5-

"Come on, RJ! How about some of that 'raccoon magic' now!" exclaimed Verne.

"O.K., here's the plan, guys. And we gotta be quick!" said RJ, calling everyone together.

Meanwhile, Richard froze with fear as Dwayne brought out his customized multi-tool, which included a firing grappling hook, for instantly tying up larger animals. Still grinning, Dwayne removed the hook from the long, strong rope. "No need for the dramatic approach. You're too smart to run away or fight back, arn'cha?"

Richard looked down in surprise as Dwayne was speaking, to see RJ and Hammie quickly tying Dwayne's laces together. RJ gave Richard a knowing wink, and Richard gratefully winked back, as he side-stepped Dwayne and ran for the closest, darkest alleyway.

"Hey!" Dwayne began, but finished the sentence in the dirt, immediately landing on his nose face down upon attempting to turn in the direction in which Richard had escaped. This made him pull the trigger on his multi-tool, binding him in the rope meant for Richard.

The gang proceeded down the dark alleyway and rounded a corner, with Dwayne's yells and curses in pursuit. The exterminator himself would soon follow.

"Guess I blew this one, huh?" said Richard. "Sorry, guys..."

"Pshaw!" said RJ. "This is the fun part! We know just how to handle this guy!"

Verne & Hammie looked at one another, then back at RJ. "We do?" they asked in unison.

"We do! Can you find the way back on your own using Hammie's hiding places, Rich?"

"Well, yeah, but what are you gonna do? That fat guy is kinda creepy..."

"Ah, he won't be interested in you," RJ jumped in. "We're gonna lead him off. Meet you back in the wood!"

As Richard headed to safety, Tiger asked, "And how do we, 'lead him off', as you say?"

RJ whipped out his trusty club from his blue pack and announced to the others, "Boys, it's time this foursome hit the links!"

Not ten minutes later, Dwayne, having escaped his own bonds and righted his shoelaces, appeared at the same dark intersection, breathing heavily. He was convincing himself that the moose wouldn't be too hard to track down when he heard a chitterling and whirled to his right.

There was Hammie, dancing around and taunting him by the light of a security flooder, just outside the service entrance to the country club. "Hey, big fat stupid guy! Comangetme!!"

"YOU! Ha, I remember you! This night's getting better and better!" With an awkward take, Dwayne started after the speedy squirrel, who darted into the entrance. He fumbled with the multi-tool as he ran, attempting to get it into firing stance as Hammie bobbed and weaved over the fairways and rolling greens. Dwayne was less graceful than the squirrel, creating divots with his large, clumpy boots and tripping over every sand trap, gaining a mouthful of sand from one.

At last, as if by chance, Hammie ground to a halt at the eighteenth green, leaning against the pin while swinging his tail in a Chaplin-esque manner. "Oh, gee! I'm too tired to run another step!" he exclaimed unnecessarily, trying to stifle a giggle.

The evil grin returned to Dwayne's face as he appeared over the rise. He clomped slowly toward the stationary squirrel in a kind of triumph, so intent on wreaking revenge that he didn't notice the distant, lawnmower like hum growing closer.

"Now, I'm gonna..."

Once again, Dwayne's thought was interrupted as he was broad sided by a golf cart, driven at full-throttle by RJ.

"It's cart wars!!" RJ announced, as the roly-poly, helpless Dwayne bounced and cart wheeled directly into the path of another speeding cart, driven by Tiger. WHACK! Dwayne snowballed in a new direction.

"Tally-ho!" cried the cat, enjoying the sight.

"Your shot, Vern-o!" declared RJ, as the humiliated Verminator careened toward the space between two trees. Verne burst through this space into the clearing on his own cart.

"ThisiscrazythisiscrazythisisCRAZY," chanted Verne, unaware of the impact when it happened, which sent Dwayne airborne. He landed with a splash in the nearest water hazard, sending up a mushroom cloud of water and foam, and scattering shoots and lily pads in his awesome wake.

"Yeah! Hole in 3 on a par 5! That's an eagle!" RJ yelled. He and Hammie danced ring-around-the-rosy on the 18th pin as Tiger admitted, "Truly, a work of art, RJ."

"Yeah, great," mused Verne, staggering up to them. "Now can we get out of here before all the humans who heard us get here?"

"Verne," RJ congratulated the turtle as they started away. "Awesome shot! That was one for the records!"

"Well...thanks," Verne softened. "You know what? It was kind of fun, in a bone-jarring way." behind them, the semi-conscious ex-Verminator floated in the small lake, as a toad hopped onto his face and croaked a quizzical croak.

The next morning, the gang managed to catch the report of Dwayne's capture on the news. The reporter's voice was heard behind images of the ruined area of the course and Dwayne being loaded into an ambulance, a Lilly pad adorning his head. "The evidently intoxicated man was found amidst the havoc by country club security, identified as a former employee of the former Association administrators for the area. Police cite revenge as a motive for the vandalism."

"See?" RJ presented. "Nice and neat."

"I have to say again," Verne nodded. "How could I have doubted you, RJ?"

"Honey, I am SO proud of you!" Stella squealed, throwing herself into Tiger's arms and planting a big kiss on the cat. Stunned, Tiger reasoned, "I believe I shall take up golf officially..."

Richard sat by, still somewhat melancholy. "I promise though, guys, I'm gonna be less interested in these water bottle thingys."

"Bravo! A noble aim, Richard," observed Ozzie.

"Yeah, big guy! But remember, you don't have to give up something you love totally!" RJ offered.

"Glad to hear it...'cause I don't think it's gonna be easy..." Richard admitted while leaning against his own log, stocked full of glistening Aquapods.

THE END