I decided to let go. After almost five years with no hope, I kinda lost hope. I tried getting a hold of Sam a few times after I saw in the news about a fire in his apartment. The news said his girlfriend, Jessica Moore, was killed in the fire. I wanted to know if he was alright. I was desperate to know, but I never heard anything back, at least not from him. But I did hear from one of our mutual friends that shortly after the fire, he disappeared. Our mutual friend didn't know with who exactly but he was sure that he wasn't killed in the fire. And from there, I just assumed that Sam ran off with Dean.

After a year or so, I was thinking a lot about them again and decided to see if I could get any info about them. I had searched and researched for any kind of info about the Winchesters and I always came out empty-handed…well, except for that one article I found in the newspaper a few years ago about this incident as St. Louis.

It said that Dean was responsible for torturing and killing a young woman. Dean a killer???!!! There was no way I'd ever believe that. I'd known Dean my whole life and all those years I had known him, not once did I ever see him angry enough to want to kill people or even think about killing someone. Maybe he'd love to give them a serious beating, which he usually did, but not once did he ever show extreme hatred or even say the word "hate" to someone or threaten "kill" to someone. Well, except that one time…

When I was about 13, my mom's sister and her husband came to visit for the night. They were traveling across the country to move to another state and took a pit stop at our place for the night. My parents had to go to a week long conference that day and wouldn't be able to see them so they told me to take care of everything and if I needed extra help with anything, to just go next door to Dean and Sam and ask them to help out.

When they arrived, I warmly welcomed them and showed them to the guest room. My mom had cooked before she left so dinner was already ready by the time my relatives got here. Everything was fine that day…up until I started washing the dishes. My aunt already went to bed, tired from the long trip while her husband stayed in the kitchen grabbing a few drinks, reading the newspaper. But out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him staring at me. At first, I figured it was nothing. I just assumed he missed his own daughter whom he hadn't seen in a while and saw her in me. Or I thought maybe he was just admiring the fact that my parents raised me well with the way I was washing the dishes without being told and stuff. I had a feeling I was wrong about the surfacing situation but I still refused to believe there was more to it than that. But I guess being 13, I was naïve.

Now, nothing too horrible happened to me. Let's just say it could've been worse, a lot worse. I guess he took one too many beers and he didn't really know what he was doing when he started to hit me. Well, I guess I could've stopped it from happening and fight back or at least try defend myself as he held a death grip on me. But once again, like I said, being 13, naïve, and too innocent, I just took it. I guess also, 'cause I was stupid. My parents had always raised me to respect my elders no matter what, so I figured this was "no matter what." It wasn't bad. Like I mentioned earlier, it could've been a lot worse. But thankfully, after a while, he passed out. As soon as he did, and as soon as I somewhat got a hold of myself again from the shock, I quietly went next door. Uncle John was out of town so Dean answered the door. And when he did, complete and total shock replaced the look on his face as he saw me. It wasn't bad…just a split lip and a cut above my right eye and a few bruises and soreness here and there.

Dean cleaned me up a bit while Sam helped. I grimaced and gritted my teeth as the alcohol pressed against my open wound and the pack of ice touched my fresh bruises. I was so sore all throughout my body. Dean asked me what happened. I was a bit hesitant to tell him, knowing exactly what he would do or imagine doing, but then I figured he probably already had an idea. So I told him. I explained to them what I was kinda sensing but chose to ignore; then I told them what had happened. I couldn't hold back the tears. They just wouldn't stop coming. At first, Dean just cradled me in his arms as I wept – I couldn't stop shaking. Sam held my hand, soothingly stroking it, trying to calm me down. This was another example of how Sam, although younger than me, still felt older. They always found a way to make me feel safe.

Once I calmed down a bit, Dean passed me on to Sam. I heard him say "I'm gonna kill him," and started to storm out the house but I rushed over to him and grabbed his arm. I pleaded with him not to go to anything. I tried reasoning with him, trying to find a way to stop him, so I told him that my aunt's husband wasn't himself; it was the beer. He said that that was a poor excuse for beating a kid, especially me. I knew he was right, but still, I couldn't let him do it. I told him that there was no point in beating him up now anyway since he was passed out, but then Dean said that he would beat him until he regained consciousness and beat him some more 'til he lost consciousness again. I saw Dean's determination to beat the crap out of him despite my excuses. Neither he nor Sam could understand why I was defending him. And honestly, I couldn't either, but I still did it. When I knew all my other excuses failed to change his mind, I just resorted to begging, pleading, and crying. I sank to the floor and wrapped my arms around myself, not knowing what to do anymore. Sam and Dean then cradled me in their arms again until I fell asleep, but not before I made them promise not to go after my aunt's husband.

The next morning, I went back to my house before my aunt and her husband woke up. Dean heard me get up and stopped me to ask where I was going. I told him. He asked me if I was crazy and why the heck would I go back there after what happened last night. I know it was a stupid reason but I told him I had to make sure they got everything they needed – didn't leave anything behind. He looked at me like I was crazy, but what could I do? They were still my family…

I promised Dean I'd be okay and I'd be quick. I was just gonna make sure they packed everything up. My aunt's husband acted like nothing ever happened. I don't know if it was an act or if he really didn't remember but I chose not to think about it. I just let them out the door and watched them drive off. I saw Dean watching them leave too, and the look on his face was frightening. When I saw him come out of the house I knew what he wanted to do and I stopped him. I knew that it took everything in him to listen to me and not give him a good beating, but I told him that he made me a promise. At first he said that he made that promise to me last night indicating that the deal was gone already but I got him to listen to me. Thankfully, neither my aunt nor her husband saw Dean. They just drove off. Once they were out of sight, I sighed deeply, relieved, and ended up breaking down again as Dean comforted me.

My parents never knew about what happened. They were gone for a week so by the time they got back, the cut on my face and my split lip had healed. But ever since then, Dean and Sam had always been extra brotherly-like to me…especially Dean. The guy barely kept his eyes off of me whenever I'd be somewhere with him and Sam. I'd disappear for a second and he'd begin to panic, afraid that something had happened to me. Then when he found me again he'd be really upset that I left them without saying anything. A few times it really pissed me off. I felt like I had no life anymore because it was always being controlled and supervised by him but I know it was only cause they both loved and cared for me so much. So even though it sucked, I couldn't blame them. It was a good thing. It made me feel safer.

ANYWAYS, my main point from that really, really, really long tangent is that there is no freaking way Dean could have ever tortured or killed anyone like that article I found said. He'd NEVER do anything like that…unless he really felt that he or someone he loved were being badly threatened. But even then, I still don't think he could do something like that. He's smarter than that. I know with him, family means everything and he wouldn't think twice about defending those he loved. But torture??? Heck no! It wouldn't be humane. I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't. Not Dean. No way.

I tried to look up more info about him and Sam after that. I knew that whatever was going on, he couldn't be doing it alone. The last time Sam and I talked, he mentioned that he and Dean weren't really tight anymore. They drifted apart. Dean was always on the road with Uncle John so they barely had time to even speak. And as far as Sam and Uncle John went, well, they weren't exactly on speaking terms either. They've always had a rough relationship. I can kinda see why though.

I never saw it myself because I was still a baby when it happened, but my parents told me that Uncle John became different after Aunt Mary died. But come on, could you blame him? I'm sure my parents would've been different too if one of them had died. But my parents said, with him, it was different. He started becoming obsessed with hunting. He got too obsessed with it that he barely had time for his own sons, which was why the boys stayed mostly at my house growing up. John's relationship with Dean changed too. My parents said that before Mary died, the two of them were so close – like they were best friends. But like they said, it all changed. They said they also noticed Dean changing too, but in a good way, if you can call it that. My parents said that because of John's lack of being a parent, Dean was forced to take up the role. He was forced to grow up too fast and be not only a brother and protector to Sam, but also a father. He knew and did things kids his age shouldn't know how to do yet. He was only a kid, yet he knew so much about life. He was forced to have that kind of knowledge in order to be able to take care of his little brother. Of course my parents were always there for the both of them too, but Sam was his blood and Dean took it upon himself to make it his duty to always look out for Sammy.

But anyways, I kept going online for a while, trying to get updates of the info in St. Louis. I did find one thing that shocked me though, actually two shocking things. First, I found out that the last victim was Rebecca Warren. I wasn't sure if this was the same Rebecca Warren Sam had talked to me about before but when I found out she had survived, thank God, I set out to find out if it was her. I never actually talked to her before so I didn't have her number nor any other way of finding out if this was Sammy's friend, but I was determined to find a way. I just kept up with all the updates regarding the situation. I found out it was her after the news had announced that she was from Stanford and that her brother, who also went to Stanford, was imprisoned earlier for being charged for killing his girlfriend. So far, all the murders that had taken place had all the same M.O. but different killers. What?! When I heard that, I thought it was crazy. I couldn't believe it. I remembered Sam talking to me about them before and he always said how great friends they were and I trust Sam's judgment. None of it made any sense. But then, it got even crazier. About a week later, they said that Zach Warren was released from prison. The tapes that previously had sealed his fate were now being thrown out, saying that they had been tampered with in order to frame him. I was glad that Zach and Rebecca were okay now but none of it still made any sense. It was all too crazy.

Seriously, throughout this whole incident, my eyes were glued to either the television or the internet. I was always on the ball with it, following and keeping up with each update. Soon, the press finally gave the last bit of update on the incident. The cops admitted their mistake for imprisoning Zach and said he wasn't the killer. Along with that, the press also released a photo online of the person behind all the murders. I was actually surprised they did that. I don't think they were supposed to because I don't think they're allowed to show pictures of dead people on the air, but they did this one. But that wasn't what shocked me. Then the real shocker came when I saw who the dead killer was. I was at the public library using their computer when I got this info. And seriously, I yelled "HECK NO!" after I saw that the dead guy was Dean. I didn't mean for it to come like that but it did and I ended up in trouble. Guess I forgot about the whole quiet rule when you're in the library. But seriously, I was like "What the heck?" I couldn't believe it.

I know I had seen it with my own eyes but I just couldn't believe it. One, Dean would NEVER kill anyone. And two, that was just CRAZY! I couldn't believe it. And I wouldn't. I was determined to find out more…find out the truth. There had to be more to it than that. But I did notice one thing. He wasn't wearing his necklace. I know, I know. Probably not exactly a concrete reason to not believe that the killer was him but still, for as long as I had known Dean, and I knew him a really long time, he had never taken that necklace off ever since Uncle John had given it to him. I mean he even took a shower with it on. Don't ask me how I know that. That'd be an even longer story, and heck no, it wasn't because I was with him taking a shower. So get your mind out of the freaking gutter! But I took that as a reason not to believe that the dead guy was him. Now I know someone, like the cops, could've taken it off when the picture was taken for evidence. But still, a part of me wouldn't believe he was dead. This was Dean we were talking about…my brother, my best friend, my protector, and my secret crush and lover.

I kept on with my research, but after a while, I found nothing whatsoever. Nothing. I eventually gave up on the research but I never gave up on the fact that Dean was dead. I wouldn't take no for an answer. He was alive and safe somewhere. He wasn't dead. Another thing that reassured me was that Sam never called me. And as much as I wished that he or Dean would call, I took the no-calling as a sign that Dean was alive. I have no doubt that if something had happened to one of them, the other would let me know. Well, in this case, something did happen but not bad enough to let me know. So I guess I was cool with it. I just knew in my heart that they were both fine. I know that they had to be together. And nothing on the news or whatever popped up about Sam. Everything was fine…it had to be.

I admit, for years, I was worried. I still worry about them every now and then too. But I know that if they knew that I was always constantly worried about them or thinking about them to the point I wasn't living my life like the way I should, they'd be disappointed. Growing up, that talk came up a couple times. Like I said, the three of us were practically siblings so we talked about it together. We had told each other that no matter what happened to any of us, good or bad, our main goal and the main thing we'd always want for each other was happiness. None of us wanted the other living their lives in grief and we made each other a promise that we'd never be like that. That despite our grief, we wouldn't live in it. We told each other that no matter where we were, near or far, alive or dead, that we would always be together, if not physically, in spirit. They'd always be watching over me to the end – til the next lifetime.

I took comfort in that memory. I was reminded about our love for each other again. And from that moment on, I chose not to let anything keep me from being happy. Yeah, I was worried about them, I wanted to know what they were up to, if they were alive. But if that's all I thought about, I'd lose the new friends and loved ones I had right now. But not matter what, I would always love them and look forward to the day I could see them again face to face. I just held on to that. And from there, I went on.

A couple more years went by. I thought about them some more from time to time, but I was happy. I was living my life the way each of us wanted us to live it – happily. I had so many friends who loved me and whom I loved just as much. We worked together, hung out together, ate together, watched movies together – both guys and girls. Not many of my friends knew that much about Sam or Dean. I guess apart of me wanted to keep them to myself. They were my brothers, my family. And I guess the other part of me just didn't want those feelings of grief to surface again so I kept it to myself. But a few of my friends did know…but not everything.

Life was getting back to normal again. I was beginning to be as happy as I was before the boys left my life. I knew that it could never reach that same height of happiness because those guys were apart of me. They were the ones who completed me, and made my life whole. But even though it wouldn't get to that point, I'd let it get as close as I could let it. And it got pretty close.

But then it got even closer…

Some close friends of mine and I were hanging out together again at a large local Starbucks. We were sitting in one of the circular tables there laughing and joking with one another and having the time of our lives. I was in a relationship now, too. (Was that bad?) We had been together for a little over a year. Nothing too serious yet. Just sticking to the dating and hanging out.

Anyways, we were all together, chilling like we usually do. My friend in front of me was telling us a hilarious story about one of her recent experiments dating. Nothing bad though. But she stopped in the middle of her story and began staring behind me. Seriously, the look on her face was pretty funny. She looked mesmerized. As soon as she stopped, it seemed as if her jaw would practically fall to the ground. She looked like she was about to drool too. I didn't know why though. But then I noticed my one other friend looked mesmerized too and smiling widely. I was thinking what the heck? I asked them if they were alright and what the heck they were looking at. As soon as I did, I heard someone say something behind me.

"Samantha Riley Davies."

I was sipping on my Java Chip Frappuccino when I heard my name spoken and I swear I almost choked on my straw. I practically felt my heart skip a beat. My mouth dropped. I recognized the voice instantly. There was no way I could ever forget it. I slowly turned around as my friends followed my gaze.

"Dean?!"