Titled: Pain in my heart chapter 3
Author: curseofavalon
Rating: PG
Summary: He went way too far. Returned with a new chapter for lj user"silentsnark" and lj user"elliejgirl"
Pairing: None yet
Disclaimer: I don't own House or its characters Fox does tho, I just used them shamelessly for this snippet.

He'd been drunk for three days straight after he'd encountered that she had left. After a week of sitting at home without anything to do he wanted to go to her and beg her for his license. Cuddy wasn't in her chair though. It had been Wilson, a pitiful look on his face as he saw House.

Jimmy told him then that she had left for unknown time and that he was, for that time span, the Hospitals administrator. Not just that she had gone, but Wilson also couldn't get his revoked license back but that Cuddy also gave the board the instruction not to give it back to him until she herself requested it. He was not only useless, he had also driven the only person away who had still cared about him.

He had suddenly felt alone in his apartment, he had felt hollow and couldn't understand what had happened to him. So he drowned his sorrows, the situation reminding him too much of another woman. His heart was clenched by a huge fist, slowly squeezing the last life of it.

He was currently occupying his couch, laying sprawled on it, his right with a bottle of Jack Daniels dangling of the edge. All his senses were muted, he had no idea if it was day or night. All he knew was that he screwed it.

A key was turning in his lock, it registered somewhere but he couldn't care less, he just took another long pull from the bottle.

'My god House it smells like something died in here...' Wilson said, then saw him on the couch.

'Well...apparently I was right with that.'

He could barely focus on Jimmy, the room was spinning dangerously whenever he opened his eyes, the earth shifting under him. Closing his eyes again he tried swallowing down the nauseous feeling, his tongue twitching.

'Ju...st leave me ...al...alone' his tongue was almost numb, the words tumbling of it.

'Oh House...' Accompanied by a deep sigh. 'Why are you doing this to yourself?'

House closed his eyes, more painful memories. 'She, left...left me'

'Stacey?'

He snorted. He couldn't have cared less about Stacey right now. He tried to take another pull from the bottle, but it cluttered to the floor empty.

Wilson in the meantime had sat down and watched him, his head constantly shaking.

'I thought you had gotten over her.'

'Not...Stacey.' he turned, pressing his heated face against the cold leather of the couch, he could barely stop himself from retching at the thought of being left alone once again and knowing how much he had hurt her.

Jimmy's eyes widened at the confession 'You mean Cuddy?'

'No Mother Theresa' He tried rolling his eyes which only made him more sick.

Another pitiful stare from Wilson and he would truly puke.

'She's gonna kill me...' Said Wilson and then put a piece of paper on his coffee table before he left.

An address, scrawled in her feminin script. His heart made a leap and with it his stomach did, emptying until it held nothing else.

Three weeks had passed. Three weeks in her refuge, where she had finally found time to unwind. Lisa had spend her days on the porch, or at the beach, basking in the salty sea air, feeling like new born. Finally she had found the time to read all the books she had bought to read.

She had almost forgotten why she was here. But at night, when she lay alone in her big cold bed, everything came back to her. The chances she had never had, The tries of finding someone, then knowing they would never be like him. No one would ever be like House. Don had been right, with him she allowed herself to be who she really was, compassionate, without putting restraints on her person so she could be the Dean of Medicine, the classy woman who knew how to talk people into Donating money. Around him she could let her facade slip.

But alone in her bed she yearned for someone to hold her, had often imagined it was him. When she thought he would die she had seen her world slip. Her dreams seemed to be never coming true. And all this had just been a lie. A stupid lie from a junkie.

Even here she had imagined him spooning her from behind, hugging her to him softly and each night, when her back stayed cold, she would cry herself to sleep.

She went to bed around midnight, her routine the same as ever. Cleaning her face of the few remnants of make up, combing her frilly hair, putting on her nightgown, then slipping into her bed, the curtains across the room billowing in front of the opened window. The cold slowly creeping into her room, cooling everything down. She laid facing away from the window, pulling the blankets up to her chin shivering.

She closed her eyes and tried not to imagine him, she knew if she ever wanted to resolve her problems she needed to stop feeling unprofessional about him, needed to pull herself back or it would cost her dearly. He couldn't stop being who he was, not even for her, had pushed too far once too often.

She sighed as she once more felt him behind her, his warm form wrapping around her, muscled arms pulling her against him to keep her warm. Tears started welling behind her closed eyes, knowing that if she opened them now the illusion would be broken. He smell, warmth, the solid form behind her would vanish. Drawing in a shaky breath she tried to calm herself, still the tears kept welling, a tiny sound escaping her throat against her will as she felt weak for once more succumbing to the painful wishing.

'I'm sorry for what I did Lisa. I know I went too far, knew it when you hugged me that one night'

Her eyes ripped open as she heard him speak to her, his warm breath tickling the back of her neck, his arms tightening around her so she couldn't jump out of bed. He was real, he was with her, he had broken into her summer house, slipped into bed behind her, hugged her close.

She struggled, wanting to break free, get away from him and the pain he had made her feel. He only held her closer.

'Lisa, I can explain, if you will only listen. The treatment, I wanted to go to Boston to find out if it ...it might have made my leg better' He said it with remorse in his voice.

'And I should've told you the truth.'