Chapter 2: Skeletons in Monica's Closet?

Chandler was still working on the lock when there was a knock on the door. "It's me—Rachel," said the familiar voice from the other side.

"Coming," Chandler said, getting up from the secret closet and hurrying to the front door. He unlocked the door and let in Rachel, who was followed by her present roommate.

"Rachel told me about Monica's secret closet," Joey explained.

"So you came by to help get it unlocked?" Chandler asked.

"Nope." Joey pulled out a sandwich from his coat pocket and began unwrapping it. "Just to watch. I wanna see what's in there."

"If you help, we might get it open faster."

Joey took a big bite of his sandwich. "Not likely. I don't know the first thing about picking locks."

"Conveniently." Chandler sighed and turned his attention back to the door. "Say, Rachel, do you have a bobby pin?"

"What, don't you?" Joey asked.

"Sure," Rachel said, as Chandler pretended to ignore his ex-roommate's insult. "Here you go, hon. So you know how to pick locks with a hairpin?"

"Yes, I have a lot of practice, with all the hairpins I constantly keep on my person," he replied, rolling his eyes. Suddenly, he turned and pointed the pin victoriously at Joey. "Hah! Beat you to it!"

"Okaaay..." Joey took another bite of sandwich.

Chandler stuck the pin in the lock and set to working it. "I figure this can't be too hard, though. Fish around until it catches and just turn the lock."

"Oh boy," Rachel said excitedly. "We're going to find out Monica's big secret! In her secret closet!"

"I know," Joey replied with a grin.

"What do you suppose is in there?"

He chewed his sandwich thoughtfully. "Ooh. I'll bet it's Richard."

"Richard?"

Chandler looked up from the lock. "Why on earth would Monica be keeping Richard in there?"

"Well, I dunno…maybe you're not, you know, performing to standard, and she's keeping him around for her own pleasure."

"Okay, why does everyone keep suggesting Richard-related stuff?" Chandler asked in classic sarcastic tone. "Thank you so much for boosting my already fragile self-confidence. Look, she must be keeping something back there that she doesn't want anyone to know about."

"And Richard wouldn't fit in that category? It's not like Monica would just come up and tell you, 'Chandler, I've been keeping my ex-boyfriend in the closet by the bathroom so I can have mad passionate sex whenever I want.'"

"So how would she feed him?" Rachel asked.

There was a much-appreciated silence as Joey pondered this point and Chandler fiddled with the lock.

You know, this stupid lock is not going anywhere, Chandler thought. He took the pin out, put it back in upside-down, and set to jiggling it again. "Say, Joey." Joey looked up from his sandwich. "How's the hideously inappr—"

"Hmm?" Joey asked.

"Hideously what?" Rachel echoed.

"Um…hiiiideously inapplicable bobby pin working out?" He looked at the pin in the lock. "Not very well, actually." Geez, I can't believe I almost asked Joey about his crush on Rachel in front of Rachel herself. Where did that thought even come from? It was almost like someone was putting words in my mouth!

"So, any other suggestions?"

Rachel thoughtfully put a finger to her lips. "Did you try opening it with a credit card?"

"You know, I was just about to suggest that," Joey added.

"Not a bad idea." Chandler pulled out a credit card from his wallet. "So, Rachel, how's the baby coming?"

"Great, great! She's kicking now."

"Oh, when'd that start?"

"Last night! I felt the kicking and I went into Joey's room and woke him up so he could feel it too…"

"Yeah, it was pretty cool," Joey added.

Chandler glanced up at the two of them. He shared a knowing look with Joey, who, with an expression of great distress on his face, mouthed the words "except that I wasn't wearing any pants."

"Wow. Wow, that's…great, Rach. So it's all going smoothly?"

"Yeah, I haven't—"

"Shit!" There was a strange sucking sound. Chandler turned back to the door abruptly and thumped both of his palms against it.

"What?"

"Yeah, what?"

"I dropped it!" He knelt down and peered under the door. "Richard, if you're in there, could you pass me my credit card?"

"Hey, did either of you hear a sucking sound?" Joey asked.

Chandler ran a hand back through his hair. "Well, we're not playing basketball, so it couldn't possibly be my game…"