Titled: Pain in my heart chapter 12
Author: curseofavalon
Rating: R (mostly for some swear words)
Summary: turning points

Authors Note: comments, reviews and critique are very welcome.Pairing: Huddy
Disclaimer: I don't own House or its characters Fox does tho, I just used them shamelessly for this snippet. The song Hold on Tight by Rie Sinclair served my purposes without permission by the artist. Thanks to her for a beautiful song.

'I have to go.'

'What? Why? '

'The kids...the patient is dying.'

'You can counsel them but you can't treat him.'

'You need to give me my license back.'

'I can't Greg.'

House had thrown one of his worst tantrums ever, first trying to reason then simply attack with words. It had stung to stand before him while he threw dagger after dagger, piercing her with words and looks and with the realization that it all just been pretty until he wanted something from her. He hadn't changed a bit, still knew what would wound her the most.

Lisa hadn't been able to look at him, arms folded against her chest protectively, pulling the robe close over and over as if it could shield her from him. He had left soon after that, slamming the door on his way out, throwing his bag into the back of his car with force, driving of with screeching tires.

Numbly she had made her way to the couch and sat, for hours as it seemed to her, doing nothing but crying silently, no sounds involved. She couldn't muster the strength to get up, so Lisa stayed where she was, curled in a tight ball, staring blankly with swimming eyes.

This time he wouldn't come back to apologize. She had dared to deny him what he wanted, once more. She should've known it would be like this, should've seen it coming, it was always the same with Greg. When he left he did so by leaving you behind in shreds. He'd done it before to her, he's done it again. At least in that he was predictable.

'You're joking right? Tell me you're joking Lisa.'

'The License was pulled for a reason, I can't give it back just like this. Unlike you I would have to face those consequences, the Board...'

'I don't give a fuck about those old bastards. My freakin' patient is dying!'

'It's not your patient Greg. And I give a 'Fuck' about my hospital. You did something stupid and wrong and you're being punished for it.'

She had returned to her home a day later, not feeling up to more vacation in a house filled with memories. Now as Lisa walked into her town house it felt empty, cold and dreadful. She had to admit that she missed his presence, the way only Greg House could fill a home. His constant boredom made him almost hyperactive. He had searched the holiday house until he found things of interest only to toss them and find something new. Unveiling secrets and old stories, making her tell about the history of the place and anecdotes.

Now here Lisa stood in her chilly front hall, bag on the ground at her side, eyes closed and listening to the silence. She heaved a sigh and picked the bag up, starting her old routine.

Unpack bags, shower, get dressed comfortably, check mail, do bills, check on the hospital. Then suddenly she had done everything and nothing was left to keep her mind from wandering to House.

The house was dark besides the candles Cuddy had lit, red wine bottle on the couch table, glss nearly empty next to it, a pillow clutched close to her aching chest, as if it could pull the pain from her.

The corners in my bedroomEmpty in the night
I wake up waiting for you to come home
I still believe in what we had,
More than just a dream
You know, the moon is shining perfectly,
But my heart is crumbling

Closing her eyes she could see him, feel his touch, opening them again almost killed her each time. She wanted to go to sleep so badly, wake up and forget. She knew she couldn't, once again she had allowed him to hurt her. Lisa felt like the moth flying into the light until it slowly burns. Over and over he had gotten to her. Inflicting pain because he could get his way with it.

What was the alternative? Give him the license back, get him to boast with pride and shovel herself a grave instead of waiting for the Board to do it. House simply didn't understand ramifications of the whole situation. She had to take the license or the Board would've chewed her alive.

'This is not the right time to play Administrator Cuddy.'

'But the right time to forget your wrong doings and let you off the hook once more?'

'You can be a bitch another time, you actually don't have to kill to punish me and show me who's the boss. Tell me can you live with killing a patient just to teach me a fucking lesson?'

'Don't you dare make this about me Greg. I am still your boss.'

' That didn't stop you to fuck me on your damn kitchen table. Guess boss conscience only works one way for you.'

'Don't you dare call me a whore Greg'

'I won't Dr. Cuddy, mighty Dean of fucking medicine.'

And now she had to accept the consequences of being the Dean of medicine once again. She couldn't be with him. Either the Board would never approve of it or House would use it against her. Knowing she should feel angered at his request but only feeling saddened of having lost what else he had provided in the few days at the ocean.

Can I hold on tightTo the memory of you and I

Can I hold on to you tonight

And say goodbye?

Lisa's bed was once more cold and felt huge, empty. Staring at the ceiling, not able to close her eyes, memories of previous nights haunting her. Her heart yelling at her for her stupidity, her brain reasoning that denying him was the only rational thing and it had to be done. All the while her stomach rolled and clenched, a sick feeling filling her up.

A creak downstairs, her eyes ripping open, ears perking up. Then realization. It wasn't him sneaking in again.

Staring through my window
Following your ghost
Like the times I turn around and you're gone
I still believe in what we wanted
Much more than you think
You know, the stars are all lit up tonight,
But my heart is crumbling

Lisa turned her face into the pillows to muffle the painful half scream ripping from her chest. Another night spend in tears over House. Another night she would cry until exhaustion put her to sleep.

And she'd wake up, broken and beaten, get up and put up another wall, another facade. And maybe sometime soon she'd forget this too, go on without wishing each night that he'd turn up on her doorstep, trying to win her over.

Can I hold on tight
To the memory of you and I
Can I hold on to you tonight
And say goodbye?