Chapter 7: Shokkan - A Sense of Touch

After not hearing from Ichijou for three days and having every attempt to locate him via phone, either at the Nagano police station or at his home or on his cell phone, end in failure, Yuusuke took to the road again, heading for Ichijou's apartment. If the detective was avoiding him, he thought, he would simply stake out the man's apartment and outwait him there. When he banged on Ichijou's apartment door, though, he was surprised to find it almost immediately answered.

"Ichijou-san?" he asked dumbly. The detective, dressed in crumpled pajamas with his hair still messed up from bed, blinked at him. "You look terrible," he added without thinking.

"Godai...?" Ichijou asked. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Yuusuke took the open door as an invitation and stepped inside. "You haven't answered your phone for three days," he accused mildly, looking around. There was a takeout container left on the counter, he saw, and the whole apartment seemed slightly stale. Like no one had been home for a few days.

"S-sorry," Ichijou apologized. "I haven't been home. There was a case. A little girl..."

Yuusuke blinked and looked critically at Ichijou, whose hands, he saw now, were trembling slightly. "Ichijou-san," he said softly. He smiled, understanding. "When was the last time you slept?" he asked rhetorically. "Never mind," he cut off any potential reply. Taking the detective's shoulders, he steered him toward the bedroom. "Go to sleep, Ichijou-san."

"But--"

"Sleep," Yuusuke repeated.

"Godai--"

"I'll be here," Yuusuke promised. "I'll make dinner or something. Sleep, Ichijou-san." He tucked the detective into bed and closed the blinds.

"I'm sorry," Ichijou apologized, for what Yuusuke didn't know.

"Shh," Yuusuke said. "Sleep."

When Ichijou woke the room was dark and something smelled appetizing. He lay there for a moment under the covers, trying not to think, but gave it up when his stomach twisted, growling. He hadn't eaten much either over the last three days, he recalled now. At least they'd caught the murderer. Slowly he sat up and discovered that Godai had left slippers neatly lined up for him at the side of the bed. He should get dressed, but found he didn't have the energy to bother. And... it was Godai. If he could stand anyone seeing him in this state, it would surely be him.

Opening his bedroom door quietly, to his surprise he heard singing. And Godai wasn't bad at it, not at all. The unbidden thought came to Ichijou as he wondered how much practice Godai got in singing in the acoustics of bathrooms.

"I didn't know you sang," he commented as he stepped up to the counter.

Godai turned around, wooden spoon in hand. Ichijou's kitchen apron on him had already become a familiar sight. "Ah, Ichijou-san. Good morning. Or, I guess," he said with a glance toward the windows, "good evening. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No." Ichijou shook his head and rested his elbows on the counter. "What are you making?"

"Spaghetti. I hope that's all right? I had to run out to get some of the ingredients, but I didn't think you'd mind if I took your key for that. It's back on its hook." He nodded towards Ichijou's key rack. "Are you hungry now, or should it wait a bit? The sauce is fine, I just have to start the pasta."

"Now would be okay," Ichijou replied, and watched as Godai smiled brightly and turned on the burner beneath one of the pots on Ichijou's stove. "I'm... sorry I didn't answer the phone."

"It's okay," Godai answered, shaking his head. "I should have thought that you were working, not that..."

"That I was avoiding you?" Ichijou finished for him. He sighed. "I wasn't," he swore. "I'm... I don't like that woman, and I don't trust her, Godai, and that's probably not likely to change easily. But if you really think that she won't do anyone harm, then... I do trust you."

"Ichijou-san..."

Ichijou smiled, still tired despite the hours of sleep. "Even if I was mad at you, I don't think I'd ignore you like that. I don't think I could."

Godai arched a brow. "'The mistake of a lifetime'?" he quoted skeptically.

"'Well, it's all right, isn't it'?" Ichijou quoted back.

Godai laughed a little and turned to measure spaghetti out into his hand.

"So, since I haven't been answering my phone," Ichijou said a while later, over dinner, "where is she?"

"Ra'Baruba'De?" Yuusuke asked. Ichijou nodded in confirmation. "She's staying with Minori."

"Minori?" Ichijou's fork paused above his plate. "Does she know?"

"Mmm." Yuusuke nodded. "She doesn't mind though, or at least not much. I just wish... neither Minori nor I can think of what might make her smile."

"You really want her to smile?" Ichijou asked.

Yuusuke nodded. "I know she hasn't been human, and is probably guilty of a lot of things, but... well, it's kind of like seeing a rosebud never bloom," he extemporized. "People should be happy. Even her."

Ichijou just shook his head. "You just want everyone to be able to smile," he agreed.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with that," Yuusuke argued.

"I don't think there is either," Ichijou replied. "After all, that's what I do, too, in a way. Work to keep people safe so that people like you can make them happy."

Yuusuke twirled spaghetti aimlessly on his fork. "You think you don't make people happy?" he asked lowly.

Ichijou shook his head. "Not the way you do."

"Then I think you don't give yourself enough credit, Ichijou-san." Ichijou looked up at him, expression startled, so Yuusuke changed the subject. "Your case--the one that had you up and running around for three days solid--it's closed?"

Ichijou was still blinking at him. "Yeah," he said eventually. "A little girl was... was killed." His hesitation spelled out that it hadn't been a pretty death or an easy sight. Yuusuke's gut twisted in sympathy. "We eventually figured out that it was her stepfather, and that this wasn't the first time..."

"You caught him, right?" Yuusuke asked quietly.

"Yeah. Eventually."

"Thank you." Ichijou looked startled again at that. Yuusuke smiled a little at his surprise.

"He didn't hurt you," Ichijou eventually said.

"He took away a little girl's smile," Yuusuke replied. And, really, that was all the reason he needed to state.

After they finished dinner Godai surprised Ichijou by bringing out scoops of ice cream decorated with mint sprigs and wafer cookies. Between that and the Western classical music playing quietly on the stereo, Ichijou almost forgot he was in his pajamas.

"You're going to spoil me, at this rate," he declared, pointing his spoon at Godai. "This is twice now you've made dinner, and this time with dessert."

Godai grinned engagingly. "You could use some spoiling, Ichijou-san," he declared. "You obviously need someone to take care of you after cases like that."

That was it, Ichijou decided. "Right, I'm turning the tables and cooking for you next time," he declared.

Godai's eyes went wide. "It'd have to be here, Ichijou-san, because I don't have my own kitchen," he replied.

"So that's why you work at the PorePore," Ichijou teased. "Kitchen access."

Godai grinned, his smile neither an affirmation nor a denial. His gaze drifted to the wall clock behind Ichijou. "I should get going, though," he said, pushing back from the table and starting to stand. "It's a couple hours back to Tokyo--"

"Stay," Ichijou said without thinking.

Godai's eyes widened. "Ichijou-san," he said.

"At least the night," Ichijou amended hesitantly. "It's far too late for you to drive back safely."

Something softly faded out of Godai's surprised expression, leaving Ichijou with the unpleasant urge to kick himself. "All right," Godai said, nodding. "Is it all right if I use your shower before turning in, though, Ichijou-san?"

"Yeah," Ichijou replied with a nod. He'd said the wrong thing, he knew it, but there was no way he could take it back now.

"Well, then." Godai took his and Ichijou's empty dishes to the sink and turned on the spray to wash them out. After a second Ichijou followed, wiping the bowls and spoons dry as Godai washed them, setting them back in the cupboards. Godai disappeared into the bathroom for his shower as Ichijou tried to analyze his own sense of disquiet, only to come up frustrated.

The problem was that he knew exactly what he felt, and what he thought Godai felt, but that he still couldn't bring himself to make the gesture, to say the words that would bridge that gap...

Godai didn't sing in the shower after all, he thought absently as he made up the sofa into his bed for the night. As his guest, Godai would of course sleep in the bed...

His train of thought derailed when Godai came out of the bathroom shirtless, squeezing water out of his hair with a towel.

Godai stopped and blinked at him. "Ichijou-san?"

Ichijou struggled to find his thoughts. "It just seems a little strange," he finally managed. "All those injuries you got from the Grongi and not a mark on you."

"Ah." Godai shrugged. "Well, that's what armor's for, right?" he asked cheerfully.

Ichijou managed a weak laugh. "Yeah," he agreed with a nod.

Godai cocked his head to one side, looking at the sofa. "For me?" he asked.

"Well, actually..."

"You are not giving up your bed for me, Ichijou-san," Godai informed him, amusement mixed with an implacability that reminded Ichijou of Kuuga's Titan form. "Not when you're the one still running short on sleep. Sofas are perfectly fine for me."

In the end, of course, Ichijou had to give in. In retrospect, he decided, he should not have been surprised at that result. "Good night, Ichijou-san," Godai said.

"Good night, Godai," he replied, and shut the bedroom door between them. Standing there, his hand still on the knob, Ichijou silently let his head fall forward until it pressed against the painted wood.