Chapter 5: "Happy days feel so far away..."
Sex for drugs...
Sex for shelter...
Sex for music lessons...
Natsuki spent the following days with Tomoe like that. She was not stupid. It was what the conniving younger woman wanted all along. She knew it and she gave it to her. Until recently, the both of them had been content with the unspoken arrangement. Then Tomoe wanted more sex. Whenever Natsuki tried to refuse, the other girl would hint at how much she had been imposed on and that Natsuki should be a little more grateful.
The mind games felt like a never-ending tug of war. Sometimes Natsuki would give in, and sometimes Tomoe would bribe her with drugs and false affection. Sex between them was never gentle, and grew exponentially rougher each time they came together. Often times when Natsuki looked at Tomoe she saw Shizuru. It was Shizuru she was fucking. It was Shizuru she was punishing. It was her hidden vengeance. As sick and twisted as it was... hurting Tomoe/Shizuru felt good. It felt like she was being vindicated of every hell she went through. These last sixteen days felt surreal to her. There was never a moment she wasn't high.
The sensation of something hot and smooth and wet rubbing against her body brought her out from her deep and convoluted slumber... She opened her eyes blearily and ran them along the length of flushed, naked skin. The bedroom was still dark. She peeked outside the large and clear window, and saw that the dark blue horizon was tinted with pink and purple. The sun was nowhere in sight.
Tomoe hovered over her with her hands splayed on either side of the raven-haired head. When the younger girl ground her hips again, Natsuki's strangled moan joined Tomoe's in one breathless unison. "Tomoe..." Natsuki gasped as she grabbed the other's small waist to stop her. "It's too early for this!"
"No it's not." Tomoe answered softly and cupped one of Natsuki's smooth, warm cheeks. The hand glided along a tense jaw, along the swan-like neck, and finally paused over the collar of the borrowed, button-down blue pajama top. She felt the grip on her waist grow painfully tighter. "I bought stronger stuff last night." She informed her. "I thought you might want to try some acid."
"Acid?"
"Uh hm..." Tomoe smiled and unbuttoned the first two buttons of Natsuki's top. Then she leaned down to lick the hollow of her neck. "It's really strong stuff... One hit and you'll be happy for a long, long time." She unbuttoned two more buttons and shuffled lower to lick the quivering valley of her naked breasts. "It's yours... if you want it." She unbuttoned the last few to finally expose the black, lacy undergarment and tantalizing creamy-white thighs.
Natsuki pushed up into a sitting position and pulled at Tomoe's legs until they circled her waist. Then she grabbed the other girl's buttocks to pull her close and devoured her neck. Tomoe whimpered and tangled her fingers in her lover's hair, locking her in place. As the hard kisses turned into hard bites, Tomoe's body began to rock against her. One of Natsuki's hands began to knead along the length of Tomoe's back, and the other crept between their bodies to nestle between Tomoe's legs. The green-haired girl let out a loud, surprised gasp when the fingers impaled her abruptly. No warning, no foreplay, nothing... This was fucking-- pure and simple.
Tomoe bucked into her hand, panting, moaning, and urging Natsuki deeper and deeper. The older girl's fingernails dug into her, running them along her spine until they broke through the skin. Tomoe hissed in pain and arched her back away from the torturous digits. "It hurts, Natsuki."
"Bear it." Natsuki growled against her neck. Tomoe whimpered and pumped her hips faster to smother the pain with pleasure. She let out a loud, passionate cry when she climaxed. When she came down from the peak of pleasure, her body stilled completely. But Natsuki wasn't done and her brutal, merciless fingers continued to fuck her. Tomoe whimpered again and clawed at her shoulders weakly to try and push her away. Natsuki punished her by biting her shoulder forcefully until she tasted blood.
"Stop... please." She begged. "I can't take it anymore."
"Bear it." The older girl answered again. But Tomoe continued to push and pull at her hair. Natsuki's blood began to boil. She grabbed Tomoe's wrists, yanked her to one side and forced her down on the bed. She straddled her hips and pinned her arms, but her weakened lover continued to struggle. "I said BEAR IT!" She screamed and backhanded her. The both of them froze at the blow. While the fucking had always been brutal, Natsuki had never once struck the other girl. Until now... She watched Tomoe carefully lick the corner of her bottom lip where the skin had split and was overpowered by feelings of shame and self-revulsion. She shot out of the bed and dashed into the bathroom-- slamming it and locking it behind her.
'What have I done?' Natsuki thought, her body quaking. She went to the sink to splash some water on her face. The faucet continued to run as she straightened up slightly, white-knuckled hands gripping either side of the basin, to stare down the drain. The clear, gushing water swirled into a whirlpool... down, down, down the drain. She wished she could shrink herself and let the water carry her into nothingness. If she was lucky, she would drown in the process.
She glanced up into the mirror before stumbling back in fear. Her back hit the wall with a hard, jarring thump. She blinked and the illusion was gone. For one frightening moment, when she looked into the mirror, her face had been replaced with Shizuru's. 'I'm no better than she was...' Natsuki realized with increasing queasiness. She had to get out of here.
Tomoe was sitting up on the bed and leaning against the headboard when Natsuki came out of the bathroom. She watched the pale-faced older girl shuffle through the laundry basket and pull out her freshly laundered school uniform. "Leaving so soon, Natsuki-chan?" Natsuki turned around and opened her mouth to apologize when she caught the wicked and satisfied smile on Tomoe's face. "And you were enjoying me so thoroughly too."
Natsuki glared at her and continued to get dressed in silence. She had her top on and was in the process of pulling her skirt up to her waist when she felt Tomoe press into her back. She stiffened. "Don't leave just yet," she heard the other girl whisper into her ear. Tomoe reached out to playfully dangle a small, square, dirty-white strip of paper with a picture of a smiley face on it in front of her face. "Don't forget your acid."
Natsuki shrugged her off brusquely and walked out of the room and out of the condominium.
The raven-haired ex-HiME carried her gun everywhere she went since the night she was attacked. She could feel it's reassuring weight tucked securely into the waistband of her uniform's gray skirt. She was currently walking across Fuuka district, with no specific destination in mind, and was at a loss. There was the option of returning to school but she wasn't sure if she was strong enough to face everyone just yet. Going back to Tomoe wasn't ideal either. Not right now anyway...
Her tumultuous mind came to a standstill when something caught her eye. It was a small, out-of-the-way guitar shop tucked between two large buildings. It looked like the shop was created before she was born and had a 70's design and feel to it. The modernized buildings on either side came much, much later.
"Rock Legacy" was written in bold and rainbow-painted katakana with black outlines over a white background. The makeshift, plywood sign was nailed above the window that had several electric guitars on display. The door to Rock Legacy was open to allow curious passers-by a glimpse of what the shop had to offer. Natsuki hesitated in front of the entrance for a brief second before she stepped inside.
The shop seemed empty upon first glance. But when she entered, an old and chubby face with long dark hair popped out from behind another open doorway located further into the shop. "You here to buy?" The man asked, his voice deep and raspy.
"Just looking." Natsuki answered. The shopkeeper stepped out of his office. He was a large and tired-looking man who looked like one of the rock stars in the covers of Tomoe's older CDs... like a fat Japanese version of Geddy Lee. He was someone who had dreams of making it big but had burned out too quickly and too early. Now, he was just a bitter, middle-aged man who sold quality guitars and band equipment.
Natsuki could feel his eyes bore into her as she browsed through the breath-taking guitar collection on the wall display. She was not intimidated though. She was too busy admiring the instruments than to bother with his attitude. "You know what you're looking for?" He asked again, crossing his arms across his pudgy chest.
It sounded like a challenge, much to her annoyance. She thought for a minute before announcing rather proudly, "A Fender Stratocaster." That was what Tomoe's guitar was.
He raised an interested eyebrow but said nothing. He approached the display and perused the guitars for a long moment before he reached up and pulled down a beautiful, curvy, angular, black guitar. He nodded his head in a gesture to indicate that he was to be followed and made his way towards a group of amplifiers. He plugged the guitar in one of them, an old Matchless DC-30. He adjusted the pickup, tightened the strings, and checked to see if the tones sounded right. Then, without warning, he ripped into the guitar like he was some fucking demigod of Rock. Natsuki's jaw dropped with amazement.
His face was scrunched up in concentration and perspiration beaded his forehead. He finished the riff with one hard strum and swung his arm parallel to the ground like a rocks tar at the climax of a show. Then he offered the guitar to Natsuki. "Sounds good now. Try playing it. It's a '54 model. Very rare, especially here in Japan. It's also very, very expensive. But if you can't afford it, we have a 90's Squier version, which is pretty indistinguishable from the original one and much more affordable."
Natsuki swallowed hard.
"You can't play can you?" He laughed and made to unplug the guitar. "Hah. Stupid kid..."
"No! I can play!" She exclaimed and glared at the man. The instrument felt awkward in her arms but she was determined to prove him wrong. She strummed several memorized major chords before grinning triumphantly at the shopkeeper.
"Not bad... For a newbie." He laughed again and held his hand out for the guitar. Natsuki grumbled before complying with his unspoken request. "This is not the guitar for you. Strat maintenance is a pain-in-the ass and could not be played by anybody." He went back to the display to replace the instrument and took out another one. The guitar was golden brown and was a little bit larger and more curvaceous than the other. "Start off with this one. Gibson les Paul. A Vox amp would bring out its great and clean sound. Good clarity, and less distortion... especially since you play so clumsily. Though, if you want loud and grungy you can try a Marshall."
"Jimi Hendrix played a Stratocaster. I want one." Natsuki stubbornly held her ground.
"You got ambitions, kid?" The man sneered. "So did I. But look at where I am now."
"I just started. If I practice hard. I'll be better than you."
"Is that a fact?"
They glared at each other for a while until the man's lips turned up into a small sardonic smile. "Tell you what, you buy the les Paul and practice on it. If you can finally play as well as Jimi Hendrix, I'll sell you the Strat-- minus the cost from the les Paul. Heck... I'll even give you a discount!"
Natsuki thought about it for a moment and decided she liked the idea. So she nodded in agreement and asked for the price. The shopkeeper told her. "A hundred and sixty thousand yen?!" She repeated incredulously.
"Well... if you can't afford it, you can always buy a fake one. How about a Tibson les Paul? It's at least forty-five percent less than the original."
She did not have that kind of money unless she found a job or sold something of hers... She felt the 9mm Glock semi-automatic inside her skirt grow heavier as she thought of the last possibility.
---
When she returned to Fuuka Gakuen that afternoon, she had lost a weapon and nearly decimated her savings but gained a les Paul imitation, a used Hartke G15 practice amp and several guitar books. Finding a pawnshop that was willing and morally depraved enough to buy a firearm (which was quite illegal in Japan) had been a pain. But her sacrifice had been worth it in the end. Even though she dreaded going back to school, she was eager to give her purchased goods a trial run within the privacy of her room.
She kept her head down and tried to look inconspicuous as she walked across the campus towards the dormitory. Thankfully, a majority of the students were in class and those who remained didn't even look her way. However, if she had bothered to raise her head and check her surroundings she would've noticed Nao staring at her from behind a tree. But she didn't. And she continued on her way, oblivious to the attention.
Natsuki was about to disappear into the building when Nao quickly came to a decision. "Kuga!" She called out and jogged after the girl. Natsuki cringed visibly before she turned around to warily regard the approaching redhead. "Hey, where've you been?"
"Around," the older girl dodged. "Not that it's any of your business."
Nao bit her tongue to contain her own sharp retort. "Ouch, Natsuki. I only asked because... Tokiha and Minagi were worried about you." She glanced at the guitar case and packages in her arms before she nonchalantly followed up her statement with another. "Been shopping I see... You need help carrying that?"
Natsuki searched Nao's face for signs of deceit and found none. Wordlessly, she handed the portable amplifier to the other girl before she entered the dormitory. Nao smiled to herself and followed her inside.
---
The weeks came and went and before she knew it, a month had passed. Natsuki practiced like a woman possessed. The tips of her fingers suffered much abuse. The first few days, the metallic strings would slowly cut into her skin until they bled. Nao would often visit her room. Sometimes she would just watch the other girl practice silently, sometimes she would initiate small talk, and sometimes she would deliberately antagonize her. She was a constant annoying presence to Natsuki. But the girl was starting to grow on her. She would never admit it out loud, of course.
True to Yukino's prediction, the rumor-mongering had gradually lost its tenacity; and things had, more or less, returned to normal. Even so, Natsuki still kept to herself.
It was another day in school in the early month of September. The air was colder, and the leaves on the trees had faded to a lovely shade of yellow. Natsuki was unusually hungry that day and decided to finally use some of her accumulated and previously untouched lunch tickets. The cafeteria was full and noisy when she entered. Some people would glance at her but ignored her for the most part.
She filled her tray with a large bowl of ramen topped with a generous amount of mayonnaise, curry bread and a plastic bottle of mineral water before she turned around to search for a vacant table. She chose the one near the window. The rest of its occupants quickly vacated the bench the moment she sat down. Natsuki just rolled her eyes.
"Want some company?" Nao's mischievous face came into view as the girl sat down across from her.
"If I said no, would you leave?" Natsuki indulged her intruder with a half-hearted scowl.
Nao scoffed derisively. "And miss the opportunity to give you more wrinkles? Of course not!"
"Bitch..."
"Hag."
Natsuki muttered darkly before she decisively dismissed Nao's existence and tore into her meal. While it's true that she had grown accustomed to being around the other girl, this was the first time that Nao had ever approached her in public. Why now, she wondered, and more importantly... why?
After a while, she put her chopsticks aside to look at Nao intently. "Can I ask you something?" The redhead lifted her head to gaze at her questioningly. "Why do you keep hanging around me? What is it that you really want from me?"
"I... enjoy being with you." Nao admitted, after a moment's deliberation and looked away to hide the naked emotion in her eyes. "Is it really so strange?"
"You hated me." Natsuki pointed out frankly. "And you used to pick fights with me. Why are you so friendly now?"
"I didn't hate you, Natsuki." Nao sighed. "But I didn't like you before, either. I saw myself in you and I hated that you were stronger than I was. You had a tragic past but you came out of it relatively okay. You were brave and defiant, mature and focused. You made me feel like a whiny little brat with petty goals. I hated that. But all in all, I kind of looked up to you."
Natsuki felt her face heat up. It was embarrassing and yet, she had to admit, the honest admission made her tingle inside. "Thanks," she mumbled gruffly. "Just so you know, I... I enjoy being with you too." Nao simply shrugged and ignored the happy, giddy feeling brought about by Natsuki's words.
---
"Since when were those two friends?" Mai muttered, perplexed, and looked out of the window of her classroom to watch Natsuki storming away with a grinning Nao following behind her. On the other window beside her, Tate also poked his head out to see whom his girlfriend was talking about. He frowned when he saw the two girls.
"They don't look like they're friends to me." He concluded. "Looks like Yuuki-san's picking a fight with Kuga-san again."
"But that's just it." Mai said. "Haven't you noticed that Nao-chan's been hanging around Natsuki-san lately?" She turned away from the window and tried to suppress the hurt and indignation of the idea that one of her closest friends preferred the company of someone she disliked over her own. "Tate-kun... maybe it's time you apologized to Natsuki-san."
"For what?" The bleach-haired boy looked back at Mai dumbly.
"For how you've been treating her, of course!" She answered incredulously. "Did you honestly forget that you've been avoiding and ignoring her for months like the rest of our so-called friends? Or are you really that much of an insensitive jerk?!"
Tate raised his hands up in a placating gesture, his eyes wide with nervousness and irritation. "Whoah, whoah! Calm down, Mai-chan." His softened his gaze and reached out to hold her hand. "Okay, I admit... That came out wrong. But we've been over this, remember? Kuga-san's reputation is shitty. I know what they say about her isn't true and I know it more than anyone. If it wasn't for you and Shiho-chan's sake, I wouldn't give a damn about what everyone thinks. But I don't want those people to treat you or Shiho-chan like they're treating Kuga-san. I do care about her. But if they find out they might go after you and Shiho-chan!"
Mai pulled her hand away as if Tate's touch had burned her. "Don't lump me in the same category with that girl." She told him coldly. "You don't care about Natsuki-san. You only care about yourself!"
"Mai-chan," he pleaded. "You know I'm right. You know what these bastards are capable of. I don't want anything to happen to the both of you."
"Don't talk to me right now." She snapped and turned away from him to look out the window once more.
---
"Leave me alone! Damn you!" Natsuki yelled over her shoulder as she quickened her pace.
"Aw, c'mon, Natsuki. If you're planning to cut classes today let me come with you!" Nao called out after her. She was in no hurry to try and overtake the other girl who was clad in a black and red, skin-tight biker suit. The view was delicious from her vantage point. The redhead licked her lips. "Where are you going anyway?"
"None of your goddamn business!" The older girl growled. Not that she would allow Nao to meet Tomoe anyway... She didn't want her to meet the person who let her fall so far and so deeply into decadence. Natsuki had over-estimated the strength of her willpower and under-estimated the allure of drugs. By the time she realized this, it was already too late. Now, she could not go on a day without getting high and was often at Tomoe's place to get her fix. It had been easy to sneak away unhindered when Nao's visits were limited to Natsuki's practice session. It wasn't so easy now... especially when the redhead was determined to make a pest out of herself. "What will it take for you to leave me alone?!"
"How about a date?"
It felt like everything had come to a screeching halt. Natsuki stumbled and nearly fell on her face at the unexpected suggestion. Nao could not believe her own audacity. When the raven-haired girl turned around to face her, Nao reviewed her options quickly.
A) Pretend it was all joke.
B) Play it cool, be charming, and repeat the question.
C) Insult her.
"What did you say?" Natsuki stared at Nao fearfully.
"What? Did I stutter? I said, 'how about a date?' Let's just go out and grab a burger or something. Unless you thought I'm asking you out on one of those dates. I didn't think you were into underage teenaged girls like me. And here I thought the Kyoto bitch was the perverted one."
Oooor she could go with D. Which was "All of the above."
"Shut up!" Natsuki snarled, her cheeks flushing hotly. "Just shut up and leave me the hell alone!!" She spun on her heels and walked away. Nao did not follow her this time.
---
Footnotes:
Ohmigod smut!!! XD I can't believe I wrote this thing... in a crowded public internet cafe... panting like a guilty, closet pervert...
I got the guitar and amp info from this site: www(dot)penmachine(dot)com/musicpages/guitartone(dot)html. A really useful site with near-accurate info for those who are new to electric guitars (and interested in Stratocasters)... like me! ((laughs)) Believe it or not, I knew almost nothing about the quality and value of electric guitars until I started this fic. Goes to show how serious I am about making a good, realistic story. I still have a long way to go though... before I can call myself a decent writer.
NSKruger: You are, by far, my most favorite reader. Thank you so much for diligently leaving a review everytime I upload a chapter.
xYuki: You know I adore you. But you just insulted my femininity. Lol! Despite how I write, I'm actually very girly in real life.