Chamalla D, this one is for you.
Too High a Cost
By: Mariel
-xxxxxxxxxx-
Chapter 37
Conclusion
Cottle wandered into the Life Station room and looked around. Considering the day's events, he was unsurprised to find Adama sitting comfortably in bed, glasses perched on his nose, and a file in his hand. Still, the doctor's lips tightened. Give the man a hand, and he'll take the arm right along with it, he thought. Biting back a comment about patients working when they shouldn't, Cottle looked over to the other side of the room. His eyebrows rose. The light was off over Roslin's bed, and though there were several files placed on her side table, the President herself was nowhere in sight.
Turning back to Bill, he inclined his head towards the empty bed.
"You kill her and hide the body?"
Adama removed his glasses. Knowing what was expected, he deadpanned, "Maybe. Would you tell if I did?"
Cottle grunted. "I guess it depends on if you're caught." He glanced down at the Admiral's chart as he waited for Bill's comeback. When none came, he looked up. Bill was staring sightlessly at the foot of the bed, obviously deep in thought. Before he could question what was on his mind, however, the sound of movement drew both men's attention.
"Very funny, gentlemen," Roslin said as she stepped out of the head. She carried her suit on a hangar, and once again wore a hospital gown.
Cottle turned. "Madame President! Good to see you."
"I'm sure it is," she said as she walked by him.
Attempting to look sincere, he said, "I'd never have let him get away with it, Madame President," and adroitly fenced the look Adama threw him by putting his hands up and declaring, "She outranks you."
"Good to see you remember," Roslin said as she hung her clothes up in the locker next to her night stand. Job finished, she climbed into bed and settled herself gracefully. "It'd be a shame to see the Fleet's Chief Medical Officer tossed out an airlock as an assessory after the fact."
Preparing for one of their more acerbic conversations, Cottle raised an eyebrow. "A shame for me, anyway."
Adama interrupted them by clearing his throat and asking, "Are you here for evening rounds, Major?"
The look accompanying the question told Cottle it was time to get down to business. Taking out his stethoscope, he nodded towards Roslin. "Yes, and it's ladies first, tonight."
Laura frowned as he approached. "I'm assuming this will be one of the last times I have this pleasure?"
Cottle's eyebrows rose and drew together. "You still want to leave?" he asked. She and Bill had been alone in the Admiral's quarters a hell of a long time today - certainly too long a time not to have either killed one another or fixed things between them. Since they had returned to Life Station together and unscathed, he'd assumed maybe something he'd said to Bill over the phone had sunk in and they'd managed to patch things up. He'd also assumed that meant she might want to delay her departure.
To his surprise, however, she nodded that yes, she did still want to go.
Damned woman never did anything she was expected to.
Placing the stethoscope against her chest, he said, "And I thought my bedside manner was beginning to win you over."
Laura wasn't in the mood. "I'm afraid not," she said cooly, "so when may I leave, Doctor?"
"Tomorrow morning soon enough?"
A little taken aback by his quick answer, her eyes widened. She glanced over at Bill, then asked, "The test results are in?"
His eyes slipped away from hers and he busied himself with finding her pulse. Keeping his gaze firmly on where his fingers held her wrist, he replied with a terse, "Yes."
Tilting her head to one side, she looked at him curiously when he didn't elaborate.
"And?" she prompted.
"And I'll discuss them with you first thing tomorrow," he said in a gruff tone. "After that, you're free to go."
Her eyes narrowed. "You could tell me now."
"I could," he agreed amiably, "but I'm working on a schedule, and sitting down to talk with you isn't on it tonight. I've got a bed calling my name, and I intend to answer as soon as possible, but before then, I have places to go and patients to see."
Being in the position to stonewall her was a soul-gratifying thing.
She opened her mouth to argue, then surprised him by closing it without speaking.
Quickly, he took advantage of her silence and stepped towards the Admiral's bed. Wondering how much better Bill was really feeling, he shone a light into his eyes and asked, "You want to spend tomorrow night in your bed, too?"
Automatically thinking of how he'd spent his afternoon, Bill stiffened at the 'too'. When no caustic remark or innuendo-filled look in Laura's direction followed, he relaxed.
"You're letting me go as well?"
There was no mistaking Adama's hopeful tone.
"You ready for me to?"
"I wouldn't be against the idea."
Cottle paused at the gruffly spoken understatement and considered his patient carefully. What he saw reassured him. In spite of his earlier opinion that Bill should remain here a few days more, today's events had shown him that he and Roslin were ready to leave, both physically and mentally. With no point in keeping them here left except his own compulsive desire to keep an eye on them, he made his decision and growled, "Why does everyone make it sound like I'm running a prison facility here? Yes, I'm 'letting you go'! I've got people who need your beds. Sick people who need to get out of my corridors and into rooms." His voice quietened somewhat as he continued, "You did fine today, barring the little escapade during your talk with Valerant, and all your vitals are good now. Just so long as you don't leave the ship, it'll be okay." He took a step backward and quickly decided upon the conditions for the Admiral's departure. "I figure if you go back to light duty - no late nights; half-time in CIC; resting when you know you should; that sort of thing - you can leave. And you're to keep to your quarters as much as possible for the next three days. Have people come to you; don't go to them." He looked over at Roslin. "Sorry, Madame President, but that includes you, as well. When you need to meet, meet here on Galactica." Turning back to Adama before the President could respond, he told him, "Agree to all that and promise to haul your ass back here in two days for a check up, and you're free to go."
Unoffended by Jack's language, Bill nodded. "Consider it done." Looking across at Laura, he said, "Colonial One is in our drydock completing repairs to its air systems. The President will be living aboard Galactica until the repairs are complete, so I shouldn't have a problem with attending any meetings that come up."
Cottle's eyebrows rose. Now wasn't that cosy. No worries about convincing the President to meet in his quarters, he thought cynically. Hell, now that she had a room down the hall, she'd be practically living there. Or sleeping there, at least.
Not that anyone would know, of course. He looked at the two of them. If you didn't already know, you'd have no idea.
"Good," Cottle said abruptly. "That means she won't have a problem coming in for a check up in two days, either."
When Roslin didn't object, the doctor shrugged. "I guess all I have left to say is I'm as sorry to see you go as you are to leave."
Bill grunted, and Cottle again looked at him closely. There was something not quite right. Nothing huge, but there was something. Adama wasn't acting the way he'd expect a man to act after he'd made up with his girl and been given the go-ahead to leave Life Station. Knowing Bill as he did, however, he knew it'd be no good to press for reasons why.
"Okay, then," he said. "I guess I'll be going."
His eyes travelled to Roslin and then back to Adama. Thinking perhaps he'd been more optimistic than he should have been about their reconciliation, he moved so that his back was to the President. In a low voice, he asked, "Hey. Is everything all right?"
Adama gave him a long suffering back-off-it's-none-of-your-business look that pretty much told him what he needed to know. Yes, they'd sorted things out, but no, he wasn't talking about it. He stepped back. There had to be someone else somewhere who knew something. Remembering the small gaggle of people that had exited the Admiral's room earlier and who had left after them, he thought, Maybe it's time I had Tigh in for a checkup...
Shoving his stethoscope and flashlight into his pocket, he wondered briefly about his decision to wait until tomorrow to discuss what was now running around in the Admiral's veins. Remembering the hour, he kept his resolve. The day had been long for everyone and his bed beckoned insistently. Another few hours wouldn't make much of a difference - might as well spring all the news at once, when he wasn't so tired and they were more rested.
"You two did good today," he said as he headed towards the door. "I hear the supply runs have resumed already. The whole fleet is relieved to see you both back on watch." Before he reached the door, he turned to look at Roslin.
"You eating okay?" he asked abruptly. "You should make sure you're eating properly. I don't want you back here because you're not getting the proper nutrition."
She frowned. "Of course I'm eating."
He nodded. "Good. That's good."
He eyed the two of them. Opening his mouth to speak, he paused, closed it, then changed his mind again. "For what it's worth," he said, "I'm glad you've kissed and made up. Like I said this morning, as leaders go, you're all we've got. We need you, and you need each other. The battle between you two would have ended up tearing the fleet apart. It's good to feel as though everything's getting back on track again." He cleared his throat and his voice took on its more habitual, quarrellsome tone. Gesturing at them, he said, "Now get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning and then you can get on with your lives."
Looking over at Roslin, he couldn't resist giving her a slow wink. "I'll put up the 'Do Not Disturb' notice with the staff, so you won't be bothered. Enjoy the undisturbed peace and quiet."
As the door closed, the two heard a muffled snort. "...A 'Do Not Disturb' notice...I'm running a godsdamned frakking motel..."
Bill stared at the closed door. Kissed and made up? If only it were that simple.
Reminded of the evening's events and not wanting to think about them, he picked up the file again.
-xxx-
Kara, Lee, Sharon, and Karl waited in the corridor outside Life Station. Reluctant to leave one another's company and curious about what the Admiral wanted to say to Tigh, they stood talking in low tones, occasionally glancing at the entrance in anticipation of Tigh's appearance. Sharon shifted Hera uncomfortably, and Karl stooped down and easily lifted up his sleeping daughter to rest against his chest.
When Tigh stepped out through the Life Station entrance, Kara took one look at his relaxed expression and asked, "Want to go for a drink?"
Karl had a suggestion he thought might be a wiser choice.
"Anyone eaten yet?" he asked.
Everyone turned to look at him. No one had.
Tigh placed a hand on his stomach. He'd missed dinner in order to wait for Bill. A drink would have been good, but that could wait until he hit his quarters.
"I'm game for either," he said.
Pleased that the Colonel was interested in continuing their evening, Sharon suggested, "We can try the mess. There should be something left."
"The Evening Recap will be on," Kara said, referring to the fleet's nightly video news program. "I want to hear if they're saying anything new," Kara said.
No one needed to ask New about what?
Lee looked at his time piece and sighed. What was another hour chopped off his rack time? "Fine. Let's go. But if there's anyone there, we'll save talking about this for another time, okay?"
Smiling, Kara led the way to the mess hall.
-xxx-
After putting some questionable-looking food on his tray, Tigh sat down with the others.
The five of them had settled at a long cafeteria table set near one corner of the large dining area. Rows of empty, wiped-down tables topped with chairs turned upside down testified to the lateness of the hour. A television set on a shelf on the wall flickered above them, the volume loud enough to be heard, and distracting enough to override the sound of their low conversation from any staff or late night stragglers arriving for a bedtime snack.
He felt their expectant gazes on him. "In response to what you're all wondering," he said quietly, "the Admiral would appreciate it if you backed off a little." Reaching for the salt shaker, he said, "He's left it up to me to keep your enthusiasm in check. I think the idea of having people watch his every move is making him nervous."
Kara bit back a comment about performance anxiety and looked at her plate. "At least they're together," she said. It was all she cared about, really. That, and making sure their affair didn't become public knowledge until the Old Man and Roslin were ready for it to.
"But will it last?" Lee asked.
Kara glared at him while Tigh nodded and said, "I think so. If they've managed to get over whatever it was that drove them so far apart, I figure it will take a hell of a lot to split them again. I've known the Admiral a long time. It takes a lot to change his mind and even more to make him change it again."
"He's not happy that we know," Kara said, her disappointment obvious.
Sharon picked up a utensil off her tray and carefully spooned some watery soup into her mouth. After swallowing, she said, "He's not happy because our knowing forces him to trust us with something he believes could be used against him. He must feel panicked. On the upside, I think he's put aside his reasons for going to Kobol. He's not regretting he's back here, not now. He's forgiven her, and things are where they should be."
Karl looked at his wife. He admired her way of looking at things, envied, sometimes, the respectful relationship she had earned for herself with Adama, and once again felt a slight resentment of her understanding of his commanding officer.
A hint of acid sharpening his tone, Lee asked, "He's not worried Roslin will turn around and betray him again?"
Surprised at Lee's question, Karl shook his head. "I think that sort of thing is over, Lee. I hope so, anyway." Remembering Roslin's face as she'd cared for Adama in the meeting room, he also remembered the Admiral's response. There was no doubting the depth of her emotion or his acceptance of it. Thinking of the comfortably united front they had just presented in their Life Station room, he added, "It's not something he's worried about. I don't think we need to worry either."
Kara looked at Sharon."Yeah, but if his reaction to our knowing is influenced by trust, we're screwed. He trusts us about as far as he can throw us."
Karl sat back. "One way or another, we've let him down and shown we can't be trusted. Why would he be happy we know what we know?"
Kara shrugged. "So now it's time to prove ourselves to him." She turned to the Colonel. "He'll come around, right?" she asked.
Tigh harrumphed. "He doesn't have much choice, does he? We know, and he knows we know, and there's no taking any of it back. But it'll take a while for him to feel comfortable about it. Our job will be to keep an eye on them and make sure that nothing's found out." Remembering Bill's request, he added, "And to make sure he isn't constantly made aware of the fact we're doing it."
Lee smiled wryly. Looking at Helo, he asked, "Remember when I said all I wanted to do was return to Galactica and get back to a little normalcy? There's no such thing as normalcy, is there?"
Helo smiled back. "Maybe our kind of normal isn't."
Kara looked up to the corner televison. Without thinking, she reached over and grasped the top of Lee's arm. "Shhh! Listen!"
A reporter sat behind a news desk. Old video of Adama and Roslin, standing side-by-side at a press conference, walking down a corridor together, sitting beside one another at a meeting table, and exiting a raptor together, flashed in the background. Overlaying the video in one corner were the words, "Back At It!"
Recognising both the news reporter and the double entendre, Tigh groaned. "Gods. Here we go." Times were changed. Whereas before he'd have snickered at all the foolishness and gone on with whatever he was doing, he was now filled with a terrible desire to go straight to Bill to let him know the latest gossip.
He knew his reasons for that impulse were twofold: He would always be concerned now that they relax too much and be found out. Another part of him, however, a more relaxed, happier, best-buddy part of him, wanted to do so just for the pleasure of seeing his friend squirm. The more he got used to the idea of Bill and Roslin, the more potential he saw for a few good-natured jokes at Bill's expense.
He sighed. This was going to take a whole handful of maturity to deal with well.
He wondered how long it'd take for his reserves to run out.
Looking at the others sitting at the table, their eyes glued to the monitor, he shook his head. It wasn't just him. Kara was positively glowing. Lee, more serious, and still adjusting, looked concerned, and the Agathons seemed content that things were as they should be. He sighed. They were all going to have to figure out what to do with what they knew, but it would not be an onerous task. Good news was rare, and they would all take pleasure in this small glimmer of hope that now sat in their midst.
-xxx-
Laura watched Bill pick up the file. She could feel his withdrawal, and thought longingly of their time on Kobol and the intensity of some of their conversations. She could remember the shock of fear that had coursed through her when she'd realised he had no plan to return to the fleet. Somehow, the gods had overridden that desire and brought him back. Brought them both back, together. It was not something to be taken lightly, and that thought focussed her resolve. Refusing to let him hide behind work, she spoke.
"Bill?"
He paused, then removed his glasses. "Yes?"
"I thought Cottle was a little odd tonight. Did you?"
"You always think Cottle is a little odd. And irritating, too."
"Yes, but he was less irritating, which made him odder than usual."
Bill grunted. He had no idea what she was talking about. Fingering his glasses, he moved to put them on again. Cottle was a law unto himself and you either got along with him, or you didn't. He and the doctor had long ago carved out a workable understanding, so he was quite content to leave Laura's issues with the man strickly up to Laura to deal with.
"He wants to talk to us tomorrow. He could have given us the results tonight. Why didn't he?"
He looked over the rims of his glasses at her. "Because it can wait and he's tired and wants to go to bed?"
Her lips thinned. She recognised that kind of answer as his way of closing the conversation. It was intentionally off-putting without being totally rude, and was his way of telling her he didn't want to talk. She, however, knew the reason for his not wanting to talk was that he still felt uncomfortable about people knowing their secret. In short, he wanted to withdraw. She wasn't having it. No expert in relationships, she was still willing to bet that letting him distance himself so soon after a reconciliation wouldn't be a good thing.
She held his gaze a moment. Obviously beating around the bush with small talk wasn't going to get her anywhere. She took a deep breath and spoke directly to the problem..
"You're perseverating about them knowing," she said bluntly. Grasping for something positive to follow that statement, she added, "I don't think there's a need for concern. They weren't worried about our relationship's existence or about how it might affect the fleet; they were concerned about how the fleet knowing might affect our relationship, how it would affect us personally." As soon as the words were spoken, she realised their truth. Bolstered by that fact, she continued, "They're happy for us and were trying to protect us. That says an awful lot. They were trying to help tonight, Bill. It's good to know they've got our backs, don't you think?" She paused, then added gently, "They care about us."
She sat back, mulling what she had just said in her head and wondering where it had come from. She looked at the man across from her.
It had come from him. Those were his thoughts, his feelings.
Or would have been, before...
Bill nodded when Laura finished speaking, but couldn't set aside his increased sense of vulnerability. Others knowing meant a loss of control and a greater chance of exposure, accidental or intentional. It meant he had to trust before he felt ready to.
He pondered for a while, then finally said, "Part of me knows it was inevitable that someone would find out, but with this so new between us again, I'd have preferred to have had a little more time to adjust, a little more time for us to figure out how it will work. I don't like the thought of always being conscious there are knowing eyes watching our every meeting, our every late-night visit, our every unlogged phone call..."
She smiled. The concerns he had were some she had herself. More used to public scrutiny than he, however, she sat up straighter and wrapped her arms around her knees. Looking across at him, she acknowledged his concern. "It's going to be uncomfortable at first," she agreed, "but they'll get bored after a while." Thinking of Kara and how outspoken she'd been about Lee's reaction to his father having sex, she admitted, "But I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that, for a while, even if we're not doing something everytime we meet, I'll feel as though they'll be thinking we are."
Bill nodded. It was true: even when they were legitimately meeting, there was every chance that, if they were meeting alone, 'the family' - or at least a few members of it - would think they were taking the opportunity to make out like crazed weasels on his sofa.
He thought of just how frequently he and the President met. A small smile curved his mouth. "At the very least, they'll be amazed at our stamina," he said.
Laura released a suprised burst of laughter. "True," she said. "And at our ages, too!" She looked at him lovingly. "So you're saying we'll survive?" she asked gently.
Fianlly allowing himself to relax, he nodded. "We will. Besides, as you said, they'll get bored, eventually."
His voice didn't sound as certain as he would have wished, but deep down he knew that no matter what his reservations were about being 'watched', nothing would change the course he and Laura were now set upon.
Laura nodded in satisfaction. He wasn't backing away anymore. Sighing, she slid her legs straight and relaxed against her pillows.
From the other side of the room, he watched her get more comfortable, then asked in a low rumble, "You going to stay there tonight?"
"You going to stay there?" she asked back.
Blue eyes held green. A delicious tension sprang between them. "Not if it means sleeping alone," he admitted. Who knew when they would be able to enjoy an entire night together again with no fear of interruption or detection? Cottle, damn him, had known that.
He stiffened. Cottle. He hadn't told Laura he was certain Jack knew there was something going on between them - and had yet to ask her what had happened to make the doctor so sure of himself.
Not noticing Bill's sudden silence, Laura said, "Then I think I'll join you. You're closer to the bathroom."
Jarred from his thoughts, he smiled. "Location, location, location."
She smiled at his nonsense and rose.
"My darling, I'd share a hard piece of ground with you anywhere, and you know it."
Warmed by the unusual endearment, Bill nodded. "Yes, I do. And you have." Remembering their last time on Kobol and the vibrantly sensual experience they had shared by the river, he said, "Someday we'll build that cabin you mentioned. We'll make sure there's moss growing by the water, just in case."
Crawling in next to his warmth, she smiled and felt the muscles of her face protest - which made her smile even more. It was good to smile again, good to train her facial muscles into a happy frame of mind rather than a worried, angry, or stressed one. She would never again take this relationship - or this man - for granted. What they shared was important. What she'd learned about herself while discovering that importance was invaluable.
They lay together for a while in silence. There was so much to think about, so much to be glad about - and so much to fear. But they were together, and the past, though not forgotten, was at least put to rest. What they held between them now took priority. United, they would get the job done; united, they would have the strength to. Tomorrow, they would talk to Cottle and then leave to resume their outside lives. Tomorrow, they would step into their positions with renewed vigor and a stronger sense of purpose. Whatever storms they sailed through, whatever trials, tests, and tribulations they faced, they would keep one another on course, and support, soothe, and spur on the other when necessary.
Bill closed his eyes. He had almost given up. The thought appalled him now. The cost of giving up, he knew, was always too high. Kara and Lee and Sharon and Karl and all the others under his command and out in the fleet deserved better from him... they deserved so much more than the endless struggle life appeared to have scripted for them. He would do his part to see that the struggle was put to rest. He tightened his hold on the woman lying in his arms. He had known on Kobol that she was humanity's best chance for survival and still believed that true. She was his best chance for survival, too. Carefully, he built his resolve. They would find Earth. Together. They would see the people they loved settle, and live as humans should live.
And he and Laura would finish out their lives...together.
He gently kissed the top of her head. Letting out a soft breath, he murmured, "Tomorrow's a big day."
She nodded and he relaxed.
After a moment's silence, she said softly. "I love you. It's not like before; it's different somehow. It's more important, bigger than it was."
He thought he understood.
"And I love you," was all he said. His arms drew her closer.
Tomorrow, he would go back to his quarters. Tomorrow he would make plans, give orders, and face the future.
As he slipped into sleep, a niggling feeling nudged him, teasing and circling and hovering as it looked for a place to settle in his chest. Allowing it to finally rest, he examined it carefully, then smiled in recognition. Hope. He'd almost forgotten the feeling. Savouring the word for a moment, he allowed it to spread through him... Hope. Humanity couldn't live without it.
As he fell softly into sleep, a dream, having found its foundation at last, begin to stir.
He smiled.
Life was good.
End 37/37
Too High a Cost.
The story ends here. This was the note I wanted to end on. To go further, to take Bill and Laura back out into the fleet, would be like starting another beginning, and that wasn't where this story was meant to go. Before I go, though, I want to say thank you to all those who took the time to write a note and say hello. Each review was like a gift, and each one was appreciated. At times they were definitely what kept me going. It's been a long time reaching this end for a lot of you, and I appreciate your perseverance and patience! I enjoyed the conversations that sometimes arose, and valued the insights you shared (you know who you are, and I hope you know how much I liked the discussions!). To those who have listed this as a favourite story, or me as a favourite author...thanks for that, too. It's an incredible compliment and a valued one.
So, to those still reading: Thank you! I hope you continue to read AR- there are many stories still left to write and there are some truly wonderful writers out there writing them. Read, and enjoy!
Thanks again,
Mariel