Titled: Pain in my heart chapter 5
Author: curseofavalon
Rating: PG
Summary: He went way too far

Authors Note: I couldn't keep myself from writing more after finding nothing to read. I've read almost all the Huddy fics and I feel depressed.
Pairing: Huddy
Disclaimer: I don't own House or its characters Fox does tho, I just used them shamelessly for this snippet.

When Cuddy woke up that morning the bed was empty and cold. She panicked, thought she had lost her mind and she had imagined it all. The great Dean of Medicine was starting to lose her mind, her heart she had already given to what some would say the devil in human form. Rolling onto the side which had been occupied by him she looked for any indicators that spelled derailed personality problem to her, but then she smelled it, House's faint smell, like soap and something sinful.

A smile crept onto her face, the night and the sleep it had brought had been good for the both of them. She had finally been able to sleep for a whole night, the memory of his arms slung around her, his warmth enveloping her still so fresh. From downstairs she could here a faint clatter of pans or pots, and then more sounds and smells made their way into her still sleepy brain.

Coffee, Cuddy could definitely smell that, among other 'breakfasty' things. She made her way out of bed and into the bath, showering quickly before walking down to the kitchen.

From the doorway she watched him trying to make breakfast, which he probably hadn't done in ages, a cookbook leaned against a pack of eggs, flour covered the better part of the kitchen and a smudge of pancake batter adorned House's left cheek. Cuddy smiled again knowing he tried to get back into her good books, he actually made an effort for her.

'You need some help?' she couldn't keep the smile out of her voice.

House groaned as he saw her standing in the doorway watching him. He had wanted to make breakfast for them, show her he was trying, really trying. Only to find out that he didn't know one pancake receipt, after he had to throw the first bowl of batter away. He rolled his eyes and got even more mopey as he saw that Cuddy couldn't stop smiling, she probably thought he was cute. He innerly spat at the word.

She crossed the kitchen and looked at the chaos he had created with a slight frown. The kitchen looked like a battlefield.

'Batter exploded again?' she smirked at him.

'Feeling superior now?' His frown deepened, which made him look like the petulant five year old that he often was.

He reckoned that it was at least a good sign that she was playful. Maybe the anger was slowly fading. At least he hoped.

His train of thought was broken as he heard Cuddy's laugh, not the fake I-want-to-impress-a-donor laugh he often heard, no the true and full fledged Cuddy laugh he hadn't heard in years, at least not guided towards him. House turned to her almost pouting by now, which only made her laugh harder.

She bit the inside of her cheek to keep the giggles from erupting, but when he turned to her looking all pouty, in the midst of the mess, she couldn't stop herself.

'You know how adorable you look right now?' throwing in another giggle fit for the effect, it almost made her bend over holding her tummy.

'Awesome...and here I was trying to make an effort, just to get laughed at and insulted.' He closed the cookbook annoyed and slumped down on the nearby chair.

She stopped laughing immediately when she saw that he was seriously bummed, slumped in his chair looking disappointed with himself, and then a flicker of last nights House crossed his features.

'Oh c'mon now House, its nothing big and the thought counts right?' sitting down next to him she bumped his shoulder with hers in a friendly manner.

'Lets clean this mess and then cook together.'

Cuddy leaned her chin on her hands, looking at him softly and grateful. House nodded reluctantly, smirked and dipped his finger into the batter bowl before painting her nose with it. It made her smile, the softness of the moment, House in this rare mood, it reminded her of old and better days when they had been friends in Michigan.

They were leaning towards each other slowly, each caught in the eyes of the other. On the inside she panicked, this wasn't supposed to happen, she was supposed to forget him, to pull away so she could deal with him and his destructive demeanor. But her heart sped up nonetheless, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. His breath was tickling her cheeks, his eyes filled with something she could probably identify as longing.

An egg rolled of the island counter, landing on the tiled floor with a crash, its contents spilling everywhere.

Cuddy jumped, shocked by the sudden interruption, and almost fell of her chair. A string of curse words left House's mouth and he grabbed a handful of paper towels.

Softly she took the paper towels and managed to smile a little strained.

'It's ok, I got it.'

Getting up and bending down she cleaned the latest mess, while House started to wipe the flour painted surfaces down.

He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. Her cheeks had reddened and her hands seemed a little shaky. He felt remorse creeping through him. He had almost kissed her, the spell broken by a damn egg, and probably pushing her away farther, pulling her guards back up.

Lisa looked at him as he stubbornly wiped down the Island counter, she didn't know what was happening to her, to them, but something in the balance had shifted, started pushing and pulling at them. She wanted so desperately give in to him. Let him sweep her off her feet until they had to return back to the real world. But then? He would probably be back to his old self. Kick her in the shins for forgiving him, shut her out again.

The question was if she could deal with it. Could she let go when he pushed her away, or would she break all over again?

Sighing seemed to be her form of breathing around him.

She stilled his hands on the counter and made him turn to her and look at her. Cuddy softly bit her lip as she looked up at him as if trying to find the answer in his blue orbs. He understood, she could see him soften.

'I'm trying, I...need time but I'm trying...' said in a pleading tone that was unusual for House. He said the truth.

Lisa pushed up on her tiptoes and gently wiped his cheek clean.

'I know, we need time House. I need time to heal, forget what you did, how painful it was. But I appreciate that you put effort into it. I just...if this is just temporary until you made me give you your license back, or until you have the next funny idea, then...then we should stop right here and you should go back home.'

Looking up at him she seemed small, frail, which she was after what he had done.

'I won't promise you to be another person Cuddy. But I am sorry about how it happened and I want to...I don't know... apologize, make it better I guess. I'm a doctor thats my drive. I don't know what I'll be like in an hour, or in a day, when the pain worsens again, when all that seems to exist is this white ball of pain.'

His voice had gotten louder and disappointed, filled with anger towards the world and the powers that had turned against him. She understood, knew all along why he is who he is. His breathing almost turned erratic as he tried to explain.

'But...when it happens, when it comes back...I ...' he closed his eyes trying to form the words.

'Look I really want you...with me down the paved road to hell ok? I'm not asking for you to give up yourself or anything of that romantic shit. I just want your company, whatever you want to give me. Friendship or constant kicks in the ass. I got used to you being with me and in whatever way you are willing to stay with me.'

House was at a loss for words, couldn't form what he wanted to say, to scared to be pushed away and left again and Cuddy understood his reluctance. She had seen what happened to him when Stacy had left him. He feared she'd do the same.

The worst was that at the moment she had to admit that she was still not sure if she would. Unsure if she should really go back to PPTH and to him.