. So curios that he started to fight with him self...out loud
"Go after him"
"No, he deserves privacy"
"But what if it is something bad that he is doing"
"Harry is a big boy "
"Harry is a dipshit"
"No he's not"
"Yeah and Snape washes his hair"
"No he doesn't"
"Sarcasm Ron"
"Wait???? Why the fuck am I talking to my self"
Ron, confused as to why he just talked to himself, got quietly off his bed and headed towards the door. Passing Neville's bed he finally heard those un audible words
"Oh yeah"
Ron stopped to hear what Neville was saying
"You are a naughty little daisy aren't you?"
Ron, looked a little confused as to why Neville was dreaming about flowers and why he called a daisy naughty, listened a bit longer
"Hmmmmhmmmm you take those pedals of oh yes let me smell you"
Ron, who thought he had been creeped out enough turned and headed back towards the door mutter under his breath something that sounded like "No amount of therapy will ever fix that.". He reached his hand out to the door and slowly opened it just in time to see Harry slip through the portrait hole.
Running back full speed Ron grabbed Harry's Invisibility cloak, which Harry oddly did not take. He grabbed his wand and turned to head back out the door. Unfortunately he didn't get out side before he heard Neville again
"OH yeah you sexy daisy you like it when I rub your pedals on my feet oh God YES"
Ron basically jumped through the door making a mental note to him self to watch out for Neville.
As he walked through the Gryffindor tower, to exit out of the portrait hole, he noticed some house elves doing the cleaning. He reminisced in the memories of what the old "fatback" would have done if she saw this. He nearly tripped over all the books and bags lying in the floor. Eventually he got out in one piece.
As soon as he walked out of the portrait hole he looked right to left trying to find a glimpse of Harry. Finally spotting him walking past a Knight, he sped up after him.
Ron had never really traveled Hogwarts at night by himself. He was usually with Harry or whoever Hermione happened to be that particular day. Yeah, Harry was here but as far as Harry knew Ron wasn't. As Harry sped up so did Ron. after placing a silencing charm on his shoes, Ron rounded the corner
As they kept on, Ron seemed to notice just how creepy Hogwarts was at night. The only sounds he could here were of Harry's feet hitting the floor with each step he took. Every time he passed a suit of armor he got that 'Somebody's watching me' chill run up his spine. He swore he saw Mrs. Norris peeking from the one-eyed witch statue. Ron was so involved in his getting creeped outness that he barely had time to stop.
Ron, not knowing how he didn't with out Harry catching him, fell to the floor. Ron was so caught up in being scared he almost ran into the now immobilized Potter. Ron had, in need of not blowing his cover, jumped to the side and landed on the concrete floor with a 'smack'. Harry had not even turned around to see what happened.
'Wow' Ron thought to his self, 'Harry really is a dipshit.' As Ron picked himself up he looked at his surroundings, his stomach clenched.
They were out side of Albus Dumbledore's office. Ron thought hard, the only time Harry had ever come to Dumbledore's office was for emergencies and to bring Dumbledore his weekly cocaine. It couldn't possibly be an emergency could it? Voldemort had all ready been defeated (turns out he was deathly allergic to hugs) and Harry already took him cocaine yesterday so what was going on and why had Harry kept it from him and Hermione?
Ron's thinking was cut short.
"Some like it hot, some like it cold, but I like my Pot 9 days old (A/N: Drugs are bad I don't use them and I suggest none of you use them, prescriptions are the way to go! J/K)" Harry said casually, The gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office sprang aside to let Harry and invisible Ron enter. Harry quickly walked forward and opened a door. Ron quietly followed behind as Harry shut the door. They were greeted by flights and I do mean flights of steps. 'Fuck!' thought Ron, 'Just what I need this late at night.' Harry and invisible, lazy Ron began to climb.
As Ron climbed what seemed to be the tenth flight of stairs, he said a little to loudly "How does the old mother fucker climb these God damn things, I mean come on."
Luckily see has to how Harry Potter is a dumb ass he hadn't notice some one un seen just cuss.
As Harry jumped up the last stair he headed to a large oak door. Ron trying to get there a little to quickly tripped up the stair, causing to once again fall and to miss the chance to go in the door with Harry. Ron got up, furiously I might add. And walked over to the now closed oak, seeing as how he missed his chance he would just have to listen. Very reluctantly he pressed his ear hard against the door.
WHAT RON HEARD
As Ron stand there waiting patiently for someone to make a sound, Dumbledore broke the silence.
"Harry, finally you are here."
"I am so excited on being back here professor maybe we can finally get some stuff done."
Ron stood there pondering what 'stuff' they were referring to.' 'Maybe they are growing their own marijuana.' Ron thought, this could come in handy, maybe they would get student discounts.
"I thought I would have to start without you Harry, and you know I don't get any where doing it alone" Dumbledore said.
Ron's pondering was derailed off of the marijuana track, Dumbledore would do drugs with Bill gates humping a Mac. in front of him, he didn't care.
It was now Harry's turn to speak. "Well it would get you warmed up for me." Dumbledore chuckled.
Ron was apparently missing something. Why did he need to warm up for Harry? What was he warming up for?
"Alright Harry time to get serious, I don't no how long I can last for you tonight. Did you bring protection?"
Ron who was sure he heard wrong, well that hoped that he heard wrong, kept listening.
All Ron could here was movements and muffled grunts. This scared him a little, he had to be overreacting, and Dumbledore could not possibly tickle Harry fancy. Harry was straight...right?
Dumbledore spoke again ion a rather worried and embarrassed tone "I wont get hurt will I?, I mean after it is my first time"
Harry laughed a bit before he spoke. "Oh professor, don't worry you're with me, and I have done it more times than I could count so I will be here to help."
Ron wasn't sure if he wanted to burn his eyes out, I mean what good would that do he would still be able to hear them. He decided therapy being the best, he listened on.
Also he wondered whom Harry had done it with and why did Dumbledore want to prey on Harry... It's just like Michael Jackson...right?
"Right Harry, Well now we have put on our protection. Lets get started on what we left out on from earlier today."
'AHA' Ron thought so this is where Harry was today...Ron thought again 'EWWWW this is where Harry was today'
Ron could hear some moving going on and something being put down on a hard surface like on a table.
"Now professor you take this" apparently Harry had handed something very large to Dumbledore because this was Dumbledore statement...
"Wow Harry that is huge"
Ron flinched a little, so Harry was huge, yeah well so was Ron...he had big feet, that meant he was huge...right?
Dumbledore continued "Do you think it will fit?"
Ron assumed Harry was gonna do Dumbledore, and also made a mental note to himself never to use those words in the same sentence again.
Harry spoke "No I think we could probably stuff it in."
"Yes good idea Harry I think that could work, you put your hands on one side and I'll put mine on the other."
"1-2-3 push"
ahunnnnnnnhmmmmmmmmm oh god I think it is going in I think it is in yes yes yes uh.
"Wow professor that went quicker than expected don't you think?"
"Yes indeed Harry"
By this stage Ron wasn't sure what to think of all of this, he was to frightened to think of all of this...
"Now, Professor We need to put it in your oven and let it sizzle, and do not take it out to soon or we will be in trouble"
"Why is that Harry?"
"Because it will deflate or sink in."
"Ah wouldn't want that to happen would we, well Mr. potter I think that's all I can last for tonight. Shall we continue tomorrow?"
"Yes I guess" Ron could note the disappointment in his voice when he said it.
Dumbledore answered "Why, what is wrong Harry"?
"I wish I could do all this with Ron. I mean Hermione is not my type to do all this stuff with. She is probably way better at it than I am and I know Ron has no experience that I know of."
At this Ron was pissed. He had loads of experience... does yourself count?
An odd feeling was erupting in Ron's stomach. Suddenly he wished he was in there with Harry doing it, but it wasn't that he liked harry oh nononono He just wanted Harry to know he had experience... to and extent
"Ah Harry, maybe you should just attack him with it, then maybe he will give in and you could both have fun."
"May be your right professor I mean I like him enough."
At this Ron's ears turned red, so he did like Ron... Hmmmm Ron thought that maybe being with Harry wouldn't be so bad...no he could not like harry...Harry was a dude... and that was being gay... he started to fight with himself again
'You like him'
'No I don't'
'Yeah and Harry's ass is ugly'
'No it's not'
'...'
'Awww fucksnot!'
'Your someone who just out gayed themselves'
'You just shut the fuck up'
'Sense I am you and we are fighting and you just told me to shut the fuck up, wouldn't that mean you just told your self to shut the fuck up?'
'Huh?'
After Ron stopped fighting with Ron long enough to hear Dumbledore and Harry express their good byes he had just enough time to remove himself from the door and back out of Harry's way as he came out of Dumbledore's office.
WHAT WAS REALLY GOING ON BEHIND DUMBLEDORES OFFICE DOOR
As Harry reached the top step he could see the big oak door leading in to Dumbledore's office.
As he walked in he could smell the pot brewing. He had felt a little uneasy about doing this with Dumbledore, but excited just the same. But as seeing that they had been preparing for it all day to day he needed to get a little more done tonight. As soon as he walked in he saw Dumbledore sitting at their table they had fixed earlier that day. Dumbledore smiled as Harry walked in, there was a bit of an awkward silence before Dumbledore decided to break the silence.
"Harry, finally you are here."
"I am so excited on being back here professor maybe we can finally get some stuff done"
"I thought I would have to start without you And harry you know I don't get anywhere doing it alone" Harry thought if Dumbledore had started without him it would have given him extra practice but then he did realize Dumbledore cooked like Hermione played Quidditch, he sucked.
"It would have gotten you warmed up for me"
Dumbledore chuckled. "Alright Harry time to get serious, I don't know how long I can last for you tonight, did you bring protection?".
Harry nodded. He had brought the aprons. He was soooo totally not going to ruin his cloths and Dumbledore couldn't afford dry-cleaning with all the pot he buys.
He handed Dumbledore one and he had one for himself. He saw the confused look on Dumbledore's face. Harry started to pull his on, It fit a little snug and was hard to tie in the back Harry grunted a bit. Dumbledore, mimicking Harry, got his on.
Harry walked over and grabbed a bread pan it was rather small but was heavy, he heaved it over to their cooking table and he noticed a concerned looking Dumbledore.
Dumbledore spoke in a worried tone.
"I wont get hurt will I, I mean after all it is my first time"
Harry knew that cooking the muggle way was a bit on the un safe side. Your messing with very hot things and after all and you could get burned. Harry laughed a bit before he spoke
"Oh professor, don't worry you're with me, and I have done it more times than I could count so I will be here to help."
Dumbledore studied him for a minute, which basically told Harry he had his trust.
"Right Harry, Well now we have put on our protection. Lets get started on what we left out on from earlier today."
Harry decided to take the lead from here. He handed Dumbledore an oversized loaf of bread dough.
"Now professor you take this." as Harry handed it to him, he noticed Dumbledore eye the loaf then the pan, Harry was a dumbass but he could put 2 and 2 together.
"Wow Harry that is huge" Dumbledore said.
Dumbledore studied it for a moment and continued Dumbledore continued "Do you think it will fit?"
Harry thought for a moment and then spoke.
"No I think we could probably stuff it in."
Dumbledore pondered for a moment
"Yes Harry I think that could work, you put your hands on one side and I'll put mine on the other."
"1-2-3 push"
It was harder to push this in than Harry expected but oddly they quickly got it stuffed.
Ahunnnnnnnhmmmmmmmmm oh god I think it is going in I think it is in yes yes yes uh.
"Wow professor that went quicker than expected don't you think?"
"Yes indeed Harry"
Harry looked at the bread, it was ready to bake. He looked over at the oven he helped Dumbledore install earlier that day, he turned to Dumbledore
"Now, Professor we need to put it in your oven and let it sizzle, and do not take it out to soon or we will be in trouble"
"Why is that Harry?"
"Because it will deflate or sink in."
"Ah wouldn't want that to happen would we, well Mr. potter I think that's all I can last for tonight. Shall we continue tomorrow?"
"Yes I guess" Harry shifted his eyes a little. As odd as it was teaching Dumbledore to cook, he loved cooking, well not so much the cooking as spending time with men, he had grown accustomed to them ever sense Ginny and him had split. Between you and me any thing with breasts did not amuse Harry except Dolly Pardon, but seriously who doesn't she amuse.
Harry thought he didn't like Dumbledore hell no!
Dumbledore answered "Why, what is wrong Harry?"
Harry pondered for a moment whe
n a familiar red head popped into his mind
"I wish I could do all this with Ron. I mean Hermione is not my type to do all this stuff with. She is probably way better at it than I am.(this was true Harry thought women can usually cook very good). I know Ron has no experience that I know of(also true Mrs. Weasley did all the cooking, its not that he liked Ron or anything...right?)."
"Ah Harry, maybe you should just attack him with it. then maybe he will give in and you could both have fun."
Harry thought. Was Dumbledore talking about the cooking or was he talking about something else. Sometimes pot made Dumbledore smart.
Harry smiled "Maybe your right professor I mean I like him enough." Harry was wondering why he had added the liking Ron enough part to his answer he was sure it was just a mistake.
"Good night Harry"
"Good night professor Dumbledore"
Harry put his hand on the doorknob and walked out of the office.
End of Chappie 2
Not feeling the love yo!!!!. I am sorry about my grammar, my beta is sesshoumarucrazy...lol I love you Hannah. Also I didn't review my self in chapter 1 Hannah (sesshoumarucrazy) was on my account trying to upload my story for me, and when she went to review it for me, she was still on my name... so sorry
If you review my story I will give you each Virtual Ice cream yummy!!!!!!! And for those of you trying to watch those pounds...virtual cardboard!
Jess