I didn't expect to post this so soon after the last two chapters but I figured I'd be nice and give you a special treat since I was informed that my cliff hanger was too cruel. ; ) I have the next two or three chapters planned out but not written yet so it maybe a week or so until the next update. I have to take a day or two off in order for me to come back and check through to edit it. Fish: army of one. Hehe, anyways, I hope this chapter in enjoyable and I hope to hear your thoughts.
Chapter 8 – Usagi -
The next few days were a hazy menagerie of drug induced slumbers and wavy memories of visitors I never talked to but saw briefly. Soon I started to see more and more visitors that I remembered talking in small bits to. Haruka and Michiru came to visit I remembered saying "pretty" when I saw the get well flowers Haruka had brought me, I remember her smile and her cough, she was still sick from the flu, and I fell asleep again. I saw Minako greet me with the same hug I gave her in the hospital and I thanked her for it.
Soon I was fully conscious for hours on end and I would lounge in my bed watching T.V. with my mother, who had been with me the entire time. As much as I was angered by what she did to Seiya I was thankful she was with me. I had never been in the hospital before then and knew nothing about it. She, being a nurse for a living, would adjust my bed, check my I.V. and help me to the bathroom when I couldn't walk there alone. Once my mother had met Minako during her visit, I think she started to believe my story when I came home late and felt sorry for over reacting. I didn't hold it against her though. She was just doing what she knew best.
Throughout my time at the hospital my friends returned when I was more awake, through their visits I got little bits of information on what happened. Rei was taken into police custody for assault on both Miss Meioh and I not long after she ran from the scene. After I left the nurse's office and collapsed I was found by Mr. Chiba who gave me mouth to mouth resuscitation to keep my alive while the paramedics came. I felt bad that I believed what Minako had said about him, he saved my life and deserved all of my love and respect. I was told had he not done C.P.R on me I would have died for sure.
Amongst all my visitors there was one I didn't see, Seiya. I hadn't seen him or heard even rumors of him knowing I was in the hospital, not that I expected him to come see me anyways. I told him we hated each other, whether he did or didn't at that time he certainly did now and probably had no interest in whether I lived or died. As I sat in my bed thinking about him I felt the stitches over my heart sting at the sound of my mind saying his name. I missed his cinnamon smell. I missed him. I rolled over onto my side; I winced as the I.V. in the top of my hand tugged on its stand. "Maybe I am heart broken?" I wondered to myself. Suddenly, the door to my room opened and I saw Mr. Chiba pop out from the other side with a vase of light pink flowers. I couldn't see his face right away until he put the flowers down to reveal a boyish smile. I always thought it was interesting how men of any age were able to pull off this cute little anomaly.
"Mr. Chiba, what are you doing here?" I said examining the flowers that he had set by all the others people had brought for me.
"I just felt it was necissary for me to come and visit you. I've been worried sick since I saw you taken into the ambulance."
"Oh, I have to thank you for the hard work you did keeping me alive. I owe my life to you. I don't know how to repay you."
He frowned and waved it off, "It's nothing, I'm sure you would have done the same for me and anyone else."
"Well I don't know about that, I don't really know C.P.R."
"Well you can thank me by taking a class in it so when I do need it you'll be there for me."
I laughed and nodded. He sat down next to me and brought out the missing assignments I had for the week. He had no idea that the one good thing about being in the hospital was not being at school. But education was important to him and I was flattered that he took the time to come help me with my school work. We spent an hour on Chemistry and another on talking about my future like college and plans like that and soon it was time for him to go.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have something else for you." He said as he packed all my papers away in a folder.
"Oh, please you don't have to give me anything else, I'm happy just being alive."
"I'd like to take you to the Zoo." He looked up shaking the bangs out of his eyes.
"The Zoo? That's a little strange."
"Well I noticed that you like to look at all the taxidermy animals in the class room and I thought that maybe you'd like to go see live ones. Are you interested?"
I looked around the room with my nose up in the air, "I don't see anything more interesting around here."
"Good, good, the first day you're out of here we'll go to the Zoo then." He said with a smile. He then waved me goodbye and went for the door but he bumped into someone on his way out I heard a brief "excuse me" and then he was gone. Behind the door emerged a new head.
"Seiya…" I said quietly, I felt a sudden heat flare up in my chest and I laid a hand on my bandage in fear my stitches might pop out. I quickly realized that I was basically naked under my paper gown and grabbed my covers up over my chest. I don't know why I was so concerned it wasn't as if he had X-ray vision or anything. I was just paranoid I guess.
He walked in quietly with serious eyes and sat down in the chair by my bed. He didn't say anything he only stared at me. I blinked a little and looked over at him hoping that he would say something before I would but he didn't he just sat next to me.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked him trying to get him to avert his gaze from me. With the way he was looking at me I was beginning to think that maybe he did have X-ray vision.
"You're going out with Chiba." He said point-blank. He must have been listening in on the conversation I was having with him on his way to see me. I wasn't sure if I should have been angry that he was eavesdropping or happy that he wanted to see me.
"Yes, when I'm done here we're going to the Zoo is there something wrong with that?"
"You're going on a date with a teacher, that's dangerous territory Usagi. I've heard things about him."
"So have I, but there is no evidence to prove any of it - he wasn't fired, I haven't heard anything from Rei, and I have never felt one bit uncomfortable about being around him. He hasn't been anything more than nice to me. And besides it's not a date it's more of a biology lesson."
"He hasn't been anything more than nice to you? Well he certainly took no time tearing your shirt off you and putting his mouth on you at the school. That was very 'nice' of him." He stated bluntly. I suddenly felt a deep blush creep over my face. I hadn't heard that part of the story. Seeing as Seiya was reporting it back to me it must have meant that he saw me shirtless. I suddenly felt the need to be defensive to hide my obvious embarrassment I was feeling.
"It's not like that! He did that so I could live, it needed to be done. Would you rather I die than be a little exposed?"
"All I'm saying is that he might have an ulterior motive behind taking you out. He's older so he knows how to say exactly the right things, he knows how to get you relaxed and the next thing you know he'll leading you back to his place."
"Seiya, do I look like I'm that gullible?" I asked.
"Are you afraid of him?"
"No."
"Then yes. You should always be second guessing men. I think you can be easily taken by the moment, you'll feel safe with him until those last crucial minutes. And most of the time I get the feeling you don't understand anything that goes on in your head."
"God, why do you think you know me so well? You don't know a thing about me."
"I know enough about you and enough about women in general to make the assumption."
I clenched my blankets in my hands; he thought he knew so damn much about me and how I acted, he thought he knew it all. "Why are you so concerned anyways? Maybe I want to go with him. Maybe I do feel a little flame for him?"
"You're full of it." He stated looking a little irritated.
"Am I? I'm a lonely girl. Never been kissed, never had a boyfriend. Maybe Mr. Chiba has what I'm looking for? That sexy air that only a real 'man' can give off is enough for me to let him bend me anyway he pleases." Seiya's face was now twisting up into a disgusted look, his hands were grasping at the chair and it was evident he was completely bothered by me even pretending to be in love with Mr. Chiba. If I didn't know him better I would have said he was jealous of him. I was flattered he was jealous but I knew it was for the wrong reasons. He wanted to be the center of my attention, I was the only girl he couldn't sway with those beautiful eyes and it bothered the crap out of him. It was then that I decided I was going to play this up till he couldn't take it anymore.
"I mean he's so much more of a man than some gangly inexperienced teenage boy." I flipped my hair over to the side of my head and clutched my blankets to my chest looking at Seiya coyly all while cackling manically in my head as I watched him squirm. He stood up looking like he was at the end of his rope.
"Do whatever the hell you want. I was just going to warn you but if you want to go on like this that's fine. Whether you take him seriously or not, this can only end badly and I won't shed a tear for you when it does." Without another word he stormed out of the room. I sighed, I did it again. I pushed him too far and he exploded, he was just looking out for me. I started to feel bad playing with him like that, but I was justified in feeling angry. Mr. Chiba saved my life, he may have done it crudely but I was breathing. I supposed I should have thanked Mr. Chiba for the ability to even feel bad.
I sighed and rolled over onto my side and looked at Mr. Chiba's flowers and the empty chair beside it. I noticed that something was out of place from when Seiya visited. An unopened pink envelope sat alone next to the vase from the flowers. I flipped it over and read the front: "Odango" was written delicately on it in black pen. I didn't know why he called me that, I wasn't sure if it was an insult or some sort of pet name. I opened the letter; it was a card in the typical Hallmark style with one bear hugging another with a thermometer in its mouth with the words "Get well soon" over the top. Now I felt terrible. He just wanted to make sure I was okay and I sent him away, upset, once again. My stitches began to ache again. I told myself that next time I saw him I would make things right.
-
It was a fabulously sunny day when I was wheeled out of the hospital to the parking lot. I grabbed hold of my mother's arm as she helped me regain my balance after getting out of the chair. I straightened out my skirt and white tank top my mother brought for me, I was thankful to finally be out of that revealing hospital gown. It was like a breath of fresh air seeing something that was designed purely for aesthetics for once.
For the most part I was better, shaky still, but better and since I was better my day with Mr. Chiba would begin shortly. My mother helped me to the car and drove me to the Zoo where I would meet him as promised. After she left I looked around the Zoo, it was the typical type, balloons and exhibits. They had a large plastic shark popping out of a billboard advertising their new aquarium exhibit. While I looked for Mr. Chiba I noticed that the only people that were visiting were children and couples and it sort of hit me it was like a date. For a moment I wondered if it was right for me to accept the meeting but before I could dwell on it for long I spotted Mr. Chiba waving to me from the garden area.
"Hi!' I greeted walking a little slower than normal. He smiled and returned the greeting.
"Should we get you one of those motor chairs?" He asked noting my struggled movements. I shook my head and just grabbed hold of his arm. There was no way such a thoughtful man could take advantage of me the way Seiya suggested just no way. In a way Mr. Chiba was like me; perfectly normal and nice but misunderstood and taken out of context purely for the entertainment of others. He was a kindred spirit.
"No, I'm ok. I can walk we just have to take our time."
We saw almost every exhibit and, like he had promised, it was completely educational. I learned everything about everything, pond ecosystems, the life cycle, habits of certain animals and just about everything else there was to know. Due to my slow pace though, it took us some time to go through the entire Zoo. By the time we came to the last exhibit, the place was ready to close and most of the people had vacated. It was nice though, it made it easier for me to cruise around the newest aquarium exhibit without stumbling through crowds of school children.
A little out of breath, I sat down on one of the benches facing the shark tank. I looked above me to see that the tank not only was on the walls but actually went over the ceiling as well. Had we actually be under the ocean I would have been concerned that if the glass broke we'd all be drowned. Mr. Chiba sat down next to me and he mentioned a few things about the fish there and then his lecture was over.
"This was really fun, Mr. Chiba, thank you." I said still examining the tanks.
"Mamoru." He said.
"Excuse me?"
"Call me Mamoru - It's my name. I like to think of you as a friend so please call me by a less formal name." There it was: the clue that he wanted it to be more than a teacher-student relationship.
"That doesn't seem very professional." I commented cautiously.
"Don't get me wrong, you will call me Mr. Chiba at school." He said with a smile looking back at the sharks. I was jumping at shadows, I really was. Seiya had planted the seed of doubt in my mind and now I was starting to see Mr. Chiba as predator, "So what do you think of everything you've seen today?"
"I think I actually might want to consider Zoology when I go to college."
"That's my girl!" He cheered, "Science can never disappoint in my opinion."
"I hope I don't disappoint you if it turns out I don't latch onto it. I'm still not positive what I want to do with my life."
He looked over to me, "Don't worry. You could never disappoint me." I laughed nervously. I didn't know what to say to him. I looked down and I felt a hand brush my pigtail away from my face. I looked up at him from the corner of my eye to see him leaning closer to me. I wasn't sure what to think. Up until then he had redeemed himself every time he did something strange so I waited for it. Instead I got a peck on the cheek.
I quickly turned to him with my eyes wide holding my hand to my cheek as if I had been burned. I wanted to say something but I was too stunned by his actions. I just shook my head trying to let him know he had gone too far but instead he just brought a hand behind my neck and moved over my mouth. His lips were soft and warm, but there was nothing behind them. It was him putting his mouth on mine, nothing more than that. I tried to pull away but he was more persistent. He put his hand on my chest, over my scar and I struggled away as quickly as I could.
"M-Mr. Chiba, this is not right. You can't do those sorts of things with a student…" I stammered. His eyes went from ravenous to sad as if he honestly thought something was going to happen between us.
"I feel like there is something more between you and I. When I beat your heart for you, I felt your life under my hands and I fell in love with it - you - your essence. Usagi, everything about you infatuates me and I want it all. I've been in that type of relationship before and I tried to forget about but I just can't. I can't begin to tell you how hard the age difference hits me. But I have to remember that we really aren't that far apart! There are couples that have twenty years between them and they're happy. I think we can have that same happiness."
"But they choose to be together. Mr. Chiba, I don't see you as anything more than a teacher. I don't even know anything about you other than that." He began to close in on me again this time he trapped me against the glass of the aquarium. I ducked under his arm and kept my distance from him. He frowned and stayed where he was.
"Age doesn't matter in the adult world, Usagi. I don't think you can fully understand that right now. I won't make you do anything you don't want to right now but when you graduate I want you to find me again so we can get to know each other on different terms. Can you do that one thing for me?"
I nodded and said "sure" just to make him stop. I decided his agreement left me room to insult him but never see him again. The answer seemed to work as a smile appeared on his face. Though I didn't know why I wanted to be polite to a man that probably would have taken me to bed had I not made effort to get away. I then realized how he was able to have a relationship with Rei without getting fired, and he no doubt had one with her. He took her out of the school and never crossed lines he knew would be undeniable evidence of his actions. I suddenly felt very stupid. He was playing me the entire time trying to make me feel safe with him. I was so stupid not to see it.
He held his hand out to me and said something, I assumed it was something like "let me drive you home" or "let's talk" but the blood that was rushing to my head was drowning out all the sound. My breathing was thick and my stab wound was aching every time I inhaled. Too distraught, confused, and self loathing to talk, I waved him away and began to run in the opposite direction. I didn't know where I was going but I figured I had to find my own way home.
I don't know if the aquarium tunnel seemed never ending or if I was so out of it I didn't have an accurate concept of time but eventually I found the exit and ended up out in the parking lot. Once I was there I just stood staring at the night sky and the black top illuminated by the soft orange street lamps in the parking lot. I looked down at my white shirt to see a red stain on my chest. My vision was blurring again like the first time. I heard my name called to me. No it wasn't my name, it was "Odango". I looked up from my chest, I saw the fuzzy figure of a man running towards me, as he came closer I saw it was Seiya. He was saying something, I don't really know what, but I responded with a delirious smile.
"Look, my heart wants to pour right out of me." I said before I collapsed. My eyes began to open and close from the blood loss. Every time I opened them again, Seiya was doing something new. It was like a movie that had frames cut from it. In one frame he was hovering over me, in the next he was on the phone, and after that he was placing his hands over my heart keeping me from bleeding more any more than I was. I kept my eyes open after that and just lay silently on the concrete watching his hands keep my blood inside me. Eventually I'd see him struggle to take his black school coat off and place it over me while holding at least one hand on me. While the coat was probably more effective I wanted his warm hands to do the job, just his warm hands. I started to fall asleep to that thought when I was suddenly jerked back into consciousness.
I looked up to see bright lights flying above me and silhouettes of men and women looking at me through masks and holding me in place. Not knowing where I was, I screamed and quickly tried to struggle up but the masked people pushed me back down once my chest started to gush again. Someone pressed Seiya's coat harder into my chest and announce in a booming voice that I was losing too much blood. Suddenly the lights stopped moving. I heard voices around me, all foreign except one.
"Is she going to be okay?" He asked in a tone I had never heard from him. Other people were talking but all I could hear was him echoing through my head, "I'm O positive, I'll do it." Suddenly a man placed a plastic cup of some sort over my mouth and told me to count backwards from one hundred if I could. One hund – then blackness.
I woke up once again, in another ugly hospital gown. No one was watching over me this time, there were no flowers on my desk. No smiling Mr. Chiba coming to visit me, even my mother was missing from the scene. I groaned at the aching in my chest, my anesthetic had worn off from my operation and the pain stretched through my body in sharp lines like a spider's web. I looked over to the button to call the nurse and struggled to reach it but instead it slipped off the nightstand and onto the floor. I rolled over and watched it dangle, out of my reach. I stretched my fingers out hoping to grab it even in the slightest but there was nothing. So I began to cry out of frustration, and maybe the pain.
"How could I do this to myself?" I mumbled to myself through my tears. "I shouldn't have ran…I should have just taken what I deserved…I should have just taken what I deserved…" Without noticing someone had entered my room, I wept harder from the sound of my own depressing words. A hand startled me as it rested on my side. I looked up, not bothering to wipe my face, to find Seiya's blue eyes peering down at me. We both said nothing, instead he sat down in the chair by my bed like the last time I saw him and he just stared at me again. This time his expression had a softened feel about it. I couldn't handle him watching me the way he did. I covered my face with my hands and curled up tighter, I could feel my tears sliding around on the plastic of my I.D. bracelet.
"You were right to run." He said calmly, I peeked between my fists at him. His face was pale and tired.
"I've just landed myself here again, though."
"It's better to be here."
"…Why were you there in the parking lot?"
"I was worried about you, I don't trust Chiba as far as I can throw him and I never thought for once he was going to just take you on a nice little trip. Men have motives. They're never alone with women without a motive in mind."
"You're alone with me right now. Do you have a motive?"
"I sure do," He said frankly, "My motive is to keep you safe."
I was silent now, feeling worse than ever. Not knowing who I owed myself to, "I made a promise with him. I'd find him after I graduated. He said he had a connection to me because he beat my heart for me."
Seiya cursed under his breath and shook his head, "Why would you do such a thing? That line is obviously him trying to guilt you into doing what he wants." He started to go on a little mini diatribe until he realized I was crying again. I didn't want to hear about him anymore, even if it was negative. I hid my face behind my hands letting my blond bangs stick out from between my fingers.
"He kissed me and I was scared. I didn't know if I owed it to him or if I had the right to push him away. My life is worth giving up my first kiss to someone I didn't want to be with. It's just a little thing right?"
"You don't owe anything to him. Just being alive should be enough to make him happy if he really loved you."
"But I'm living because of him…"
"You're living because of me now. He beat your heart for you but my blood is now in your body. And I don't think you owe me anything, I don't need you to love me. I don't even need you to like me. Just having you around is a good enough payment." He settled further into his seat and sighed leaning his head back in a drowsy fashion. His skin was so pale from donating his blood. He must have been so tired yet he stayed with me. I wanted to hug him in thanks but sitting up hurt my chest, so instead I reached my hand out in front of me. He sat forward and tried to find what I was reaching for.
"Are you in pain? Do you need the nurse call button?" He asked picking it up from the ground. I shook my head. He scooted his chair closer to my bed and took hold of my outstretched hand. After noticing I just wanted to hold his hand, he smiled a little granted it to me. It was so strange just touching him for the sake of it. Before, we would be so reluctant to even talk to each other but now all I wanted was to connect with him.
At first he was just holding my hand but then, absentmindedly, he started feeling it with his fingers; massaging my palm with his thumbs and caressing the smooth skin on the back of my hand. It felt good but I didn't know how to respond, it was such an unfamiliar behavior from him, so gentile and pleasant, and it caught me completely by surprise. I suddenly was more aware that my heartbeat was speeding up from the sound on the heart monitor that was hooked to my chest. It was embarrassing since it was loud enough so we could both hear it. He looked up from my hand, and glanced at the monitor. He then looked back to me with playful sapphire eyes and the next thing I knew he put my hand up to his face and kissed the top of it lightly with warm, teasing lips. I made a small noise as my jaw dropped. He glanced up at the monitor again, which was beeping faster than it was a few minutes ago, and he smiled mischievously as he started to lean closer to me.
He knew exactly what was happening, every time the monitor beeped faster, the more secrets it told about me. It told him that I felt his touch was something more than a friend's and it said that the scent of his cologne was something that I craved more and more the closer he got. It told him that the heat from his body radiating through my thin hospital gown and the weight of him leaning over me on my bed was making my body tingle. Soon we were looking one another straight in the eyes. His lips were only inches from my own while my heart monitor was screaming for him to stop teasing and just do it. My face was hot and obviously displaying a color I couldn't hide, but I didn't care. If he was just playing with me then he knew what I was thinking, he knew what I wanted. And all I wanted was to see if his lips tasted like the same cinnamon and vanilla in his cologne.
Suddenly we heard the creak of the door to my room. Seiya bolted up trying to hide a sudden blush from his face as he pushed the chair back into place. He took a glance at my mother and walked to the other side of the room as inconspicuously as possible. My mother peered from behind the door and rushed over to my side. Her forehead stripped with worry lines. She looked up at my monitor and kissed my forehead.
"Oh my poor baby, your heart must be working overtime now since they took that last shard out."
Done with cursing her arrival I blinked, "Wait, last shard?"
"I just got done talking with your doctor. He informed me that there was a small sliver of glass left in your chest. They overlooked it the first time because they didn't think that it penetrated the heart that much. Turns out the found the little piece they missed after you started bleeding again."
"That explains a lot." I commented.
"Yes, so there will be some scaring they said and you'll have to come in every couple of months so they can ultrasound your heart to see if everything is working okay."
I shrugged, "Well I guess that should be the least of my problems, at least I'm not dead."
My mother looked back to my heart monitor which had gone back to its normal resting rhythm. I looked over to Seiya who was trying to be invisible to my mother but she noticed me staring at him and immediately made a face.
"What are you doing here? I thought I told you to leave my daughter alone." She said trying to keep her voice down. It was very late still.
"I – I just wanted to make sure she was okay." He said hopeful that his concern would be enough to keep her at bay.
"Really, he was. He donated his blood to me." I defended him.
"That maybe so but he doesn't have to hang around afterwards. I'd like it if you left, Soiya.
"Seiya, mom."
"Whatever. Out." She waved to him. He walked to the door and gave a playful wink at me making me smile as he left. My mother began rambling on about her opinion on him but I wasn't listening. It was all just white noise to me as replayed the way I felt as Seiya played his little game with my heart beat. I didn't know what to think about it, he told me he didn't need me to love him or even like him but did he want me to? I knew I was certainly considering it.