Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD. Please R&R!

Chapter 4

She was shifting uncomfortably in her seat, trying to drink her coffee without feeling guilty and eat her food without succumbing to the urge to spit it right out on the plate because of her anxiousness.

"It's uncommon for you to wake up before me and make breakfast," Athrun was saying in a matter-of-factly voice, lifintg up his own cup and taking a few sips.Then he calmly set it down, his long, graceful fingers poised and well-placed, and he looked at, no through her, and she was more upset and jumpy than before.

"I just woke up earlier this time," Cagalli interrupted hastily, her eyes trailing down to a random spot on the breakfast table, trying determinedly not to look at him. He was impeccably dressed for work as usual, suit, jacket that was lying behind him settled on the cahir currently, white, freshly-ironed crips shirt and well pressed pants. She however, was sloppily dressed in a ratty old shirt and shorts she had thrown on in the morning, her blonde hair uncombed, but that didn't matter for now, she would get prepared to go for work as per her usual time, so she had a whileto laze around in a terribly unkempt state. She was aware of her state, but she wasn't aware, however that she looked terribly lovely still, bedraggled but strangely fetching all at once. But Athrun knew, and he looked at her with appreciative eyes, bemusedly noting that she was picking a bit of food here and there like a canary, unwilling to eat in front of others.

"That is if you even slept well at all," he replied wryly, fetching a butter knife and buttering absently at a piece of toast, "You tossed and turned so much, I thought I was at sea."

"You weren't," she glowered at him, quite irritated by the fact that he could sleep so soundly when she couldn't, and feeling even more guilty that shedidn't know how to tell him of the new problems that ahd arisen at work, "And it's mostly your fault that I couldn't sleep."

He rasied a cynical eyebrow at her as if to remind her of something, and then she immediately regretted what she had said and coloured, her face pink with embarrassment and when she spoke, her voice was rich with guilt, "Alright, sorry, I was just being snappish there."

"No matter," Athrun said unconcernedly, because he liked her better that way, "I was just wondering if there was something you wanted to tell me before I leave for work this morning."

"Yes," she said eagerly, then Cagalli paused, thinking better of the situation and then she hesitantly said, "I mean, no. There's nothing."

Athrun didn't press on even though his eyes were questioning, and he simply handed her the buttered toast and instructed, "Eat this and when we're done, I'll set off."

"Oh, you're being such a right old crusty soldier now, presenting me breakfast like this," Cagalli laughed, watching his poker-straight expression as he passed it over with as much as authority as he would if it were a graduating certificate, "You should be wearing your white uniform now, not this suit."

"I will be later in the day," he reminded her lightly, "But I hate doing my paperwork in the office with such a stiff uniform, I can't slouch or anything to think, much less relax."

That's true," she said thoughtfully,"And it's not that the material is so stiff that you can't do your slouching, it's more of the fact that you're in an official uniform and see an obligation not to slouch, no?"

"Right," he confirmed with a slight nod, looking at her and thinking how fetching she looked with her tousled hair and thoughtful amber eyes, "It all goes back to the being in ZAFT once."

"No," she chuckled, her voice warm like honey, "It goes back to the fact that you're Athrun Zala."

She stood up, gathering some dishes with both hands and the empty cups, and moved to the kitchen where she deposited them in the sink,but when she turned around,he was standing squarely behind her with a serious expression in his eyes but a very soft smile playing on his lips,and he pressed her a bit roughly against the counter and proceeded to say in a secretive sort of way she neither liked nor disliked, "Aren't you going to kiss me before I go off for work?"

"No," Cagalli snorted, ignoring the prickling sensation beneath her soft cheeks, "If I didn't wake up this early, then you would have left as per normal and I would have been asleep at this time as usual. Since when do you need something like that to get to work?"

"Since now," he replied without hesitation, and he spotted the pink finally blossoming from under her cheeks, and laid a hand softly against a bare shoulder where the collar was loose on one side.

"I need to discuss something with you-," she began helplessly, puttig her hands on his shoulders as Athrun bent forward, still crushing her against the couner with his hips, "I think it's urgent-,"

"No,"he said swiftly, "It isn't as much as this."

And he cut her off with a demanding kiss that rendered both of them speechless, until she had to slap against his shoulders where her hands had been rooted there for the last couple of minutes and half-sobbed, half-laughed breathlessly, "You're going to be late."

"Duty calls," he repeated obediently, and he stepped away and she could breathe normally again, then Athrun fetched his jacket and suitcase and pulled her towards the door with him.

"Sorry about that," he apologised ruefully, "I couldn't resist, and perhaps you could tell me what you were about to say when we both get home this evening."

And she found herself smiling and waving a bit as he opened the door and strode purposefully to it, and Cagalli stood at the doorway, and then she replied weakly, "Nothing too urgent, I'll see you this evening as usual."

He flashed her a brilliant smile, his chiselled face with its green eyes made more handsome than ever and in a matter of minutes, he had left,and she was rooted to the doorway, staring out into the distance where she could make out where the church tower was.

And when she finally recovered from her trance, Cagalli moved slowly, painfully, into the huge house, now quiet with only her in it. She passed by the table where the pictures he had given her last night where carelessly strewn all over in random directions and the one that caught her eye was the one of her sleeping form holding tightly onto his hand. Sighing slightly, she picked them up, one by one, and put them neatly into the folder and slid them into a drawer.

Then she got ready for work and for the call to come from the bodyguards that they had arrived. Same old, same old, she thought dully, but this time, the morning's meeting with the ministers would be a particularly volatile one.

By the time she moved into the board room in the parliament house, three quarters of the ministers had already assembled, not because she was late, but because they were always early. Crazy, she thought sourly, quite forgetting that without someone at home in the past, she had been like that too.

Settling into the room almost flawlessly because of the plum coloured Emir suit all of them wore, she was glad that she had chosen not to wear her white uniform. It made coming into a room where everyone was waiting for you easier to do, and she cleared her throat expectantly and the noise died down instantly.

"Good morning," she began confidently, but she knew that there was a tremor in her body as she spoke, "Let's begin."

She heard what each had to say and corrected some decisions and discussed some errors with them, and when the education minister spoke, she listened out particularly attentive to his words, but he brought no news of what she had heard first-hand from the person who had visited yesterday.

"Nothing else to add?" she pressed on insistently when the minister finished.

He stared at her as if she had grown an extra head and said incredulously," No, there's nothing to report whatsoever."

"Have you ran a check on the schools and colleges recently sir?" she said sharply, and there was a murmur that ran throughout the room and tension collected. Some of them had heard, some of them hadn't, and she would make sure that by the time she had finished with them, they would all know exactly what had happened.

"I did," the portly man was saying with some hesitation, "And some things I-,"

"Continue," she said with a brief nod, "Say whatever you were about to say."

"There's been an issue or two," he muttered, "But it's probably some childish little spat that-,"

"That has to do with teachers taking side according to the sides the world itself took that led us to war," she interrupted sharply, and he coloured a very ugly maroon.

"I understand that everyone wants to ignore the warning this might have," Cagalli continued strongly, "because a children's quarrel, is ultimately, a children's quarrel. But if we were to ignore the blisters under the quarrel, I am afraid it will come back to haunt us, not as blisters, but a full blown, incurable disease. I hereby request that all the information about the schools now be taken and laid out, dissected in its every part so that we, as a body and not a single person, can decide the next best course of action."

"Firstly," the minister was saying worriedly, "there lies a possibility that general contempt for coordinators from PLANT will arise. Although the referendum a year and a half ago showed that ninety-seven percent of the citizens welcomed the ZAFT troop's families in every aspect of life, it remains to be seen that they've accepted them and allowed them to integrate completely. There are possibly two reasons for this. The first, we must remember that the ORB coordinators are ORB citizens and the ZAFT coordinators PLANT coordinators. Say what you like, but there are differences. And the second is possibly the more logical reason for the risk of conflict we might see, which is, this is only the first year of the integration. Of course there's a bit of risk here and there, it's in its initial steps isn't it?"

"That's absolutely correct," Cagalli said, taking the lead instantly, "And of course nobody expects the experimental plane to take flight immediately without hiccups. But that is not to say we need not be prepared for the turbulence. I hereby call for plans to make changes in the lives of our citizens such that there is no opportunity for unhappiness and strife to be riled up."

There was an immediate bustle of noise and calls at the table and she waited patiently for them to be quiet once more, half noting that a few had pained expressions in their eyes. And she couldn't' help but to smile slightly. Harold Smithers hadn't been the only one who would be sorry to see the ZAFT coordinator's families forcibly moved out of ORB. The parliament was made up of not ministers, but humans, and like him, like them, she was one too.

Clearing her throat, she began confidently, "I propose that the textbooks be rewritten."

As she expected, there was an immediate uproar at the table, and one shouted, "But that's impossible!"

"Sir," she rebutted, "Why not?"

"If we reveal too much information about the role coordinators played against ORB when ORB allied with the Blue Cosmos and EA, then the rift will be even greater, and the shame of our country borne to our children!" someone else exclaimed.

'Shame?' she thought in pain, 'I'm the one who left ORB to Yuna Roma Seiran for him to rally and take sides and make ZAFT attack us. Coordinator difference between PLANT and ORB? No.The enemy was from within.'

And she was silent, her amber eyes dull with muted anguish, but she controlled it and tried to make herself remember what the current situation was.

"No," she replied very firmly, looking at all of them, one by one, "We need to teach the children the truth. The truth that the country was once besieged because of the failure to unite against strife and conflict and stay united in the face of disputes. Should children be taught that there's no difference between ZAFT coordinators and ORB coordinators in our efforts to always be united, then we will first need to remove the white walls blocking the mistakes we once wanted to hide from the children. The time has come to reveal the truth."

"The working population knows about everything that happened four years ago," one called from the side, "The children can always go ask their parents about it."

"Preciesely," she interrupted, slapping her hand on the table, "And when that time comes when the schools are divided with ORB citizens looking at ZAFT's children with eyes they would place on strangers, there's no doubt that their parents will be inclined to take sides too and make their own unnecessary opinions about how much really different they think ZAFT Coordinators are from ORB citizens. Imagine how terrible the day will be when there are children who go home to ask their parents about the ZAFT attack on ORB four years ago and are given a thousand differing explanations of the attack if the government doesn't take action to teach them the truth first. In the eyes of the people, wouldn't' the government look untruthful then?"

"Whitewashing is necessary so that the existing peace isn't disrupted!" another exclaimed, standing up and slamming her fists on the table.

"Very well madam," Cagalli replied grimly, "Then we might as well not reveal the truth and allow the children to ask unanswered questions on why there's a difference between ORB coordinators who are their friends and the ZAFT coordinators who are trying to befriend them. Understanding is the key to accepting, and whitewashing hides the truth that ZAFT coordinators and ORB citizens were once enemies but are allies for peace now."

The minister was silent, and she slowly returned to her seat, seemingly shrinking under Cagalli's baleful stare. And Cagalli looked at all of them and gulped a bit, and then her voice still steady even though there was a tremor in it, "They should know I was the one who left ORB in the hands of Yuna Roma Seiran."

There was a second uproar at the table and through a daze, she heard a voice yelling, "It's not your fault Chairman!"

"It's not, you were forced into that situation by the Seirans, we all know that!" another cried, and there was a tirade of similar voices, and she felt strangely comforted by the anger and rage all around her in the knowledge that it wasn't directed towards her.

"Enough," she said wearily, "It is necessary and it will be done. Spare none of the truth, and I will expect a proposal on the next line of action by tomorrow at the same time. Dismissed."

And they all stood up, all but her, and she thought of a plant, firmly rooted but still unable to grow because of the tall buildings overshadowing it and casting darkness upon it, but an instant later, all of them had saluted, and the women had tears in their eyes.

She forced her feet to support her weight and stood up slowly, blinking back the prickling behind her own eyes herself, feeling tired even though the day had barely begun. It all boiled down to her to keep ORB together, and she was going to even if there was a situation where she became unpopular with the very people she had sacrificed her life for.

And she saluted too and left.

The rest of the day was per usual, and she was reluctant to go home and talk to him about it, but she eventually collected her things and left.

When she got home, he was already there. The house was inhabited, she knew that, because the security locks were already released, he always did that because he didn't like those there, and anyway, he could probably handle a thief or something if he was at home, Athrun Zala wasn't quite as incompetent as to be robbed under his own nose, she thought wryly. And there was a faint trace of him here and there other than the obvious pair of shoes lying neatly at the side and the coat on the rack, it was more than that, really, more indescribable, more enigmatic, more subtle, and she couldn't place what it was, but she knew he was home.

"Athrun," she called, trying to keep the fear from entering her voice, "I'm home!"

He appeared at the top of the stairs in a clean white shirt and pants, so he had had enough time to take a bath. Cagalli stood there staring a bit in a blank sort of fashion, and he immediately strode down, a smile lighting his features up with a wonderful kind of ease she hadn't seen much during the second war, he had been in the Justice most of the time anyway. One thing though, he loved being there, she knew that as much as he did. Truth be told, Athrun had acquired a sort of obsession with piloting, although it wasn't particularly obvious, but even when he had been her bodyguard, she knew his hands were itching to pilot. Not so much fight, but pilot. And she pretended she hadn't noticed, because she hadn't wanted to lose him. Eventually though, she hadn't seen him piloting, personally, not next to him, sitting next to him, not after the Armory One incident. But to be fair to him, she thought wistfully, she hadn't seen much of him during that time in any case.

And Athrun paused at the foot of the steps, and then he inquired, "Why are you standing there with your things in your hands? You could always put them down and take the strain off your arms."

"True," she offered weakly, and she tossed them near the chairs carelessly and he smiled again and led her to him and then he gazed at her in silence, although she was aware his was a comfortable one and hers was overtly akward. But Athrun asked softly, his breath tickling her ear, and he asked warmly, "How was your day?"

"Fine," she started to say out of pure habit, but there was no more time to keep things from him, she needed to hear what he thought about what she was going to do, and she changed what she had been about to reply and answered ruefully, "Bloody rotten."

"Rotten," he said in surprise, pulling back and she noticed that his green eyes had widened slightly, "What made it so?"

"You mean there's nothing you've heard at the camp when you were at work so far?" she asked incredulously, and his eyes were suddenly guarded and a little sharp, and he shook his head, although Cagalli saw that it was hesitant and his hands were slowly leaving her shoulders.

"I have something to discuss with you," she began, but Athrun looked at her and stated, "The school incident they tried to hush up."

"Obviously it failed to be a hush-hush affair," she sighed, bringing him to the sofa and making both of them sit, "Although that is a blessing in itself, or I might have never heard that there was some form of tension, no matter how slight. We're pretty stumped on how to handle this, especially since it could be only a false alarm which is normal in a situation like this which has been ongoing for only a short year, and we all know what a short time it is."

"True," he agreed, his eyes flickering over her face briefly, "And the things I heard weren't that serious, just some spat in school, some little fight that reminded me more of Yzak and the bar brawls he always got into rather than a harbinger of war or something as drastic like that."

"Oh, you're horrid;" she laughed, enjoying the genuine pleasure in her voice, he could always cheer her up somehow, "Yzak would kill you if he knew you were making comparisons to him and a childish spat, which really, isn't exactly all childish either. I think there could be a relevance to this that needs some careful applying, and a mistake now could mean a whole host of problems in the future if we're not careful."

"Right," he said sombrely, a little more tense than before, although one of his hands were holding hers tenderly, "So what have you planned to execute?"

"We're going to try giving a little more updated history lessons," Cagalli answered earnestly, looking at his reaction carefully, "I think letting them know that ZAFT attacked ORB once because of the situation and not because of who our people are or whether they are different kinds of coordinators or naturals was the issue at that point of time."

"That's a solid solution," he agreed readily, then Athrun stared strangely at her, and when he spoke, his voice held a note of tension in it, "But what if they ask why ZAFT attacked in the first place?"

"No problem at all," she assured herself more than him, "We'll just let them know ORB was hiding Lord Djibril and that Cagalli Yula Atha was the main culprit in letting Yuna Roma Seiran take control and rendezvous with the Blue Cosmos leader."

"No," he interrupted, "Don't put yourself at blame."

"There's nothing to blame" she cut in tightly, removing her hands from his now, "There's only the truth to be told."

"It doesn't matter if you leave out the fact that Freedom took you away from the ceremony and hence let ORB get controlled by the Seirans," Athrun told her stoically, "You only need to reveal that Yuna Roma Seiran was the one who got ORB and ZAFT in that situation, leave yourself out of this."

He shifted slightly and stared at her, his expression inscrutable and intense all at once.

"I will," Cagalli said softly and wistfully, "But there's always something to hide isn't there?"

She wasn't quite sure how to approach this now, and then she let him take her face between his hands and lead it to his torso, where she willingly nuzzled against him for comfort and then she sighed wearily.

"If only I hadn't been so weak back then," she muttered, feeling like kicking something, preferably herself, but Athrun was stroking her hair, he always did that when he knew she wanted to be comforted, and then he said softly, "You were forced into it. I know you were, and that's enough, isn't it?"

"It is," she replied, truly meaning it, "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't realised in the end that I never wanted to get hitched to that monster or if Kira hadn't taken me away at the point when I was about to sign my name and dig my grave."

"You could have sent a message to me and told me that you didn't fancy that man," Athrun said blithely, successfully hiding the bitterness he still felt in a smaller dose as compared to the past, "And I would have gone and picked you up myself instead of only finding out you got married to Yuna Roma Seiran."

"I would have, "she cried indignantly, "I thought you would have known that I didn't exactly love the idiot, I was forced into marrying him! And for the life of me, I don't understand why he needed me either, I didn't have much power then so it would have been a hopeless situation! But you know I couldn't because it was kept under wraps and because-,"

"I know," he interrupted gently," And that doesn't matter. He's dead and we're not. And you belong to me, and ORB belongs to you, and you can do what you think is best and come home to me."

She was silent as she buried her face against him, absorbing as much warmth from him as she could, and she muttered awkwardly, "I know I apologised once after you got on the Archangel with Meyrin, but I'm sorry for not telling you what I was going to do and marry Yuna Roma Seiran. It was quite cowardly trying to get the message across by using Kira, I don't know why I did that either."

"No matter," he said for the third time that day, looking at her and wanting to make her stay where she was with him forever, "I'll stay with you for as long as you want me to, and I hope that's-,"

"Forever,' Cagalli interrupted eagerly, lifting her head up and pressing it closer to his face, "And don't you dare try and get rid of me now, I'll haunt you or something if you do."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he replied dryly with a rueful smile, and then they stood up and she stretched laboriously while he watched her balefully, his hands now firmly planted on her hips.

"Who's cooking tonight?" Cagalli asked a bit distractedly, her mouth formed in a yawn as she rotated her neck a bit to relieve the soreness.

"You can do it," he said lazily, pulling her closer to him so she grinded slightly against his more angular frame, and she glared mock-angrily and said sternly, "Don't make it sound as if I have an obligation to. And besides, you know my cooking isn't very good either."

"Neither is mine," he offered brightly, "So why don't we just cook our own and do a bit of a swap, but then, who cares about that, we could always-,"

"Good suggestion," she interrupted hastily, not wanting to hear the rest of his sentence, pulling away and swiftly fleeing through the large, conjoined rooms until she reached the kitchen. She heard Athrun cry indignantly, 'Hey!' from behind her but she laughed and insisted that they eat dinner properly. And it was so easy to love him so much that it made her so happy and so painful all over and all at once.