Too High a Cost
By: Mariel

-xxxxxxxxxx-

Chapter 22

Relent

Entering the room, Kara stepped ahead of Cottle and Lee and went straight to Adama's bedside. Looking down at him, she felt her eyes moisten. Not daring to speak, she stood and grinned at him wordlessly.

Adama looked up at her, held her gaze and gave her the first, full-hearted smile he'd made in a long, long time.

Still unable to speak, she hesitantly put her hand next to his where it lay on the bed. He gently closed his fingers around hers.

"Hey," he said in a gravelly tone. "Whaddya hear?"

A tear glistened, balanced precariously on a lower lash. "Nothing but the rain, sir," she said back.

Lee watched the two silently. Only Kara could elicit that kind of smile from his father. Only his father could bring unabashed tears to Kara's eyes and make her speechless. Looking over at the President, he relaxed when she returned his glance with a smile and shrugged.

Her sentiment was unspoken, but the movement of her shoulder said it all and Lee knew she was right: there was no explaining the two of them. Kara and his father were crazy about each other in a way that made no sense to the rest of the universe.

He was learning to live with it, though. Whatever weird father/daughter, mentor/mentored relationship they'd forged since they'd met suited them, and the rest of the world would have to live with it. Nothing seemed to affect it - not even her acting like a complete ass when they first returned from New Caprica or his shoving her to the floor and telling her 'You were a daughter to me; but no more" seemed to have put a dent in it. If anything, their trust in one another had solidified still further. He had tested and challenged her and she had passed. And his father? As far as he could tell, his father was the one, solid, reliable force that she was willing to trust and believe in.

It was a totally inexplicable relationship, but Lee felt oddly reassured that he was seeing evidence of his father's expression of it for the first time since the rescue from New Caprica. Perhaps, he thought hopefully, his father was returning, and everything would soon be back to normal.

Finally, Lee took a deep breath and stepped forward to gain his father's attention. Tossing a quick glance towards the President, he turned back to his father and said, "Sir, Valerant has agreed to meet, but he's insisting that both you and the President be there," he said.

As Kara stepped away, Bill frowned and shot a look at Roslin before turning back to his son.

"He what?"

"He's willing to talk, and tomorrow morning is fine with him - but he insists on meeting with both you and the President. At the same time," he added, just in case he wasn't being clear.

Laura rose, and as she reached for her robe and pulled it on, she asked, "Did he say why?" She had no problem going - preferred the idea, in fact - but she was curious about the reasons behind the request. She wasn't crazy about the idea of someone dictating her attendance to a meeting she wasn't sure would meet with success.

"Yes," he father said. "Why would he request that?"

Lee hesitated. Looking over at Kara, he braced himself and then finally told his father, "He says he can't trust that one of you won't go against what the other has agreed to. He figures his chances are better with you both in the room."

Surprisingly, it was Roslin who protested.

Moving to take up her position next to Adama's headboard she frowned. "That's nonsense!" she exclaimed.

Adama looked up at her and quietly asked, "Is it?"

"Of course it is! I've agreed to everything you proposed. Why would I do anything to prevent that agreement from happening?" She turned to Lee and Kara. "If the Admiral and I have agreed on something-"

She saw their expressions and stopped talking abruptly.

She grimaced and had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. Perhaps their track record wasn't so good. Hers, perhaps, was worse than his. But that was then and this was now and the circumstances were completely different...And it was embarrassing and frustrating that some pilot she'd never heard of was expecting them to dance to his tune.

Bill watched as Laura's thoughts played across her features. Knowing her so well meant he knew exactly what she was thinking - or close to it, anyway. "He's not trying to manipulate us, Madame President, at least not in the way you're thinking. He has a legitimate concern that if I negotiate something, you may go ahead with something completely different, regardless of any agreement I've made with him." Irritated beyond words that he appeared to have been tarred by the same brush as Roslin, he added, "He obviously thinks I'm capable of doing the same thing, or he'd simply have asked to negotiate with you."

Slightly appeased by the fact he'd admitted that perhaps he wasn't being perceived as completely trustworthy, either, Roslin pursed her lips and thought a moment before speaking. "Okay," she finally said. "So he's got a point. But I hardly think that he can really think that whatever you negotiate with him won't be viewed as binding."

Biting back a response that would have held considerable sarcasm, Bill grappled with his irritation and instead observed, "I think he wants what we've already agreed is essential. He wants to see a united front. He wants to see that the military and the civilian authorities share the same priorities and are working towards the same things."

There was a moment's silence, then Laura asked, "And are we?"

Her question, and the tone in which it was asked, threw him for a moment.

He paused and looked at her with penetrating eyes. There were too many levels to that question. Too many hidden agendas, too many things he couldn't yet answer to.

"We can hope so," he equivocated. "On this, at least."

A flash of disappointment skimmed Roslin's features. Adama looked at her curiously.

The sound of someone clearing their throat reminded them both that there was another in the room who had not yet spoken. Turning, they regarded Cottle with identical looks of enquiry.

"You see a problem with the two of us going?" Adama asked.

Cottle kept his voice noncommittal. "None at all, if you promise not to tear each other apart before you get back."

Bill looked at Laura."I wouldn't presume to promise that," he said, "but I'm sure we'll do our best."

Laura bit her tongue and after shooting Bill a silent glare, refused to dignify the statement with further comment.

Seeing her chagrin, Bill allowed himself a flash of satisfaction before turning to Lee.

"I guess you can tell Valerant we'll both see him in the morning."

Kara and Lee looked at the two leaders and then at each other. This had gone far more easily than expected.

Following hard upon the tail of that thought was the question of when this cease fire would end.

-xxx-

After everyone had gone, Adama and Roslin lay across from each other. Both tried mightily to ignore the way the presence of the other was beginning to affect them. Memories, however, rose unbidden, swirling in the air around them and stroking their awareness that nothing in their shared past could be erased. No word spoken could be taken back, no deed committed undone. Everything of what they had shared - the anger, the trials and trauma and betrayals and lies...everything sat between them, solid, unmoving, and impenetrable.

But beating in counterpoint to that were the memories of soft, human touches, of whispered murmurs and gentle caresses shared in darkness, of growing understanding and a shared commitment. They had supported one another and provided strength and refuge and hope for one another when it had been needed most. Regardless of where they were now, there had been depth to what they had felt for one another; depth and meaning and a warm truth.

Much to their surprise, none of that could be taken back, either. It, too, wafted in the air around them, an enticing, ephemeral presence that refused to be ignored.

Adama moved restlessly and tried to shake off its siren call.

He looked at her and wondered if he should be feeling anger towards her instead.. Although he felt relief that, except for the issue of the shuttles landing on the Galactica, he and Roslin had been in tune with what should be done to handle the crisis, his relief was tainted by nervousness.

It wasn't normal for them to so naturally agree.

He had to be missing something.

She had to have something up her sleeve.

He looked over at her and she raised an eyebrow.

"What?" she asked.

"Why do I have the feeling I should be asking you something?"

She frowned. "Like what?"

"I'm not sure. Probably something like 'Have you kidnapped any babies lately?'"

The comment was outrageous and he knew it, but he somehow couldn't stop himself from making it.

The corners of her mouth tightened. "Would you please let go of that? I did what had to be done."

"You did what you wanted to," he accused. Feeling a welcome rush of real anger, he added, "You always do."

"How can you say that?" she exclaimed, her voice rising as her anger bubbled. "How dare you even think it? I make decisions - difficult decisions that have to be made - and I stand by them!"

Thinking of Helo and Sharon's heartbreak, he asked, "Do you also stand by the consequences?"

She wanted to shake him. "Like you haven't made errors in judgement!" she said bitterly. "Perhaps you'd like to discuss your having me arrested whenever I've done something you don't like, or your stupid insistence that you started the cylon attacks!"

She'd made him suffer for both of those things, and he hadn't needed to be reminded of either.

"Don't push it, Laura," he warned, his voice rising dangerously as his ire grew.

She jumped on his use of her first name. "Oh, and now I'm Laura?" she asked, her voice increasing in volume to match his. "Sometimes I forget who I am with you - you keep changing your mind, though gods know you've been pretty consistent since we returned from New Caprica!"

He sat up straight, his hands planted firmly on each side of him. "I keep changing my mind? Oh, no," he said shaking his head, "you can't lay that at my feet. It's you who says one thing and then does another. It's you who-"

She tossed her bed covers aside angrily and rose. Gesturing, she broke into his words. "How dare you? Do you have any idea of how difficult it is to decide what to do, to know that every decision I make affects so many? You have no idea. No idea whatsoever!"

Seeing her rise, he matched her movements, though not so quickly as she. Still, anger propelled him to his feet and got him half way across the room before he was totally aware of what he was doing. He looked down at her. Hands on her hips, she looked at him defiantly. Anger making his heart beat a rapid tattoo, he told her, "Excuse me if my heart doesn't bleed for you. If you had one ounce of empathy, if you'd ever just once considered the effect your little machinations might have on others, perhaps I'd feel some sympathy, but you're-"

-xxx-

Standing on the other side of the door leading to the Admiral's and President's room, Meyes hesitated, then pulled her hand away from the handle. The raised voices emitting from the other side of the door weren't happy ones. She stared at the door a moment, waiting for the argument to lull. When it didn't, she stepped back, wondering what to do. Evaluating the volume and intensity of what she was overhearing, she decided the stormy debate would blow itself out soon. Nothing stayed at that pitch for long.

Five minutes passed and the argument hadn't abated. She was leaning against the wall, trying to determine if she should gather her courage and just barge in and break it up, or leave to do something else, when Cottle turned the corner.

"Not enough to do, Meyes?" he asked from the end of the corridor. "What are you doing out here holding the wall up? I thought you said you were on the way to get the Admiral and President ready for lights out."

As he got closer, the sound of raised voices made him focus on the closed door.

Drawing to a stop next to her, he asked, "Gods. How long've they been doing that?"

"I've been here for five minutes. They were going at it full steam when I got here."

He grimaced. "Damned lucky for them the press isn't within hearing range!" He looked at the door. "It sounds bad in there." And neither of them could just walk out - they had nowhere to walk to. That had to be brutal, he thought to himself. Over the sound of Bill's roar, he asked, "Why haven't you gone in to stop it?"

Her eyes opened wide. "You think I have a death wish?" she asked with a touch of impatience. "I don't see you rushing in there!"

"Don't be insubordinate," he scolded half-heartedly. She had a point, but he'd be damned if he'd admit it.

"Keep your voice down!" she warned, "We don't want them to know we know they're arguing."

"We don't?"

"No! If they know we're outside and can hear them, they'll stop, and if they stop and find out that it's us, they'll be furious at us instead of each other."

He blinked. The twists and turns of a woman's mind sometimes made it difficult to follow.

"Okay..." he said uncertainly.

"It's probably best for them to get this out of their systems, anyway," she said in a practical tone. Keeping her voice low, she explained, "It'll clear the air between them. They need to work out whatever it is going on between them, and if screaming at one another at the top of their lungs is how they need to do it, that's fine by me."

He paused. Screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs wasn't in character for either of the two people now heavily involved in that very activity. Maybe it would be good for them. Like Meyes said: get it out of their system. Clear the air. Put them back on an even keel. Settle things. Get them back on track... Running out of ways to say it, he glanced at Meyes and wondered what she thought was 'going on' between the two leaders. Knowing her rather romantic leanings, he figured he could pretty much guess. Sighing, he said, "Maybe you're right."

She smiled sweetly. "Of course I am. But I'm sure you won't mind if I write down that you're admitting it."

He grunted. "Don't be a smart ass." Turning towards the closed door, he asked, "You make out anything they were saying?"

She grinned. He was so predictable. "Maybe," she told him. " I-" She stopped as the unmistakable sound of a loud slap echoed into the corridor. Both looked at the door, frozen in shocked silence. Gradually, low murmurs could be heard from the other side of the door. The voices weren't angry now, which they counted as a good thing. Relaxing, the two eavesdroppers looked at one another.

Then the murmurs were replaced by silence.

Slowly, they looked at the door again, and then turned back to look at one another.

Now what?

After a moment, Cottle moved forward and reached towards the door handle. Meyes quickly grasped his arm.

"What are you doing?" she hissed.

Surprised, he looked down at where her hand rested on his arm, then looked back up at her face. "Going in, what you think?" he rasped.

"You can't go in there now!"

"Why not? They've stopped fighting."

She exhaled loudly in frustration. "Exactly! That's why you can't go in!"

He frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?" he whispered. "We couldn't go in because they were fighting, and now we can't go in because they're not? Why the hell-"

He stopped abruptly.

"Gods," he muttered. He looked at the door and took an involuntary step backwards. "Walking in on them once was enough." And that was with Adama unconscious. With the two of them awake...

Meyes looked at him sharply. The fingers grasping his arm clutched tighter. "What? What did you walk in on?"

If he'd been keeping information from her, she'd find a way of making him suffer.

Cottle looked at Meyes and then at the door again. Sighing, he pointedly loosened the grip she had on him and then tucked her hand around his arm as he led her away and down the deserted corridor. Knowing she wouldn't be pleased he'd kept something this interesting from her, he began to explain, "It only happened this morning..."

-xxx-

Bill's hand lifted to hold his cheek.

"Well, that made your point."

Laura moved forward involuntarily. Placing one hand on his shoulder, she lifted the other to gently touch his cheek. "Bill, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Oh, gods... It's just that when you mentioned Zarek-"

She cursed herself when he flinched at the mention of the man's name. "I'm sorry," she continued. "I was wrong. What I did then was stupid, and looking back on it, I can't even fully explain it. But at the time, it seemed the only way I had of getting what I needed. You were gone, and I didn't know what was happening, and I was responsible for everything, and I felt as though I had to know what Baltar was doing on Colonial One. It seemed the logical thing to do..." Her voice drifted off. Gods...

She slid both hands to rest firmly against his chest. Her eyes tearful, she gathered herself together and straightened her posture. Putting her chin up, she warned him, "I may have been wrong in my methods in the past, but Zarek is the only thing I regret, and I only regret it now because of what it's done to us; because of the pain it caused you. I didn't think it through. I thought I was just sacrificing myself; I didn't think about how what I was doing would affect you. Everything else, though, I stand by."

He looked at her, and suddenly the gravity of the situation flew out the door.

"You're crazy."

She looked at him closely, sensing a change in him, but not sure of the reason.

"So what if I am?" she asked.

He held her gaze. So what, indeed.

Moving to cup the sides of her face in his hands, he slowly lowered his head until his mouth touched her lips.

-xxx-

Laura drew away slightly. Her heart was racing and her body responding to him in such a sudden way that it was hard to catch her breath. At any other time, she might have found his effect on her amusing.

"Well..." she whispered uncertainly. Her knees were quivering, and every nerve in her body hummed with life and anticipation.

Bill looked at her, completely at a loss as to what had just come over him.

Scratch that. He knew exactly what had come over him, and he had to learn to fight it.

"I shouldn't have done that. It doesn't change anything," he told her reluctantly.

She looked at him, fell in love with the blue of his eyes once again, and moved to gently rest her body against his. Sliding her arms around his neck, she rose onto her toes and let her lips rest against his.

"I think it does," she whispered softly.

She rejoiced when she felt his arms tighten around her.

End
Chapter 22

Eeep. I'm sorry this was so long...