Here I am again. Thanks for the comments that greeted me when I got back. They were appreciated!

Too High a Cost
By: Mariel

-xxxxxxxxxx-

Chapter 36
Retreat

More aware than most of how stubbornly persistent his friend could be, Tigh heaved an inward sigh. No point in prolonging the agony. Where Bill was concerned, Saul figured he had somewhere around nine lives. Since by his estimation he'd only used six or seven of them, he raised his eyes and admitted in a gruff tone, "Damn it, Bill. We know. We just want to help."

His words were met with complete silence. Bill frowned. Laura's brow creased.

After a moment's silence, Kara looked up and nodded. "That's right, sir. We know. It's obvious you want it kept secret, and the way you've been treating each other in public, we'd never have guessed, honestly! I swear it was just an accident we found out. We thought you'd just gone off somewhere to have another argument, and when we-"

She stopped abruptly. No, better not go there. It would embarrass the Old Man if he knew what she'd seen, and she didn't want to do that. Taking a deep breath, she adroitly switched from what she'd witnessed on Kobol to, "...And when we saw that the press are getting so close to the truth too, we all got a little worried- "

Bill frowned.What she'd just said hadn't made total sense. But then, she hadn't been for a while now. "How about you tell me exactly what it is you think you know, and how, exactly, you came to know it?" he asked.

Kara nodded. What they knew would be reasonably easy to tell him. But how they'd come to know it? Kara looked at the others. No one would meet her eyes. She sighed inwardly. No help there. She was glad she'd seen what she'd seen by the river. She'd found it somehow comforting to know that they frakked - and it had been good to share what she'd seen with people she knew cared about them. Now, however, some serious prevarication was going to be needed in order not to embarrass either the Old Man or Roslin, and it was obviously being left up to her to do it.

"We know about you and the President, sir, and the fact you're... umm..."

She looked at Lee and, hindered as she was by having to search for an acceptable euphemism for frakking, realised that saying what she knew would be harder than she'd thought.

She brightened when one came to her.

"We know about your relationship," she clarified. "We know you're...that you're...you know...together..." Her voice trailed off as her hands gestured in a 'together' kind of way. One look at Adama, and she quickly dropped her hands and continued, "That's why we're all so concerned. That paper's got things damned close to right, don't you think? We really need to look at some serious damage control here." She looked at the Old Man. Pretty sure he wouldn't be happy with how they knew (and the role she'd played) she desperately hoped he'd concentrate on what they knew and leave the how of it alone.

Adama's eyes narrowed. Kara's revelation made him very uncomfortable, but he also recognised that she hadn't said how she knew. Briefly, he considered the idea of calling her on it. The unusual quiet desperation in her eyes, however, made him quickly think better of it. He knew her; if she were not answering the question, he was imaginative enough to guess the answer might be something he wouldn't want to hear in front of others. Better wait, he decided. If his curiosity ever got the better of him, (and he was sure it would) he could ask her when there was no audience. Or maybe he'd check to see if Saul knew the full story. What they knew, he reminded himself, was the problem he needed to deal with.

"So all of you believe that what's printed here about the President and I," he said, holding up the offending paper, "is true." He turned to the Agathons. "You as well? You think President Roslin and I-"

He couldn't bring himself to say it. It exposed too much, made him too vulnerable.

Sharon nodded, and Karl shuffled his feet uncomfortably. He glanced at his wife and said, "Some of the details may be incorrect, sir." Turning his gaze to meet the Admiral's, he said firmly, "But the general gist of what they're implying? Yes, sir. I believe it is true. And I think there's a good chance they're beginning to really believe what they're printing. If that's the case, they're going to start seriously looking for incidents that add up to what they're trying to prove. That's why you need an explanation for why you were where you were today, sir - and why you need other people to have been there with you."

Bill scanned the faces of all the people present, wondering if there were some small chance that a complete and utter denial might have an effect. A look at them and a glance at Laura's resigned expression told him not a chance. Still unwilling to admit to anything definite, however, he carefully said, "The press are no closer to the truth now than they've ever been."

The statement was too much for Lee, and he exploded. "Dad! Look at what they're saying!" Counting off on his fingers, he said, "They talk about you two arguing and the way things have been between you and the President since New Caprica - a 'lover's tiff turned into a lover's rift' they called it; then they talk about the President following you to Kobol and make some pretty salacious comments about how you may have spent some of your time there; then they point out that you two are not only on speaking terms again, but are - and oh, isn't this a coincidence - sharing a room here in Life Station. Did you read what they said about that?" He threw his hands up. "Not closer to the truth? How can you say that? They're sitting on the truth; they just don't know it!"

Sharon rocked Hera, glad the child slept like a log so long as she was being held.

Lee's father and Roslin both glanced at the paper in Bill's hand and then at Lee. Sensing an angry storm rising in Bill, Laura decided it was her turn to speak.

"Not really, Lee," she said calmly. Glancing at Bill, she decided to do what he had not, and go with the absolute truth: "In fact, there have been times their insinuations were even more accurate. It's just that you didn't know about us then, so you didn't believe it any more than anyone else did. You saw it as just a purposeful misconstruing of the facts. You're only worried now because of what you know. Just pretend you don't, and everything will be fine." Attempting to ease Lee's tension, she smiled, and said, "My goodness, if people believed that every man and woman in the fleet sharing a Life Station room at the moment was in a covert relationship, there'd be more rumours than anyone could handle!"

"But you two are not just any man and woman in the fleet!" he insisted.

Tigh looked at Roslin with interest. Somewhere in what she had just said she'd pretty much admitted to what Bill had refused to. Looking at Lee, he cautioned, "The President is aware that she and your father are not just anyone. She's just saying you need to relax, son."

"And you, too, Saul," Adama reminded him with deceptive mildness. His XO had, after all, been lying in wait for them when they'd returned...

Tigh cleared his throat. "Point taken."

Relieved that it was now all more or less out in the open, Kara brightened slightly. "So what do we do now?" she asked.

Go away was the first thing that came to Bill's mind.

Feeling the Admiral's tension, Laura forestalled any response from him by quickly saying, "Do nothing. Go on as usual. We'll be careful, but there's no reason the Admiral and I can't continue on as we always have."

Adama shot her a warning look.

As they always have?

Kara's eyes widened.

"How long have you been-?" she blurted.

Bill and Laura looked at one another, then looked at her. "We've talked enough for this evening," he said sternly. Looking at the gathered group of people, he said, "You know what you know, but I'd advise you to forget it."

Saul shook his head. "Too late for that sort of nonsense. We're part of it now. We know, and you know we know. We're always going to be worried someone's going to find out the truth before you want it to be common knowledge. And you're always going to be conscious of the fact we're looking out for you."

Reassured by his friend's easy acceptance that the need for secrecy was a given - but not happy at the thought of having a covert audience - Bill nodded. "Then perhaps what we need is time to adjust to your knowing," he said. His expression remote, he looked at the more junior officers and told them, "I think we've said all that needs to be said tonight. Thank you for your concern. You're dismissed." Turning to Tigh, he said, "Saul, if you could stay for a moment?"

They waited while the others left. After they were gone, Laura sighed. Rising, she moved to stand beside Bill.

"Well, I-"

Before she could continue, Kara reappeared at the door. Striding over to Adama with quick steps, she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek against his as she hugged him tightly. "I'm happy for you, sir. Really happy!" She drew back to look at him, made a squeeing sound in her throat, then hugged him again. "I love it!" she exclaimed. "This is awesome!" Letting him go abruptly, she turned and gave Roslin a clumsy, enthusiastic hug as well. "This is such a good thing!" she smiled as she let the older woman go. "You deserve to be happy!"

Her face glowing, she backed away, adding, "Sorry! I just had to do that! It's great!" She motioned towards the corridor. "And Lee thinks so, too. He's just gotta get over his thing about you two having sex, that's all," she said before disappearing through the door.

Tigh swallowed a guffaw and watched as Bill and Laura turned to look at one another. Their expressions, he noted, showed a unique mixture of pleasure, amusement, and discomfort at Kara's congratulations. To his disappointment, there was more discomfort in Bill's face than pleasure or amusement.

Bill wasn't Bill yet. Even Kara hadn't managed to dispel the reserve that still lingered.

Laura lifted a hand, then let it drop to her side. "Whatever happened to simple?" she asked, feeling at a loss.

"Hard to have simple in a family," Tigh observed ruefully. "Families usually run on full tanks of complicated. Bill's, especially."

Bill's family was, he knew, far more complicated than most, being populated as it was by recalcitrant progeny, drunken misfits, cylons, and assorted oddballs. The addition of a president wasn't going to smooth things out any. He eyeballed his friend. In the old days, Bill would have been preparing to sit down and chew over the evening's events in some vaguely amused-and-embarrassed way.

These weren't the old days, though, and looking at Bill, he knew it wasn't going to happen.

Interrupting his thoughts, Laura Roslin asked, "Does anyone else know?" As the words left her mouth she seemed to remember something, but didn't voice whatever it was.

"No, just us," Tigh said.

"You're certain no one's said anything to anyone else?"

"The circle's small and tight," Saul promised, not admitting he'd found out only hours ago himself.

"You're certain?" she pressed.

Tigh nodded. "We're the first five."

"And hopefully the final," Bill muttered, strongly suspecting that Cottle, with his frakking, godsdamned 'in bed together' comment, made six.

Feeling it needed to be said, Saul used his most reassuring tone to say, "None of us are shocked or displeased by this." He gestured towards the door. "And Kara's obviously tickled pink. You're just going to have to deal with us watching out for you, that's all. Kara especially. This means a lot to her for some reason. I think for her, having you two together makes the 'family' more complete."

Roslin smiled at Saul's attempt to pull on Bill's paternal heart strings. She turned to look at the man standing beside her. This afternoon he'd talked about having people who cared. She supposed this had been a weird demonstration of that, and felt surprised that he did not seem more comfortable with the idea that the people close to him had demonstrated their caring in this manner.

She tilted her head and regarded him with serious eyes. "You're worried about things being so complicated now?"

He nodded, his expression unreadable. "Yeah."

Understanding, she nodded. "At least we know it's as complicated as it's going to get."

Tigh rose to his feet. Two weeks ago, Bill had been a cold, angry, remote stranger and the President a madwoman bent on having her way regardless of the cost. Now, after their near-death experience, Roslin and Bill appeared to be back on good terms and things were returning to some semblance of normal. What worried him was that he was pretty sure things weren't set back to default. Something in Bill's reaction this evening told him his friend wasn't the same man he had been before the settlement on New Caprica. Thinking of his own experiences since the election, and especially on New Caprica, he sighed. The Bill he knew might never come back. Experiences changed a man; you couldn't undo the deeds of the past, and there were some experiences you couldn't forget or set aside, no matter how you tried. He looked at his friend. The thing to do now was to simply be grateful that Bill had made it this far back from that black, bleak place he'd gone to.

It was a start, at least.

"There something I can do for you, sir?" he asked, reminding the Admiral he'd requested that he stay.

"Yes." Bill hesitated. His eyes shifting away, then turned back to his friend.

Tigh's attention heightened. Perhaps-

His face not revealing much, Bill said, "Curb their enthusiasm. We don't need people hunting us down every time a paper prints some wild speculation."

Disappointed, Tigh nodded. Something in Bill's manner had told him he'd intended to say something different but hadn't been able to bring himself to. Time, he told himself. They needed time...

"I'll do that," he promised. He hesitated, wondering if now were the time, then decided to go with it: "Bill," he said honestly, "you had me worried for a while, in more ways than one. Since New Caprica- Hell, since before then-" He stopped, then forged forward, saying, "You haven't been yourself, and I've missed you. We all have. It's good to see you not so angry anymore. And Kara's right - the news about you two is good, but," he hastily added, "it's news we'll keep to ourselves."

Allowing no time for response, he said a quick, 'good night' and, promising to take care of the kids and their enthusiasm, hestepped out of the room.

Left alone, Bill and Laura turned and stared at one another in amazement.

After a moment, Bill's expression closed, and he turned away and began to silently undo his uniform buttons. Laura's shoulders slumped slightly. Too much too soon, she realised. He'd asked that she trust him - had given a long lecture about the importance of trust, in fact - but now she had to find a way to help him trust that this wasn't a disaster in the making, that people close to him knowing what they knew wasn't a portent of some betrayal about to happen. His ability to trust others was every bit as damaged as he thoughts hers was, he just didn't realise it. He'd need time.

Then she remembered Cottle. She still had to tell Bill about that...

End
Chapter 36