Thought it would be nice to break it up with a little story from Haruka. I'm going to go back through and revise this when I have some time a little later.

- Haruka – Chapter five:

My mother closed the door behind her as she left my room, checking on me for the hundredth time this week. She was worried about me and wanted answers I wasn't ready to give and I wasn't ready to give those answers because I was ashamed of what they were. On my walls where there should have been posters of musicians and sweaty topless surfers; I had race cars with Anna Kournikova bending over the hoods proudly displaying her ass. Something must have been wrong with me, I wasn't just a tomboy. Every time I saw Michiru at school I remember how infatuated with her I was and at first I thought I just admired her personality, but it wasn't until I talked to her that I knew it was something much more. I was obsessing over her. Replaying the way she waved at me when Usagi introduced us. The way her eyes looked at me, the way her hair looked in the sun and there was only one explanation why I focused on these things. I was a lesbian. A giant flaming lesbian. And it was wrong, something twisted and terribly, terribly wrong. After accepting it everything suddenly became so clear. Cars, my short hair, my boyish style and mannerisms, everything short of being a lumberjack, it all must have had something to do with me being a lesbian the entire time.

I rolled onto my side focusing on the wall blurring my hands that were resting in front of my face. I told myself I would give myself a few days to get over it and return to normal. I wouldn't tell anyone; not my parents, not my friends, no one. Then I heard my bedroom door creak open once again. This time it wasn't my mother.

"Haruka…You're mom told me it was okay to come up here." Usagi said as she gently closed the door behind her. I remained motionless on my bed as I quickly tried to organize something to tell her.

"Are you sick?" She asked as she came and sat beside me on the bed, "You haven't met me at school in days. I was getting worried."

"No I'm not sick. Just a little down that's all," I explained, "I'm feeling better though. No worries." I quickly finished after.

"A little down?" She grabbed hold of my shoulder and pulled to over to look at her, "People who are a little down don't lock themselves away in their rooms for a week. What's really going on?"

I refused to answer. I didn't know how to tell her what was wrong when, I, myself wasn't even sure if I was right about my own diagnosis. If I was love sick because I found Michiru pretty, was I in love with Usagi since I found her pretty too? This would be too awkward to talk to her about so I tried to change the subject.

"Nice purse, is that new?"

"Uh, yeah. Someone dropped it at my house with a new phone in it. So what's wrong?"

"What happened to your old one?"

"I dropped it in a pool. Are you avoiding this conversation?" She asked with her eye brows furrowed up.

"I guess I am." I sighed.

"Why? Do you not trust me with whatever it is that's bothering you?" She appeared to look offended now, with good reason too. We never held secrets back from each other ever. I knew she had to sleep with the hall light on at night and she knew that I took ballet for five years – something I wasn't proud of. The doors for secrets were open we had ammunition to protect ourselves if the other one told so there was no reason why I'd hide this new secret.

"It's Michiru." I said.

"Michiru? Did she do something wrong to you? I can't imagine she did anything too terrible."

"No, it's nothing like that," I took a deep breath, "I think I want to date her."

Usagi was very still for a moment. Her hands were placed daintily on her lap and her face frozen in the same expression it was a second before I told her. I began to move away from her regretting my confession. I was almost certain, by the look on her face, that this would be the end of our relationship. I tried to scramble up a way to play what I said off as a joke but before I could say anything I heard her squeal excitedly.

She grabbed my hand and looked up at me with wide, gooey eyes. "You're in love with Michiru?! That is so sweet!"

"You do realize this makes me a lesbian, right?" I asked her, it felt a little strange calling myself a lesbian.

"So what? There's nothing wrong with that."

"Nothing wrong with it? My life has gotten so much more complicated I can't even begin to tell you."

"Oh, I'm sure it has," she said sarcastically, "you haven't even left the house since you came to this realization and I'm guessing you haven't told anyone. How can you turn this down as bad if you haven't even fully lived your life to see a difference?"

"I don't need to go out and see a difference. The odds are against me! If I were a guy Michiru would be fair game, I'd just go up and ask her out. InsteadI have to decide if it's safe to do even that. If she's not a lesbian she'll get wierded out never talk to me again and I'll have to hang around in gay bars for the rest of eternity." I took a breath, "And then there are my parents and what they'll think when I don't have a husband and they don't have any grandchildren they'll disown be once they find out the truth!"

She chuckled, "Haruka, as I recall you didn't want to have kids in the first place, and your parents are really nice people and they love you. For God's sake your mom offered me cookies on my way up here! There is no way she'd just disown you like that."

"You're probably right – but you have to agree that Michiru won't want anything to do with me."

"Well not just yet. You can't say that if you haven't even tried yet. As far as I know she has no boyfriend – or girlfriend."

"How do you know?" I asked skeptically, there was no way such a girl like her could be single.

"Having people ignore me has its advantages. People forget I'm around so I hear everything. Ask her out."

I shook my head, "I can't."

"Sure you can! I'll have her meet me at lunch to talk about something, I won't show up and you can accidentally bump into her there and ask her out."

"What if she says no?"

"If she says no then you don't have to see her ever again."

She was right. I had the room to take chances. If it didn't work out it didn't matter, I didn't go to that school anymore. I wouldn't have to deal with the stigma high school attached to being a lesbian if Michiru blabbed about me. So if things went sour I just wouldn't come back to that school. No matter how safe the plan was I still couldn't help feeling nervous and unsure about it all.

"I don't even know if this is love." I sighed placing my head into my hands.

"What do you mean you don't know?" She asked me.

"I like Michiru, I think she's pretty but does that mean I love her? I mean I've always thought you were pretty and I enjoy hanging out with you. Does that mean I love you?"

Usagi smiled and placed a finger on her chin, "Well let's see. I won't waste my first kiss on an experiment so let's settle for a hug." She then grabbed me around the waist and gave me a big hug. "What do you feel?" She asked me. I sat there feeling her soft warm body press against mine and while it felt nice, I don't think there were sparks or anything. Thinking of hugging Michiru gave me chills. It was a completely different feeling.

"It feels like I'm hugging my best friend." I said with laugh.

She pulled away still smiling. "See, love and friendship aren't gender based – just because I'm a girl doesn't mean you're attracted to me. Its like me being friends with a boy, just be cause he's a guy doesn't mean I love him."

"You're right." I agreed.

"So you'll ask her out?"

"Yeah, I'll ask her out."

-

It was lunch time and my head hung heavily over the chain link fence occasionally I would press my neck into the bar feeling the blood rush in and out of my head. It was a good distraction from the knot that had made a home in my stomach. Usagi wasn't there was the plan went, I just wasn't sure if she could get Michiru to come alone. I heard she ran with a click and the last thing I needed were a bunch of snobby girls laughing at me while she turned me down. I heard a twig crack in front of me, Michiru stood by the tree looking confused.

She looked over to me, "Have you seen Usagi? She told me she needed to borrow something from me but I've looked everywhere and she's not here."

"I've been waiting for her too. I wonder where she is, maybe she's in the bathroom or something?" I played dumb hoping she wouldn't notice it was all an act, "Michiru. Right?"

She smiled awkwardly, "And you're Haruka."

"I was just checking to see if I could remember your name. I'm not very good with putting names on faces but yours definitely stands out to me."

"Thank you." She said with a shade of pink forming on her cheeks, she tried to hide it by placing a delicately curled hand over her mouth. This was turning out better than I thought, I was clearly hitting on her but she didn't seem to be disgusted or upset. In fact it looked like she was flattered if anything.

"Are you doing anything after school?" I asked as casually as possible though I'm sure she could tell how nervous I was.

"No, not really."

"Would you like to go get dinner with me?"

She paused for a moment. I was beginning to fear that maybe I was wrong about the signals I was getting from her. Maybe she was just being polite and I was really just making an ass of myself. I held up my hand and began to wave it aside taking back my offer but then one word pierced through all my thoughts.

"Yes."

"Really?" I replied in shock.

"Sure. I have after school activities that I'm doing so I'll meet you out here at five is that ok?"

"Yeah that's perfectly fine!" I then said goodbye and waltzed home the happiest I had been all week.

-

I dropped a blob of water onto my straw wrapper and watched it expand on the table. Michiru and I had ended up at a small café, not the most romantic place but nice none the less. We had been sitting in silence for almost five minutes while I struggled to make light conversation.

"I've never been here before." Michiru said, breaking the silence as she traced a pale finger around the rim of her water glass.

"Does it bother you?" I asked her, she shook her head and laughed.

"It's quiet and secluded here. Even though it's not as fancy as some restaurants, I do find it a little romantic, don't you think?" She mused looking up at me with sapphire eyes of a cat. If I didn't know better I would have described them as down right sexual. Feeling a little uncomfortable I quickly changed the subject.

"So, do you have any hobbies?" I asked.

She sat up and smiled draping her napkin over her lap, "I enjoy music and art. I paint in my free time but my real forte is the violin, pardon my pun."

I suddenly remembered watching her darting in and out of the music room with various instruments during her free periods, "Oh, that's right! You were part of the school's orchestra."

"You used to go to my school?"

"Yeah, I was a grade higher than you though. I remember seeing you a lot though, my metalworking class was just down the hall from you.

She frowned, "Really? I'm sad I never noticed you. To be honest I feel very drawn to you."

I felt the blush rise up in my face. I never imagined she was such a forward girl, she looked too prim and proper to know how to toy with someone the way she was. However award it made me feel, I found comfort knowing she felt the same about women. Usagi was right.
"How about you," She asked, "What are your hobbies?"

I cleared my voice hoping it wouldn't give me away, "Car. I like racing and motor vehicles a-and cars. Oh, I said that twice didn't I, sorry. I don't expect you to be interested in those silly things though."

She shook her head, "I may not look like the time to enjoy them but I wouldn't mind learning about them. Cars are art just like anything else. I can relate to them more than you'd think."

"I don't know. Cars look cool but I wouldn't go so far as to call them art."

"Oh no, no. Cars were created by someone, those lines and curves though aerodynamic are also an extension of the designers mind. They are masses of lines and curves elegantly entwined together, creating a new structure – I suppose the artist who creates them can be seen as a very sexual being. Those who work with cars must also have this attribute…"

She was doing it again, looking at me with those eyes of hers playing delicately with her water glass spinning it in her hands. I laughed nervously, "I don't know about that, I don't think my sexual energy has anything to do with how well my car runs."

"How do you make it run well then?"

"That's a secret." I stated with a wink. She looked at me for a long time as if studying me, trying to read my mind or my actions. Evaluating me.

"Do you have many secrets?" She asked out of the blue. The question took me by surprise. I didn't know what she wanted to hear, it sounded like she was trying to get at something. Either that or she was playing with me, trying to figure out how I worked. But I guess this is what she did best. She was a musician.

"I think we all have secrets, do you think I have one?" I asked.

She paused as if to say something but she suddenly looked up to see the waiter looming above us. She shook her head, "Of coarse not."

The dinner had proceeded with a nice dessert and then it was over. We had talked about all sorts of things and I came to the conclusion that Michiru was my dream girl. She was beautiful, smart, artistic, and very, very seductive. And on top of all this she was perfectly comfortable with the relationship we would have.

It being the nice thing to do, I had decided to drive her home. It was late; we had stuck around and talked for so long we pushed the restaurant's closing time. All while in the car I could feel her eyes on me still looking me over like earlier. I pretended to focus intently on the road, pretending not to see her. I didn't know what she wanted nor was I sure I knew how to do what she wanted.

"Over there." She said pointing out a house with its porch light still on, waiting for her arrival. I pulled over to the curb so she could get out. She put her hand on the door but looked over to me. She placed a hand on my cheek and stroked it softly before leaning in and giving me a warm passionate kiss. It was only a few seconds but it seemed to last forever. I could feel the warmth of her skin on my face and those soft fluttery eye lashes against my face. She pulled back and smiled at me and I, feeling absolutely exhilarated, returned it.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it…" She said looking down bashfully, "I just have never met a man like you before."

I felt my heart stop. She thought I was a man the entire time. I started to panic. I quickly said something that sounded like a goodbye and I shoed her out the door and sped off. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw her darkening form stand silently alone on the curb. What was I going to do? We just hit it off and she thought I was a guy. The relationship was over before it had even begun.

I tried to sleep that night but I felt too awful. I went to bed past midnight and found myself up at six. I stood in my steam filled bathroom, I thought a shower would make me feel better but looking at myself in the mirror made me feel worse than I already did. I toweled dried my hair and stared deep into my own eyes, they were so feminine, pretty even. When not wearing anything I looked sporty and sexy but not in the way I thought of myself. In my head I was a guy, I was rugged and rough I didn't want to be protected I wanted to fight. But while my mind said all these things, my skinny limbs a curvy waist said otherwise. I was a mess.

I wrapped a towel around myself and walked barefoot into my room. I swung my closet doors open and dug through my clothes going to the very back of my closet to pull out a simple blue dress. I held it out in front of me and looked at it for a long time, my mother had bought it for me for my last birthday, she told me the color would make my eyes pretty. She had also bought me a pair of white high heels and a bracelet to go along with it. I wasn't sure why she bought it for me, I had never worn dresses before, I guessed it was just wishful thinking. She gave birth to a girl and got a boy instead. I slipped the dress over my head, it fit perfectly. I looked like a girl, I had cleavage and curves and long legs to go with it. "Today I will be a girl." I thought.

I walked into the kitchen where my mother was making breakfast, she turned around and her eyes nearly fell right out of her head. She started squealing something that I couldn't understand and hugged me.

"Oh Haruka, you look so pretty!" She smiled as she handed me my breakfast. I just blushed and sat down feeling strange. I felt like a man in a dress, it just didn't feel right but it did make my mother happy. She filled her own plate and sat down in front of me with a strange grin on her face.

"How about you and I go shopping today?" She suggested almost blinding me with the motherly light in her eyes. I wanted to say no but maybe this is what should have been happening while I was dirtying my hands with grease and radiator fluid.

I looked down at my plate and smiled, "Sure." I said. She had been waiting almost nineteen years for this day, I decided it was right for her to have it, I felt guilty enough denying her a daughter.

-

I wobbled down the street in my high heels with my mother, who was equally as dressed up as I was, at my side. I carried most of the bags on one of my arms while my mother latched on to my other petting my hand and talking as we walked passed several stores we had visited. I heard the bells for the school ringing signaling the day was over, I was ready for my day to be over too. Being a girl for a day was a little fun, only from the stand point I was able to talk and spend the day with my mother, I hadn't done it since I was little. But other than that I was tired and my feet ached from the incline they were at all day long.

I heard some panicked talking from down the street. At first it sounded like a conversation but it quickly became a full out argument and the voice that was arguing was a familiar one. I looked behind me, Michiru was pressed up against a concrete wall clutching her violin case to her chest while one of her classmates pinned her with his arm. My mother pulled me into another store not even noticing the two down the street. She picked up a pair of earrings and dangled them in front of me, "Oh these would look so nice on you." She said.

"Mom, I'll be right back, okay?" I said quickly as I bolted from the store. I ran down the street tripping over the heels on my shoes just inches away from breaking a leg. I ripped them from my feet and sprinted to Michiru who hands were now being pressed against the wall. I threw one of my shoes to divert her attacker's attention he swiveled around at me and began to laugh.

"Get the hell away from her!" I screamed at but he just continued to laugh.

"What are you gonna' do?" He asked in a cocky tone. With no answer I slammed my fist deep into his face. He fell to the ground swearing and holding his jaw. Judging by the pain in my hand I had probably loosened a few of his teeth. He jumped up and tried to take a swing at me but I kicked him in the side sending him back to the ground. I grabbed hold of Michiru's arm and swiftly walked her back the way I came.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. She pulled her arm away from me and looked at me funny.

"Haruka, why are you dressed like this?" She asked as if she hadn't just been attacked a few seconds ago.

"I'm a girl. I thought you knew I was the entire time last night so I didn't say anything. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"I knew you were a girl. I thought you were trying to keep it a secret." She said hugging her case against her again.

"You did?"

"Of course – Why are you dressed like this?" She asked again.

I looked down at myself. Wearing that stupid blue dress trying to hide who I was. I could dress myself up like a doll but I'd still punch someone out and I'd still run barefoot through the streets, "I…I don't know. I guess I thought that I should be a girl."

"Should be a girl? I like you for who you are, I saw you as a girl and that's why I went out with you."

I looked down at my bare feet, one of my white shoes in my hands, "Why did you call me a man then?"

"I thought you were trying to hide it from me. I didn't really care if you were trying to trick me. I had a great time with you. I figured there would be no harm in playing along."

"You played along."

"It's what I do. When I hear a note I match it." She said with a smile, I returned it but said nothing. I didn't know what to say, what to think. No matter what I wore, no matter what I thought, I was still a person torn in two. My mind and body took shots at each other dueling for my spirit. I looked up to see Michiru still smiling, staring at me. Just me. She didn't know what I was thinking, she barely knew who I was but it seemed she could see my inner conflict and she liked it. She took hold of my hand and drew me into a hug. It was honest and pure and, as cheesy as it sounds, all my troubles went away. Being held by her felt better than a thousand Usagi hugs, it felt right.

"So, would you like to go out again?" She asked pulling away.

I looked over to the store my mother was in, I felt bad just leaving her there. With new energy I felt it was a safe time to do what needed to be done. "Sure," I said, "But you need to meet someone first."