Here we go again. This chapter started out as about 23 KB, grew to almost 60, got divided into chapters 32 and 33, got pared down a bit, and now I think I'm ready to post. Maybe. Of course, if you're reading this, I obviouly pressed the 'send' button!
As you will see, I still prefer the idea of Adama having a second wife. Somehow it seems to fit that there would have been someone for him duing those years after his marriage to Caroline. And I like to think that they were happy.
Too High a Cost
By: Mariel
Chapter 32
Conference
Bill frowned when the tentative tapping repeated on the hatchway.
Feeling a mixture of relief and frustration at yet another interruption, Laura sighed.
They shared a look.
Inclining her head towards the hatch, Laura's voice held a hint of resigned humour when she said, "You might as well."
He nodded and rose, knowing from the hesitant sound of the knock that whoever it was had not come to demand anything. Turning the lock mechanism and pushing the hatch outward, he was surprised to discover Private Jaffey standing just outside the door with a large, covered tray balanced in his hands.
Glancing further down the corridor to where Roslin's detail had taken up position in a few chairs, he returned his gaze to the young man and asked, "Jaffey, what are you doing here?"
His hair in its usual disarray, but his shirt clean and pressed, the young man who generally brought him coffee in the morning looked at him nervously. Mirroring Adama's glance, he quickly looked back at the men guarding the hallway, then turned again towards the unsmiling Admiral. Swallowing, he said, "I'm sorry sir. They insisted that you and the President were not to be disturbed, but Doctor Cottle ordered that lunch be brought to you, and I-"
When he stopped uncertainly, Adama easily filled in the blanks. Roslin's security team had let the poor fellow decide whether to brave Cottle's wrath for not delivering the meal as ordered or to brave the Admiral's wrath at being disturbed - and had then let him venture to his door alone. Feeling a mixture of amusement and disgruntlement that he was Jaffey's idea of the lesser of two evils, he decided to simply admire the man's ability to make a decision under difficult circumstances.
To ease the young man's nervousness, Adama let his facial muscles lose some of their tension. "I'm sorry, Jaffey. I didn't see the point in double-guarding my door, so I dismissed my marines. I didn't know it took a military man to dare an approach," he said in a raspy undertone.
Jaffey relaxed and smiled. "Major Cottle ordered lunch for both you and the President, sir." His words tumbling out in a relieved rush, he continued, "It's a little late, so most everything was gone, but I got together what I could. There are some noodles, and a bit of salad. I didn't know if you'd want it, but there was a fresh pot of coffee brewed, so I brought you a thermos of that. I added a fresh tomato for each of you, too. Hydroponics sent over a few just this morning. They looked good, so..." Realising he was babbling, he let his voice trail off. He'd been glad to have something special to add to the recovering admiral's tray, and prayed to all the gods at once that Cook didn't notice the pilfered produce.
Adama smiled his gratitude at the thoughtful gesture.
"Thank you, private. We hadn't realized the time, or we'd have ordered something ourselves earlier."
"No problem at all, Admiral," Jaffey said readily. "And just so that you know, Doctor Cottle ordered a dinner meal to be brought to you at 1900. He also said to tell you that he expects both you and the President back in Life Station by 2100."
Not noticing the way the Admiral's jaw clenched at that last piece of information, the private gestured toward the inside of the Admiral's quarters with the tray. "Where would you like me to put this, sir?"
Instead of backing away to let the young man carry the tray in and set it on his table, Adama remained where he was and held out his hands. "Thank you. I'll take it from here."
Jaffey paused. Quickly covering his surprise at this change in routine, he released the tray into the Admiral's custody. Reflexively, his eyes curiously scanned the insides of the Admiral's quarters. He noted what he was sure was the President's jacket hanging on the back of a chair and her shoes lying on the floor beside the sofa. She, however, was nowhere in sight. Wondering where she was, he nodded. "Thank you, sir. Enjoy your meal." Taking a step backwards, he blurted impulsively, "It's really good to see you up and about, sir."
Adama smiled slightly. "Thank you, Jaffey. It's good to be back. I'll see you at 1900."
He began to turn, then hesitated. "And if you could get the door for me?"
The young private nodded. After he closed the hatch door behind the Admiral, he turned and walked past the President's guards. As he did so, he held his chin a little higher. Giving them a cool glance, he thought, Civilians.
-xxx-
Laura emerged from using the head and quietly walked over to carefully turn the lock mechanism on the hatch. She then moved to the table and watched as Bill set the tray down, lifted the cloth, and nodded in satisfaction.
He knew he should likely have been angry that Cottle had used food as a way to inveigle one last order about returning to Life Station, but he was hungry, so was willing to set the feeling aside.
To a point.
He looked at Laura. "This," he said in a gruff tone, "is Cottle's apology for being such an ass."
Laura didn't try to suppress her grin. Cottle was the most infuriating man she had ever met, and it was nice to see Bill just as disgruntled by him as she usually was.
"You two are impossible," she said with a chuckle. Playing devil's advocate, she added, "I'm sure he just wants to make sure we're eating."
Bill grunted. "You don't believe that any more than I do. The man's power mad. This is just his way of trying to maintain control. He ordered dinner for us, too. That's his way of giving us his 'permission' to stay here for the rest of the day, if we like. And in case we forgot who is boss, he had Jaffey 'remind' me that we're expected to be back in Life Station by 2100."
He looked down at the tray. His face drawn in stubborn lines, he said, "I may be ready to go back by then; we'll have to see."
He heard a strangled sound and looked up to see Laura trying not to laugh. Ignoring her amusement, he said. "Better have a seat. I need something on my stomach; the alcohol is really hitting me."
After sorting out their food, they ate in relative silence for a while, she because she didn't know how to begin again and because she didn't want to spoil the pleasant mood that they now shared; he simply because he was content to let things lie for a while more. Eventually, desultory comments about the food and about expanding the hydroponics facilities helped pass the time until the meal was almost finished.
There came a point, however, when he knew he had to resume their conversation, and when it was reached he did so by jumping in with both feet. Pouring coffee into a mug, he observed, "It's unsettling to know I can trust you with my life, but nothing else. And harder still to accept that you trust me with even less."
She looked at him, knowing he was wrong. She did trust him. Trusted him in more ways and on more levels than she did anyone else, in fact. But she knew the evidence for that was shaky at best, and appeared to be more along the lines of 'I trust that no matter what I do you'll forgive me' than she liked to admit.
When she didn't respond, he looked up. Her face was deceptively smooth, but her eyes were a tell-tale troubled green. Once again, he was swept with the thought of how alone she was. Regarding her from across the table with a dark gaze, he knew he had the power to make her feel more alone still. At one point not so long ago, he might have been tempted to do so, but that desire - like the anger that would have engendered such an act - was now gone. Once again, events had changed things. Kobol, their time together in Life Station, and even their time together here in his quarters had brought its own sort of healing.
He sighed inwardly. Since the destruction of their worlds, she had borne much and borne it alone. She'd grown, adapted, and changed because of that.
So had he.
When he continued, he gave up all pretense of making their discussion about anything but themselves.
After taking a sip of the still-hot coffee, he placed the mug down, leaned his arms against the edge of the table and folded his hands in the air over his eating bowl. "Shortly after Anne and I first realised how we felt about one another, I did something stupid and we had a huge argument. Afterwards, when we were able to talk rationally, she said something I'll never forget. She said that it was natural that our love would sometimes hurt - but to make our relationship work, we had to make sure that it never hurt either of us too much."
His eyes dark with memories, he said in a low rumble, "It was a simple thought, but of the many things I learned from her, it's probably one of the most important. Anne and I had a good and happy life together because of that bit of wisdom."
He lifted his eyes to meet Laura's. "We need to be careful of one another," he said in a soft tone.
Laura thought of what they'd shared with others and of what they'd shared together.
He had been far more careful than she.
Wondering if this were some sort of gentle rejection, she placed her chopsticks down with a slight clatter. "Has this hurt too much?" she asked.
He looked away, and for what felt like an eternity, remained motionless. Then he shook his head. "No, I don't think so." Turning eyes the colour of midnight to meet hers again, he said something he had never had said aloud to her before.
"I love you."
The simple sentence was spoken with a quiet, gravelly honesty that made her heart stop. It settled in the air between them, creating an electric charge. Before she could respond, he continued, "It took me a while to realise it, but I think I probably have for a very long time." Easing away from the table, he told her, "But our loving each other isn't enough, Laura. Not for us. Not in our situation."
He looked at their almost-empty bowls and placed his napkin on the table. Seeing that she was finished also, he rose and said, "We can clear this later. Let's go sit."
Stunned by his revelation, Laura rose and followed him. She didn't undertand his sudden confession, wasn't sure of its intent. But when they were seated, they sat noticeably closer, and she felt a wash of anticipation ripple through her. They'd thrown things out at one another, perhaps resolved nothing, and yet...She looked at him and knew things were changed. She'd only admitted her feelings to him a short time ago. Now he had admitted his. Love. That sentiment anchored everything in a reassuring, solid way that gave her hope.
It didn't, however, answer the question that had brought them there.
They regarded one another silently.
What had happened before would happen again...
"So... what are we going to do?" she asked.
He smiled slightly. "I believe that question's been asked."
"But not answered."
"That's what we're going to do now," he said, his voice determined.
-xxx-
After Kara had finished her short CAP tour, Lee updated her on the conversation he'd had with Sharon and Helo.
"We need to talk to Tigh. No one knows the Old Man better than he does," she'd said immediately.
Then she'd looked at the clock. "I've got at least an hour before I have to go harass the nuggets. Let's find Helo and Sharon before they go pick up their rug rat from day care. We'll all go talk to him and see what he thinks."
Lee wasn't certain about the closeness that had sprung up on New Caprica between the curmudgeonly Colonel and the hotshot, mouthy pilot, but there was no denying it and he certainly saw no harm in using it if it meant solving their problem. Nodding, he said, "That's about how much time I have before I brief the first pilot we're sending over to Valerant. He's to be ready to go by 1400."
"You didn't send someone over as soon as they sent word the strike was finished?" Kara asked
Lee shrugged. "Dad said as soon as possible. He knows how I set things up. I designed the loan schedule to dovetail with our own duty schedules. Our next shift starts at 1500, so that's when I told Valerant he'd get his first loaner. We couldn't do it any sooner without totally screwing up everything, and the last thing we need is to have someone out there with even less sleep than they're getting already."
Understanding, Kara nodded and started walking. "Let's move it then," she said over her shoulder. "Any idea where to look for Helo?"
He looked at her retreating back. "Shouldn't you ask that before you start walking away?" he muttered.
Sighing, he moved to follow her.
-xxx-
Fortunately, Helo and Sharon had been quickly found, and the five of them soon stood in the Damage Control alcove in CIC speaking in low undertones.
Saul grunted in disbelief. First, they'd asked his advice on whether or not anything could be done to ease the tense situation between the President and Adama. Then Kara had ganged up on him and asked him to do what he suspected she'd wanted all along.
"You want me to advise the Admiral to play nice with the President? How many kinds of crazy do you think I am, Thrace? Gods. I'd be taking my life in my hands. I had to live with him after New Caprica, and then deal with his reaction to Roslin and her godsdamned frakking 'return to Kobol' fiasco. I know exactly what he thought about her, and I agreed with him. He can't trust her as far as he can throw her, and he knows it. She's been a good President, but as a human being you can trust..." he shook his head.
Kara almost stomped her feet in frustration. She'd tried every argument she could think of, and Tigh simply refused to bend. Finally, she blurted out, "But he really cares for her!"
Tigh looked at her.
"Really cares for her," she emphasized.
Her words seemed to freeze Tigh in place. After a heartbeat or two, he released his breath with a rush and nodded. She had a point. He thought Bill had probably started feeling a lot more for Roslin than he should have a long time ago. He didn't know if Bill yet realised it, though, and he'd be damned if he was going to be the one to tell him.
"Okaaay..." he said slowly, "I wasn't expecting quite this kind of honesty, but yeah, there is that, but I don't think it's something I'd want to bring up with him just now, okay? He's talking to her, but I don't get the impression he is anywhere near ready to forgive and forget. She really frakked things up between them. Besides, I have no idea how she feels about him."
"She loves him, too."
Everyone turned to look at Helo in surprise. He returned their looks steadily, slightly embarrassed by his statement, but unwilling to back down from it. It was as it was.
"Well, well," Tigh remarked dryly. Examining Agathon with a glittering, grey eye, he said, "So Roslin's got herself a little supporter! Can't say as I'd have expected it to be you."
"She's made some bad decisions. That doesn't make her a bad person, and it doesn't mean she can't feel something for the Admiral." If anything, Helo thought, it might actually make her a little more human.
"Maybe you're right," the Colonel shot back, "but I wouldn't go near their screwed up relationship for all the tea on Tauron."
He knew Roslin could be a hard, cold bitch when she needed to be. There were times he was pretty sure that the coldness went all the way through. Why Bill wanted anything to do with something like that he was sure he didn't know. And how he had managed to get as far as loving her was totally beyond him. Respect her, sure, but love? He shook his head. It was obvious there was no accounting for tastes when it came to women.
Hard on those cynical thoughts, however, came the memory of the look in Laura Roslin's eyes when he'd told her that the fleet was jumping and leaving Bill Adama on Kobol (had it been only a couple of weeks ago?). It was not something he was likely to ever forget. Hell, yes, he thought - Laura Roslin loved Bill, but it was a frakked up kind of love, and it hadn't done him an awful lot of good.
Breaking into his thoughts, Kara said, "I think we should be helping them get back onto the right footing. Why shouldn't he have some happiness? She, too, for that matter." Getting back to the core of their issue, she said hopefully, "Maybe if he could settle things between himself and the President, he'd get back to normal on all counts. I still want the old Admiral back. You must know something that would help."
"Wipe that hopeful look off your face," Saul said gruffly. Frowning at her, he added, "And stop looking at me like I'm some godsdamned life line for the lovelorn! Why don't we just let them figure things out for themselves? Hell, maybe they already have," he groused. "They didn't kill one another in Life Station and they were actually civil to one another this morning." He waved a hand. "And now they've managed to not only successfully negotiate a work resumption but have also apparently escaped Cottle and are presently hiding out from him in the Admiral's quarters. Hell, they're probably-"
His mind got several steps ahead of what he was saying, realised where he was going, and stopped his mouth abruptly. Fraking each other silly wasn't something he wanted to say aloud. No point in encouraging the young 'uns in their flights of fancy - or in invading Bill's privacy any more than it had been already.
Her mind nimbly following Tigh's thoughts, however, Kara grinned widely.
Saul groaned inwardly. Twisting his face so that he smiled like a mule eating briars, he was unable to hide his desperation to end the conversation as he told them, "They'll do fine! Let's just forget about it, shall we? There's no point in worrying about them."
Ignoring Tigh's last few words, Kara looked at Lee with wide eyes. "Gods! I hadn't thought of that! Of course! They've been getting along okay! They're in his quarters! That's probably a really good thing." She grinned. "There'd be no better place- I mean, they'd hardly want to use their room in Life Station. People are always in and out of there, and his rack is probably more comf-"
Lee interrupted her with a pained exclamation. "Kara!" he said, "This is my father you're talking about. Could you please try to hold back just a little?"
Kara laughed, and then suddenly sobered. "Frak," she muttered. Voicing her thoughts, she said, "They had sex on Kobol, but it didn't fix anything for them. She turned toward Helo. "Maybe-"
Tigh interrupted her.
"They had what on Kobol?"
Kara looked at him, thought back on what had just been said, then opened her eyes wider. "Oh. You wouldn't know. They weren't getting along very well while we were on the planet, either. Lee's father left the camp one afternoon and Roslin followed him. We just figured it was to go have another argument with him. They were gone so long we got worried, though, so we decided to go see if they were okay. We found them having sex by the river."
Lee winced and turned away slightly. "You found them," he corrected.
Tigh's face smoothed and he bit back a guffaw as he absorbed this new information. His lips curling into a smirk, he asked, "And what did they have to say about you two walking in on that?"
Kara looked affronted. "They don't know we saw them. We'd never have let them know that! Think how embarrassed they'd have been!"
Lee looked at her askance. "Yeah, because you're always so thoughtful of other people's sensibilities..."
Tigh ignored the exchange. "You saw them? Damn! So they are doing it! I'll be a horse's ass," he muttered. "The sneaky old fart..."
Busy with her own train of thought, Kara ignored Tigh's musings and turned back to Helo. "You saw them last; do you think they went to his quarters to try to work things out?"
Helo shrugged. Still taken aback by Kara's latest revelation, he said, "I can't believe you didn't say anything about them having sex! How could you know something like that and not mention it? Which time did it happen, anyway?" Doubt clouded his features. "Are you sure you saw what you think you saw?"
Knowing Kara was prepared to describe exactly what she'd seen in greater detail, Sharon eyed her husband. It would take him a while to get over the visual of his commanding officer and the President that Kara had just given him. Deciding he didn't need any more fodder for that particular fire, she spoke.
"They seemed comfortable with one another," she said, forestalling Kara's response. "The President was very shaken by the scare he gave us during the negotiations, and she was more than happy to go with him when he invited her to his quarters."
Kara looked at her sharply. "He invited her?"
Sharon nodded. "I got that impression, yes."
"Well, that's a good sign," Kara said. "If he asked her, then this is something planned. I figure the sex on Kobol was more of a spur-of-the-moment thing-"
"Kara!" Lee admonished, "Enough about the sex already!"
She looked at him indignantly. "Sex isn't a crime, Lee! And it must have been something unexpected! Look at the way they were acting when they got back to the camp! Sometimes one thing leads to another. You get carried away, and you simply can't help yourself - but it doesn't mean you're happy with yourself afterwards!"
Not needing the mental picture of his father and the President and one thing leading to another, Lee winced. "Please. I'm begging you. Shut up."
Tigh shook his head.
"Look, kids, all this supposition isn't getting us anywhere. And I'm not sure how comfortable I am debating the Old Man's sex life with his kids. Let's just wait until we can visit them in Life Station. We'll know by the way they're acting where they stand with one another."
Kara, now totally gleeful, and convinced that there was now no need for any intervention from Tigh, wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "My money's on their having worked it out." She looked out into CIC at the clock. "They've been in his quarters for hours now. They can't have spent the whole time fighting."
Knowing both the Old Man's and the President's capacity for argument, Tigh wasn't so sure about that. Then again, this whole sex thing had kind of boggled his mind, so he wasn't sure he could trust his judgement just now. He grunted skeptically. Spreading his arms as though ushering small children along, he exclaimed, "Well, that's wonderful! Another sign that the path of true love is running smoothly!" Making shooing motions with his hands, he added in a long-suffering tone, "And since the signs and omens are so good, why don't we end this discussion and start using the CIC for what it was designed for?" He looked up through the glass of Damage Control, and prayed no one had been reading lips.
He didn't want to have to threaten to air lock anybody.
End
Chapter 32
I've only got to write the very ending of the next chapter and this will be finished. Even the epilogue is done! Some people have probably drifted off through boredom, frustration, or disappointment in the direction I've taken things, but to those of you still hanging in, thanks for your patience - and for the reviews and the support and the smiles. It's been a long process. Remember to take me out and shoot me if I fall for the idea of writing something long again and start to post things before I've got it completely written!
Take care. I'll see you with the next chapter early next week.