That must've been the l o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o n g e s t chapter I've ever written… Sugoi!
Chapter 18- As the Big Day Nears…
The fight between two lovers was over and there were only four more days until the wedding. That morning, Ino was surprised to wake up with Shikamaru lying down right beside her only in his boxers.
"What the… Shikamaru! If dad sees you in here like this, we're both dead!" Ino said, "Now, get out before anyone else sees you!"
"Ino, it's okay!" he told her, "It was your dad himself who asked me to surprise you like this… He thinks you've been through enough trouble for one night, so he wants me to come over and treat you well like this…"
"Oh, I see…" Ino said, "But aren't you supposed to be at work? I mean, you have this big-time case that's offering you a lot of money! It's okay! I can take care of myself…"
"Damn. And here I was, thinking you'd actually be delighted to see me like this on a bright Wednesday morning…" Shikamaru sighed, "Now, you want me at work… Then later, you'd want me making love to you… Women these days are so indecisive, I don't know the hell what to do anymore! Mendokuse…"
"Wow. You sure haven't said that line in Japanese for a long time!" Ino laughed, "Okay then… Since it was dad who asked you to do this, I guess I have no choice but to treat you just as well!" Slowly, she pushed his head towards hers. "Let's do something together while we have the chance now…"
"Mmmm… Ammmmhhh… Mmmmmphh!!! Ah!"
"Ahhhh… Ooohhhh…. Eiiiyaaaa!!! SHIKAMARU!!! Ahhh…!"
As the two spend their time sweetly, peeking just behind the slightly opened door was Temari. She smiled as she saw those two on the bed together, kissing one another affectionately right after a hard night.
"Can I get you something to drink, Temari?" Inoichi asked.
"Huh? Oh, no! I'm alright Yamanaka-san." She replied, "I'm not thirsty at all. Thanks for asking!"
Temari continued looking at the two in the room. "Wow… Seeing the two of them like that… makes me really jealous. They're always so sweet, even after a huge fight. It makes me adore them a lot."
"I see you've been in bad terms with men before," Inoichi said, "Your older brother told me about it… Kankurou, was it?"
"He-He told you that?" Temari replied, "Ah yes… I've been in love so many times before… But I'm always the one who ends up getting hurt… I've many ex-boyfriends… All of them made me feel happy a long time ago, but then… after they'd see a much younger girl, they would leave me… alone… getting hurt."
"That must've been hard, always being left alone by someone you love…" Inoichi remarked, "Oh, and if you're wondering why I invited you over today, well… It's because I've heard of this incident when Ino ran away from home because she thought that you were going to be the girl Shikamaru's going to marry… It happened last Christmas, I think…"
"Oh, that incident!" Temari said, "It was all a big mistake… Shikamaru and I weren't dating in that photo! I was helping him find a present for Ino!"
"Yes, I know that!" Inoichi told her, "And in fact, I am very thankful my future son-in-law has a friend like you. Temari, you seem like a very interesting young girl and I believe that you and Ino would make very good friends…"
"Oh, I dunno about that, Yamanaka-san…" Temari giggled, "Ino gets all angry whenever she sees other girls hanging-around with her man…
"I'm happy she and Shikamaru are having a happy relationship together.
"I'd love to be like them someday, but I've already given up on love."
"And you're okay with that, Temari?" Inoichi asked, with a puzzled look on his face.
"Okay? I've never been better! I realize that I'm way better without a partner! So why should I complain?
"Sometimes, it's better to be alone… Nobody could hurt you."
Meanwhile, downstairs, we have Shikaku, Choji and Sai sitting next to each other on the coffee table.
"So, tell me Sai…" Shikaku said, "I know you haven't been in good terms with my son…"
"Yeah… He gets all jealous too easily, just like Ino." Sai said, "He actually thought that we were going out together, but all I was doing was bringing her home since she didn't have a ride! She didn't want to disturb Shikamaru, so she asked me if I could drive her home instead…
"Boy, that sure was a big mistake! The man got all fired-up for that! But then I told him it was merely a test to see how he really loved his girl- Ino's idea, by the way… I was only following orders, ya know what I'm saying, dude?"
Shikaku, with his jaws wide open, tapped Choji and asked, "Was he trying to speak to me just then?"
"I know… It's really hard to understand Rockers' Language, but you'll get there eventually!" Choji told him, "It wasn't easy back when we first met Sai!"
The future in-laws spent time getting to know their children's friends to make sure that they had company after they were gone…
NARUTO: Yes! I have been their very good friend ever since Ninja School! Believe it!
SHIKAKU: Somehow, I don't trust that face of his…
INOICHI: I see evil behind that huge toothy smile…
NARUTO: Eh? Evil!?
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SAKURA: Don't worry! Whenever Ino's down, we'll always be here to cheer her up!
TENTEN: We've been girlfriends for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long…
(Ten hours later)
…long, long, long, long, long, long…
INOICHI: Tenten, are you finished yet?
TENTEN: …long, long time!
HINATA: Is it Christmas yet?
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KIBA: Ah yes, the four of us were good friends back then! Me, Shikamaru, Choji and Naruto…
SHIKAKU: You and Choji, I trust… But him?
NARUTO: (Stuck to the wall with kunais) Please, Shikaku-san! Let me goooo!!! I am the Hokage, dattebayo!!!
KIBA: Ah, don't worry. Ya don't have to trust him if you don't want to! Everyone's been doing the same thing! Haha!
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INOICHI: You seem very quiet…
SHINO: It's my nature.
INOICHI: That's good! At least you're not like him!
NARUTO: Why am I always being compared to others!?
SASUKE: Sexy… sexy… sexy…
NARUTO: Nani?
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SHIKAKU: Now, just in case we die, I am counting on the both of you to take good care of them and keep an eye on them! After all, you used to be Jounin teachers at the academy, right?
ASUMA: Sure! You can leave them to me! Ino and Shikamaru were the greatest students I've ever had! You can guarantee I'll take care of them as if they were my own!
HIKARU: Daddy, am I getting a new baby brother?
KURENAI: Why do you ask, Hika-chan?
HIKARU: I want a brother, mommy!
ASUMA: (looks at Kurenai) Honey, looks like we're gonna have to get busy tonight!
SHIKAKU: Uhhh-huh… (sweat drop) Yeah…
That was so sweet of them… And Temari… Her story is so… so sad… Here, lemme explain it to you! Temari's had so many boyfriends in the past, you see and all of them broke-up with her because they were all losers who found other girls much more attractive. Now, she's had it with love, so she decided to live on her own instead, because she's so tired of getting hurt all the time… Awww, I know I hate Temari, but even this makes me want to pity the poor girl. So sad… Don't worry, Temari-san! Kankurou, Gaara and I will give you your revenge! Gimme a list of all your past boyfriends and together, we'll put them on our DEATHNOTE!!!
TEMARI: Yesss… Yesss… I CAN FINALLY HAVE MY REVENGE ON ALL OF THEM!!! FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
KANKUROU: (starts writing on the notebook) Let me see… I can only remember five of them… Tetsu was the last one… I'll put him here! I'll make him meet a terrible car accident! Then, he rolls outta the car, falls of a cliff and into the sea!!! Never to be seen again… BOHAHAHAHAHAAAA… Then, there's Kai… He will die in the parking lot… Surrounded by Yakuza thugs… He will be shot with a million bullets and stabbed in the back by razor-sharp katanas!!! Then, they chop his body into a million pieces and sell his body parts on eBay!!! Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!
GAARA: Kankurou-san, don't you think that's a bit too morbid? You're killing them, one death after another…
KANKUROU: Gaara! You like killing people, right? Here, it's your turn to write on the Death Note! Make a tragic death for Yuji this time! That guy sure pissed me off!
GAARA: Huh? Well… Um let's see… Yuji was the one who dumped Temari-san for a girl at the beach, right? Oh, this'll be interesting… As he's swimming out to sea, he gets eaten by a blood thirsty shark, then the shark gets eaten by a giant mutated squid monster… Then, he gets digested and becomes shark poo, then giant mutated squid monster poo… Then, he floats on the ocean, ends up in China, is sold to the emperor and will be used as hog feed… Then, he becomes hog poo next…
KANKUROU: Yes! That was very nice, Gaara! That was so… POOTIFUL!
GAARA: Next, I'll make one for Ryoga… He will be food-poisoned and put into a chlorine tank and thrown into a dark pit… Then, we put dynamite into the pit and bury everything up… And when the time is right… KABOOM! Ryoga explodes to a million pieces!
KANKUROU: YEEESSS!!! YEEESSS!!! I LIKE THAT!!!
TEMARI: Man… You guys are so into this…
KANKUROU:
Sexee Kakashi-dono, it's your turn to write on the Death Note! I
see you're a writer, so I'll expect the most violent death ever!
ME: Uh… Sure, you can count on it, Kankurou! I'll make it nice and bloody, just the way you like it!
TEMARI: I can't believe this! Wasn't this story supposed to be about Shikamaru and Ino? Now it's all about killing my ex-boyfriends with the Death Note! Aw, man!
ME: I know… But I need a break from the sweet ShikaIno romance for now. Right now, I wanna have some fun! Temari, gimme a name of one of your past boyfriends!
TEMARI: Huh? Well, let's see… Oh! Make Hiroki's death really tragic! Yeah… He had a black belt in Karate. Using his skills, he battered me up when I said he wasn't allowed to kiss me! Then, he too, left me for another girl…
ME: That does it! No one treats Temari badly except me!
TEMARI: Eh?
ME: Let's see here… Hiroki, was it? A black belter in Karate… Okay, I get ya… As he is training all alone in the dojo, he suddenly gets surrounded by a group of evil sumos!!!
KANKUROU: Yes! You're doing great!!!
ME: Then, the sumos release their acid fart! Hiroki collapses onto the ground and is unable to move… The sumo leader sits on him and flattens him up…
GAARA: Nice. This is getting interesting…
ME: And then… They put butter and maple syrup on him… And eat him for breakfast… VOILA. A Hiroki pancake.
TEMARI: Eh?
GAARA: And then, Hiroki becomes Sumo poo.
INO: Sexee Kakashi-sama, you're supposed to be working on the next chapter now! What are you doing here?
ME: We're creating the deadliest deaths for Temari's ex-boyfriends!
SHIKAMARU: Well, we're getting tired of waiting. Now, get back to your desk and start typing the next chapter already!
ME: Don't worry, guys. You've only got a small part in the next chapter anyway. If there are people who have to complain, let it be the Akatsuki members. I've planned another commercial for them, you see.
SHIKAMARU: Mendokuse…
DISCLAIMER: The names used for Temari's past boyfriends were only picked at random and have absolutely no connections with other anime shows. Thank you!